"That went well," I told the crew as I slapped my hands together.

  "Yeah, better than expected," said Aunty, trying to stop the trousers from making her bounce about like a demented puppy after it stole a bag of Haribo.

  "But we do need to stop hanging around chatting so much in dangerous situations," said Mimi.

  I turned to her. "You're right. We really need to be more careful. I mean…" I trailed off as the shouts of the rest of the men reached my ears. "No rest for the wicked," I told them. Then screamed, "Charge," and we all ran, rolled, bounced, or loped across the bloody lovely lawn and into the vampire nest.

  As I ran, and bullets whizzed by, men shouted, and vampires hurtled towards us, I pocketed my shades, let my anger rise, and with it the Essence. Magic flowed, my bones ached, my skin grew hot, and I let rip with all I had, no holds barred. Several vampires landed on me from above, sneaky buggers, but they regretted it the moment they did. As they grabbed me and their flesh melted, their cold blood boiled, and bones turned to ash, so I stared them in the eyes until their heads popped. Splattered, but alive and only bruised, I hopped to my feet and checked on the others. Boris was rolling about and having a great time smashing vampire legs, the cats were in flesh heaven as they dashed from Boris to Mimi to Aunty and took great chunks out of anything they could, Aunty was leaping up and down on vampires like a pro wrestler, and Hanna was soaring gracefully above with wings outstretched, silver sword gleaming even on a cloudy day as she swooped past and lopped off heads.

  It was over almost as soon as it began and we found ourselves at the door where the two guards stood their ground.

  "Hanna, care to do the honors?" I asked her as she alighted.

  "You're too kind to me," she said, offering a sweet smile before she chopped off their heads even as they fired at her point blank.

  Hanna dropped down dead and with a puff of otherworldliness, reappeared. She fumbled with the backpack on the body, got fresh clothes, and quickly dressed.

  I pushed at the door and then we filed into a bloody huge entrance hall. The marble floor gleamed, the ancient wooden handrail curved up gracefully, dark and rich against the red runner with brass bars. A chandelier sparkled high above, casting a mellow light on us. All was silent. All was still. Apart from Boris, who had found not a pie but a sausage roll from somewhere.

  "This dude is well rich," I whistled.

  "Of course he is. He deals in the souls of the innocent. Disgusting." Aunty spat on the floor.

  "Yes, right you are. Okay then, let's get this sorted and then have a nice lie down. Everyone, pick the brains out of your hair, apart from you Boris," I told the big guy as he reached for his bald head, "you don't have any hair."

  "Boris want hair."

  "I know you do, dude. Mine is so luscious, isn't it?" I ran a hand through it until my fingers got stuck in bits of bone.

  "Boris like Freaky hair."

  I winked at him then led the way through the house.

  We checked the rooms as we went. They were well-appointed with antiques and memorabilia going back centuries. It was obvious the owner had not only taste but many years under his belt too. There was no sign of anyone, and certainly no sign of any vials. Stood to reason though. We were near the top of the list now. They wouldn't just have it all laid out on the table.

  "Look, there it is all laid out on the table," said Mimi as we walked into a huge dining room with an equally huge table and twenty chairs around the polished mahogany that was piled high with box upon box of vials. Lids were open on some, sealed up on others.

  "Damn, guess that proves me a liar," I muttered.

  "What was that?" asked Mimi.

  "Nothing. Just surprised. Thought it would be all super secretive and hidden away or something."

  "Why bother? It's not like anyone with any sense would try to attack a place like this," said Mimi.

  "True, very true," I agreed. "Okay, what now?" I asked the team.

  "Now," said Aunty with a vicious grin, "we smash it." Before anyone could object, or be excused to use the toilet, she grabbed a hammer, which she must have brought with her for such an occasion, and methodically smashed the entire haul of Vamp2. It was worth an absolute fortune. The owner would be seriously pissed about losing it, but they probably weren't very happy already so it made no difference.

  "That's made a big difference to what I'm going to do to you," came a voice above the din Aunty was making.

  "Bloody hell, why is the world disagreeing with me today?" I asked nobody.

  We studied the dude at the doorway. He was large and well-muscled, obvious even through the expensive suit he looked very dashing in. He had straight, very long dark hair and the complexion of someone who got a lot of sun. Knowing that wasn't the case, I could only assume he was either native American or from somewhere like Bolivia, although I had no reason at all to pick Bolivia. Could have been Peru.

  He smiled at our stares and exposed a seriously impressive set of fangs. This guy had been around a long, long time, and it was clear he was the owner of this place and the one who supplied the Vamp2 to the middlemen.

  "And what exactly do you think you're going to do to us?" I sneered. "You're the one at a disadvantage here, mate. Your men are dead, your drugs destroyed, and I might even use your toilet without asking in a minute or two."

  "Boris need pee too."

  "Then you shall have that pee, Boris," I told him.

  "Nobody uses my bathrooms but me," said the man.

  "Do vampires use the bathroom?" asked Hanna.

  "Course they do," I told her. "Um, you do, right? No, don't answer that. Of course you do as you eat and drink and whatnot. Even if you are kind of dead but not dead, you have bodily functions. Now, where were we? Oh yes, we were going to do nasty things to you so you tell us who the big boss is."

  "Oh, haha, this is so much fun," he laughed, eyes sparkling. "You have no idea what you are dealing with. None at all."

  "Then let's find out, shall we?" I told him.

  We found out all right.

  Keeping the Gang Alive

  This vampire had the edge on us in one very important way. He knew we wanted to keep him alive, but he didn't feel the same about us. He wasted no time. There was no preamble, no more chitchat, no warning at all. He simply launched at the nearest person, who just happened to be Mimi.

  It happened so fast it was little but a blur, but as he sprang, so did the two panthers. They brought him down mid-air like plucking a bird from the sky, and all three fell in a heap. One of the cats wailed as he snapped at her; Mimi went ballistic.

  She tore at the prone figure biting on the leg of her beloved companion, grabbed his hair and yanked his head back while trying to claw his eyes out. Quick as you like, he was up and flung Mimi against the table and the smashed vials. She slid across and off the other end as the clatter of broken glass masked her cry.

  Boris swung out with a meaty forearm and caught our foe a hefty blow across his temple. He was smashed against the wall where Boris punched out at his head with what looked like every intention of pulverizing him into the plaster. But the guy ducked and Boris grunted as his fist smashed into the wall and exposed brick behind the plaster.

  Feeling left out, and wanting to ensure we kept him alive, I dived for him and grabbed an arm before he hurt anyone else. Immediately, I felt the heat transfer and I gripped tight as he tried to shake me off as his forearm boiled and capillaries burst. His arm throbbed with the pulsing blood, and he groaned as he forced himself to deal with the pain and the degradation of his body. He was powerful, very powerful, and no sooner was the damage caused than his body recovered. It was a battle of power, me constantly boiling his blood and melting his flesh, his suit burnt away to nothing, him regenerating and recovering at an astonishing rate.

  I was so tempted to shake off my shades and let him have it, but that wouldn't give us the intel we needed if we were to do this thing. Luckily, Aunty came to the rescue and sliced and stabbed at him in as many places as she could, missing several times and giving me a world of hurt as her wicked blade slashed my flesh but didn't cut deep as my body is not a normal body, my flesh abnormal, my bones hard as iron. Still bloody hurt though.

  "Ow," I shouted for the fifth time as Aunty got ridiculously stabby.

  "Sorry," she shouted, going faster.

  The blood-sucker was in a bad state, countless puncture wounds, arm repeatedly burning and melting, but he was stoic, never screamed, merely grunted, and refused to give in. My grip was like a vice, but then he head-butted me and I lost some of my strength, giving him the chance to yank his arm free, leaving me with a handful of soggy, bubbling flesh. Aunty leapt at him, but he snarled and punched her right in the face, which wasn't nice at all.

  Aunty yelped and fell hard, but the trousers sent her right back up and flying horizontal at the guy with the blade pointed right at his face. He ducked, Aunty sailed over his head, and came crashing down on a nice side table that held what was undoubtedly a very expensive vase, now little more than shards.

  This was getting us nowhere. What should we do? We had to incapacitate him, but he was so bloody powerful I couldn't decide what would work short of removing his limbs.

  "Remove his limbs," I shouted.

  Hanna nodded and with blinding fury she let her nubs sprout into wings, removed her sword, and slashed at his arms, cutting them off neatly at the shoulder. She hacked at a thigh below the knee and soon he was stumps and little else, stuck under the table where he rolled to get away from Hanna.

  "Good job," I told her, then we high-fived.

  "Thanks," she said as her wings retracted and she put the sword behind her nubs and it vanished.

  Panting heavily, we all bent down and then lay on the floor to get a good look at the vampire we'd just defeated.

  "Um, where'd he go?" I asked.

  "Behind you," he replied.

  I banged my head on the table as I tried to get up quickly, then was yanked out from under and hurled like a doll against the wall. Not nice.

  I scrambled across the floor as the others scuttled out from under the table and we grouped together as far from the vampire as we could get.

  "He looks funny," giggled Hanna.

  "He does a bit," I agreed, rubbing my sore head. His limbs had regrown but they were slightly too small still and very pink. You could see them growing as you watched, and the skin began to harden and darken. It wasn't long before he was back to normal, albeit with little suit left.

  I made a dash for the door where I'd left the bow and arrow and quickly notched the bent one. He stared at it then chuckled.

  "Let's see who's laughing soon," I told him as I pulled back hard on the bow string then let rip, not caring where I aimed.

  The arrow flew hard towards the ceiling, then turned and bent almost in half as it did so and hurtled towards the laughing vampire. He was away in a moment on the other side of the room but the arrow continued, bending and weaving, unstoppable. He continued to dart away, but then Aunty stuck her foot out and tripped him. As he stumbled, the arrow sped up then finally hit home, embedding in his thigh.

  He glanced down, grinned wickedly, then yanked it free and threw it to the ground in front of me. I picked it up, wiped it on the rug, then replaced it in the quiver.

  "Pathetic," he spat. "I'm already healed."

  "Wait for it," I told the others. "Here it comes."

  "Was that the you-know-what?" asked Aunty.

  "Sure was."

  "What? What was it?" asked Hanna.

  "It's the one with the old Vamp2 on it. And I gave it a little rub in the mess on the table too for good luck," I told both them and him.

  "You did what?" he shouted. "You… I…"

  He was already high as a kite. We watched the drug take over, the eyes rolling back, the tongue lolling, the moans of ecstasy as the narcotic took hold.

  "No, I don't want this. I never use…" He slumped to the floor and sat there, rocking back and forth as he moaned with delight while the high took him over and he was lost to the world, to himself, to us.

  "Let's get this guy trussed up good and then we can ask him a few questions," I told the team.

  We got to work immediately, ensuring there was no way he could ever get free.

  Memories

  It wasn't long before we had the posh vampire dude all nice and secure. Darkness had descended, so we switched on all the fancy lamps then stood around watching the vampire go through the throes of ecstasy and sorrow. Until we got bored, unnerved, and grossed out in equal measure and huddled together for comfort on the other side of the room.

  "Um, Hanna," I said slowly, "I want to ask you again, when exactly did you come to live with me. With us?" I frowned, trying to recall, but for the life of me I genuinely had no idea when she came into my world. She was just there, like she's always been. I turned to Boris. "And you, big guy, when did you rock up? I kinda remember, but it's a little fuzzy if I think on it too hard."

  Everyone stared at me with concern, like I'd said something weird.

  "You don't remember?" asked Aunty with her special sympathy voice.

  "No," I said cautiously, knowing this was not going in the direction I'd expected, sure there was something very wrong here. "Hanna said it was some kind of angel thing, but she's up to something, holding back, I know she is."

  "Spencer, surely you get it by now?" she asked.

  "Get it? Get what?"

  Aunty put a hand on my shoulder and said, "We aren't really here. We're figments of your imagination, to help you do what needs to be done. Like Fight Club. Sorry, spoiler alert."

  "You what!? Shut up. Um, you aren't, are you?"

  "Come on. A giant fairy, an angel of sorts, and a mostly naked one, the mother figure, that's me, and the cool one with two supernatural panthers. We're your subconscious helping you to defeat the bad guys and stay alive."

  "Shut up," I said again, now unsure of anything.

  Then I saw the gleam in her eye. "Haha, gotcha."

  "No you did not," I protested. "Ugh, haha, good one. Not that I believed you, of course."

  The others laughed, or did they? Was I laughing at myself. Damn, now she had me utterly freaked out.

  "Just letting off some steam, but," mused Aunty, "now that I come to think about it, when did Hanna first appear? And Boris."

  "How can you guys not remember?" asked Mimi. "You're joking, right?"

  Aunty and I shook our heads, then we all turned to Hanna and Boris who had remained suspiciously silent. Even by Boris' standards.

  "Well, guys?" I asked.

  "Now not time," said Boris.

  "Exactly," said Hanna with a sweet smile. "I told you, it's just, ah, fairy stuff. Angel stuff. Whatever. This isn't the time, and there's nothing to tell."

  "I think it is. He isn't going anywhere, not for a while." I nodded in the direction of the zonked vampire, drool dribbling down his chin, head lolling to the side. "You're being evasive about this. Why?"

  "Spencer, you don't want to know, alright?" said Hanna softly, so unlike her I almost agreed.

  "I do. It's been bugging me, so spill the beans. How did we meet? How come we don't remember? Do you?" I asked Aunty.

  "No. Nothing. It's weird, I've never thought about it before."

  "You were on a beach," whispered Hanna, a tear coming to her eye.

  "On a beach? Huh?" This made no sense.

  "Both on beach. No clothes. Wet. Huddled. Sad. All alone. So sad."

  Hanna nodded. "We found you. We saved you both. And we, um, we made you forget. That's all I'm going to say. We are done here."

  "What are you talking about?" asked Aunty. "We weren't on any beach naked and sad. Were we?" she asked me.

  "Not that I remember. And we most definitely wouldn't have been naked."

  "You were and you were. Look, okay, guys, you asked for it so I guess now's the time to tell you. But remember, I warned you. You both tried to kill yourselves. Boris and I, we hooked up a while back, a long while back, if you get my meaning?" I didn't but I kept quiet. "We were out and about, doing our thing, and we found you both on the beach. Some kind of miracle if you ask me. That's how you two met. You had both gone into the water on either end of the beach, never knew the other was doing the same thing, and you both tried to drown yourselves."

  "That's not how I met Aunty. I remember that. I remember meeting her, offering for her to come stay with me. Ensure she was never alone. That I wasn't either." The memory was clear as day.

  "Me too, I remember us meeting too," said Aunty, looking as freaked as I assumed I was.

  "We made that bit so you could feel the bond you have, although you probably would have had it anyway. You've always been close. But no, we made that memory. Boris and I. You had both swum out, thought it was the end, but Odd Ones don't just drown so easy, as you both found out. You'd been out there for hours and hours. Eventually, the tide must have brought you back in, and there we found you, cold, shivering, naked, huddled together on the beach. Neither of you spoke for days, neither of you could think or eat or anything and—"

  "Boris took Spencer and Aunty to toilet. Shower too."

  "Yes, thank you, Boris," said Hanna. As she spoke to him I saw the connection between the two of them I'd never noticed before. Just how long had these two known each other?

  "We found you, we found your clothes, and we found where you both lived. Aunty's place was a dump, full of stupid cackling wannabe hippy witches. Spencer, your place was kinda gross, especially the kitchen, but it felt like home. We moved in to look after you guys and I guess we never left."

  I was dumbfounded, Aunty was crying.

  "You saved us," she said, then launched at them both and hugged them. Or in Boris' case she got an arm part way around the fella's three-hundred and fifty pound frame.