“Besides blow millions of bucks?” Ida Jane said. She bumped shoulders with her friend.

  Millie sighed. “Yes, Idge, besides that.”

  Keelie wrapped a supportive arm around my shoulders. “If it doesn’t work out with Naese, just tell one of us. We’ll help you get on your feet. You shouldn’t have to stay trapped in a situation where you aren’t happy simply because it’s what’s available. And for the record, I’ve always found Naese to be far more even-keel than some of these boneheads. No disrespect.” She offered a smile to the group.

  “You can throw Silas into the group of boneheads in his youth,” Paloma noted. “It’s part of why he was disappointed in Naese and didn’t draft him like he’d originally planned. It’s not that he doesn’t believe in second chances⁠—”

  “Silas is great about second chances,” Keelie piped in.

  “And our guys managed to get past their mistakes and make solid decisions for their current circumstances and their futures,” Ida Jane said. “I mean, by the time I met Maxim, he was years past sowing wild oats.”

  “Same with Adam,” Naomi added.

  “And Silas,” Paloma said. “And Naese.”

  “It doesn’t make your stomach knot to know they’ve had those experiences with other women?” I asked.

  “Every damn time I thought about it, for years,” Naomi said. “Which was too often.” She took a sip of her drink and set it aside with a sigh. She smiled at her son playing with his toes on the thick, soft blanket at her feet. “But there came a point that I had to decide: was I going to focus on a past I couldn’t change or create a life and a future I wanted—that I controlled?”

  She grimaced. “I detest Adam’s past. He knows that. He works hard to ensure I know I’m his priority now. Well, me and this little guy. But I had to choose to forgive him for things he did before I knew him.”

  I licked my lips. “That’s the difference. I was with Paxton, and he left me—alone—so he could party and hook up.”

  “But now you know it was his father’s urging,” Keelie said.

  “And your mother, too, from what Paxton and your brother told you,” Ida Jane added. “I mean, that’s a lot of pressure.”

  I stared down at my hands in my lap. “If he loved me enough, wouldn’t he have fought for me—for us?”

  “Sounds like a question you’ll need to ask him,” Paloma said. “And while I’m not defending his choice, he was young. Young people often listen to their parents.”

  “As good a job as you’ve done talking through the original sticking point and breakup, there still seem to be things you two need to work out,” Ida Jane said.

  “I get the sense there’s more to the story than possibly even Naese knows,” Paloma said, watching me carefully.

  I’d wondered the same thing. It just seemed odd that once Paxton and I had gotten serious, like marriage serious, his dad had started pushing for us to break up. I knew Mr. Naese and my mother didn’t get along, but that shouldn’t have had any bearing on my relationship with Paxton. I worried my lower lip.

  “I think you need to know what that is so you can decide whether or not you can forgive Naese for his choice,” Millie said.

  “And if I can’t?” I looked over at Ida Jane. “That’s why I left after the game. There doesn’t seem to be a point to building a relationship with you all—as wonderful as you’ve been—if I’m going to lose you.”

  “That’s not how the CATS work,” Paloma said. “We’re a tight-knit group. A family. And we still support our CATS, even if they divorce or break up.”

  “It can get awkward if the new partner shows up at the same event as a former partner, but I don’t think we’ve had any serious issues,” Keelie said, glancing around to confirm. The others nodded.

  “I’m the quiet one,” I said. “I don’t make friends that quickly or easily.”

  “Neither do most of us, contrary to how we may seem,” Naomi said. “A lot of us have our own trauma, our own reasons not to trust easily. I think that’s a big part of why we can be so welcoming.”

  Brooks started to cry, which set off Bree. Both Keelie and Millie moved away to deal with their babies.

  When they all headed out, with apologies, a few minutes later, all I could do was exhale in relief. Paloma caught me doing so and smiled. “We’re a lot, I know, but our hearts are good.”

  “They are,” I agreed.

  She gave me a friendly side hug and then she, too, was gone.

  I stared around the large, empty house and sighed. “Well, time to clean up.”

  By the time I’d put everything away, I was too tired to climb the stairs. I settled on the couch and tucked myself in.

  “I’ll move my stuff to the guest room tomorrow,” I mumbled as I closed my eyes.

  I have no idea how long I’d been out when a set of warm arms slid around me, cuddling me to thick pectoral muscle. “Pax,” I mumbled, snuggling closer to his familiar smell and solid bulk.

  “Right here, baby.”

  He carried me up the stairs and helped me into bed. He smoothed my hair from my face. I lifted one droopy eyelid and offered him a smile. Pax grinned back. He knelt next to the bed with a soft, happy expression. “Ah, Hana, I’m glad you’re here, in my house, in this bed, where you belong.”

  I bit my lip because in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to belong to him. I clasped his wrist as he lifted his hand from my temple. “Stay with me?”

  His smile turned dazzling. “Nothing I want more.”

  I buried into the pillows, lulled into slumber by the softness. He slid in behind me and his arm wrapped around my middle, his nose buried in my hair.

  “I love you, Hana,” he said. His voice cracked. “I’ve missed you terribly.”

  And for the first time, I truly believed him.

  Chapter 20

  Paxton

  Holding Hana in my arms again was a dream come true. She was warm and soft and smelled delicious—like Hana. I slid into a deep, welcome rest and woke more refreshed than I’d been in months, possibly years…and with a raging hard-on nestled between Hana’s slender thighs. I yawned as I snuggled my hips closer. Hana whimpered, pressing her cute butt against my groin.

  Awake now, I rocked forward again, groaning at how good the friction felt against my dick. Much to my surprise, Hana wiggled her ass and arched even closer.

  “You feel good,” I murmured.

  “More, Paxton.” She panted as she pressed back. “I need more!”

  I smiled, enjoying her demanding tone. I tightened my arm across her waist and splayed my fingers over her belly as I rocked against her. She whimpered my name. I ground into her soft ass and thighs again and again.

  Our breathing quickened, and sweat bloomed along her neck. I nuzzled into her warm skin and licked the saltiness as I rocked back and forth. “Han…not going to last… You’re so special to me, baby…so sweet.”

  “T-touch me,” Hana begged. “I need to come. Gah—I need to come!” Her soft voice shrilled as she thrust her hips back against me. I shifted my hips so I could bump against her soft, sweet little ass. We panted as we ground together, our limbs and breaths intertwined.

  She keened as she stiffened, her body wound tight, like she might break. And she did… I picked up the pace as her juices soaked her panties and my briefs. Delicious tension built at the base of my spine, my balls drew up tight…and I crested, too.

  The release went on and on, thick and rich, draining in the best possible way. It was only after a moment, when my breathing began to even out, that I realized Hana had removed my hand from her knee.

  I sat up. “Did I hurt you?” I asked, horror seeping through the relaxation and euphoria.

  She shook her head but kept her chin tilted to her chest. “No. I should shower.”

  “Hana…”

  “It’s fine, Pax. Really.” She smiled over her shoulder, but it didn’t reach her normally warm brown eyes. “It was really, really good. Thank you.”

  She scooted off the bed and wobbled toward the bathroom. I looked at my saturated underwear and flopped onto my back with a curse. I glanced over at the closed bathroom door and finally understood how the women I’d slept with during that first year Hana and I were apart must have felt. I’d thanked them for getting me off, then I’d jetted out of their lives.

  “Rejection fucking sucks,” I muttered.

  It was even worse from the person I loved, but I should have known Hana wasn’t ready for intimacy.

  Before, we’d shared everything. Been each other’s first and learned to love together. Now, we’d had our own lives, lovers, and disappointments that didn’t include the other person. Relearning and realigning together wasn’t as easy as one amazingly good orgasm. Unfortunately.

  And I’d need to be vulnerable, put myself out there, if I wanted to reconnect to Hana. She’d been brave enough to come here, to give me this chance. I wasn’t going to mess it up.

  So if she needed a bit of space to regroup, I’d give it to her, but that didn’t mean I’d let her hide from our chemistry, from how good we’d been together. She and I both deserved this chance to explore each other’s bodies and hearts. We also deserved that happy-ever-after so many of my teammates were living.

  As I stared at the ceiling, I vowed to get there with her. Whatever it took. I was all in.

  Hana

  I pulled in a breath as I stared at my flushed face in the mirror. “You dry-humped Paxton to the best orgasm you’ve had in years.”

  My lips twisted because the only others that compared to the tingling deliciousness still sizzling through my body right now were the climaxes Paxton had given me years ago. He’d learned to play my body to perfection—or maybe my body had wanted him to play it to perfection and capitulated easily. Whatever the reason, I was still giddy from the high-school-style sex session.

  “We shouldn’t have done that,” I muttered. “We can’t do that again.”

  I gave myself a nod, even though I wasn’t sure why I was acting this way. I yearned to crawl back into bed with Pax and rub against him everywhere until he made me come and come and come until I passed out.

  Yet that seemed irresponsible. Hedonistic…perfect.

  No! Right the urge and get in the shower. Get clean and gain perspective.

  “Staying here was a mistake,” I said.

  “It’s not a mistake,” Paxton called through the door. “We’re not a mistake. What happened in our bed wasn’t a mistake. And I’m glad you’re here. Don’t make it weird, Han.”

  I couldn’t help but smile, even as I rolled my eyes. “Don’t make it weird,” I whispered.

  Everything was weird.

  And I was happy, most probably because of the weirdness.

  After my shower and a fresh set of clothes over my brace, I squared my shoulders and headed into the empty bedroom. I blinked. Where was Paxton? Didn’t he want to talk? We should talk.

  My nose twitched at the scent of coffee. I headed down the stairs, holding the banister for support. Paxton was in the kitchen, his damp hair curling at his neck and ears. He wore track pants and a dark T-shirt that had been washed one too many times to call it black.

  “Hey,” he said cautiously. He raised his mug and took a sip, seemingly so he didn’t say anything else. After setting it down, he picked up another thick, ceramic mug and offered it to me. The tea tag fluttered, and I noted that it was a brand of breakfast tea I’d preferred when I was in college.

  Warmth saturated my chest as I realized how hard he was trying. Still, my steps were hesitant as I eased toward him, accepting the offering. Our fingers brushed, and his pupils dilated as I took a breath.

  The air between us seemed to crackle as we stared at each other. Eventually his face softened, and he stepped back, leaving me bereft and thankful—two mutually exclusive options that were somehow deeply connected. Emotions were hard to grapple with, but I needed to do so.

  “So…” I began. I took a fortifying sip of tea, wincing slightly at the heat on my palate. “So…I don’t regret what we did.”

  Paxton’s chest expanded and his Adam’s apple dipped. “Good.” His voice was rough, a bit scratchy with emotion. “Good. I don’t either.”

  “We still have incredible chemistry.”

  Paxton nodded as he lowered his mug. A drop of coffee settled in the dip between the two halves of his lower lip, and I fantasized about leaning up to lick it off. Instead, I sipped from my mug.

  “But we’re going at a breakneck speed, and you want to take things slower,” he said. “Be more measured, right?”

  I stared at Paxton, and my heart cried out that no, I should shove him against the wall and ravish him. I yearned to feel him inside me, surrounding me, loving and cherishing me.

  But that wasn’t smart. That was falling back into the previous pattern that had left me in a hospital bed in tears. It was my turn to heave a deep, cleansing breath. “I don’t blame you for my accident,” I said, because it needed saying. He wasn’t responsible, and I should alleviate any guilt he felt. “Aiki drove that car into the other driver. Aiki insisted on coming with my mother. Aiki is the reason my leg’s never going to be the same.”

  That needed to be said, too.

  Paxton settled his hips against the counter behind him, seeming to wait patiently for me to finish my thought and work through my emotions.

  “So, yeah. That’s that part of our current situation—the past we needed to work through. And I have to say, jumping back into an intimate relationship with you would be satisfying,” I told him.

  Paxton’s lips quirked in that partial grin I loved so much.

  “But it would also mean I’ve fully accepted and forgiven you,” I continued. “That I’m ready to move forward.” I cleared my throat and forced myself to meet Paxton’s sad eyes. “I’m not there yet.”

  His lush lips compressed. “I get that. I respect that. Which is why I suggested you come here, stay with me—get to know me again. I’m not going to pressure you, Hana. It’s too important for us to be together. I won’t push you for even some delicious sex before you’re ready. I don’t want you to have doubts you can’t overcome. I’ll be here for you, and for now, that’s as a friend. Just know that I want more. Much more than that.” He paused a moment, and then laid his last cards on the table. “I want forever. For us to be a family, whatever form that takes. Kids, no kids, fur kids…whatever we decide works for us. That’s what I want, with you.”

  I nodded because my throat was too tight for words.

  “I need more than that, Hana,” he said after a moment.

  I took another sip of my tea and cleared my throat. “I’m pretty sure I want that, too, with you. I just need—I need time, Pax. To trust in this, in loving you, again.”

  “Can you say it?” he asked hesitantly. He swallowed, his Adam’s apple dipping low. “Please.”

  I knew what he needed, because I’d needed the words as well as the actions. I needed it all, and I should have known he did, too. “I love you, Paxton.”

  He closed his eyes and every muscle in his face, then in his shoulders, relaxed. “I love you, too.”

  Before I figured out what to say, Paxton’s stomach rumbled loudly. He placed a hand against it and grimaced. “Any chance I can talk you into firing up this insane contraption so we can eat something?”

  I set my mug aside with a smile. “If you’re sure…”

  “It was for you, Han. Of course I’m sure.”

  Delight danced across my skin. “Yeah, I’d love to whip up something. What do you want? Eggs? An omelet? Pancakes?”

  “Yes,” Paxton moaned, clutching his abdomen. I noted the faint ridges of muscle as the shirt settled there. He was built for explosive speed and precision, pretty much the opposite of me.

  That was okay. I was small next to his large frame. I was quieter next to his voice for opinions and feelings. I was cautious while he was more than willing to jump quickly into something he cared about.

  We were opposites in many ways, except when it came to each other. In that, we’d always been in sync. And after a few minutes, we once again fell into an easy rhythm of Paxton cutting and chopping and mixing while I ordered him around.

  We made omelets with avocado, spinach, tomato, and bacon and then a thick stack of whole-wheat power pancakes held together with bananas, topped with sliced strawberries and blueberries.

  While we worked, we discussed Paxton’s upcoming game schedule and my new position, which I’d start on Monday. It was companionable—nice. It was everything I’d missed and yearned for the past few years.

  After Paxton had demolished the majority of both dishes and proclaimed the expensive range more than worth it, he sat back in his chair and stared at me over the rim of his second and last cup of coffee. “Would you be willing to come to our game on Tuesday? I know you’re just starting your job and it may be a lot, but you can sit in the owner’s box with Gunnar—I asked him, and he’s delighted to host you. There’s plenty of food, and you’ll have more room to stretch your leg than if you’re down in the stands. I can drive you home afterward, if you want to wait for me.”

  Instead of answering his question, I asked, “How are you going to get around if I have your car?”

  “Well, I have another vehicle. But more than likely I’ll have one of the guys swing by and pick me up. There’s a reason we’re all in this neighborhood.”

  I smiled at him as I set my knife and fork at the edge of my plate, aligned just so, as my mother had always insisted. She’d been a stickler for proper etiquette. It was a habit I’d chosen to maintain after her death.

  Most of her habits I hadn’t liked—including the berating and belittling she often did of me and Aiki. It was no wonder my brother had turned to substances. Living with a person who never saw you as good enough, never praised you or said they loved you—that messed with self-confidence and the ability to be open to new relationships.