Frenemies, p.2
Frenemies,
p.2
“Vimka-voola-Snowball-degdeg!” (Which meant “Stop Snowball . . . before this situation, um, snowballs!”)
“Here, Snowball. Here, little Snowball,” Mrs. Worthy called as she and Milton ran up and down the halls in search of the ridiculously giant hamster.
No response.
“Maybe you want to try ‘Here, Snowball. Here, big Snowball,’” Milton suggested.
Mrs. Worthy tried that.
No response.
“Let me try, Mom,” Milton offered. “After all, you’re a stranger to Snowball. She knows me. I spent time with her yesterday, and as they always say, a hamster never forgets.”
Mrs. Worthy corrected her son, telling him that people say that it’s an elephant that never forgets. Milton said, “Oh yeah, I forgot. I guess I’m not an elephant.” Then she told him he could certainly try calling Snowball, so he yelled, “Yo, Snowball . . .”
Still no response.
Mrs. Worthy put on her official S.O.S. fur-tracking eyeglasses. The glasses had built-in fur-sensing radar and came in seven fashionable styles. She and Milton started their search with the classrooms. They darted in and out of every single one. No Snowball. Next, they moved to the art room. No Snowball. Then the library and the gym—but Snowball wasn’t in any of those places either.
The mother and son kept searching.
“She has to be here somewhere,” Mrs. Worthy said. “After all, a gigantic hamster can’t just disappear into thin air. Right, Milton? Am I right?”
Milton nodded. But truthfully, at that moment, he wasn’t actually listening to what his mother was saying. Instead, he was busy going through his official Happy Natures backpack.
“There must be something in here that’ll help us,” Milton said.
He rummaged through the nature-themed items and pulled out . . . a pair of palm-sized, itty-bitty binoculars.
“Aha! Just perfect!” he yelled. He showed them to his mother. Then he put the binoculars up to his eyes.
“With these, I’ll be able to find Snowball in no time!” he said.
Mrs. Worthy smiled. “Milty, dear, those mini-binoculars are very cute. But they’re for looking at leaves and studying bugs or blades of grass. I don’t think they’ll work better than my official S.O.S. fur-tracking eyeglasses that see great distances and through walls . . .”
“Aha! What did I tell you? There. She. Is!” Milton exclaimed.
Mrs. Worthy couldn’t believe it. But Milton wasn’t kidding. Using the mini, not-that-powerful binoculars, he’d spotted Snowball scurrying into the music room. They followed her inside, slammed the door, and cornered the giant hamster right between two cellos!
Snowball knew instantly she was trapped. But she wasn’t too upset about that. Frankly, she was a little tired of running. Really she had been more hangry (that’s being so hungry that you’re angry) than interested in taking over the world.
“What now, Mom? What do we do now?” Milton wanted to know.
Snowball started jabbering. Unfortunately, Mrs. Worthy’s decoder wedding ring didn’t have a hamster-speak setting. So she didn’t know that Snowball was saying that the grow light helped her grow a little bit. But in truth, it was Ms. Kim’s homemade bubbly energy drink that really filled her up.
Mrs. Worthy didn’t understand a word. So she thought for a moment. And as she thought, well, the strangest thing happened.
Snowball let out a little gas.
(The fact is that a hamster can’t burp—due to having a stomach that’s split in two. So it’s no secret where that gas came from. And while hamster farts are usually quiet and odorless, this was not a usual situation. The energy drink caused Snowball’s gas to be both noisy and smelly.)
“Ugh! That has to be the all-time worst smell ever!” Milton yelled, holding his nose as his eyes began to water.
Mrs. Worthy agreed. She closed her eyes and held her nose at the same time.
Snowball let out another gust of wind. Then another.
The smell in the room was unbearable. And it was getting worse and worse with each hamster stink.
“Pee-you-a-dink-a-roo!” Milton yelled.
But it wasn’t all bad news. Because when Milton and Mrs. Worthy finally took a breath and looked around, they noticed that . . .
. . . Snowball had gotten smaller!
“See, Mom! When Snowball releases gas, she shrinks!” Milton said.
“You’re absolutely right, Milton,” Mrs. Worthy said, in full agreement. “I wish Snowball could burp it all out. But being a hamster, she can’t. So it’s clear what we have to get Snowball to do.”
Now, as a superhero, Mrs. Worthy had been in a lot of unusually challenging situations. But nothing came close to having to encourage a giant hamster (or anyone, for that matter) to pass gas.
“What are you going to do, Mom?” Milton asked.
“I have no idea,” Mrs. Worthy admitted.
She knew that she should reach out to Chief Chiefman. But she also knew he’d probably laugh so hard that it would shake her transmitter helmet off her head.
Mrs. Worthy wanted to protect her son from the smelly smell, so she told him to leave the room. Normally, he would have argued and tried to stick around. But given how bad the room stunk, he followed her orders . . .
He watched through the window in the music room door as his mother tried to think of a way to get Snowball to pass gas.
First, Mrs. Worthy tried blowing a few notes on the tuba. She thought that maybe Snowball would want to copy the sound. Snowball didn’t.
Mrs. Worthy tried making noises with her armpits. No good. She got so desperate that she even thought about passing a little gas herself. Perhaps Snowball would take the hint.
But superheroes can’t do that on command.
Mrs. Worthy was all out of fresh ideas. And almost out of fresh air. It was hard for her to think and hard for her to breathe. That’s why it was good that in the hallway, Milton came up with a really, really, really good thought.
He left the music room door and quickly ran down the hall. In a flash, he came back carrying . . .
Noah!
Milton brought the ferret—still in his cage, of course—into the music room. Mrs. Worthy smiled at Milton for having done that. After all, she knew that Noah would do anything to stop Snowball. Surely he’d have a plan to get the hamster back to normal size.
In ferret-speak, Mrs. Worthy told Noah what was happening. She told him they needed Snowball to pass gas. Noah giggled. A lot. It was actually kind of cute, in a laughing-evil-ferret kind of way.
In ferret-speak, Noah told Mrs. Worthy that step one was to turn on the electric fan to help clear the air. She did that.
Then Noah leapt into action. From his cage, he spoke to Snowball in hamster-speak. Then he translated Snowball’s response into ferret-speak so Mrs. Worthy could understand.
Noah informed Mrs. Worthy that Snowball understood what she had to do. But she could only release gas when she felt the need. She couldn’t do it on command. Noah then said he had an idea that would surely work. Mrs. Worthy told him to do his best. So . . .
. . . Noah looked into Snowball’s eyes . . .
. . . and he blew her . . .
. . . a kiss!
Milton and his mother didn’t know why it worked. They didn’t know how it worked. But right after Noah blew the kiss, they all heard . . .
Fzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzrrfffff!!!
The smell was unbelievable (though the fan did help).
And even more unbelievable was that when the sound stopped, Snowball had returned to her original adorable, cuddly size!
Milton had saved the day so Noah could save the day!
Milton picked up Noah’s cage and walked him back to his classroom. It was good to be outside the music room, breathing the fresh, delightful hallway air.
The whole way back to Room 311B, Noah begged Milton to release him from the cage. He had helped save the world, after all. However, Milton didn’t understand a word of ferret-speak, so Noah’s urgent requests didn’t matter.
Meanwhile, Mrs. Worthy gently carried Snowball back to Room 312C. She quickly placed her inside and reattached the cage’s lid. She gave Snowball some clean water and a few num-nums (only a few!) for the weekend. And just to be sure, she moved the grow light far from Snowball’s cage. Then she waved goodbye and rejoined Milton in the hallway between Room 312C and Room 311B.
With all back to normal (well, as normal as it ever gets at Beacher Elementary), Milton and his mom left the school. Mrs. Worthy made sure to lock the gym door. Then they went back to their SUV to get to the field to catch the end of the Happy Natures event.
The next night, Sunday, Milton was in his room, getting his backpack ready for the school week. And, thinking of Mrs. Baltman’s awesome rhyming signs, he decided to make one of his own for the classroom. He created a sign that would rhymingly tell the whole school just what had happened . . .
Snowball the hamster got enormous this weekend.
My mom the superhero and I jumped in to prevent a bleak end.
Milton laughed, then decided that his verse wouldn’t be worth ten dollars in the rhyme store. Besides, maybe it would be better if no one ever found out all that had gone on.
Meanwhile, at just that moment, inside Beacher Elementary School, Noah was busy making up his own rhyme. Based on one he had seen on the wall in 311B, it was all about his quest for world domination . . .
The hamster escaped, but now all is fine.
And soon the world will be mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. MINE!
The end. (For now.)
Super Awesome Games
Think
In the story, Milton thinks Mrs. Baltman’s rhymes are the best. Can you write a rhyming poem about something that happened to you recently?
Feel
In the story, Milton and his mom have to rush to the school to stop Snowball before it’s too late. Was there ever a time that you had to rush to get somewhere important? Write about what happened and how you felt after.
Act
Milton and his mom have to help Snowball shrink back to her normal size. What’s the biggest, scariest animal you’ve ever seen? Draw a picture of it.
About the Author and Illustrator
Photo © Andrew Katz
ALAN KATZ has written more than forty books, including Take Me Out of the Bathtub and Other Silly Dilly Songs, The Day the Mustache Took Over, OOPS!, and Really Stupid Stories for Really Smart Kids. He has received many awards for his writing, and he loves visiting schools across the country.
Photo courtesy of Alex Lopez
ALEX LOPEZ was born in Sabadell, a city in Spain near Barcelona. Alex has always loved to draw. His work has been featured in many books in many countries, but nowadays, he focuses mostly on illustrating books for young readers and teens.
Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at hc.com.
Back Ads
Copyright
S.O.S.: SOCIETY OF SUBSTITUTES #5: FRENEMIES. Copyright © 2022 by HarperCollins Publishers. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
www.harperchapters.com
Cover art © 2022 by HarperCollins Publishers
Cover art by Alex Lopez
Logo design by Andy Smith
Cover design by Corina Lupp
Library of Congress Control Number: 2021948135
Digital Edition MARCH 2022 ISBN: 978-0-06-300662-1
Print ISBN 978-0-06-300660-7
ISBN 978-0-06-300661-4 — ISBN 978-0-06-300660-7 (pbk.)
2223242526PC/LSCC10987654321
FIRST EDITION
About the Publisher
Australia
HarperCollins Publishers Australia Pty. Ltd.
Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street
Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia
www.harpercollins.com.au
Canada
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
Bay Adelaide Centre, East Tower
22 Adelaide Street West, 41st Floor
Toronto, Ontario, M5H 4E3
www.harpercollins.ca
India
HarperCollins India
A 75, Sector 57
Noida
Uttar Pradesh 201 301
www.harpercollins.co.in
New Zealand
HarperCollins Publishers New Zealand
Unit D1, 63 Apollo Drive
Rosedale 0632
Auckland, New Zealand
www.harpercollins.co.nz
United Kingdom
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF, UK
www.harpercollins.co.uk
United States
HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
195 Broadway
New York, NY 10007
www.harpercollins.com
Alan Katz, Frenemies
