Cameron went to speak, but James kept on going.

  “I have been offered a position in Wyoming that I’ve already taken. Lily is officially mine, the adoption papers have been signed, just waiting on final approval, and I will be selling my house.”

  She finished her argument with an air of finality.

  Silence reined terror over James as she waited for her mother’s reply. Max was reasonably quiet and her father was surprisingly non-vocal. There was a pause, as if everything stopped before the waterworks began.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” The tears were in Cameron’s eyes. “Who—who is going to help me with my projects?”

  James didn’t answer because she didn’t have one. She was their only child, but it was about time that her mother figured out how to do some things on her own.

  “My baby is leaving.”

  Cameron wiped at the salty-drops furiously, and James finally rose to stand behind her mother and wrap her arms tightly around her chest.

  “My baby is moving away. I never thought it would happen.”

  “I’m glad you’re okay with it, at least on some level.” James muttered the last part.

  “I’m not okay with it,” Cameron barked out. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t accept it.”

  James smiled. Her mother may not have a filter when it came to her emotions. The previous moments were a prime example as she dealt with the suddenness of James’ declaration and the realization that she could do nothing to change it. But that didn’t mean James had no compassion for her mother.

  Dropping a kiss on Cameron’s head, she squeezed tighter. “I’ll be back to visit. You’re going to be a grandmother after all. My daughter does need to know her grandparents.”

  “And her Uncle Max.” The man in the corner finally spoke up and cleared his throat.

  “Yes, her grandparents and her Uncle Max.” James spoke as though she was talking to a three-year-old and smiled at him. She marveled at his ease with the bomb she’d just dropped on their laps.

  “Her Uncle Max, who is going to be the permanent and new Battalion Chief of Station Seven as soon as he passes his physical fitness test, which he is going to study non-stop for.” She smirked and kissed her mom again before settling back in her chair.

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He replied, sparing a glance at his old Chief. “A position which was taken under duress and, well let’s just be honest, no one can replace Addy.”

  “You’ll do wonderfully, Max. You have been doing wonderfully.”

  Addison smiled and settled her hand back into James’. There was an awkward pause while Max stared at his best friend and her girlfriend, Cameron drank slowly from her wine glass, and James’ father refused to look at anything other than his toes.

  “Are you tired?” James turned to Addison and whispered it while they heard the laughter from the yard.

  “I slept most of the day.”

  “That doesn’t answer my question.”

  Addison scrunched her nose, but nodded slightly.

  “It’s almost time for someone to be asleep, anyway. We could just use her as an excuse to leave now.”

  “Give it a bit more.” Addison glanced to James’ parents. “They need you here a bit longer.”

  “Fine.” James rested back in her chair, sipping at her beer. It wasn’t five minutes before Lily stepped onto the deck and crawled into James’ lap, resting her head on her shoulder.

  A half hour later and the child was completely passed out and asleep.

  “I think we might need to be on our way.”

  The conversation had returned, albeit stifled and muted, but Lily really needed to be in bed. Addison and Max helped clean up while James carried Lily to the truck and latched her into the booster seat. She turned back to find Max staring at her.

  “Hey,” she said, startled.

  “I’m going to miss you.”

  He swallowed her in a hug that lingered far longer than normal. When he finally pulled back there were tears in his eyes.

  “I have something for you, hold on.”

  He moved over to his truck, and James saw Addison standing at the door watching them. He stepped around the vehicle and handed her a small box. “Here. Well, technically it’s for Lily, but I figured you would want control over it.”

  She flipped it over and saw that it was a portable DVD player with headphones. “Max…”

  “I figured it’d be nice for the road trip back.”

  “How did you know?”

  Max shrugged. “I know you, James. You’re in love, that’s all I needed.”

  He scooped her into another hug before stepping back and pulling Addison into one, too. Whispering into her ear, “If she gets mean, you have my permission to smack her a bit.”

  Addison was giggling when she was released. “I’ll miss you too, Max.”

  Addison stepped away and into the passenger side of the truck, checking on Lily before buckling in.

  His voice was low and serious when he spoke. “I do expect regular phone calls.”

  James shut Addison’s door and turned back to her best friend. “I promise, Max, it’ll be just like college when you left me high and dry.”

  “Uh huh, sure.” He grinned. “Oh, and regular pictures of the kid.”

  “Yes, Max.” James placated him before smiling and leaning up to kiss his cheek. “And I will be seeing you tomorrow; I haven’t forgotten that you promised to help with the garage sale.”

  “Yeah, still can’t get out that, can I?”

  “Oh, hell no.” She moved around to the other side of the truck, pulled open her door, and stepped inside. “Bright and early Max, don’t be late or no homemade breakfast goodies for you.”

  He smiled and shook his head as he walked away. James had to wait for him to pull out before she could and she turned to Addison.

  The brunette smiled, her face rested against the seat as she asked James. “So, we’re really moving?”

  “Yup, we’re moving. To Wyoming of all places.” James rolled her eyes to reiterate the fact that Wyoming was the last of all places she would want to move.

  “To Wyoming and beyond.” Addison smirked as she mimicked Buzz Lightyear from the Toy Story movies. James shook her head and started the engine. There was a pause before she started to pull out, and she stopped when the voice lilted over to her, a worried tone to it. “Are you really sure about this?”

  “I’m absolutely positive that I am moving to Wyoming with you and that the kid is ours. She’s ours Addy, forever and ever.” She went to pull out of the drive once more, but halted.

  “I don’t want you doing this because you feel sorry for me.”

  “Addison,” James said her name with a short clip to her tone. “If I was doing this because I was sorry, don’t you think you would know? Really? Honestly.”

  She brushed it off and started to pull out of the drive one more time, only to be stopped again.

  Her voice was timid and rather quiet, but James had no problem hearing her. “You haven’t said it yet.”

  “Said what?” James became exasperated with the entire conversation. It was late, she was tired, and she really just wanted to go home.

  Addison’s eyes were locked on James’ face. She wasn’t going to back down. “It.”

  James groaned before putting the truck in neutral and pulling the emergency brake on. Leaning over, she grabbed Addison by the back of the head and planted a long and deep kiss on her lips.

  “I love you, Addison Lee. Now don’t forget it.” She kissed her once more before leaning back with a grin plastered on her lips. “I love you,” she repeated. “Now can we go home?”

  Addison giggled and grinned. “Yes, James Matthews, we can go home.” She bobbed her head and relaxed into the seat as her lover pulled out of the drive.

  “You know, you haven’t said it either.”

  “Yes, I did.”

  “No, no I don’t think you did. Want to tell me again? Maybe I’ll remember it this time.” James was laughing, the crow’s feet at the corner of her eyes fixed on her face.

  “Fine. I love you. Good enough?”

  “Why so hostile? You don’t have to say it if you don’t mean it.”

  James turned onto the main street and risked a glance in the rearview mirror at Lily, who was sleeping soundly.

  “I only want you to say it if you mean it,” James amended before taking another turn.

  Addison chuckled and palmed James’ thigh.

  “Oh, I mean it. And I don’t think you could get me not to mean it. I love you, James Matthews. You and your crazy parents and your best friend and your stubbornness.”

  “My stubbornness? Well, if you like it so much then why do you get so frustrated with it?” James teased back, enjoying the normalcy of their banter. “You could just not get frustrated with it.”

  “How can I… James, loving it and finding it endearing as well as frustrating are two totally different things.”

  Addison squeezed her fingers from one to the next and back again against the denim on James’ leg.

  “Completely different.”

  “Like the right way to shred lettuce and the wrong way.”

  “There is no wrong way to shred lettuce. There is a preferred way.”

  Addison rolled her eyes. The conversation was going nowhere fast.

  James giggled, “You like my way to shred it. You can admit it, it’s all right. I know you do. Every time you made the salad at the Station, you made it my way.”

  Addison huffed. “Of course I did. I wanted to get laid.”

  The last sentence was spoken quietly and with a quick glance to the back seat.

  “I got laid the first time I did that, remember? Positive reinforcement at its core.”

  Pulling into the drive, James shot around the car to slip Lily from her seat before Addison could. She followed her lover into the house, her eyes not straying from the sway of the woman’s hips. They put Lily in her nightgown and pulled the covers up to her chin. Each kissed the sleeping girl’s forehead before they made for their room. Addison headed for the suitcase that contained her clothes and started to strip. She stopped when she felt the warm hands on her hips. Standing straight, Addison leaned back into James’ body.

  James pressed quick kisses along Addison’s neck and shoulder, rubbing her thumbs over her sides.

  “Does shredding lettuce the right way equal you loving me? Because I think I could live with that.”

  “You are,” Addison left off and took a deep breath before she turned around. “I don’t even know what you are.”

  Pressing a hand against James’ chest, Addison walked to the bed and slipped under the covers. She glanced back at James who still stood where Addison had left her.

  “You are joining me, right?”

  “Does it equal loving me?”

  “Yes!” Addison’s voice rose as she answered. “Now, will you get in the bed?”

  “Yup.”

  James grinned and pulled her shirt over her head. Dropping her jeans, she stepped out of them, and barrel rolled over Addison and onto her side of the bed.

  “Satisfied?”

  “No, get under the covers.”

  “So demanding.”

  James rolled her eyes as Addison shook her head, both giggled.

  Once James was settled, Addison pushed up on her elbow and curved a finger around James’ cheek. “I love you, James. That is all that matters.” Before her lover could answer with another smart remark, Addison leaned down to rub their lips together and started a slow embrace. “Nothing else.”

  “What about—”

  “Nothing else matters, James.”

  She started the kiss again, her body slid against James’, and their skin met. Repeating herself once more, Addison rolled on top of James and kept her lover quiet for the rest of the night.

  Epilogue

  Some six months later...

  She was done crying. It was cold and rainy, but she was standing over the newly covered grave with a five year old in her arms who was so somber it belied her personality. The child had constantly complained about everything that day: the way her new snow boots rubbed on her feet wrong, how cold it was, that she was sad. The last complaint always broke James’ heart. She had heard so many platitudes, apologies, and insincere condolences that it was all starting to run together. And yet no matter how much she wanted the peace and quiet, she couldn’t let the child go.

  Lily rested in her arms, winter jacket zipped over her nice and brand new dress, her stocking clad legs wrapped around James’ waist, and her boots half falling off her feet because they were two sizes too big. The disadvantage to wearing snow boots without thick socks was that they rubbed and didn’t fit right, but there was snow on the ground and Lily had to wear them. James shifted the weight in her arms and buried her face in the yarn-covered head. She took comfort in the scent of her daughter.

  The service had been simple. Just as Addison planned it to be. A few prayers, a small eulogy given by a local pastor and student of the school, and a song that put tears in Cameron’s eyes, I Was There to Hear Your Borning Cry would forever resound through James’ mind on an echo. James sniffled as a cold wind blew. She knew Addison was not overly religious, but grasped onto some of the traditions. She held them close, knowing that even without faith the traditions were there for a reason. She hadn’t wanted scriptures, and she hadn’t wanted dirges to be sung. James hummed quietly, swaying with the weight in her arms. They had discussed everything before she passed. The entire service in place only two days before Addison drew her last breath. Simple, quiet, and reverent: exactly how the service needed to be.

  Everyone slowly filed away from the gravesite, but James stayed as long as possible. She didn’t want to leave. This, for her, would be the final goodbye, the one she had yet to make and that she desperately wanted to avoid. She stared down at the headstone; it was white marble, carved with delicate frills and swirls, the name scrawled along the top with dates just below.

  Addison Lee.

  It hadn’t been unexpected, but the sting of her death was still hard and sharp. They had so little time together. Pushing back the memories of Addison when she was sick, James focused only on the good days. The days before her illness and the days during which she was healthy enough to participate in regular activities. Like Lily’s fifth birthday party.

  Taking a deep breath, James once again shifted the child in her arms and started back for the house. Addison’s ashes had been buried on the property of the house in Wyoming, as per her wishes. James was turning her back on the woman she would never let go. She didn’t glance back, didn’t thinking about her lover being buried in the ground as she and Lily made it inside. They greeted the other guests that were still there and made their expected rounds. It was all so James could avoid thinking about the ashes in the ground. Norma and Jean-Pierre were doing their best to keep everyone happy while they also fielded people away from James when she looked overwhelmed. James couldn’t have been happier with her choice to remain there. They took such good care of her.

  Max and her parents had arrived two days before and were leaving the next. They’d sat with her most of the first night even though she had only a few tears. They were dried with warm hands and kind words. The rest of the days she’d spent avoiding them. Most everyone was gone back to town or those staying at the house back to their rooms, and James finally felt the tension start to ebb from her body. Taking a deep breath and releasing it, James marveled in the relief of having the day over. She would say goodbye tomorrow, when no one was around. She would head back out to the grave and headstone and whisper her quiet words.

  Glancing to the child that she could now claim, James called Lily over and held onto her tightly. She would be her sole concern for tonight.

  “Want to see something?”

  Lily nodded and James led the way with the small hand wrapped tightly in hers. They made it up to James and Addison’s room.

  “See that thing on the dresser? Want to get it for me?” Lily smiled and did as she was told, bringing it back to the small table in the room that was low and set between two oversized chairs.

  “What is it?”

  “It’s something very special.”

  Both their eyes were looking at the tiny glass dome, and Lily poked at it with her finger. Reaching forward, James took off the glass top to reveal the inside where a tiny mount was welded to the base. Clipped into the thin piece of metal were three strands of hair.

  “That’s a piece of Addy’s hair.” James explained as she ran her finger over it. There were more brown locks curled in the bottom of the dome that were untouched by the one mounted straight into the air.

  “Okay.” Lily mimicked James’ move and brushed her finger over the soft tresses.

  “Can you do something for me?”

  “Uh huh.” Lily moved her hand away before glancing back at James. “Do what?”

  “Can you light it?” Lily bit her lip and focused her eyes on the tiny piece. “Just a little fire.” As James spoke, the hair lit and came to life with a tiny flame flickering. “You did great.” James picked up the glass lid and set it on top. “It’s going to burn for as long as I’m alive.”

  “Really?”

  “Yup.” James ran her finger over the top of the curve. “You can touch it, it’s not hot.”

  The child reached forward tentatively.

  “It’s so that we’ll always remember her.”

  Lily’s excitement dropped and the mood became muted and quiet once again. “I miss Addy.”

  “I know, bumble bee.” James pulled the child into her lap and stroked hands over her back, rocking her lightly. “I know. Me too.” She kissed the blonde hair and fiddled with the ends that really needed to be cut sooner rather than later. “But she’s always going to be with you, okay? Right here.” She set her hand over Lily’s heart. “She’ll always love you.”

  Nodding, the child pressed her own tiny hand over James’ chest.

  “She always love you too, Jamsey.”

  The tears welled up in James’ eyes and she didn’t bother to hold them back. They spilled over her checks to drop off her chin and fall onto her blouse. Pressing her face into the top of the head once again, she let the sorrow wash over her.