I’d killed her.

  "Thank you," he said, taking a first-aid kit without turning his gaze away from me. "Everyone should move outside,” Rider said.

  Rider helped me to my feet and we followed the others out. Vincent hovered at my side.

  Rider took my chin and forced my face up. He studied my eyes. I'm not sure what he saw in there, but I squeezed them shut and turned. He let go of my chin.

  “We are stepping away,” Rider said. “Alone."

  "I'm going with you," Vincent said.

  "No," Rider said. "You are not." He said it as a simple statement of fact. "I will tell you when you can see her."

  Anger began to radiate off Vincent.

  Rider stood up and put a hand on Vincent's shoulder.

  "Trust me," Rider said.

  They stood there for a few moments before Rider turned to help me up. Not saying anything, we started away from the others.

  "She will later appreciate it if you assist Boone," Rider told Vincent as we passed. "He is more injured than I think he realizes."

  Vincent didn't acknowledge that he’d heard what Rider said.

  I braced myself for Rider to start talking, asking me something or saying things. Instead, he said nothing as we moved well away from the cave and into the fresh air. I looked back at the cave, cementing the picture in my mind. Once the mouth of the cave was out of sight, I sat on the ground with Rider and he poked around on my arm, doing who knows what. The pain started out dulled, but as Rider worked on it, my arm began to throb. Soon, it turned in to one solid, angry pain.

  Oddly enough, I was thankful. It gave me a distraction.

  Did I want to be distracted?

  Maybe not, but I needed to be.

  "The bullet has torn through a muscle," Rider said in a steady voice. "I only know enough to add the stitches."

  I nodded and grit my teeth.

  "Do you want to talk about it?" Rider asked.

  I shook my head, but still answered. "I killed her. There's nothing to say." Tears filled my eyes, but the pain was reason enough to have them.

  "There's a lot that could be said," Renick said as he walked over.

  "Go away," Rider said, stiffly.

  "No offense, but you scare me less than the Walker right now," Renick said. "Boone's not in great shape, and aside from him, she's the only one of you who may not want to kill me right now."

  "It's okay," I said to Rider, not wanting to look at Renick. What do you say to someone that saved your life by killing their friend? "If anyone should be here, he should."

  Rider hesitated. "Do you want me to leave?"

  "Bad wording," I said, trying to force a smile at my friend and failing miserably. "I really want you to stay."

  He nodded and rummaged through the first-aid kit again. "Then I will stay."

  "She would have killed you," Renick said, watching me. "She liked you, but she'd have killed you all the same."

  "I thought you were okay with that," I said without any real rancor. "In the woods, it didn't seem to bother you."

  "I thought I could talk her out of it," Renick said, leaning against a tree. "That's why we were arguing."

  "Talk her out of killing me? Why?" I asked. "Why did you all even want to kill everyone?"

  "I didn't want that," Renick said. "When you all started working with us, I wouldn't have cared much if it was just the Walker, but—"

  Rider let out a low growl. The sound reached deep inside and gave me an understanding of why people were afraid of the dark. It broke through the pain and the numbness I felt inside.

  "That was before we got to know each other," Renick said quickly. "Anyway, tonight after Davis picked you up, they started talking about killing Boone and I knew they'd gone off the deep end."

  "You didn't realize that before then?" I asked dully. "I thought you all could read each other's minds or something."

  "You know how you toe a line or go a smidge too far? Then you do it again and again until too far is the new norm? That's what we were like."

  "What changed?" I asked.

  "I couldn't let them kill Boone. Before that, I was just along for the ride," Renick said.

  "Because he's human?" I asked, feeling the need to probe his feelings on humans and Lost.

  "Because he's Boone," Renick said. "He's saved my life more than once."

  "So you're okay with this situation?" I asked, feeling angry that he was so calm with the bodies of his friends lying not far away.

  Renick glared at me. It was the first time I'd seen him look truly angry.

  "Don't think I wanted this for a minute, princess," Renick spat. "Tolman lost his head when we felt Davis go. Just because I didn't scream at you didn't mean I didn't feel it, too. And just because Tolman shot you didn't mean I wanted him dead."

  Hearing Renick get worked up over the loss actually made me like him, even though he obviously didn't think much of me.

  Rider put a hand on my shoulder. "How did Tolman die?"

  "There was no stopping him once Davis was gone," Renick said, his temper waning. "She was the only one that held him in check. They were... close. He would have killed you all. Starting with the princess here, and then going for Boone."

  "I'm sorry," I said softly. "I didn't mean to hurt her." I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, willing myself not to cry.

  "It wasn't like you planned it out. I can see that," Renick said. "I don’t know what happened to push her a step too far.”

  “There was something wrong with the cave,” I said. “After the nightmare died, it twisted the Path of the cave somehow. That might have done something to her. Even then, I never intended this to happen.”

  “I've never seen someone get so bent out of shape over someone that was trying to kill them. You must suck at your job."

  I glared at him. "My job isn't to kill people."

  Rider leaned down and whispered into my ear, "Vincent knows what you are feeling. He would like to come here."

  "Go ahead and let him," Renick said, having heard Rider despite the whispering. Renick stalked away. "I'll check on Boone."

  "Do you think he's telling the truth?" I asked.

  "He killed his partner to save you," Rider said. "I think he is mostly telling you the truth."

  "She was one of our partners a day ago," I said, watching Renick disappear into the basin that led to the cave.

  "It sounds as though she had not been stable for quite some time," Rider said. "Boone knew something was wrong. That is why we were asked to join them. Do you want Vincent—"

  "I'm not sure what to do about Renick," I said. "Thanking him for saving me sounds gruesome, since he killed his friend to do it, but I feel like I should say something."

  "We will figure it out, but I think it will need time." Rider cleared his throat and lowered his voice. "Vincent is quite distressed. I thought you needed space. I did not think he would be upset since you are with me, or I would not have had him stay away. He might still be upset with me."

  "I did need to be away from it. Even from Vincent. I still do. I don't know what to say to him. To anyone. I killed her and I'm the reason Tolman is dead."

  "You do not need to say anything," Rider said. "Not unless you want to. And when you are ready to talk, we will be there."

  I nodded glumly.

  Rider got up and followed Renick. He met Vincent, and I saw them exchange a few words before Rider disappeared and Vincent joined me.

  Vincent looked over the stitch work that Rider had done. He looked as though he was going to say something, and I realized Rider was right. I didn't have to say anything if I didn't want to. I knew, though, that if Vincent asked anything, I would probably answer him.

  Instead, I didn't give him the chance to say anything before hugging him fiercely with one arm. The other screamed with pain when I tried to move it.

  He was caught momentarily off guard, but then Vincent shifted a little and hugged me back, being as leery as I was about my arm.

  Around us, noises of the forest began to grow louder and the woods seemed to lighten.

  My grip loosened some, but only so that I could move to a slightly more comfortable position. Then I was able to hear voices. With the sound came thoughts that threatened to invade my peaceful moment with Vincent.

  As the voices came closer, Vincent broke contact and sat back. He looked me over once again.

  "The sun is coming up," I said, just for something to break the silence between us.

  "You should get some sleep," Vincent said. "We all should."

  "We were just talking about that," Logan said, walking up with the others. "I'm going to wrap up here with Boone and Renick. I think the rest of you should go set up camp."

  "Aren't we calling for extraction?" Vincent asked.

  "Not here," Logan said. "I don't want our signal to be anywhere near the nightmare. No one is getting their hands on it."

  "Same with the rest of the team," Boone said. "We don't want anyone to find them."

  My heart cringed at the word team.

  Vincent put his hand on my shoulder as a small means of comfort.

  "We'll stop for the day at least two miles out," Logan said. "Tomorrow, we hike farther before deciding on the next steps. How's the arm?"

  "There's a hole in it," I said, feeling unamused with the question.

  "Keep it clean and no lifting. Maybe we can make a sling for it or something," Logan said. "We'll catch up with you all later. I'll keep in touch."

  When Rider, Vincent, and I were left alone, I managed to get to my feet. Anytime my arm moved or tensed, a lance of pain shot through me.

  "How's Boone doing?" I asked as Rider chose our direction. "I know he was hurt."

  "Concussion," Vincent said. "Apparently, he hit the cave wall pretty hard. I don't think anything is broken, but he's pretty bruised up. He won't be doing any heavy lifting for a while either."

  “He is taking the deaths very hard," Rider said.

  I nodded, not able to respond. It was possible that Boone wouldn't blame me for what happened, although I wouldn't hold it against him if he did. There are some things, though, that although are forgiven, can't be forgotten.

  I knew I'd never forget.

  "Let's go," Vincent said. "The sooner we find camp, the sooner we can get some rest.”

  Guilt about not being able to carry any gear rose up, but it didn't last long. We had barely gone anywhere before I started to wear down. Before long, it took all my concentration to stay on my feet.

  It would be impossible for me to know how far we had walked—I suck at knowing distances—but I was pretty sure if Logan or Boone yelled, we'd still be able to hear them without an issue.

  Even my full concentration on moving forward didn't help for long.

  Just a moment's rest and I'll catch up. I leaned against a tree and closed my eyes. When I opened them again, which I swear was only a second later, Rider was standing directly in front of me, inches away from my face.

  Even being startled didn't get my blood pumping any faster. "I just need a few minutes."

  "Is this another one of those lies meant for you?" Rider asked.

  I looked at him in confusion until my brain kicked into gear, remembering that I had told him some lies we tell ourselves to make things easier.

  The thought made me smile weakly. "I can't be sure yet."

  "I will carry you," Rider said.

  "You will not."

  Rider frowned at me and looked like he was going to pick me up anyway.

  I raised an eyebrow at him, wondering if he would.

  "Everything okay?" Vincent asked.

  Rider grinned.

  I worried for a moment that he might throw me over his shoulder or something.

  "I have seen people carry others on their back," Rider said.

  "Where have you seen that?" I asked.

  "On the television."

  Vincent joined us, looking concerned. "You’re pale."

  "Come on," Rider said, slinging the bags he was carrying off his back. "This will make it easier for everyone."

  "Everyone?" I asked.

  "We won't worry as much and we will get out of here faster," Rider said.

  I sighed and nodded, though I was reluctant.

  Rider squatted down. I carefully maneuvered myself so that my arm didn't get jostled too much. Rider stood up quickly and I squeaked, which was embarrassing, but the sound just popped out. The movement was so quick and I was so much higher than I normally stood. Higher than almost anyone stood.

  "Are you comfortable?" Rider asked.

  "As much as I can be," I said before lowering my voice. "Thank you."

  It wasn't long before I leaned my head on Rider's shoulder and closed my eyes again. I was determined not to fall asleep. When they started talking in low voices, I was so deeply resting that the sound didn't startle me.

  "How much blood did she lose?" Vincent asked.

  "I have seen her lose more," Rider said.

  "You've also seen her die. It doesn't mean it's okay."

  Even though Vincent's voice wasn't accusatory or angry, I could feel Rider’s body tense over the words. "Of course it is not okay. I do not know how much blood humans can lose before it becomes harmful." When Vincent said nothing, Rider continued, "Her body makes more blood, right?"

  Chapter Twenty-One

  "It does," Vincent said.

  "She has been given blood from me before.”

  "Your body probably restores blood faster than ours. Everything happens faster than ours."

  "Does she need to be given blood now?" Rider asked.

  "We would need a doctor to know for sure. Logan didn't seem too worried, though."

  "He has a lot on his mind," Rider said.

  "When we find a place to stop, she does nothing," Vincent said.

  A part of me wanted to argue. I shifted slightly on Rider's back. The small part that disagreed was a stupid part. I was fit for nothing but bed. I just wished it were my own.

  Whether because of my movement or the want to end the conversation, the two went silent for a while.

  "Thanks for taking care of her back there," Vincent said, after what seemed like hours later.

  "She took the accident very badly," Rider said. "By the time we arrived, I don't think she was paying attention to anything around her."

  He wasn't wrong. I made a mental note to thank Rider and Vincent later for helping me and patching up my arm.

  "Shock," Vincent said.

  "She has seen dead people before," Rider said.

  "Not like this. She feels responsible."

  "For what Davis did?"

  "For what she did to Davis."

  Maybe sleep would be better, I thought. I didn't want to hear this. I certainly didn't want to be reminded about what I did to Davis.

  "Is there something we can do to help?" Rider asked, lowering his voice a bit more.

  "If she lets us. Cass avoids dealing with things like this. We just need to be there when she can't avoid it anymore."

  "Is it a human thing? Do you avoid talking about those you have killed?"

  Vincent didn't respond right away. "It might be a human thing. It's something most people don't have to deal with."

  "What do you do?"

  Vincent was silent once again.

  "It might help me understand how to help Cassie," Rider insisted.

  "It's not something I want to talk about. In the past, I mostly concentrated on the job. That's all. It helped me to be around my sister some. She doesn't do what I do."

  "And now?"

  "Now? With you all around, it's different. After I hurt Cass, well... things changed."

  "How so?" Rider asked.

  Vincent sighed. "This probably isn't the time or place to talk about it."

  "Is there a time and place that will work?"

  "Probably not."

  "Then this will work as well as any other."

  "I think it was Cassie. She got inside me and I felt lighter somehow. I think I have the opposite effect on her."

  "I do not think so, except possibly when you do not stay in touch."

  "It was hard to know what to say," Vincent said. "I left at a bad time. What I wanted to say, I couldn't, not over the phone. Then I was gone for so long, it only made things harder."

  "Your sister needed you. We understand that."

  "It wasn't just her. Recovering from traveling between the worlds isn't too bad. A couple of days and I'm back on my feet. When I come back after taking a soul or leaving someone to the void... I'm not the best person to be around. At least usually."

  "We are your friends. We would understand."

  "All the more reason to stay away. So we stay friends."

  "I do not think I understand."

  "I'm probably not saying it very well. This time, each day I stayed away made it more difficult to come back. But when Boone called... I knew I had to be here."

  "We are glad you are here."

  "It was the right thing to do. I couldn't risk losing her."

  "She is safe now," Rider said.

  "I've screwed a lot of things up. Staying away while you all went with Boone's team would have been a huge mistake, even if they hadn't gone crazy."

  It was Rider's turn to sigh. "Another thing I do not understand."

  He wasn't the only one, but I was more than glad that Vincent had come with us.

  "You don't have to. In fact, it's probably better if you don't. Do you think we're far enough away?"

  "It is possible. This does not look like the best area, however."

  "A little farther, then."

  "I hear running water in that direction."

  "Let's head that way. We're definitely going to need fresh water. Cass and I still have that nightmare blood on us, and we need to keep her arm clean. How are things with Logan and the others?"

  "They are digging holes."

  I shifted uncomfortably, and they went silent once again. It was too much effort to talk. Too much effort for anything but rest. The idea that they were digging graves didn't make me more apt to open my eyes anyway.

  "How do you think she's doing?" Vincent asked.

  "She needs to get some real sleep. We may have a better idea after that."