For the first time in my life, books didn’t distract me. Figured when I needed it the most, it wasn’t strong enough. I was being haunted by thoughts of what could happen with King and Scotlin. The idea of her touching him made me want to curl up and weep. In fact, I had found myself tearing up several times. I didn’t cry often. It was something I had fought against so hard that I wondered if I had broken that reaction inside me. At least until today.

  Wiping at the current tear rolling down my face, I growled, frustrated with myself. I was in a room full of books, and I was thinking about stuff I had no control over. I’d done this to myself. Falling in love with King Salazar was the most reckless, insane, confusing thing I had ever done. Yet I wouldn’t change it.

  The door opened behind me, and I turned to see Maeme. She smiled at me, but I saw the concern in her eyes. Stupid tears. I wanted to go back to not being able to cry.

  “Dr. Drew is here,” she told me.

  I frowned. “Why? His last visit, he said my ribs were fine.”

  “Your birth control. He said according to the dates you gave him, it was time for your next one.”

  Oh. I hadn’t even thought about that. Thank God he had.

  I set the book down on the table. “Yes. Okay,” I replied, making my way to the doorway to meet her.

  She touched my arm gently. “Are you okay?”

  Just the slightest bit of affection had me wanting to burst into tears and wail like a baby. I swallowed it down though and fought against the emotion clawing at my throat.

  “I’m fine,” I assured her. “Emotional book.”

  My lie didn’t work. I could see it in her all-too-knowing eyes. But she didn’t call me out on it. Instead, she gave me a nod and turned to lead me to the back staircase that I knew went down to the basement, where there was a complete doctor’s office set up for the Mafia’s private doctor who made house visits.

  When we reached the bottom of the stairs, Dr. Drew was standing in the middle of the now-familiar white room and sterile-looking environment. He was texting something on his phone when he glanced up and smiled at me.

  “Good afternoon,” he said brightly, tucking his phone into his coat pocket. “You look even better than the last time I saw you. I see they are taking good care of you.”

  “Yes,” I agreed.

  “I never doubted otherwise. When Maeme takes someone under her wing, then they always flourish,” he said, nodding his head at her in appreciation.

  “I can’t take the credit this time. King had more to do with it than I did. He doesn’t let anyone get too close to her these days.”

  Dr. Drew’s eyes widened in surprise. “Well, that’s a turn of events.”

  I smiled, feeling my face heat up.

  “All right, this should be routine for you. Since I’m not the OB/GYN you regularly saw and I don’t know your history, I need to do an examination. Just to make sure all is well. Then, we will move forward with your shot. When was your last Pap smear?”

  Oh God. Not that. I hadn’t been told I was having a gyno checkup. Dread sank over me. “Right before I got married, so … ” I paused to count the time since my wedding to Hill. “Uh, seventeen months now.”

  “You are definitely due for one of those too. Let’s start with the urine sample,” he said. “This way.” He headed for the room opposite the one I had been in before to have X-rays of my ribs done.

  “I’ll wait out here,” Maeme said. “Unless you’d prefer me in there.”

  The less people who had to see my vagina, the better.

  “No. It’s fine.”

  Dr. Drew handed me a collection cup with the cleansing cloth packet. “Bathroom is that door right down there to the left.”

  I tried to think about King and this morning to get my mind off the exam. Thankfully, I had drunk enough water this morning that peeing on cue wasn’t a problem. Walking my collection of urine back into the exam room wasn’t enjoyable, but it had to be done. I needed that shot. King hadn’t used a condom with me in weeks. Since the second day we’d started having sex, to be exact.

  Dr. Drew took the cup and went over to his workstation and put the strips in it before turning back to me. “I’ve got you a gown laid out. Slip off your clothes and get it on. I’ll be back shortly.”

  Once he closed the door behind him, I began undressing. I’d be done soon and back in the library. Free from examinations for another year. The positive spin was, I didn’t have to leave the house to go have it done. I tried to focus on that while I changed into my gown and sat down on the exam table.

  “Are you ready?” Dr. Drew called through the door.

  I adjusted the gown to make sure all my parts were covered. Not that it mattered really since he’d be looking between my legs soon.

  “Yes,” I replied.

  I took a deep breath as he walked back into the room. This was not a big deal. I was a grown woman. I was being silly. I forced a smile as he walked over to my urine sample.

  The silence in the room felt awkward, so I tried to think of something to say just to make myself feel better. But what did one say to a man currently studying your pee? Dropping my gaze to my hands clasped in my lap, I decided to wait and let him speak first.

  He cleared his throat, and I glanced up to see him turn around with both his hands stuck in the pockets of his slacks. When his eyes met mine, there was a serious expression on his face. I stilled.

  What had my urine told him? He wasn’t easing my nerves over the exam he had to do. Where was his smile? Wasn’t he supposed to be making me feel better about this?

  He glanced back at the door, then walked over to it and closed it softly. Perhaps he felt weird about having to give me a Pap smear. He’d be up close and personal with my lady bits. Maybe I should have had Maeme come in here. I could still ask.

  “Rumor.” He said my name just above a whisper. That was odd and not helping my growing anxiety.

  “Yes?” I replied, wishing he would stop with this strange behavior.

  I wanted the door back open. Maeme should be in here. I didn’t know Dr. Drew that well after all. Nurses were normally in the room with doctors.

  “You’re pregnant.”

  I sat there, staring at him. All other thoughts suddenly snatched from my head.

  “What?” I asked, my voice cracking as those two words slowly sank in.

  “The urine sample. You’re pregnant,” he repeated. “I don’t know how far along, and I don’t have the equipment here to do an ultrasound.” He ran a hand over his head and sighed. “I should have tested you before the X-rays on your ribs. You said you were on the shot, so I assumed you were safe. It’s rare that someone can get pregnant taking the Depo-Provera shot. We will need to run tests. See how far along you are. Do you remember the last time you had sex with, uh”—he paused—“your former husband?”

  I couldn’t speak. I had no words. I just sat there, not knowing what I felt.

  “I know this is a lot to take in, and I am sorry. Perhaps an examination would be the best way to start this. I can get an idea of how far along you are by checking for changes in your uterus and cervix. It isn’t accurate, but it will give us a ballpark. If you could tell me the last time you had sex, then that, too, would help.”

  I blinked as I looked back at him. That was a very easy answer. However, the last time I’d had sex with Hill, I didn’t know. Sex with him had become something rare toward the end.

  “Sex? Or … sex with Hill?” I asked, too numb to even be embarrassed by this question.

  His eyes widened slightly. “You’ve had sex since you left your … Hill?”

  I nodded.

  “I need to know when.”

  I dropped my gaze to my lap. “Last night.”

  He was silent for a moment, and I began to twist the gown I was wearing in my hands.

  “Was that the first time?”

  I shook my head, not looking up at him.

  “When was?”

  I swallowed hard, feeling nausea slowly creep in. “Five … almost six weeks ago.”

  “Were there other times in between?”

  I nodded.

  He let out a heavy sigh. “King.”

  I nodded again.

  “I see. This puts a spin on things. Let’s put that aside right now and have you lie back.”

  I took a deep breath as a cold sweat broke out over my body and my hands began to feel clammy. I did as he’d instructed and closed my eyes tightly as he put my feet in the stirrups and moved my gown up to my thighs.

  How was this happening? I knew that I hadn’t been positive about the date of my last shot, but I’d been close.

  This wasn’t Hill’s baby. That much I knew. It had been over two, maybe even three, months since we’d had sex, and even then, he hadn’t come inside me. He had thought it was messy and didn’t like it.

  But … what would King say … what would he do when he found out?

  I’d told him I was on birth control. He’d made sure of it. He had asked me. I was still in danger from a gang. I couldn’t be pregnant. What kind of life would I be bringing my baby into?

  My baby.

  Those two words hit me like a sledgehammer, and I covered my mouth to keep from letting out a sob. I had a baby growing inside me. A life that was a part of me. That I had helped create.

  “Easy. Relax,” Dr. Drew said as I felt him reach inside me and probe around.

  I sucked in a breath as a tear squeezed out of the corner of my eye and rolled down the side of my face.

  “It’s very early,” he said. “I’d say six weeks, at the most.”

  My eyes flew open. “How? I didn’t have sex six weeks ago. I said it was almost six weeks. Closer to five.”

  He nodded and removed his fingers from inside of me. “Yes, but in pregnancy, we count from the last menstrual cycle, which you didn’t have since you were on the shot. Technically, the embryo started growing around three weeks ago. Meaning it was fertilized shortly before. Even if you had incorrectly guessed how long it had been since your last shot, it’s not one hundred percent effective.”

  He reached for my gown and pulled it back down, then took my hand and helped me sit back up. When his eyes met mine, I could see the concern in them, and I felt my own start to water up again. I seemed to be doing a lot of that today.

  “I understand that by law, I can’t tell anyone, but you have to understand that your situation … my situation is different. I don’t fear the government the way I do lying to anyone in the family. They are the only law that exists for those of us involved with them. That means me … and now you.”

  He was telling me I had to tell King or he would.

  Words didn’t come to me. I simply nodded.

  “I’ll go get Maeme.” His tone was gentle, but I could hear the warning there. To be prepared.

  I stared straight ahead at the wall while he went to get her. There was a child inside me. King’s baby. And as much as I loved him, I knew it wasn’t enough to make him love me.

  What if he didn’t want it? What if he asked me to abort it? He wasn’t young, like he had been with Scotlin. He was older. He was changed.

  Life had changed him.

  “Lord, Drew, she’s white as a ghost,” Maeme said as she walked into the room. “What on earth did you do to her?” The fierceness in her tone was almost frightening.

  I turned my gaze to her, and I knew he hadn’t told her yet. I had hoped he would. Get it over with. Just say it.

  “Rumor.” He said my name with a nudge to his tone.

  The tightening on my throat didn’t make it easy to speak. “I’m …” I whispered, but I had to stop and suck in some air.

  It felt as if I wasn’t getting enough oxygen all of a sudden. The room started to spin, and I gripped the sides of the examination table and tried to force air into my lungs. I could hear the accelerated beat of my heart in my ears. A darkness was closing in on my peripheral vision, and I fought harder to breathe. Nothing helped though.

  “Get her!” Maeme yelled just before the darkness pulled me under.

  • Fifteen •

  I’m just trying to protect King.

  Rumor

  A cold, damp cloth was pressed against my head and cheeks. My lungs no longer burned, and I was lying down. I tried to remember where I was before opening my eyes because I was clearly not alone. Someone was moving the cloth around my face gently.

  “He can’t know. No one can. At least not right now. There is too much at stake,” I heard Maeme speak above me.

  “You think it’s smart to keep this from him?” Dr. Drew’s voice sounded unsure.

  “Yes. For now. I know, and that is all she needs. I can take care of her. Make sure she and my great-grandbaby are okay. There are issues that have to be dealt with first. If King knows, then he will act irrationally. Mess up. Get himself killed. This baby needs its father.”

  “Very well. It’s your call. You’d better keep me alive when the time comes.”

  She wasn’t going to tell King. I lay there, trying to decide if I was relieved or not. Did I want him to know? Could I keep this a secret from him? How would he get himself killed?

  “You are safe. This is my call, and I will take full responsibility.”

  “You’ll tell Blaise?” It was a question, not a demand.

  Maeme sighed. “Yes. I’ll have to. But he will agree with me. Hopefully, he’ll move the Insantos bullshit to the top of his priority list when he finds out.”

  I opened my eyes then and stared up at Maeme beside me, taking the cloth from my face. Her eyes met mine.

  “There she is,” she said softly. “You had too much to take in at one time. Couldn’t handle it all. But you’re fine. You are going to stay that way too. I’m gonna take care of you.”

  My hand moved to my stomach. It was still flat, and that made it even harder to believe there was a child inside of me. A living being that was part of me.

  “The baby is just fine too,” Maeme said, patting the top of my hand gently. “Just lie there and relax. Take deep breaths. You are going to be okay. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you or my great-grandbaby.”

  That lump of emotion began growing in my throat again.

  “You’re not going to tell King,” I said, wanting to clarify what I had heard.

  She squeezed my hand in hers. “Not right away. He needs to stay focused. What he is dealing with right now is dangerous, and if his head isn’t in the game, he could get hurt. Or killed. Neither of us wants that.”

  “I’ll leave you two to talk. But the vitamins we discussed are right here,” Dr. Drew told Maeme. “I’ll be back in a week to check on her, and I’ll get the ultrasound machine moved in this weekend while King is gone.”

  “Thank you, Drew,” she replied. “We are just fine.”

  “I’d go over what all she needs to eat and what to do to take care of her and the baby, but I figure you’ve got that handled.”

  “That I do.” Maeme’s bright tone didn’t match her expression. The worry lines in her face were hard to mask.

  I wanted to be alone. Back at the cottage. I needed time to think this all through. There were so many questions and fears running through my head. I didn’t know where to even start.

  Dr. Drew gave me an encouraging smile. “I leave you in good hands.”

  I managed a nod, but nothing more.

  “Now, let’s sit you up slowly and move you to a more comfortable location,” Maeme suggested.

  “I had alcohol last night,” I told her as the thought hit me.

  She took my hand and pulled me up to a sitting position again. “Won’t hurt a thing. Most women have a few drinks before they find out their pregnant. You’re early still. The baby didn’t get any of it.”

  That was a small relief among the list of things I had to worry about.

  “Now, we are gonna go up to the sunroom. I’ll bring you a cup of peppermint tea, and you can read a book and relax.”

  I wasn’t going to be able to focus on a book, but I stood up and let her lead me up the stairs anyway. Perhaps while I pretended to read, I could think about what would happen next. How I would move forward. What I would tell King when the time came.

  I just wished I knew how he was going to react.

  The sunroom was warm, and the view of Maeme’s backyard with all the flowers in bloom would normally be a cozy, welcome spot. The book in my lap remained unread, although it lay open. Thankfully, Maeme had left me alone with my thoughts.

  I stared out at the azaleas, Spanish bluebells, and tulips. My hand kept finding its way to my stomach. The reality seemed to be even too much for me to comprehend. The longer I sat and let this sink in, the more I found that I wanted the baby. Even if King didn’t, I did. I loved this baby, and how odd that was. To love something you’d never seen and just found out existed. It was strange and powerful. I looked down at my hand covering where the tiny baby was now growing.

  Even with all the fear and uncertainty, a small trickle of joy was finding its way inside. Slowly taking over all else. I hadn’t planned this, but now that it was here, I wanted it. Possibly more than I wanted anything else.

  The sound of Maeme’s footsteps got my attention, and I moved my hand from my stomach and turned several pages in the book before she appeared. I didn’t want her to think I was in here worrying. I couldn’t explain what I was currently going through, and feeling as if I had to stressed me out.

  “I brought lunch,” Maeme said as she entered the sunroom.

  I glanced up from the book in my lap to see her carrying a tray.

  “I could have come to the kitchen to eat,” I told her, closing the book and setting it on the table beside me.

  “You’ve had a lot to take in today. You need to relax,” she informed me, placing the tray down in front of me.