all that matters, and now you’ve dragged our daughter into

  it.” He laughed, but it sounded like a rabid barking dog.

  “Why did Sean go to see her?”

  “She wanted to talk to her. You know how the kids are.

  Adeline told Nancy that their classmates noticed the

  pictures in the trophy case at school, and they’ve given her

  crap about it.” She sat on the bed and thought about

  staying there for the rest of the day.

  “Kids are assholes.” He finished putting his shoes on.

  “And I know there’s not much I can do about all this. You’re

  going to do whatever you like, and so is Sean.” He

  smoothed down the front of his shirt and glanced back at

  her. “I’m not proud of how I’ve acted in every moment, but I

  love her.”

  “I know you do, and more importantly, Sean loves you.”

  She stood as well and put her arms around Daniel. “You

  might not believe me most days, but I do love you. It might

  not seem like it, but it’ll be okay.”

  Daniel left, and she pulled the stairs of the attic down. To

  make Daniel feel better about himself, she’d hidden her

  memories away years ago and rarely looked at them. It was

  hard to face proof of your mistakes. The boxes weren’t

  exactly where she’d left them, and she figured it was Sean.

  When she wouldn’t answer her questions, Sean must have

  started trying to find the facts on her own. She opened her

  senior yearbook, and Jaxon was waiting for her on the tenth

  page.

  How could she have walked away from her? Jaxon had

  been perfection in every way that counted. She’d loved her

  so much that she was still shocked that Sean had survived

  Iris’s grief. After Jaxon had left, it was so final, and it had

  broken her heart. There was no one to blame but herself,

  but by then she’d made the decision for herself that

  wouldn’t be easy to navigate. She neatly restacked the

  boxes and left the attic.

  Her phone rang as she ran her hands through her hair to

  get it into some kind of order. “Hello.”

  “Iris,” a man said, and she had to think to place the

  voice.

  “Roy?” Great, that was all she needed.

  “Hey, it’s been a long time, but I hear my sister is in

  town.”

  He sounded nervous, and it made her question how he

  and Jaxon could be related. If it wasn’t for Eve’s air of

  superiority, she’d swear Eve had stepped out when it came

  to conceiving Roy. “That’s what I hear.”

  “Look, I’m stuck in New Orleans on a case and wanted to

  know if you’re going to tell her about Sean. She’s called me

  a few dozen times, but I wanted to talk to you first.” He’d

  been reluctant all those years ago but had given in after she

  assured him all she needed from him was what Jaxon

  couldn’t give her.

  “I haven’t seen her—”

  “Oh, thank God,” he said before she could finish.

  “Sean, though, found her, and they had a long talk. Don’t

  worry about anything. I’m not about to ask you for

  anything.” This was getting ridiculous. She started

  downstairs and grabbed her keys. “I have to go.”

  “Wait,” he said loudly. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

  “Way too late for that.”

  * * *

  Jax headed back to the chair across the street with a Diet

  Coke and her journal. She’d tried Margot again and got

  voice mail, but she wasn’t worried. The one who appeared

  relieved was Bert when she stopped by and apologized.

  He’d told her about the cocktail party and his run-in with

  Iris. All she had to do now was survive the night, and she’d

  get back to her life and her girl. She opened her journal, and

  unlike the day before, the words came easy.

  Sixteen years…a fucking long time. She didn’t usually

  use such simplistic language since it was frowned upon by

  some of her peers. Some of the older professors had told

  her that people with doctorates in English who taught other

  people the wonders of literature didn’t need curse words to

  do it. This, though, was the account of her life, and she used

  the word fuck liberally and in all forms. Life was, after all, a

  fucking mess, and there was nothing you could do but be

  honest.

  The footsteps behind her meant she’d have to share the

  space, but hopefully whoever it was wasn’t in the mood for

  conversation. When they didn’t come closer, she capped her

  fountain pen and sighed when she glanced back. The

  woman rooted in place a few feet behind her made her

  question her judgment about venturing outside. If all these

  drama-charged scenes had been landmines, she’d have

  stepped on every single one.

  “Jax.” Iris pressed her hands together as if in prayer.

  “Iris.” It was a stupid response, but it was all she could

  think to say.

  “You haven’t changed at all.” Iris wasn’t moving, so she

  turned back around and waited. It was immature, but this

  wasn’t her show.

  “I’ve changed plenty.” The sight of Iris made her want to

  release sixteen years of rage and make her hurt like she

  had. She was due, and the intensity of the rage surprised

  her. She’d thought it was long gone.

  “You didn’t come last night. I was disappointed that you

  skipped it.”

  The hand on her shoulder startled Jax into knocking her

  drink off the wide arm of her chair, spilling the soft drink on

  the pavers. It wasn’t that Iris’s touch was unpleasant—it was

  her voice. She remembered the way Iris spoke that caused

  her skin to tingle. Of all the things she’d tried to forget

  about Iris, that’s one thing that had seared into her mind.

  When she’d been seventeen it had driven her to distraction.

  “I try to limit the amount of reminiscing I do about things

  that upset me. I don’t celebrate and embrace those years as

  much as other people. High school is better left in the hole I

  dropped it in, lit on fire, and covered with as much dirt as

  possible. Hopefully you had a good time, but I doubt anyone

  missed me.” She had to stop and exhale in an effort to stem

  the overflow of emotions.

  “Aren’t you going to say hello to an old friend?” Iris

  opened her arms, and Jax almost snorted when she laughed.

  “Have a seat if you want.” If Iris had been waiting for

  some great reunion, she was sixteen years too late. “I doubt

  you’re here for the view.” She bent and picked up the empty

  can to set it next to her chair.

  “I wanted to talk to you,” Iris said softly. “Can you at least

  look at me?”

  “What do you want?” Why did anyone have to do shit

  they didn’t want to once they were over thirty? At a certain

  age, you should be able to pass on things that aggravated

  you. The thought of tattooing stop on her palm popped into

  her head again. Just lifting her hand on occasions like this

  was something to consider.

  “Don’t be cruel.” Iris lifted her hand but stopped before

  she touched her. “I’ve been waiting for this a long time.”

  She laughed at that. “Iris, I don’t mind talking to you, but

  skip all the crap, okay? Sorry, I don’t want to be rude, but

  what you did…I can’t wrap my head around it. You could’ve

  just said you used me to get to Roy.”

  “That’s not true, and I’m sorry.” Iris reached over this

  time and put her hand on her forearm. “I really am.”

  “Save it.” She stared at Iris’s hand until she removed it.

  “I’m sorry isn’t going to cut it, but you’re not the first to try.

  Whoever told every kid in this town you can treat people like

  shit, torture them for years, but follow it up with a big sorry

  lied to you. What you did when you were seventeen isn’t

  anything you have to apologize for. You did me a favor.”

  “I wasn’t as brave as you, but I am sorry, even if you

  don’t believe me.”

  “I would believe you,” she said and laughed at how

  ridiculous all this was. “The problem is that I don’t think I’d

  even reached Baton Rouge when you were married. Do you

  have any idea what I went through because of you? I put it

  all out there because I believed you, and I lost everything.”

  “Your mom made my life just as miserable.”

  “Stop, just stop. You want to talk to me, then tell me the

  truth.” There was no reason to get angry now, and some of

  the rage drifted away. Iris had hurt her, and it felt good to

  look her in the eye and say so.

  “I need you to know how sorry I am.” Iris started crying.

  She didn’t want to fall into whatever trap this was.

  “Don’t,” she said, not moving. “I just realized I’ve wanted to

  blame you all these years for what happened, but I can’t

  anymore. You and I wouldn’t have mattered even if we’d

  only been friends. My mother will never accept that she

  raised someone she finds lacking her dented moral

  compass.” She couldn’t keep her eyes on Iris as she spoke.

  The pain was something she’d numbed through distance

  and amnesia. Now she was hip deep in memories and

  possible betrayal, and yet Margot was right. It needed to be

  done.

  “If you think I haven’t agonized over this, you’re wrong.

  Letting you go broke something in me that isn’t ever going

  to heal.” Iris’s words were barely understandable because of

  her tears. “There were so many times I wanted to pick up

  the phone and call you, so I could beg you to forgive me and

  come get me. The only thing that stopped me was that I

  was married, and I didn’t see a way out.”

  “Stop crying, please.” She’d never learned to deal with

  crying people. “You aren’t to blame any more than I am.

  That means you have nothing to apologize for, and there’s

  no reason for you to be here.” She had a life to get back to,

  and she wanted to leave with only the bag she’d brought.

  “I left you all alone, and that was a mistake. After that,

  the mistakes didn’t exactly get easier, but I’d committed. I

  was stuck.”

  “Why don’t you tell me about Sean?” The question was

  like opening a black hole and voluntarily jumping in. The

  truth was going to suck the life out of her, but hey, why not.

  Iris’s mouth opened and closed with a click. “I can’t. I

  thought I could, but I can’t.”

  “Your daughter came to see me.” She stood and walked

  to the edge of the pavers close to the water. There was no

  way the water was going to relax her today unless someone

  surfaced and shot her with a tranquilizer. “Whatever all this

  is about, I have to tell you it’s a little messed up. She’s

  confused, and she thinks Daniel hates her. I’m not a parent,

  but I think there should be a chapter in parenting books

  about not raising a kid your husband is wired not to like.”

  Her patience had run out. “Who does she belong to?”

  “She’s mine—that’s all you and everyone else needs to

  know.”

  Jax dropped her hands to her sides. “I’m sorry, did you

  not hear me? Your daughter came to see me asking

  questions I had no clue how to answer. One look is proof

  enough that she doesn’t belong to Daniel. If you don’t want

  to tell me the story, then fine, that’s your business, I guess

  —although I’m going to have a chat with my brother. I don’t

  want to be involved beyond that, but at least talk to her.”

  “I don’t know how to do that.” Iris covered her face with

  her hands and cried harder. “Daniel accepted it, and he

  loves her.”

  “You haven’t listened to her, then. It sounds like Daniel

  sees me when he looks at her, and he’s been vocal about

  how that’s not a good thing. If you and Daniel have tried to

  keep those conversations private, you should’ve had them

  somewhere other than your house.” She didn’t raise her

  voice, but she wanted to. Taking her own advice, she stayed

  calm. This spot was private, but a screaming fight wouldn’t

  stay between them. “Daniel has been pretty up front about

  his feelings, and Sean has suffered for it. I think you owe her

  more of an explanation than you’ve given her up to now.”

  She dropped back into her chair and slapped her hands

  down on her knees. “Jesus, Iris, what did you do?”

  “You wouldn’t understand.”

  “Try me.” She softened her tone and briefly reached over

  and touched Iris to get her out of her self-pity and back to

  the conversation. “She seems like a sweet kid, and I enjoyed

  my time with her yesterday. It sounds like she’s made some

  plans and has found someone who loves her.”

  “Thanks.” Iris smiled and wiped her face. “She’s

  everything I wanted, and she’s so smart.”

  She smiled back and nodded. “Tell me about her. I do

  want to understand.”

  “Sean’s a gift I gave myself.” Iris’s tears started again

  but without the hysterics from before.

  “How does Daniel fit into all this?” The statement of a gift

  Iris gave herself didn’t make sense, but hopefully they had

  time to get to it.

  “I knew you were leaving, and about four months before

  you did, I decided I couldn’t go with you. Way before your

  mom called mine.” Iris dropped her head as if not able to

  make eye contact while she spoke. “I couldn’t tell you until

  that very last day, and I let you go. It was like I couldn’t

  wrap my head around the fact that you weren’t coming

  back, so I did something to fill the hole that left in me.”

  All she could do was nod, since it was starting to make

  sense. Iris didn’t see what she’d done as a betrayal. She’d

  clearly used her brother as a way to keep a bit of Jaxon with

  her. It was like a hot spike was being driven through her

  head. There was something trying to crawl out of her chest

  and choke the life out of her. It was nothing to do with her,

  but Iris’s choices had dragged her into something she didn’t

  want.

  “So you had Roy’s baby, and gave her my middle name?”

  She couldn’t help spitting the accusation at Iris. “I can

  almost understand that. What I can’t understand is Daniel.

  Why not stay with Roy?”

  “There was no Roy, Jax—there’d been only you and me.

  Daniel was the way I could do it without embarrassing my

  family. You were gone, but my mom was as relentless as

  yours. Unlike you, though, I had nowhere else to go.”

  “You did well in biology, so there had to be Roy. And you

  had me, Iris. You threw me away, but you had me.” She

  raised her voice and had to mash her teeth together to stop.

  “I was seventeen going on eighteen and wasn’t thinking

  straight. I couldn’t go with you because I was scared and

  knew I’d have nothing to offer a world so big. The truth is,

  here people haven’t evolved that much. You get pregnant

  without being married, and you’re marked for life. I slept

  with Daniel after you left, and he offered to marry me when I

  told him I was pregnant.” The tears fell faster, but Iris

  seemed to need to get it all out. “You should’ve seen the

  shock when I said yes. I know how he treated you, but he

  has been a wonderful father.”

  “Didn’t he wonder about the timing of her arrival after

  the I dos?”

  Iris laughed bitterly and shook her head. “We started

  having fights about Sean from the day she was born. He

  stayed with me, though, and we had another child. I’m sure

  he sees that as a consolation prize, but Danny’s a good kid

  who is his father’s image.”

  “He didn’t figure it out? I’m not here, but my brother is.”

  “Daniel’s never going to be as smart as you, but yes he

  did, and like I said, there was no me and Roy—it was a one-

  time thing and nothing more. I should’ve thought the whole

  thing out better, but I’ve never been sorry I had her. Sean

  was my way of keeping a piece of the life I let slip away. She

  was my way of hanging on to a part of me I had to let go to

  make everyone else happy.” Iris wiped her face and turned

  away from her.

  “I know this is going to sound harsh, but wasn’t that a

  high price for the kid to pay?”

  “I don’t know how to answer that.” Iris moved closer and

  gazed up at her. “You know, it’s funny—I’ve waited sixteen