Hope’s silence must have been too long, because Rachel jumped back in nervously. “Mom, uh… wanted to know if you were coming this year.”

  “Mom did? Or you did?” Where had that bold confidence come from? Before, Hope probably would have skirted around those questions and asked different ones to get to the root of what she wanted to know. But she was tired and didn’t have time for that. Or maybe she was just over toying with the bullshit that was Rachel these days.

  “We all do.” Rachel’s voice had a patronizing tone that immediately put Hope’s back up.

  “That’s not what I asked, and you know it’s not.” Hope flicked her gaze to Eva to see how much of this she was picking up on. She could step out into the hallway, but that wouldn’t necessarily give her any more privacy than this. But it might prevent Eva from picking up on the specifics of the tension.

  “Mom wants to know.”

  Hope nodded her head to herself, pressing her lips together hard. That was exactly what she’d suspected. Rachel wanted to know, and she was pushing it off on their mom. Because if Mom wanted to know, she would have just asked Hope to begin with, and she probably would. But she knew that Hope was still filming and wasn’t going to ask until they got back to Los Angeles. Hope sighed heavily.

  “I told you that you and I could work on our problems when I was done with filming.” Hope ran her fingers through her short hair and relaxed back into the pillows on the bed, her knees bent at an angle. She kept her gaze on Eva, remembering that her daughter was the main reason that she was considering this. Eva deserved to grow up with her family around and not be isolated from them.

  “You’re not done yet?” Rachel squeaked.

  “No, I’m not.” Hope breathed in deeply, trying to contain her frustration. Had Rachel always been this bad with boundaries? Had Hope just not recognized it before now? “Why are you calling?”

  Hope really had no patience tonight. And she should have recognized that well before she took this call.

  “You said we could talk, so when I didn’t hear from you about scheduling a time, I thought I’d call to make the time.”

  God, her sister was such a… Hope wasn’t even sure she could come up with a word for that right now. But this entire situation was something else entirely. Hope had never imagined that Rachel would become this person. Then again, maybe she’d always been this way and Hope was just now witnessing it.

  “You were a bitch in San Diego, an absolute tool, and you crossed so many lines that I’m not sure we can come back from them.” Hope looked at Eva again, the headphones perfectly on her ears so she wasn’t hearing anything.

  “That’s a bit harsh.”

  “No, I don’t think it is.” Hope wiggled her toes under the blanket. “You chose my husband’s side in everything, as if I was the sole person making mistakes and fucking up. And you know what? It takes two to make a marriage and typically two to break it. He’s not innocent in this.”

  The silence was long and tense. Hope’s heart raced. But this was everything she’d wanted to say to Rachel for a year now.

  “I know that… now.” Rachel muttered the last word as if Hope wouldn’t actually hear it.

  Rolling her eyes, Hope tossed her head back into the pillow and just breathed. This was going to take a lot out of her, and she was so tired of playing games. “Here’s the deal, Rach. I’m not sure we’re going to go back to the way things were before. Right now, I have zero desire to see you or be around you. You treated me like dirt for an entire year. You told me everything was my fault, and for a time, I believed you. I believed everything.”

  “You cheated on him,” Rachel interrupted her.

  Hope groaned and clenched her teeth together. “Is that going to be your response to everything?”

  “You’re going to have to convince me that you didn’t.”

  “Did Rex tell you that I cheated?” Hope held her breath, hoping that she was trusting Rex to have held to the truth of the matter. He might have been mad and made stupid decisions like she did, but he wasn’t ever someone who wouldn’t tell the truth when he knew it.

  “No.”

  That answer solidified Rex in Hope’s mind and heart. He truly was a good person underneath all of his problems, all of the baggage that he brought into their relationship, and all the struggles they’d endured.

  “Rex and I made the decision together to open our marriage, and I know you don’t understand that. It’s not something you’d do, but we did it.”

  “And came to regret it.”

  Hope sighed heavily. “Yes, Rach, I think both of us came to regret it. But your opinion on the matter doesn’t really have any weight. Because it was my marriage, not yours. And Rex and I talked about it before we did it. We were having issues and problems well before then. I just didn’t tell you about them.”

  And why was that? She’d always thought of Rachel as her best friend, but she’d withheld that information from Rachel for years. Hope worried her lower lip, and she looked again at Eva, at her beautiful baby and the best thing to come out of that marriage that had failed so spectacularly.

  That should have been the first tip-off that things weren’t right between her and Rachel, but then again, she was always good at avoiding the truth. Maybe Carol or Evelyn could offer some extra insight into why Rachel was acting this way. Hope settled into the bed.

  “You allowing Rex to stay with you after we separated, letting Eva be there, and then not telling me about it when you knew I was frantic? That’s unforgivable to me, nearly. You’d have to prove that you truly thought I was a danger to her, and I’m not sure how you’ll prove that.” Hope listened for any guilt or admission of Rachel’s failures in her response, but instead she was met with silence.

  “Look,” Hope started, frustration filling her voice “You can either talk with me or not, but if you’re not willing to budge on anything you think, then I really don’t understand the point of this phone conversation.”

  “You’re not budging.”

  “I don’t have to.” Hope snapped her mouth shut. She hadn’t expected herself to say that, but she was certainly sliding into old habits now. “I don’t need you to be a part of my life, Rach. I’m doing perfectly fine without you.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “I am,” Hope reaffirmed. “My life is going really well. Rex and I have found a balance, and we’re working well together and co-parenting well. We’re good, actually, we’re really good.” Hope bit her lip, as she waited to say the next part. She hadn’t been certain she’d wanted to tell Rachel, but why the hell not? She could get whatever reaction Rachel was going to have out of the way and deal with the consequences now rather than later. “And I’m dating again.”

  “You’re what?” Rachel squeaked the accusation.

  “Rex is too, so don’t just think it’s me.”

  “Who are you dating? Are you sure you’re ready?”

  Hope’s stomach churned. “I wasn’t sure in the beginning, no. But sometimes when a certain person walks into your life, you can’t deny the attraction or the love, and you just have to stop holding back from it.”

  “You’re with her, aren’t you?” The sneer was there.

  Hope’s stomach plummeted. “Yes, I am. We haven’t been together very long.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “You don’t have to.” Hope stared at the back of Eva’s head, wishing she could pull Eva over and snuggle with her, anything to make this conversation easier. “I’m in love, Rach.”

  “Like you loved Rex?”

  “No, it’s different. And we’re committed to trying to make this work.”

  “To trying…” Rachel repeated.

  “Not just to trying.” Hope groaned in frustration. She wasn’t doing this well. “We’re going to make it work. We’re just taking it slow and keeping it quiet for right now.”

  “A secret? Just like it was a secret last year? When you were fucking another woman?”

  Chills ran up Hope’s spine. “That was because people wouldn’t understand.”

  “And you think they’re going to understand now?” Rachel’s voice rose.

  “I need you to understand that I’m not going to give her up. I’ve found love again, and I’m going to do everything in my power to honor and cherish the love that I’m receiving in return.” Hope’s voice was strong, and as she said the words, the confidence settled into her chest. She’d meant every single thing she’d said.

  “She’s the other woman, Hope.” Rachel’s voice dropped, and where Hope expected there to be anger, there wasn’t. Instead, she was greeted with a kind of acceptance she hadn’t found before.

  “She never was.”

  “That’s how other people will view it when they find out.”

  “If they find out about before. But we haven’t been together since then until now. This is a fresh start, something without the complications that we put on it before.” Hope pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m in love, Rach, and I’m going to fight for it.”

  “I hope she’s fighting with you.”

  “She is,” Hope answered. “She is fighting with me for us. And if you want to continue to fight with me, then I know where I’m going to put my energy, and it’s not into a relationship with you.”

  “Hope…” Rachel choked on her name. “I don’t want to fight with you. I want… I want us to figure this out. I know what happened in San Diego wasn’t my finest hour. It was one of my worst, actually, and after? I just kept putting myself in Rex’s shoes and letting him play the victim when he wasn’t. But I’ve been there, Hope. I’ve been on the side of the victim in cheating, and it just struck a nerve that I couldn’t shake.”

  “So you hurt me in the process?”

  “I did,” Rachel admitted. “I did hurt you, and I’m so sorry for that. I’ve been an idiot, and it’s taken me this long to admit that and to talk to you, which makes me even more of an idiot.”

  “All right.” Hope steadied herself. “Then, when I get back to LA, we’ll talk. But right now I’m exhausted, and I still have this wrap party to go to, and I just need to get my head on straight so I can have small talk and be done with this season.”

  “Okay,” Rachel whispered. “I love you.”

  “Love you, too,” Hope said with a sigh. “Even when you’re an idiot.”

  Rachel laughed. “Yeah, a huge idiot with an asshole complex.”

  At least they were at this level now. It felt easier, as if the initial tension had finally broken and maybe they could start to talk in ways they hadn’t for the last year. But until that trust was rebuilt, Hope was always going to be on guard.

  “Talk to you soon.” Hanging up, Hope moved her foot to touch Eva’s hip. “Babe, you need to take a shower for the night.”

  Eva frowned. “Do I have to?”

  “Yes, and then I’ll read you a fairytale bedtime story.”

  “Okay!” Eva hopped down from the bed and walked to the bathroom.

  Hope stared at her phone. She was supposed to be down for the wrap party in the next ten minutes, but she couldn’t make herself want to go. Her feet were sore, her body ached, and her brain was so fuzzy with weariness, that the thought of even attempting to get up and go overwhelmed her. She pulled up her texts with Angelica and made a decision.

  Hope: I can’t come to the wrap party tonight.

  Three little dots appeared and then disappeared on the screen. Then again. Was Angelica going to try to talk her into going, or worse yet, force her into it per her contract?

  Angelica: Is everything okay?

  Hope’s heart fluttered a little. A smile lit her lips, and she closed her eyes, just letting the warmth radiate through her. Angelica was so different with her than everyone else. How Hope hadn’t noticed that from the very beginning was beyond her. Then again, she had never been accused of being someone who paid attention to details.

  Hope: Everything’s fine. Just exhausted to the point I’m not sure I can get out of bed. And I’m not sure I can deal with Mark and Alexis drama tonight.

  Angelica: I caught them making out in the office this morning.

  Hope: Are you fucking kidding me?

  She would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that one, just so she could see Angelica’s discomfort and how she handled that situation. Also, she never would have figured that would happen.

  Angelica: Nope. Rex caught it on camera. Not sure if it’ll end up in the final cut.

  Hope: I’m going to ask him for the daily for that one.

  Angelica: Rest up tonight. We have a long day of travel tomorrow.

  Hope sighed, closing her eyes and letting the moment linger. She never would have thought that Angelica would let her out of tonight that easily. But she was glad to have texted her instead of anyone else. She sent Rex a text, letting him know so he wouldn’t worry, and then she flipped through her Kindle to find the perfect story to read to Eva tonight. This was exactly what she needed. Forget worrying about what-ifs that she couldn’t control, the ones that would send her down a spiral of what might happen when the world found out about her and Angelica.

  She could focus on Eva and nothing else.

  This was her home, no matter what.

  Post-Season

  Chapter

  Forty-Three

  The room was stuffy. Angelica crossed her good leg over her bad one and pressed her hands into her lap. She hadn’t brought her iPad today. This wasn’t that kind of conversation. She waited as Logan settled next to her, knowing exactly what they were doing here. This was the formal inquiry, the one where she would face the music of her decisions.

  “Now that we’re all here,” Logan started, looking around the room, “we have some things we need to discuss going forward.”

  Josef was absent.

  Angelica took note of that. But with as much drama as he’d caused lately, she wasn’t surprised that he was being left out of these conversations. He needed a reality check, and she was fairly certain that it was going to come in the form of a firing. He’d be lucky if that’s all it involved.

  “First we’re going to discuss Josef’s conduct on the show.” Logan put a notepad in front of him, a pen to paper. He always seemed to do that when the conversation was more serious. She’d noticed that the first year that they’d worked together to build up plans for the show when it was in preproduction.

  “Angelica, you’re going to have to fill in some of the blanks for us, but I have reports from everyone I interviewed.” Logan looked from her to Rex.

  Angelica’s stomach tightened. She hadn’t had a chance to talk to Rex before now, like she’d wanted to. She hadn’t made the time either, and she probably could have forced the issue. But she’d once again let fear of losing everything get in her way. “Sure, where are we starting?”

  They went through Leanne’s hiring, and her participation in the show itself. That was hard enough, but Angelica filled in the blanks on the tension and why the choice of hiring Leanne instead of someone else put an added strain on her. Rex’s eyes had widened at that, and he’d paled. Logan had simply encouraged Angelica to continue the story.

  As the words loosed, it became easier and easier to share. Still, she hated that she felt so exposed, and she knew that this wasn’t going to be the worst of it. Angelica curled her fingers around each other, keeping her body as still as possible. She didn’t want them to think badly of her, but they needed everything to be out in the open now.

  Rex pulled up his phone and started texting, and Angelica’s stomach tightened. Logan must have caught the move too, because he put his hand out to catch Rex’s attention. “I really need us to be focused on the conversation today and not on technology. I’m going to ask that you put your phone away until the meeting is done.”

  “Sorry, Eva’s sick. She caught whatever Rishal had when we were in Chicago. Hope’s taking her in to the doctor.” Rex frowned and flicked his gaze to Angelica curiously.

  Was he wanting to know what she was feeling? Or was this some move toward solidarity with her? He could just as easily be lying and she’d never know. The more people who had information about her past, the more easily it would get out. The best kept secret was a secret known only to one, and now she’d lost count of the number of people who knew about her and Leanne.

  This could so easily end in disaster for her.

  “Then we can take a break if you need to make a call,” Logan added.

  “Yes, that’d be great. Can we?” Rex looked to Logan, pleading. “I didn’t quite realize how long this meeting was going to last.”

  “Ten minutes.” Logan checked his watch.

  Rex scurried out of the room, and Angelica breathed relief for the first time since she’d entered it. But it was only a fleeting moment. Every decision she had to make lately came down to carefully planning and protecting the future that she wanted. And it was so easy to see how everything would be overturned in an instant.

  “How are you doing?” Logan asked, leaning in to whisper.

  “I’m fine,” Angelica answered. It was the quickest and easiest answer that she could give. She didn’t need him to think that she was panicking. Because she was. “I’m going to run to the bathroom.”

  Standing up, Angelica left the room and found Rex with the phone in his hand as he leaned against the wall.

  “Oh, that’s good. Okay. Sure. I’ll pick her up when I’m done here.” Rex hung up and slid the phone into his pocket, making eye contact with Angelica. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

  Angelica waved off the apology. “I need to talk to you before we go back in there.”