‘Oh, goody.’ His face lit up with the kind of smile only a sociopath can manage. ‘It’s nice to know you’re interested. And it really is an exciting story. You’ll enjoy it, I just know you will. You’ll want to know, firstly, how all of this began, and why. Well, it was really your fault. You, Gavin, Hattie, Fran … even your dad and Marge. You were all so, so special. You barely needed to try, and yet all of you wowed on stage. Whereas I, well, I put so much more work in. I carefully crafted each and every trick, and yet I never got top billing. So I did what anyone who’s a master of hypnosis would do. I started to hypnotise the club’s performers, one by one.’

  He sat on an old, mould-covered bed, with his chin lifted, gazing proudly around – right up until the point where one of the bed’s legs suddenly broke, sending it crashing to the ground. Theo stood up again, and a plume of mould and dust rose along with him.

  ‘Some people were easier than others, I admit,’ he said, as though his ridiculous accident hadn’t just happened. ‘I managed to hypnotise Fran right there, in the club. I convinced him he ought to go and work for Wayne. I convinced your dad he’d lost his psychic abilities, too – but I had to hypnotise him into going off on his own for a few days, first. He’s really very good at what he does, so it took a lot of work to convince him otherwise. Although … he seems to be getting his abilities back, which is why I’ve decided to move things forward.’

  He took in a few breaths, then coughed a little (the air was terrible in here). ‘Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s see, let’s see … oh, yes. Marge. I convinced her to drive off to a little bed and breakfast by the sea. Once there, I visited her room and tied her up, and spent a few days more fully hypnotising her. She was stubborn, like your dad, so it had to be like that. With Hattie, I used a similar trick.’

  He sniggered. ‘Trick. I’m hilarious. Anyway, it worked well enough at first. But even though Hattie, your dad, Marge and a couple of others had been dealt with, things weren’t going quite to plan. For some reason, Laurence still didn’t seem to think I was capable of headlining a show. And then, things got even worse. Hattie and Gavin started asking questions. Lots and lots of questions. You, not so much. But you were good at some things.’

  He pointed to the mirror behind him. ‘You made this, at my request.’

  Fifi frowned. ‘Did I? I remember making mirrors in a frenzy one night. But two of them. The one that’s under the stage and the one we keep in Gavin’s garden.’ She shook her head. ‘Wait … I came out of one of those mirrors, but this isn’t Gavin’s house, and I didn’t arrive in Gavin’s garden.’

  He let out a small but frightening shriek.

  ‘Get ready to move,’ Finn whispered.

  We all stood with our fingers pointed right at Theo, watching him while he calmed himself and said, ‘You’re going around in circles with your thoughts, Fifi. Why do you get so addled the more I hypnotise you? And you won’t just give in and lose your talent, either, which is incredibly annoying. Luckily, I’ve decided to give up on trying. You know, when I finally gave up on Hattie, well … I killed her.’

  On Fifi’s lap, Flopsy jumped in fear. Theo only laughed.

  ‘Look, it’s quite simple,’ said Theo. ‘Even a moron like you should understand. A long while ago, you did make two mirrors, in a bit of a frenzy. You didn’t really knew what to do with them, so you stuck one of them in Gavin’s back garden, and the other one below the stage so you could check your hair and make-up halfway through your disappearing tricks. Then, one night, you and I were sitting below the stage, having a drink after a show. It was cold and raining outside, and you said, “Wouldn’t it be great if it was summer, and we could just walk through that mirror and be in Gavin’s garden?” And then, you got up, and went through the mirror, and I followed you. Remember?’

  Fifi shrugged. ‘I thought it was a drunken dream.’

  ‘Well, it wasn’t. It was yet another example of how unfair things are. You lot have some sort of magical powers. You have unfair advantages. That’s why you keep getting all the best spots at the club, while I’m left being your opening act. Sometimes you don’t even give me that much.’

  He let out a sigh, the kind of sigh that suggested only he knew true suffering (poor diddums). ‘So, anyway, that’s how Hattie disappeared the second time. I was hiding under the stage, and I pushed her through. I’d moved the matching mirror into this garden, in case anyone searched Gavin’s house. And I went through after her, and tied her up, and tried to hypnotise her all over again. But this time … well, this time I decided that, as well as making her stop asking questions about what was going on at the club, I’d also make her love me. Because, you know, she should. Why she liked Gavin all that time, when he had no interest in her, well … it’s anyone’s guess. I was single, she was pretty. It made perfect sense.’

  His face screwed up, into the scowl of a truly evil man. ‘Turns out, it’s hard to make someone fall in love with you, even if you are the best hypnotist in the world, ever. And Gavin, well … I don’t know how, but he worked it out. It seems that while he was recreating Hattie’s last known moves – into the box, down through the hatch, under the stage – he had a moment of clarity, and he realised what had happened. He came through the mirror, into the garden, and … well … there was a bit of a fight. Because, you know, he caught me keeping Hattie tied up. So then, thanks to my great skill, I managed to hypnotise him and tie him up, too. I took away his talent, convinced him he hadn’t seen that I was holding Hattie captive, etcetera, etcetera, and then … well …’

  He seemed to have forgotten that he’d broken the bed, because he tried to sit down again. There was a comical moment where he almost but not quite fell. Trying to look nonchalant about it all, he said, ‘Well … I might have, kind of, strangled Hattie so that I could set Gavin up for it.’

  He gestured with his hands, as if to say, ‘Who can blame me?’

  ‘It seemed the perfect solution to my problems,’ he went on. ‘Because I realised … why keep butting my head against a brick wall? As amazing as I was at hypnotism, people kept kind of … coming out of it. Well, except you and Fran, because you’re both idiots. But everyone else … Gavin and Hattie asking incessant questions, Hattie not agreeing to be my girlfriend, your dad getting his abilities back … You lot were just using your unfair advantages against me, like you always did. I knew I was fighting a losing battle. You’d never let me be the star attraction, even though I deserved it most. You’re all cheats, that’s what you are. Super-powered cheats. So … I came up with my super fiendish scheme, to destroy you all in one fell swoop.’

  ‘Finally!’ Gretel rolled her eyes. ‘You know, if villains ever start to run some sort of competition for longest-running monologue, this guy will win first place.’

  ‘What was your fiendish scheme?’ Fifi asked.

  ‘I decided: why not drop you all in it?’ Theo replied. ‘Why not create such a labyrinthine but perfectly executed plan, one that would get you all sent behind bars? Right now, the cops think Gavin killed Hattie. But I’ve been planting seeds, Fifi. Especially with those two idiot female detectives tonight. I’ll soon have them convinced that you, and Fran, and Gavin, all killed Hattie together, out of jealousy. That your dad found out, and that he helped you make up these stories about people going missing and losing their talent, as a cover story. That you and Fran got scared when the gardaí started asking too many questions, and the rest of you ganged up and decided to blame it on Gavin.’

  He let out a little squeal of excitement, and rubbed his hands together. ‘But here’s the best part. You know how your dad is so good at all that psychic stuff? Well, I’m going to convince the gardaí that he hypnotised Gavin into taking all the blame. And that now, he’s trying to hypnotise me, too, because I’m asking questions. With all of the lies I’ve made you all tell those cops – lies that they can easily prove are lies, lies that make it look like you were hiding things from them, withholding information from them – they’re going to believe this is the truth. Especially when I strongly suggest it to them. You see, they don’t know what I know – they don’t know that all of you are freaks. Magical, wonderful freaks. So they’re not going to buy your silly stories of losing your mojo. They’re going to think you’re making it all up, to distract them from the fact that you’re nothing but a bunch of liars who killed Hattie together, because you were all jealous of her talent. Liars who then used your dad’s hypnotic skills to make Gavin take the blame.’

  His smile fell away. ‘But first, I’m going to do something else. There’s really only one reason I hypnotised you into coming here tonight, Fifi. I didn’t care about you. You, as we’ve already established, are an absolute dolt. No, all I wanted you to do was bring Flopsy to me. A little experiment, if you will. See, it occurred to me that you lot are even more special than I thought. Because Lady Fluff died at the same time as Hattie did. The exact same time. I’ve figured it out. Interesting, isn’t it? And what if the connection works both ways? So now … now I think I’ll kill Flopsy, too. If Gavin dies at the same time, it’ll prove I’m right. If he doesn’t …’ Theo gave a casual shrug. ‘Well, at least Flopsy’ll be dead. I’ve always hated that rabbit.’

  He picked Flopsy up, and placed him on the ground. ‘But first, you little freaky Flopsy, I’m going to give you a head start. Just for fun. Just so you’ll be absolutely terrified by the time I kill you. And hey, who knows? Maybe Gavin’ll feel your fear, too. So? What are you waiting for? Run, rabbit, run.’

  26. Victoria Byrd Should Thank Us

  That was where my curiosity ended, and I sprang into action. I mean, what sort of psycho wants to stand around and watch an animal run, terrified for its life? I extended a finger, and froze Theo. While he stood there, immobile and shocked, Gretel, Finn and I undid our invisibility, and I picked poor Flopsy up from the ground.

  It took Finn until about halfway through his arrest speech, however, before he realised that, while he was no longer invisible, he was still inaudible. He quickly rectified the mistake, and said, ‘Theo Harmon, you’re under arrest.’ We probably wouldn’t tease Finn about it too much.

  Theo had been frozen, yes, but only up to a certain point. I’d left him free to talk. It was always fun to give people like him the chance to say one more dumb thing. ‘But … but you’re … you three just appeared. Out of nowhere.’

  Gretel laughed. ‘Aaaand there it is. I was hoping for “You haven’t seen the last of me”, or “I’ll make you pay for this”, but that’ll do nicely. Yes, Theo we did just appear out of nowhere. Isn’t it amazing? We’ve been here for a while, actually. Wanda followed Fifi through the mirror, in fact.’

  ‘You … you … you stupid moron!’ Theo screamed at Fifi. ‘I told you not to let them near the mirror. I told you to snatch Flopsy upstairs, in the club.’

  ‘I guess you’re not as good at hypnosis as you think, are you?’ Finn remarked. ‘I mean, you couldn’t even hypnotise Laurence into giving you a better spot.’

  Theo glowered at Finn. ‘I didn’t want to hypnotise him into doing that. I wanted my spot fair and square.’

  ‘Sure, sure.’ Finn nodded. ‘That’s why you took away everyone’s talent. That’s totally fair.’

  With Flopsy shivering, and burying his head in my chest, I said, ‘Out of interest, though, Theo – if you didn’t want to hypnotise Laurence into simply giving you a better spot, well, that’s one thing. But you are a lot better at hypnotism than you are at magic. Why didn’t you make that your act? You might have been vaguely entertaining if you had.’

  He snorted. ‘Are you mad, woman? I’m much better at being a magician than I am at being a hypnotist. I’m better than everyone at the club. My act should have been headlining for years, I tell you, years. I–’

  I pointed at his lips and said, ‘Ciúnas.’

  Finn laughed. ‘There you go, Theo. A nice silencing spell. Something to finally shut you up.’

  As the room around us filled up with Wayfarers, Finn took Theo away, while Gretel dealt with Fifi.

  I looked down at Flopsy. ‘Come on,’ I said softly. ‘I can help deal with everything else soon enough. For now, let’s go and get you reunited with your magician. I think you’ve waited long enough.’

  ≈

  I glanced into the Wayfarer canteen. It was quiet at this time of night, but Melissa was sitting in there, across from Fifi and Gavin. Flopsy was there, too, snuggled into Gavin, looking happier than he’d been since we met.

  While Gavin and Fifi sipped at cups of coffee, Melissa was working on a slice of pizza and a glass of red wine. She hadn’t bought either in our canteen. Melissa had been enjoying a late dinner when I called her in to help. I had to assume that she’d taken her food and drink along with her for the same reason I would have – because our mothers had taught us never to let anything go to waste.

  Finn appeared at my side. ‘How’s it going in there?’

  ‘Well, I think. There’s been no screaming. I feel a bit bad about it, actually. Melissa likes to keep the vamp side of her abilities just between us lot. But I couldn’t get in touch with anyone else, and these people need help now. Who knows what other ideas Theo’s put in their heads? Whatever he did, it needs undoing.’

  ‘It does,’ Finn agreed. ‘And speaking of Theo, we’ll be handing him over to the human authorities. After Melissa deals with him, of course, and convinces him to forget the magic he saw tonight. If anyone deserves to be compelled, it’s that git. I’ll be preparing a file for the gardaí. While it might not all be true, it’ll explain the case in a way that they can accept. We’ll be in touch with whatever judge Theo goes up in front of, too, to make sure that he gets a long time in jail.’

  ‘So he’s human?’ I asked. ‘I mean, I couldn’t see an aura, but … I thought that what with all the hypnosis and whatnot, maybe he was part vampire, like Laurence. He was really digging into a rare-looking steak tonight as well. You just can’t tell with these people. They’re so … well … full of possibility.’

  He snorted. ‘Yeah, well the Queen’s been in, and she confirmed he’s one hundred percent human. Humans do eat steak too, you know. And black pudding. I’m partial to a bit of that myself.’

  ‘She’s been here?’

  ‘Yeah, it was a quick visit, while you were off at the vending machine buying crisps. She says she’ll visit the street tomorrow and have a good long chinwag with Laurence and the remainder of the Freaky Five. She also chatted with Melissa, and gave her the go-ahead to – gently – tell them all a few things tonight.’

  ‘I miss everything,’ I complained, wiping crisp crumbs from my mouth. ‘It’s Gretel’s fault, really. She hogged most of the cauliflower wings at the club.’

  ‘Hah!’ Gretel walked towards me. ‘I heard that, Wanda. I had less than a quarter of those wings. I am never sharing a platter with you again.’

  I lifted my chin. ‘We’ll agree to disagree. So … how’s Victoria going to feel about all of this? Will she accept Theo?’

  ‘She has to,’ said Finn. ‘Human street – well, kind of. Humans can access it, anyway. And a human criminal. A criminal who, let’s face it, would not survive three minutes in Witchfield. I also don’t want him in there. There are some people who don’t deserve to know about the supernatural world, and he’s one of them. So if anything, Victoria Byrd should thank us for doing her job for her.’

  I was about to tell him that Victoria’s thanks would never come, when Melissa stood up and strolled out of the canteen.

  She closed the door behind her, and joined us in the hall. ‘So, it’s done. They’ve got no more weird, confusing ideas in their heads, and Gavin will be back to being a brilliant magician.’ She looked my way. ‘Has the Queen told you? It was just your basic hypnosis. No vampire magic behind it.’

  ‘She skedaddled before I saw her,’ I grumbled. ‘She swore she wasn’t avoiding me to teach me a lesson about avoiding her, but … I don’t know.’

  Melissa tossed back the rest of her wine and set the glass on a ledge. ‘Well, it’s good news, anyway. If Theo had been a vampire, their brains would be a mess right now. Gavin would have had actual memories of murdering Hattie, and it would have taken me quite the while to correct that. But thankfully, it was an easy clean-up. And I’ve compelled them into staying calm about all of this, until the Queen fills them in further. She’s going to give them access to the magical world – if they want it. She thinks they’re ready. At the very least, they’ll get to know who they are, and to understand why they’re so different.’

  Gavin and Fifi were standing up, and making their way towards us. ‘I’m going to bring them back to the Magic Hat,’ said Melissa. ‘And I’ll deal with Laurence and Fran while I’m there – I’ll get to anyone else who Theo messed with over the next couple of days. So do you want to come with, Wanda? It’ll be a lot easier to include Fifi, Gavin and a rabbit into my travelling spell if I’ve got some help.’

  I was about to say yes, when Finn shook his head. ‘Gretel can go with you. Me and Wanda are about to have a meeting. But first, Wanda, you can say goodbye to Flopsy.’

  27. We’re Good at What We Do

  Fifi stayed chatting with Gretel and Melissa while Gavin came over to me. Gavin was smiling from ear to ear, cradling Flopsy in his arms.

  The rabbit grinned up at me. ‘Thank you, Wanda. Even after everything I’ve learned, I still don’t understand a lot of this, but I’m glad my hat took me to you.’

  Gavin chuckled. ‘Well … I don’t fully understand all of this yet, either. But just like my best little buddy here – my familiar, apparently – I’m so, so glad he found you.’

  I stared at Gavin. ‘You understood him?’