Not all, but a lot.

  Reconnecting with Hana and making these new friends added another layer to the foundation I was laying here in Houston. I liked that. I drove home after the Wildcatter win, feeling fully happy and content for the first time in years.

  Since my arrival in Houston, I’d found I loved spending time with Lola, too. She had an acerbic wit and a no-nonsense attitude that must have been a huge asset as she’d pretty much singlehandedly raised four kids. But it also meant she liked getting her own way, which wasn’t always possible for a cancer patient.

  By the end of the week, she was practically shooing me out of the house.

  “I’m supposed to be watching you—” I began.

  “I’m fine, Vivian. You said so yourself. So please don’t take this the wrong way, but I want nothing more than a few hours to myself with my Hallmark movies and the ironing board.”

  Lennon appeared in the doorway, wearing a pair of cargo shorts and deck shoes. His shirt was a breezy linen button down in a light blue. “Ironing, huh?” He came across the living room and kissed his mother’s cheek.

  “Stop. You know you enjoy a good couple of hours at the board, too.”

  Lennon nodded. “It’s therapeutic. Almost meditative.”

  My eyebrows shot up as I looked at them, so in tune over one of the worst chores ever created. I wore scrubs even here at Lola’s because they required minimal maintenance.

  Lola caught my expression and chuckled. “I think you might be the ironer in your partnership,” she told Lennon.

  He came over and kissed my lips. “No problem. I don’t want Vivi to have to do something she doesn’t enjoy.”

  “Does that include scrubbing toilets? Because I hate that one even more than ironing.” I wrinkled my nose. “And I deeply dislike ironing.”

  Lennon smiled as he shrugged. “Sure. I don’t care how we split the workload.”

  I stared into his eyes, unsure if I believed him—wanting to believe him. I slowly fell into the warmth of his gaze, the obvious joy he took in looking at me.

  “Oh, there’s Belladonna,” Lola said. “I wondered if you’d left her at your condo. You really need a yard, Lennon.”

  He kept his gaze locked on mine. “I do. You’re right. I need a house for my family.” His eyes grew heated.

  As if I hadn’t fantasized about kids—and how we’d make them—for the past month. Warmth swirled in my chest, but I tamped it down. We needed to discuss what he’d told me in his truck a few weeks ago—about my ambivalence and our fears of abandonment—before I could fully commit to the future I desperately wanted.

  I broke eye contact and ducked under Lennon’s arm. “You’re sure you’re going to be okay, Lola? I can stay⁠—”

  “You will absolutely not. I’ll shoo you out with the broom, if I have to. I want you to have fun. And I want to starch the heck out of my jeans.”

  We both laughed.

  “Am I dressed okay?” I asked.

  Lennon’s eyes moved over me, leaving me feeling like I’d been coated in warm honey. I shivered, enjoying my body’s reaction. “You look great, Vivi.”

  “All right you two, out you go.”

  “But I wanted to get your tea—” I protested.

  “I can get my own tea, and I can take my own pills.” Lola held up her hands. “I’ve been taking care of myself since I was fourteen. I’ve been taking care of a family since I was twenty. I’ll manage a few hours today just fine.”

  Lennon picked up Belladonna’s leash and latched it to her collar. The dog panted happily as we exited the house. Lola closed the door firmly behind us.

  “She’s coming with us?” I asked, scratching Belladonna’s ears.

  “Sure is,” Lennon said.

  “Where are we going?”

  Lennon helped me into the truck. He pulled his sunglasses from his shirt pocket but continued to squint as he met my gaze. “We’re going to a brewery for lunch.”

  I smiled. “Sounds fun.”

  “I hope so.”

  He slid his glasses on, then moved to open the back door of the cab. Belladonna hopped in and settled on her bed. Lennon helped me up, then went around to his own seat and started the truck.

  “I’ve thought a lot about what you said before,” I began before I lost my nerve, “about using the hallucination to protect yourself from getting hurt.” Too much.

  “I have, too,” Lennon said. “I get that it hurt you—why you were angry.”

  “And I understand why you felt that way. You didn’t know me, not really. It was all new.”

  “That’s true, but I’ve reflected a lot, and it’s because I care so much that I allowed my fear to win. I mean, if it hadn’t mattered what you thought of me—if you’d rejected me for not being able to protect you—then I never would have created such an intense scenario.” He looked over at me at the stoplight, his expression stern. “I was wrong, really wrong to treat you that way. I should have been honest much sooner. I’d apologize again, but I don’t think you’d like that.”

  “I wouldn’t.” I pulled in a breath and let it out as Lennon accelerated. “I think intimacy—emotional intimacy—means letting you into my unattractive thoughts as well. Sometimes they’re petty or ruthless or…just not nice.”

  “But they’re real, and we all feel them.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “And because they’re real, they need to be acknowledged.”

  “That’s what I’ve done, Vivi. I had scary thoughts—bad ones that hurt you. I’m not proud of that. I hope you can forgive me.”

  “I do forgive you. Now, I need to say this: It’s not your mom, who I adore. It’s not your fame, athleticism, money, or even your hot-as-hell body. I’m here, right now, for who you are, Lennon.”

  He snatched my hand from my lap and kissed each of my knuckles. “I won’t let you down, Vivi.”

  We drove in silence for a while, and gradually the traffic lessened. “I’ve never been up here. Where are we?”

  “Outside the city limits,” he said. “Near Tomball.”

  “Still going to the brewery.”

  “Yep.”

  “Um…Lennon?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I don’t really like beer.”

  “I know. The brewery has hard cider, if you want to try that, as well as some wines from the hill country. And of course they have water, sweet tea—there are a lot of options.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  He smiled. “Sure. I hope you like this place. A former teammate started it a couple of years ago with his older brother. He was a K-Nine handler in the army before he was medically discharged.”

  “Oh, wow. That sounds like a lot to unpack,” I murmured.

  “Yeah. Arlo was a great winger, but he kept getting hurt. I met his brother, Tobias, at a cookout we had a few years back. The guys were discussing what business they should go into after Arlo retired, and Stolly suggested making a low-alcohol beer that actually tasted good. Stol was being a dick, but the idea was a good one. Then Tobias asked me if I could help him track down his former K-Nine.”

  “You do that for a lot of people.”

  “I enjoy the work, and I have help. In fact Camden Grace recently got in touch with me.”

  My jaw dropped. “The country music star? That Camden Grace?”

  He nodded. “He wants to set up a foundation that focuses on reconnecting retired service animals with their handlers, as well as creating a service-dog program specifically for veterans.”

  “That’s amazing.” I touched my chest. “What a beautiful idea. And I’m assuming you’d help with more than just physical ailments? You’d want to work with vets’ mental issues as well. Because there are a lot of those—from PTSD to depression, anxiety, you name it—that combat can cause.” I blew out a breath. “And cancers. War seems to kill even after the bullets stop.”

  Lennon gripped my hand. He raised it to his mouth and kissed my palm. “You are absolutely perfect.”

  My fingers curled around the lingering warmth from his lips. “No, I’m not perfect, and I don’t want to try to be. It would be exhausting.”

  He shot me a side-eye as he dropped our hands to my thigh. “Let me rephrase: You’re perfect for me. I knew it last September, and I’m even more sure now. I saw a Bob Marley quote that said there’s no such thing as the perfect woman, just as there’s no such thing as the perfect man or perfect place. The ocean is beautiful near the shore but becomes murky and dangerous the deeper you go. The moon looks lovely to our naked eye but has craters from where asteroids have pummeled it. Even the sky, which is so big and blue, gets covered in clouds or smog. But all of those things are still fascinating and beautiful. Well, except smog. That sucks.”

  I laughed. “Don’t compare me to smog.”

  His lips twitched under his beard. “Never even thought of that. Oh, and we’re here.”

  He pulled into a spot near a large stone-and-wood building that looked relatively new. It had large windows and a huge, grassy lawn. Live oaks and other trees I didn’t know the names of dotted the space, offering relief from the intense sun.

  “Oh my goodness,” I said, pressing my hand to my chest.

  Also dotting the huge lawn were dogs. Probably a hundred of them. This was no regular day at the brewery.

  Chapter 27

  Chapter

  Lennon

  * * *

  Vivian gasped. “Why are all those dogs here?”

  “Those are the dogs we’ve reconnected with their owners in the past ten years. They’re having a little party today.”

  She looked over at me, her eyes huge. “You’ve helped reunite that many animals?”

  I nodded and tried not to fidget. Maybe this was a bad idea. Now that I was here, this seemed more like bragging than a way to show Vivi my caring side.

  “How many people helped you?” she asked, her voice choked.

  “In the beginning, I did it myself. I knew my brother’s dog, Duke, had been medically retired after Ruben died. I wanted Duke with us, the family, because it was kind of like still having a piece of Ruben, you know?”

  “And you got him back?” Vivi asked.

  “Yeah, but it took a while. I was a young teenager, and most people blew me off. Finally I talked to Ruben’s commanding officer—who happened to be Camden Grace—and he set up a meeting with his boss. It’s all about the chain of command. We found out Duke was going to be euthanized because he hadn’t been able to reacclimate after his injuries. I also think he missed Ruben. I pushed hard to see Duke, to get the lieutenant and general to promise that if I could show them Duke was calm around me, I could take him home. My mom had to sign lots of paperwork, too, accepting liability. Finally, I got to visit Duke. He was pissed, but it wasn’t really anger.” I swallowed the emotion in my throat. “Like you said a couple of weeks ago, it was grief. Duke was grieving my brother and scared about being stuck in that little cage.”

  Vivian clasped her hand over mine. I flipped my hand over and held hers, enjoying the connection. “I’d brought one of Ruben’s favorite shirts. I couldn’t smell him on it, but Duke could. He calmed down enough to lay on the shirt. Then he whined.”

  Tears welled in Vivi’s eyes.

  “It took a few hours, but we were able to coax Duke out of the kennel, then into the car. He really connected with my mom, and the two of them became super close. In think having each other while they mourned Ruben helped.”

  “That’s lovely. And heartbreaking.” Vivian took a breath, seeming to right herself. “How long did you have Duke?”

  “Eight more years,” I told her, feeling myself smile. “Duke made it to fourteen.”

  She squeezed my fingers. “I’m in awe of this work, of how you’ve improved the lives of dogs and soldiers.”

  “Wanna go meet some of them?”

  Vivian’s smile grew. “Absolutely.”

  Cormac had been right. This was a damn good idea—though not for the reasons I’d thought. It was great because just seeing the soldiers with their dogs made me feel good about the work I’d been doing in my spare time. It gave me even more determination to work with Camden Grace to set up a more formal foundation instead of my simple nonprofit. With that in place, we’d be able to connect and rehabilitate even more veterans and K-9s.

  “Let me introduce you to Arlo and Tobias,” I said after I’d helped Vivian out of my truck. I held her hand as I waved at my former teammate and his brother.

  She didn’t bat an eye at Tobias’s prosthetic arm and leg. I fell even more in love with her for that. We had some lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening meeting and petting dogs and learning about what their veterans were up to these days. Camden had mentioned that vets with dogs tended to be more settled and have better employment outcomes in civilian society than those who never reconnected with their canine companion.

  “Camden Grace wants to expand the program so former military personnel can request a former K-Nine,” I told Vivi as we stood on the porch. “There probably aren’t enough retired dogs, though, so we’ll need to train more to handle the issues most vets struggle with.”

  Vivian’s eyes shone. “I love this idea.” She rose on her tiptoes and kissed me. I couldn’t help but take control. I nipped at her lower lip until she let me in. My tongue slipped into her mouth as I tilted my head, taking what I needed while giving her all of me in return.

  I just hoped it was enough.

  She whimpered into my mouth, clutching my shoulders. I brought her flush against my chest, her breasts rubbing against my pecs. We both groaned.

  I eased back when I felt Belladonna brush my leg. It took a few heartbeats to remember where I was. I blinked into the fading daylight, trying to even out my heart rate and cool my ardor.

  Vivian’s breath hitched. “Lennon?”

  “Mm?”

  “I’m ready. It’s time. I can’t wait anymore.” She rocked back on her heels, her expression morphing through emotions. “If you reject me today, I’m not going to ask you again.” She bit her lip, her eyes stormy. “It’ll be way too mortifying.” She sucked in a long, slow breath and met my gaze. “I need to know you want me too.”

  Chapter 28

  Chapter

  Vivian

  * * *

  Lennon’s eyes widened. “You don’t know that I want you?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know what to think. I know we’ve had things to figure out, but there have been a lot of mixed signals, and…” I crossed my arms. “I don’t want to play games.” Does that even make sense? I turned away, feeling my cheeks heat. “Excuse me, please. I need some space.”

  Lennon looked like he might follow as I walked out onto the lawn, but he was smart enough to respect my feelings. I sighed as I made my rounds, petting dogs and talking to their humans.

  I smiled at Aldo and Tobias when I got to the large deck at the back of their brewery. “Your space is beautiful, and the food was excellent,” I told them.

  “Glad you liked it,” Aldo said. “Cruiser went to a lot of effort to make this happen.”

  My stomach curdled with something akin to shame. I was sexually frustrated and feeling unsure in my relationship—what I wanted, what I needed—and I’d taken it out on Lennon. That wasn’t fair. He’d spent time and money and effort on today for me. And he was going slow because he wanted to build something real, earn my trust—which I wanted too. What had come over me earlier? I rubbed my forehead, wishing I could get out of my own damn head and just…go with this.

  But, dammit. I was afraid.

  Terrified.

  My dad hadn’t wanted me. My mom was gone. Lennon had left me before. We’d talked it through, and his explanation made sense, but something inside me remained stubbornly unsure. Anytime I loved someone, they disappeared. I shook my head, trying to push past that thought.

  “You look unhappy,” Tobias said. He shot Aldo a glance, and his brother clicked at the dogs, who rose and followed him down the steps and out into the yard. All around us, people were packing their blankets and cleaning up.

  “Just…unsettled,” I said.

  He hummed. “I understand that feeling. When I came home, after my surgeries and initial recovery, I was told I would need to rely on family until I was able to get my prosthetics. I was grateful but also frustrated. We’re human, which means complex. We often have multiple emotions at once. The hard part is when those emotions don’t mesh, and we have to do the hard work of finding ways to knit them together.”

  “How did you do that?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “Candid conversations with my brother, since he was my main caregiver. And realizing that what I wanted the world to be wasn’t how it was actually going to be. Somehow, I thought I was in total control of my life, which is total BS. None of us is. Ever. Because random shit happens, whether it’s a helo malfunction.” He waved up and down his body. “Or a relationship or a job—or hell, getting a disease. We can try to mitigate risks, but you can’t account for every dumbass who answers a text or changes the radio station or sneezes.”

  I nodded. “You’re right. But wasn’t ceding the semblance of control hard?”

  “Oh, yeah.” Tobias chuckled. “Hardest thing I’ve ever done—way more effort than re-learning to walk.” He leaned closer. “But I gotta tell you, it’s really freeing once you manage it. I can control my reactions some of the time, and that’s as good as any of us can do, really.”

  I took his prosthetic hand in both of mine and squeezed. “Thank you for that. I needed to hear it.”

  “And Arlo’s right, Cruz is really pulling out the stops. Seems like he messed up before, but that doesn’t mean he’s not invested in your relationship. He’s just…well, not as good at following his emotions as you are. That’s not an excuse, just the reality we were born into.”