But now, the familiar feeling of a hole in the pit of my stomach being ripped open began to shatter me once again. I didn’t know what to do. Em didn’t know how to get me through this either, not like Caspian did. She was a loyal friend, and I knew I could trust her to watch my back no matter what, but she was not the one to pull me out of a funk. That had always been Caspian’s job, only he was no longer here.

  “I need some air,” I said, as the memories flushed in. I pushed myself out of the chair, my legs sore, and my body tired and weak from not sleeping or taking proper care of myself. I downed the rest of my drink, slamming it harder than intended on the table. When was my last proper meal? When was the last time I’d slept more than an hour?

  I hadn’t even been in my own room for more time than it took to grab clothes and shower. I’d begun sleeping on the couch when I managed to get any rest. I couldn’t even look at my bed without picturing him lying there, a cocky grin on his face, his bare chest—

  I scowled at the memory and stalked to the door.

  “Jayla—”

  The door was closed before Em had a chance to say her next words. I didn’t want to hear them. I didn’t want to listen to one more speech about how we’d find Caspian. How there had to be another way into the Void and I couldn’t give up hope.

  I had heard that speech many times before. Not from Em, but from my own lips. How many times did I tell my mom we’d find a cure to whatever was making her sick? That she wasn’t going to die. That I would find a way to save her. All lies. Promises I couldn’t keep.

  I was done listening to promises. I just needed a release, a distraction. I needed a way out.

  My hand brushed across the door leading to Caspian’s apartment before I stalked down the hallway. I reached the end and took the narrow staircase to the rooftop where two empty chairs filled the large space, soaked from the rain pouring all day. I let the water drip down my face, closing my eyes while my own tears flowed with the raindrops, falling together down my cheeks and off my chin.

  I should have known. Somehow, this all felt like it was my fault, like I should have seen this ending. Everyone I loved was taken away at some point. Even the ones I never knew, like my dad and my grandparents. It was a family curse. Something I was brought up knowing all about, yet I stupidly allowed myself to believe it’d be different this time.

  When I lay in Caspian’s arms, I had been too caught up in the feel of his body against mine. I didn’t stop to realize this would never last. Still, even now, I could feel the warmth of his hands across my back. I could taste his lips, feel his heart beating in unison with mine.

  The flood of memories ripped through me like a bullet, and I couldn’t take it anymore. A burning rage filled my chest. My lungs squeezed tight against my rib cage. I couldn’t breathe.

  When I opened my eyes, they settled on the only thing on this roof besides me, the two chairs. Sitting peacefully together, soaking wet and cold, but together. I took the closest chair, heaved it back, and tossed it off the roof, a broken scream escaping my lips as an anger I hadn’t felt inside of me for a long time exploded.

  I reached for the other chair and before my hands even touched it, I fell to my knees, sobbing. My hands gripped the armrest, and my head dropped between my arms as my chest caved in, and another cry filled my lungs.

  Why? Why were they taken away from me? If I could just make this pain go away, not care anymore about the hurt and the loss, then maybe I stood a chance of living.

  Only one person who could do that. One person who could help me escape the pain and make me forget it all. The Wraith was the darkest part of me. Maybe it was the true me, broken and alone.

  The physical pain from a few days ago had silenced my broken heart, even just for a brief moment, and I needed that again. Anything was better than this; anything was better than the broken pieces inside of me.

  I stood on shaky legs, moving to the edge of the building. We were thirty stories up, the lights of Cytos dampened by the heavy rain. The streets were a misty blur against the water pouring down.

  I leaned forward, peering over the edge. It was a steep drop, and the fall would last long enough for me to think about why I’d done it, why I’d jumped. I didn’t want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop.

  “If you’re going to jump, does that mean I get the apartment?” Em’s voice lacked the cruel humor she usually had. An air of concern and worry coated her tone.

  I didn’t turn around. “Seems only fair to leave you with a place to stay at least.”

  “What about Caspian? What will he get?” Em’s voice was soft and calm as she moved closer to me, but still my eyes were fixed on the fall.

  “He’ll get me. We’ll get each other,” I whispered. My voice broke as I said, “It’s what he’s always wanted, and what I always needed. I was just too blind to see it until it was too late. Maybe in the afterlife, I can get it right. Maybe then I can make up for lost time.”

  “There may come a time when you will have to choose if you can live without him, but now is not that time.” Em was beside me, her hand gently wrapped around my arm, but she didn’t pull me back. She just held tight. “I know there’s an empty space in your heart, one that’s been there since you lost your mom, but I have seen him fill that void for you, and he will do it again. You two are tied together in a way even I could never understand. If you give up on Caspian now, you’ll break the only thread he has left to hold onto. So, if you won’t do it for yourself, do it for him. Live for him, so he has something to come back to.”

  “What if he never comes back?” I choked.

  “He will.”

  I finally turned my gaze to Em, and I saw the rim of tears around her eyes as she watched her best friend, her leader, broken and shattered and angry. I was so angry, but she knew it wasn’t just about Caspian: it was the feelings losing him brought back up.

  I missed her. I missed my mom so much, and I didn’t think I ever truly dealt with that loss. I just buried it deep inside of me and focused on anything but the pain. But now, when Caspian needed me to be strong, to be his rock, I was sinking like a stone.

  I shook my head and took a step back. Em’s hand never left my arm as she pulled me in and held me tight.

  “I miss him. And I miss her. And I don’t remember if I told either of them how much I loved them because I did. I do!” The words came spilling out of me like an open floodgate. “I think she would be so disappointed to see me now, to see what I’ve become.”

  “No,” Em whispered in my ear. “She would be so proud of you. You are stronger than anyone I know, and you care so deeply about the people you call family. But you’re human, and sometimes we break into a million pieces, but we pick ourselves back up and we keep moving. That is what you do, what I’ve seen you do. Your mother and Caspian would both want nothing more from you than to keep moving.”

  I nodded, my chin brushing against Em’s shoulder, and she squeezed me tighter.

  “You know me, Jayla, and you know I would never give you false hope or promise something I didn’t think I could deliver on, so in this, you must trust that I will do everything I can to bring Caspian back to you.”

  I leaned back, trying a smile, but it was more of a grimace. “Thank you.”

  Em squeezed my shoulder. She pulled me back towards the door, both of us soaked to the bone, but the rain was slowly letting up.

  “Don’t give up, no matter what we face, never give up,” Em said. She tilted her head towards me, waiting for my response, as her hand rested on the door handle.

  “I won’t,” I promised.

  And as we left the rooftop, I took one last look over my shoulder to the edge of the building. There stood the Wraith. She was smiling her usual cocky grin, a knowing look on her face, as I continued moving farther away from her and closer to the promise I’d just made. I think there was a moment of hesitation, from me or her, I couldn’t say, but with a wink and a little wave goodbye, the Wraith disappeared over the edge of the building.

  She was gone. That part of me was finally gone.

  CASPIAN

  Nights were the worst. Not because of the small space in the Camps. Not because of the hollow screams and echoed cries we heard nonstop from above. Because it gave me time to think, to remember what I had left behind, and to realize how unlikely it was I’d ever see her again.

  During the daytime, things were easy. Running through the forest, looking for some way out, some way home. That was a mission I was fully invested in, yet all I had to do was give them a name, and I’d have just that. I’d tried looking for the others the first week: Sienna, Theo and Vic. But after seeing the brutality of this place, I knew Vic wouldn’t have survived the slaughter. The others might have, and I kept an eye out for them, but it was unlikely Vic was still alive having entered this place nearly three weeks prior to my arrival.

  Unlike the others here, I knew what the outside was like. They had no one waiting for them back home, no one needing them to return. So when they died, when they failed, I stopped to mourn for them, because there was no way to save them all. I had shut off the part of me that felt sympathy and opened the part of me that moved. Moved towards a purpose, towards a life I had to get back to.

  I’d saved a few kids, stuck my life on the line so they’d have a fighting chance more than once, but there were thousands of kids in this place. The only way I could save them all was to get out of here and bring back the cavalry. So I focused on surviving and pressed down the guilt.

  It could be over so quickly for me, but I wouldn’t do it. I could give them another name, I could sell out anyone else, but the fear it would lead back to Jayla kept my mouth clamped shut.

  Dr. Merinda had been clear on her bargain. I would live in this forest until I either died or gave them the names of the others who had snuck into their base with me. I wasn’t told to find any artifacts: I wouldn’t be rewarded even if I did. I was given a tracker that I assumed had the same venom as the others, but mine wasn’t a ticking time bomb like theirs—yet. My only directive was a location, a small camp hidden just north of Camp twenty-seven that was locked to everyone else, where I was ordered to go to once a week, to see if I was ready to give up the names. The rest of my time out here was spent surviving. Without the rewards for artifacts, I had to fend for myself when it came to food and weapons or supplies.

  They thought I would have given in a lot sooner. They must have believed a week in this hellhole would be enough to scare me into giving up just about anyone. But they didn’t know me very well because this was now my fourth trip back to the location they gave me to meet them, and it would be the fourth time I gave them nothing.

  The forest was empty where I ran. A few Reeks had caught my scent earlier, but I got rid of them quickly. One thing being a Watcher had proved useful was the skills it gave me to survive something like this. The jacket they provided held an automatic gun in one arm and a long knife in the other, but my training as a Watcher gave me the detection skills to know the Reeks were coming. That was how most people died, especially those who had just arrived. The Reeks were terrifying, but they were also dead quiet. You had to really pay attention if you wanted to avoid them, which was why I was still alive while I’d seen many die before my eyes.

  Up ahead, a tall pine tree stood alone in a small clearing, a group of shrubs at the base of its trunk. I pushed aside the thorn bushes biting at my skin before reaching for the steel door hidden underneath. It was unlocked only on the day they had told me to return. I found that out the hard way one night when I’d sought this location for refuge and ended up spending the night in the forest.

  Inside it was dark, but when I jumped down and closed the door, the lights flickered on, and the small, circular scanner lit up. I placed my arm through the ring, and it turned green before a linked version of Dr. Merinda appeared.

  “Caspian, it’s wonderful to see you in one piece once again.” Dr. Merinda gave me a cheerful smile. I leaned back against the steel walls of the small bunker and crossed my arms.

  “I’m sure you’re just thrilled I’m still alive.” I narrowed my eyes, fighting back the fury and anger inside of me.

  Merinda sighed. “Considering you have information we would like, I’d say thrilled is an accurate word to use with how I feel right now.”

  “You’re wasting your time.” I shrugged. “How many more ways do you need to hear me say no?”

  A slight smirk filled Merinda’s face, and it was only in that moment I felt any twinge of uncertainty. “We did a little digging, Caspian, and we were able to find some information about you that has proved rather useful.”

  I tried not to let any panic show. What could she possibly know about me? The Watchers’ records were wiped clean from any database. We were ghosts, invisible.

  “Don’t you want to know what we found out?” Merinda crooned.

  I shrugged again. “If it’s about me, then I assume I already know anything you have to tell me.”

  Dr. Merinda huffed a laugh and tilted her head to the side, surveying me for any signs of weakness, but I kept my face blank. She acted like a Carbon, and at first glance I thought she was one, but I noted a cut on her hand the last time I’d been here, they way it hadn’t healed quickly like a Carbon would—she was human, as was Dr. Allard. “Your people have done a good job erasing you from any files we could find. You’re nearly untraceable, even better than one of the kids from the DEZ. But there was one little video we were able to find.”

  The image flickered, and Dr. Merinda was replaced by a 3D linked video of myself. And beside me was Leanna Wallace.

  “What do you care about some kid from the DEZ, anyway?” Leanna asked. She was sitting so close to me she was practically in my lap. Her hand rested on my leg and my own traced little lines up her arm. This was from the celebration at Governor Wallace’s place, the one we had snuck our way into and distracted the Governor and his daughter while Em used his son, Logan, for information. Only I’d quickly realized Leanna was the one with information. As I watched the scene play out before me, my heart dropped. Because I knew who would be coming into the picture only a few minutes later.

  “I’m just curious. I’d never seen one in person.” I shrugged, lying while I pulled for some sort of information from Leanna.

  “That’s because there aren’t many in Cytos, or they do a good job of hiding themselves. But the one you saw wasn’t as pretty as me, was she?” Leanna shifted herself impossibly closer.

  I shrugged, giving her a little smirk. “She had dark, curly hair, yours is golden blonde. And her eyes were silver, where I much prefer your aqua blue.”

  I held my breath, replaying the entire moment in my mind. But then the image disappeared, and Dr. Merinda’s Linked hologram image was standing before me once again.

  “Unfortunately, your people neglected to erase that little scene, pulled from a camera bot stationed across the room before it was disabled,” Merinda said. I wondered at what point she would tell me they knew of Jayla because only seconds later she arrived, and there was no way they hadn’t caught onto her as well.

  “Who was the curly, brown-haired girl you were asking about?” Merinda asked.

  I blinked. What? That was whom she was asking about?

  “No one. Some kid from the DEZ,” I stumbled.

  “Victoria. That was her name, right?” Merinda asked.

  I swallowed back the dryness in my throat as I nodded.

  “She was such a sweet girl. A kind heart during her graduation test I’m told. Her instructor went far too easy on her considering what she would eventually face. She wasn’t prepared for this forest. She didn’t know how to survive…” My eyes widened and I didn’t know if I wanted to hear anymore. I already assumed Vic was dead. “And yet…”

  I sucked in a breath, waiting.

  “She’s still alive, if you care to know.” Merinda shrugged.

  I did my best not to show any emotion, not to demand where she was, and how I could find her. I would reveal too much of myself, too much to them. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because, Caspian, we want you to know we’re not the enemy. And if you just tell us how you got here and who helped you, then we can let you go. We only want to ensure it doesn’t happen again.”

  I knew it wasn’t that simple. They would never let me walk out of here. “Why?” I asked. “Why does it bother you so much that I got in?”

  Merinda’s glare turned ice cold. “Because in the decades we’ve been here, in the time The Six has watched over the Void, not one person has entered unauthorized. Infiltrators were always found and taken care of swiftly, well before they got as far as you and your friends did. But you… you somehow got to our Base, inside our walls. That is a breach we must ensure never happens again.”

  I chuckled. “If we got in that easy, there is sure to be more. People are asking questions, Merinda. And when they don’t get answers, they’ll come banging down your doors to get them.”

  “You’d better hope that doesn’t happen,” Merinda said, her jaw tight.

  I rocked myself off the wall and moved closer to the linked version of Merinda. “And why is that?”

  “Because what the people outside of here don’t understand, what you all don’t understand, is that our presence and our intervention is the only reason you all are still alive. If they come banging on our doors and try to stop what we’ve worked so hard for, you will all suffer the consequences.” Merinda straightened her white jacket and released a short breath. “You may think we are cruel sending kids into the forest, but trust me we’ve tried far worse things to find a way to stop this. And we will try many more until we have a solution. If we didn’t do anything, if we hadn’t saved all your sorry lives more times than you know, those things would come looking for someone else to hunt, and there’d be nothing to stop them—not even that wall keeping them inside. The Marked kids have killed many Reeks, but there are more hidden in the forest, too many for our numbers to contain… so we will send more. Judge me all you want, but I’m in the business of sacrificing for the greater good. And whether you want to believe it or not, that includes you and the people you’re hiding from us.”