“You don’t think they’re going to find us all over that girl? Or her all over your car?” Jake says. “You’re gonna have to figure out what you’re saying. I know what I’m saying.”

  “You tell them, I’ll kill you.”

  Bill walks down the stairs, out of the house, gets into his car, and squeals out of the driveway.

  Fiancée Ashley stands, mid-setting-the-dinner-table, forks in hand, looking clueless. Jake wonders if Bill forgot she was there. Probably did. Bill’s no good at remembering things like that. Never remembered to feed the snake, either.

  Jake thinks back to a day when he was about ten. Fourth grade. Bill stuck Jake’s hand in the toaster and tried to toast it. Twelve. Sixth grade. Bill stuck a toothpick up Jake’s penis. The night of Bill’s eighteenth birthday about four weeks after the toothpick, Bill did it to him. The thing he does. The thing he told Jake to do to the girl.

  Jake is ready to come clean. In every way. Back on St. Patrick’s Day, he stole his dad’s credit card so he could pay for online video counseling and he told the counselor the truth. Not of the girl. Of Bill. Of shame. Of parents who didn’t know what to do with a boy like that. Of Bill’s friends and their gatherings and the smell of gasoline-soaked pine. Of the toothpick. Of the whiskey he’d been drinking. Of Jeff-as in-Jefferson-Davis-at-work.

  Jake’s feeling a lot better about things.

  Even if he has to go to prison.

  Even if he has to tell the truth about everything.

  Truth isn’t so bad once you look at it. It’s like throwing up after drinking a whole fifth of bourbon. It’s a purging that makes you feel better, not worse.

  Easter Conversation on the Deck

  Four teenagers sit around a picnic table, eating from a shared pile of Easter candy they’ve emptied from fifty-nine plastic neon-colored eggs.

  MALCOLM. So, you’re our cousin?

  THE SHOVELER. Seems so.

  MALCOLM. My dad says your mom was the funniest of all of them.

  CANIHELPYOU?. Wouldn’t be hard to be the funniest in this family.

  MALCOLM. True.

  CANIHELPYOU?. My mom said your mom was a slut. Sorry. She says stuff like that all the time.

  THE SHOVELER. Bummer.

  CANIHELPYOU?. She’s a horrible person.

  LORETTA. I never knew you existed! My mom never talks about her family.

  CANIHELPYOU?. You don’t remember Easter egg hunting when you were little? We have pictures of it. You were there.

  LORETTA. We don’t have pictures. I don’t remember. I kinda remembered Pop-Pop when I saw him at first. I think we have a picture of him around. Or we did. I don’t know.

  MALCOLM. Loretta lives here now. And I guess I do, too. Maybe permanently, soon.

  (Loretta looks confused.)

  CANIHELPYOU?, to Loretta. Malcolm’s dad is dying.

  LORETTA. Oh no!

  MALCOLM. Cancer’s a bitch.

  CANIHELPYOU?. My mom said he deserved cancer. Did you know that? She said he smoked when he was younger. She’s so unforgiving.

  THE SHOVELER. I’d say that’s worse than unforgiving.

  MALCOLM, to CanIHelpYou?. Your mom is a fucking asshole. No offense.

  CANIHELPYOU?. None taken. Who would know this better than me?

  LORETTA. My dad’s gonna go to jail. When they find him. My mom’s scared he’ll find us first.

  THE SHOVELER. Why’s he going to jail?

  MALCOLM. He tried to kill Aunt Missy.

  LORETTA. His act was so boring! The audience hated him.

  (Silence.)

  CANIHELPYOU?, to the shoveler. Why’d you really carry that shovel around with you?

  THE SHOVELER. I don’t anymore.

  CANIHELPYOU?. I mean when you did. And did you ever find the freak you were looking for?

  THE SHOVELER. I don’t know. I just carried it. And then she showed up one day and told me I should dig. Told me that the best things are underground or something. Sounds stupid.

  MALCOLM. We are descended from potato farmers.

  THE SHOVELER. True.

  LORETTA. Potato farmers? That’s no act. Where’s the excitement?

  CANIHELPYOU?, to the shoveler. Did she just vanish for you, too? Just poof!?

  THE SHOVELER, nods. I thought she was a ghost.

  MALCOLM. Wait. Brown hair, cut to here? (He moves his hand to indicate neck length.) Pale?

  CANIHELPYOU?. Yeah. And tall.

  MALCOLM. Looked like Uncle Matt.

  THE SHOVELER. Who’s Uncle Matt?

  MALCOLM. No one talks about Matt.

  CANIHELPYOU?. Even my mom doesn’t talk about Matt and she talks shit about everybody.

  THE SHOVELER. So, my mom has how many brothers and sisters? Three?

  MALCOLM. Four. There are five of them all together. Jean (points to CanIHelpYou?), Harry (points to himself), Missy (points to Loretta), Matt (shrugs and leaves his hands open and palms up), and Amber (points to the shoveler).

  THE SHOVELER. So, why doesn’t anyone talk about Matt?

  CANIHELPYOU?. Don’t know. We should ask them.

  MALCOLM. My dad used to talk about Matt. His only brother and all. The two of them didn’t get along, and Gottfried and Marla liked Matt more. Popular jock type. Something like that. He moved away a long time ago. California.

  THE SHOVELER. I didn’t know any of you existed until now.

  CANIHELPYOU?, to the shoveler. My mom called your mom the nomad of the family. I guess that’s better than slut, but still—

  MALCOLM, to CanIHelpYou?. Your mom. I remember the last time we came to Easter and she used the N-word and my dad argued with her.

  CANIHELPYOU?. I remember that! I hid under the table. So embarrassing.

  MALCOLM, to CanIHelpYou?. She still using the rap music excuse?

  CANIHELPYOU?. Yep. So dumb.

  (Silence.)

  THE SHOVELER. So, do we all live near each other?

  MALCOLM. Loretta lives here now. Katie lives east of town. I live south, near the turnpike, until I have to move back in here. You?

  THE SHOVELER. I live in the city.

  CANIHELPYOU?. So we all live in the same county.

  LORETTA. And we never hang out together! That’s a shame! We’d make a good troupe.

  THE SHOVELER. So, what about Uncle Matt, then?

  CANIHELPYOU?. Um.

  MALCOLM. His daughter went missing. About two years ago.

  CANIHELPYOU?. Out in California.

  MALCOLM. No. In Pennsylvania.

  CANIHELPYOU?. Different girl.

  MALCOLM. Same girl. How do you not know this? Your mom is the biggest mouthpiece in the county.

  CANIHELPYOU?. It was two different girls, Malcolm. The one here was the daughter of an artist or something. The one in California was the one my mom knew. Didn’t know it was Matt’s kid, though.

  MALCOLM. The girl kidnapped from our mall was Matt’s kid. Her mom left Uncle Matt for, like, four months. She had a job at the college here. Art teacher or something.

  CANIHELPYOU?. I can’t believe it.

  THE SHOVELER. Wait. So Uncle Matt’s daughter went missing?

  MALCOLM. Right.

  THE SHOVELER. And no one’s found her?

  MALCOLM. Not yet, no.

  CANIHELPYOU?. My mom thinks she ran away. Probably with a boy.

  MALCOLM. That’s bullshit.

  CANIHELPYOU?. You can pretty much bank on whatever my mom says being bullshit. Especially now that I know she was lying to me all this time.

  MALCOLM. Sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out.

  CANIHELPYOU?. She told me it was an epidemic. Girls disappearing from malls. Used it to scare me. I don’t know.

  MALCOLM, to Loretta. You okay?

  LORETTA. It’s sad. Just disappearing like that. And no one really knowing or caring.

  THE SHOVELER. I’m sure her parents care.

  LORETTA. I mean us. Our family. (Points to CanIHelpYou?.) Her mom didn’t even tell her the truth about her own cousin. No one cares.

  (Silence.)

  CANIHELPYOU?. My mom doesn’t tell the truth about anything.

  (Silence.)

  MALCOLM. Matt wasn’t the nicest guy. Not to my dad, anyway. And not to his family in California, either.

  CANIHELPYOU?. And my mom always says he’s a great guy. So I guess that’s what she’s hiding. Jesus. Just when you think she can’t stoop any lower.

  (Silence.)

  THE SHOVELER. I never even thought about having cousins. And now one of them is missing. I don’t know. It’s all weird.

  CANIHELPYOU?. Says the guy who carries a shovel, who’s friends with someone called “The Freak.” (Uses air quotes for that term.)

  MALCOLM. I saw the shovel in the back seat of your car when you were here painting. Just thought you liked being prepared or something.

  THE SHOVELER. We can stop talking about the shovel any time you want.

  (Silence.)

  CANIHELPYOU?, to the shoveler. So this Freak girl. She’s real?

  THE SHOVELER, nods. She’s some kind of magic or something.

  CANIHELPYOU?, to the shoveler. Yeah. I don’t know anyone else who can appear and disappear whenever they want.

  THE SHOVELER. Yeah.

  LORETTA, to no one in particular. It must be hard to have a missing kid. Poor Matt, wherever he is.

  THE SHOVELER. She got me this job, I think. I mean, The Freak. Not Matt’s kid. Left me a paper with the job circled in marker.

  CANIHELPYOU?. What job?

  THE SHOVELER. I just painted this whole house.

  CANIHELPYOU?. You’re the painter kid?

  MALCOLM. I can’t believe you painted this whole house and never knew anything about us.

  THE SHOVELER. It’s not like they have any family pictures. And my mom doesn’t talk about it.

  LORETTA. Seems like our parents don’t talk about a lot of things. Dull show. But compared to my father’s show, I guess it’s okay.

  CANIHELPYOU?. Hold on. Hold on. (Holds her hands out in the stop position.)

  (Silence.)

  CANIHELPYOU?. So the kidnapped girl from the mall is Matt’s kid? And we’ve all been visited by this disappearing girl? (Pauses. Shakes her head.) Maybe I’m too stoned.

  MALCOLM. What?

  (Silence.)

  The four teens look at one another.

  (Silence.)

  (CanIHelpYou? looks at her phone. Types something in. Finds a picture. Shows it to the others.)

  THE SHOVELER. That’s her.

  MALCOLM. Holy shit.

  LORETTA. She’s been in my audience before!

  (Silence.)

  CANIHELPYOU?, points to the picture on the phone screen. This is our missing cousin.

  LORETTA, to Malcolm. You’re turning white.

  THE SHOVELER. You okay?

  MALCOLM. I know where she is.

  CANIHELPYOU?. Dude. Don’t bullshit. This is serious.

  (Silence.)

  MALCOLM. I know where she is.

  CANIHELPYOU?. Seriously, Malcolm. Don’t fuck around with this.

  MALCOLM. I’m not fucking around. I know where she is.

  (Malcolm takes his phone out of his back pocket and shows the others a picture of a jerk-chicken-stained paper plate with GPS coordinates written on it.)

  (Silence.)

  THE SHOVELER. I have a car. We should go.

  LORETTA. This is exciting!

  CANIHELPYOU?, looking at her phone. Dude. Did you search that on a map? It’s in the middle of a forest . . . oh. Fuck. We should probably call the police.

  MALCOLM. Maybe.

  LORETTA. The police don’t believe teenagers. Especially girls. Trust me. I’ve dropped into that net before. It never holds. We should make a plan.

  Easter Conversation in the Living Room

  Harry and Amber are locked in a hug. Jean sits on Marla’s floral couch and watches. Missy is in the bathroom. Marla and Gottfried are in the kitchen, where Gottfried is telling Marla that Amber has come home.

  HARRY. Oh my god!

  AMBER, through tears. I can’t believe you’re here.

  HARRY. Neither can I, believe me.

  AMBER. Stop it. Some things aren’t funny.

  JEAN. Harry, are you going to hog her the whole day or do the rest of us get to say hello?

  AMBER, still hugging Harry. Hello, Jean.

  JEAN. Ha-ha-ha.

  HARRY, to Amber. My god. You didn’t age. (To Jean.) Unlike your ancient sister.

  AMBER. Jean looks great. No more of that bullshit.

  HARRY. This is my last Easter. I’m not going to make amends before I die. How else will Jean live if not feeding off the guilt she has for being such a bitch to us for so long?

  JEAN. Jesus. If this how today’s going to go, I’m not playing.

  MISSY. Amber?

  JEAN. It’s her! In the flesh!

  HARRY. Jean, don’t they sell funny somewhere so you can buy it?

  JEAN. Maybe the same place they sold you cancer.

  HARRY. Clearly you have not found the humor store. Next you’re going to tell Missy she’s fat, right?

  MISSY. I nearly died. Do you think I care if she says I’m fat again?

  AMBER. You nearly died?

  MISSY. You-know-who. You were right about him.

  AMBER. Yeah. I know.

  HARRY. Scumbag.

  JEAN. Well, I—

  HARRY. Don’t say anything, Jean. Just don’t say anything.

  AMBER. Oh man. (Hugs Missy.) You okay? Loretta okay?

  MISSY. That girl could walk through fire and still be happy, I swear.

  HARRY. They all could. Look at them. Stronger than we ever were.

  (All four adults look out to the deck and spy their chattering kids; they smile and nod in agreement. Marla enters.)

  MARLA. Amber Marie! You came home!

  AMBER. Hi, Mom. Nice to see you.

  MARLA. Last time we heard from you, you were in Texas, I think.

  AMBER. We were.

  MARLA. Are you just visiting?

  AMBER. We moved to town in January.

  MARLA. Well, do I get to meet him?

  HARRY. You can’t hug your kid? After sixteen years? Seriously, Mom?

  AMBER. It’s fine.

  MISSY. You know I was pregnant with Loretta before I got married. You didn’t kick me out.

  HARRY. So was Jean.

  JEAN. What? No. I wasn’t.

  MISSY. Come on, Jean. Who cares? None of that shit even matters anymore.

  JEAN. I got pregnant on our honeymoon.

  HARRY. Sure you did.

  AMBER.

  MARLA.

  JEAN. So where are you living?

  AMBER. North city.

  JEAN. Are you renting?

  AMBER.

  HARRY. Who cares, Jean?

  JEAN. Just making conversation. Why are you all against me all of a sudden?

  HARRY. I don’t think it’s sudden.

  JEAN. If Matt was here, he’d stick up for me.

  MARLA.

  MISSY.

  HARRY.

  AMBER. What about Matt? Why do you all look like that all of a sudden?

  HARRY. We should talk somewhere else. I have to catch you up.

  JEAN. Matt’s kid went missing.

  AMBER. Why didn’t any of you tell me this?

  JEAN. Like we could find you?

  AMBER. I sent my address to Dad. Every time I moved. He has my number.

  HARRY.

  JEAN.

  MISSY.

  MARLA. GOTTFRIED!

  * * *

  Gottfried isn’t in the kitchen. He isn’t in the garage. Marla looks everywhere and finally she sees him outside, talking to the kids. She weighs the possibility that her pineapple stuffing might burn if she goes outside to confront Gottfried. She decides it can wait. Waited sixteen years already. Another few minutes won’t hurt. She goes back into the kitchen.

  (Amber sighs.)

  HARRY. Nothing changes.

  JEAN. Amen.

  MISSY. I can’t believe I’m living here.

  AMBER. So, why isn’t anyone talking about Matt? Did he do something wrong? His girl is really missing? Like missing missing?

  (Silence.)

  AMBER. When did this happen?

  MISSY. Like, two years ago, I think. Snatched from the mall.

  AMBER. And no one’s found her?

  JEAN. Obviously not.

  HARRY. No one knows anything.

  AMBER. Shit.

  JEAN. This family has been through the shit.

  HARRY. Yeah.

  AMBER. God, Harry. You especially.

  HARRY. And you, Amber.

  MISSY. And me.

  JEAN. And Matt.

  AMBER. It’s so fucked up.

  JEAN. Do you have to talk like that? It’s Easter.

  HARRY, points at Jean. That’s exactly why our family is so fucked up.

  JEAN. What? Me asking for civilized conversation?

  MISSY. You’ve never had a civil conversation in your life, Jean.

  HARRY. Maybe you can buy civility wherever they sell humor.

  AMBER. I didn’t come home for this.

  JEAN. Well, tough luck. What you came home for is still what it always was. We’re not going to miraculously change just because you popped in.

  HARRY. It’s my last Easter. If it doesn’t suck, what pain will I have to bring to the Consciousness with me?

  MISSY. Oh god, Harry.