“Are we allowed to date team leaders?” Zoe asked, reaching into her makeup bag. “Because Julian is the hottest guy on the team, for sure.”

  “Uh, isn’t Julian already taken?” Priya asked, her eyes sliding to Madison.

  Madison tossed her phone aside and stood. “No.”

  I tried to ignore the way my heart leapt.

  “We’ve never been a couple. Officially,” she added.

  The word officially made my heart sink right back down. Zoe’s expression soured as well. Madison pretended not to notice. She pulled off her shirt, revealing a flat stomach and a lacy bra that would not adequately hold my boobs up at all.

  “And no, you are not allowed to date team leaders,” Madison continued. “Grayson was very clear about that. All his team leaders are dudes, and he doesn’t want any of the girls feeling uncomfortable.”

  Zoe squinted like she was trying to find the loophole. I tried to ignore my growing sense of disappointment.

  “I think it’s Edan, personally,” Priya said quickly, clearly sensing the awkwardness.

  “What’s Edan?” Madison asked.

  “The hottest guy on the team.”

  I wrinkled my nose.

  “What is that look?” Zoe asked. “You don’t think Edan’s hot?”

  “No, he is,” I said. “But he seems like the kind of guy who’d sneak out of your bedroom in the morning and later you discover a twenty missing from your wallet.”

  Priya tilted her head back dramatically. “Stop it. You’re just making me want him more.”

  “That’s what does it for you?” Laila asked. “A guy who robs you?”

  “I like the bad boys. Those tattoos! And the eyes. And the hair. And the everything.”

  I finished lacing up my sneakers and stood, glancing at Madison. She was now wearing a bright pink tank top and black pants and little to no makeup. She was just as pretty without it.

  She caught me watching her, and I quickly looked away. I edged closer to Priya and Laila. “Are we ready?”

  We walked back downstairs. All the doors had been labeled, and we passed TRAINING ROOM 1, CAFETERIA, and BIG GYM until we found SMALL GYM. Blue mats were laid out across the floor, and boxes of gloves and headgear were pushed against the wall. One of the French-speaking Canadian teams was already there, using half of the room.

  Some of the guys on team seven were waiting. Patrick waved. Archer didn’t appear to notice that we’d arrived. Noah stood with Andrew—no, Dorsey, he’d told us to call him by his last name—and held his phone up to record something as they laughed.

  “That was great,” Noah said, lowering the phone. “Thanks.”

  “I don’t know about great,” Dorsey said, ruffling his hair. “Maybe we should do it again.”

  “Nah, I edit them a little so you all look good.” He jerked his thumb at Archer, who was watching the Canadian team practice. “I’m going to need to do his intro again, though. No salvaging that one.”

  It took Archer a moment to respond, like he hadn’t realized Noah was talking about him. He blinked. “I said hello.”

  “And literally nothing else.”

  Archer just stared at him. Patrick made a sound like he was trying to cover up a laugh.

  Noah slid his phone into his pocket as Madison bounced to a stop in front of him. “What are you doing? Edit what?”

  “I—I have a YouTube channel,” Noah stammered, his cheeks pink. “I was introducing everyone in the group.”

  “But not me? Why not me?”

  “No, you too, of course, I, um, I just hadn’t gotten around to . . .” His voice trailed off as he dug his phone back out of his pocket, almost dropping it twice in the process.

  “How’s my hair?” Madison smoothed it with her hand.

  “When does her hair not look perfect?” Zoe grumbled under her breath.

  Julian walked into the room, followed by the rest of the boys on the team and Dani. Hunter’s gaze quickly found me and then quickly found my breasts. I turned away, crossing my arms over my chest. Laila saw me do it and rolled her eyes in his direction.

  “OK, I’m going to be the one to ask since everyone else is chickenshit,” Madison said, pointing to the handcuffs on Dani’s wrists. “Do you need help getting those off? Because I know where they keep the machetes.”

  Dani blinked, clearly startled to find that Madison was talking to her. Her lips twisted into something that was almost a smile. She used two fingers to snap the handcuff open.

  “It’s jewelry,” she said.

  “Oh, that’s too bad,” Madison said with a disappointed sigh. “I was looking forward to that story.”

  Dani actually laughed at that, revealing a small gap between her two front teeth. I caught Laila discreetly rolling her eyes again, and I suppressed a smile.

  “All right, guys, we’re diving right into training today,” Julian said. “I know you’re tired, but we’ve decided on only two weeks of training for this team, so we’re going to be moving pretty fast.”

  “Two weeks?” Priya squeaked, echoing my thoughts.

  “You all had combat training in school,” Julian said. “We think two weeks should be enough to get you ready for some simple stuff. You’ll continue training after we go out there.”

  “But we’re the bad team,” Zoe said.

  “You’re not the bad team,” Julian said quickly.

  “Uh, we’re not great,” Zoe said. “No offense.” Archer looked kind of offended.

  “You’re not a bad team, you’re a young team,” Julian said. “Everyone is eighteen or under.”

  “How old are you?” Gage asked.

  “Nineteen.”

  “How are you qualified to do this?” Gage asked.

  Julian’s eyebrows lifted a little. “Sorry?”

  “Why are you a team leader? What’s your background? Besides being Grayson St. John’s best friend.”

  An awkward silence fell over the team, but Julian smiled.

  “I actually helped Grayson build all of this from day one,” he said. “We spent the past six months putting together training and battle plans. And Grayson and I used to take daily combat classes together, in addition to what we got at school, so I’m pretty skilled at fighting myself.” He nodded at Madison. “Maddie too. She could be a team leader, but she declined.”

  Madison leaned back on her hands. “I don’t appreciate being given responsibility.”

  “I am qualified to train you guys and develop our battle strategies,” Julian continued. “But it’s true that I’m not that much older than you, so please feel free to come talk to me anytime. I know that for most of you, this is your first time away from home. I’m here for whatever you need.”

  His eyes flicked to me for a second, a smile briefly crossing his lips. I returned it.

  “Let’s get going, then. We’re doing a couple days of basic hand-to-hand, and then we’ll move to working with weapons and armor. Teams of two today.” Julian patted his pockets. He frowned and then made a deeply annoyed noise. “Dammit, Edan!”

  “What?” Edan’s wide-eyed innocence looked genuine. So it probably wasn’t.

  “Whatever, keep it. I remember.”

  “Are you sure it’s not in your sock? I feel like it’s in your sock.” Edan pointed. A piece of paper was sticking out of Julian’s sock. Priya giggled.

  “Dammit, Edan, how do you even . . .” Julian trailed off as he grabbed the paper. He glared at Edan and shoved it in his pocket. “Noah, you’re with me, Patrick and Priya . . .” He trailed off as he regarded us. He glanced from me to Gage.

  “Yo, no,” Gage interrupted.

  “Sorry?” Julian asked.

  “I’m not sparring with her. I saw her at tryouts. I need to be with a dude who can actually fight.”

  I flushed. Gage smirked at me in a way I knew well—daring me to say something back but certain that I probably wouldn’t. He was the kind of guy who liked publicly embarrassing people (and I bet he enjoyed doing it to girls the most).

  Julian opened his mouth to respond.

  “I saw you at tryouts too, and you were flat on your ass most of the time,” I said evenly. “At least I stayed standing most of the time.”

  Someone snorted loudly. Priya giggled.

  Gage’s nostrils flared. He muttered something under his breath and stuffed his hands in his pockets. His face was red.

  “Did I ask for your opinion?” Julian spat out the words with such hostility that I didn’t recognize his voice for a second.

  The team went completely silent. Across the room, the Canadians paused their practice to stare.

  “This isn’t high school gym class.” Julian’s voice was still loud, but a little calmer. “You don’t get an opinion, you don’t get detention if you’re rude. If you can’t take this seriously, you’re off the team. Are we clear?”

  We could be kicked off our teams? What were we supposed to do if that happened? I didn’t have any money for a return ticket—would I just be stuck in France forever?

  Gage swallowed and nodded. I didn’t think he had a plan if he was kicked off either.

  The Canadian team leader called something to Julian in French. Julian replied, also in French. I didn’t think it was very nice, because the other team leader widened his eyes a little like, Wow, and then turned away.

  I pressed my arms to my chest and grasped one wrist. This angry version of Julian made me nervous.

  He let out a sigh, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. The anger drained from his face. “Sorry,” he said to us. “I don’t mean to be an ass, I just want you guys to be safe. It’s on me if you get killed out there, you know?”

  I let go of my wrist, the tightness in my stomach loosening. I hadn’t considered how much pressure it was to be a team leader. And Julian was leading a team that was both the youngest and the worst. I’d probably yell at us too.

  “It’s cool, I’m in favor of not dying,” Patrick said lightly. Most of the team laughed, and I saw the same understanding on their faces. We weren’t in high school combat class anymore.

  Julian smiled. “Gage and Hunter, team up. Clara and Edan.”

  He rattled off the rest of the pairs, and asked us to spread out on the mats. Then he caught my eye, and a small smile spread across his face. Was I blushing? I was probably blushing.

  I turned away to see Madison watching me like she was considering the best angle to tackle me from.

  Officially. She and Julian were never officially together. Maybe I was stepping into something complicated between them.

  I avoided her gaze as I took my spot across from Edan on the mat.

  “This is just sparring, like you did in combat classes,” Julian called. “Pull your punches. I don’t want any broken noses today.”

  I strapped on my headgear and gloves. Edan did the same. He bounced on his heels and then turned in a circle, shaking his arms out.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Warming up.”

  Beside me, Patrick grunted as Priya elbowed him in the stomach.

  “Whoops, sorry,” she said with a giggle.

  “Are you ready?” I asked Edan.

  “Yeah. You can go first.”

  I planted my feet and lifted my arms. I drew back, preparing to throw my first punch. He quickly stepped to the side as I let it fly, leaning back to easily miss my fist and watch it sail past his face.

  “Edan, block it, don’t run away,” Julian called with a sigh that clearly said he’d been expecting this from Edan.

  “I didn’t run. I saw it coming from a mile away, so I just moved aside.” He swept his arms out dramatically to show how he’d avoided my slow swing. I flushed.

  Julian’s gaze flicked across the gym, distracted by something. “Gage, why are you punching Hunter in the ear?” He walked away from us.

  Edan took his spot across from me and raised his gloved hands. He jerked his head, beckoning me forward without meeting my eyes.

  I swung again. He leaned to the side, avoiding it by a mile again. I threw another one right away, aiming for his side this time, and he skittered away from that one too. He was really fast. You’d have to be, in his line of work.

  “You’re supposed to block,” I said, swinging again because I hoped he’d be distracted by my voice.

  No luck. He ducked the punch.

  “I’ll block when you actually get close to landing one,” he said.

  “Julian just said that’s not what you’re supposed to do.” I swung again.

  “This is”—he ducked my swing again—“how I intend to avoid”—he leaned way back out of my reach—“scrabs, so Julian”—he jumped to the left, my fist almost grazing his cheek—“can suck it.”

  I lowered my arms, letting out a sigh of defeat. Around us, other members of the team grunted as their gloves connected with bodies.

  “Clara, keep trying!” Julian called.

  I sprang into action immediately, taking a big step forward and swinging right at Edan’s face. He blinked, clearly startled, and stumbled backward. My glove barely grazed his nose. Well, at least I sort of made contact.

  “Some warning would be nice,” he said, an edge in his voice.

  “You’re the one who wasn’t paying attention.”

  He didn’t move back onto the mat. He was still avoiding my gaze, his eyes flicking all around the gym and to the floor. He swallowed. He was nervous, I realized with a start.

  “I’m not going to hurt you,” I said. It came out more exasperated than reassuring. Maybe this was why Julian had paired me with him. The guy was clearly more scared of me than I was of him.

  “Why do you say that like it should be obvious?” he asked.

  “Because Julian told us to pull our punches.”

  “Within the first forty-eight hours we knew each other, you jumped me and threatened to ‘tackle my ass—’” He made a motion with his hands that was probably supposed to be quote marks, though the gloves hid his fingers. “So forgive me if I don’t trust you.”

  “You don’t trust me?”

  “Nope.”

  “Guys, hold on,” Julian called, addressing the entire team. “Let’s pick up the pace here. I want to see fists flying. Watch me and Noah for a minute.” He nodded at Noah. “I’ll block.”

  Noah lifted his fists. He was lightly muscular, I realized as he lifted his arms. The kind of muscular that wasn’t for show.

  He launched at Julian. His fists flew through the air so fast I wasn’t sure how Julian was even blocking them. He was incredibly quick, punching and dodging as Julian attempted a few hits.

  “Holy shit,” Dorsey said under his breath.

  Noah ducked as Julian swung at him, and Julian lost his footing and hit the mat. I hadn’t even seen how Noah made him stumble.

  “Like that,” Julian said with a grin, breathing heavily. Noah held out a hand to help him to his feet.

  “Noah was put on this team to keep us all alive, wasn’t he?” Patrick asked from behind me.

  “Yep,” I said. “He definitely was.”

  14

  After training, we were ushered to the cafeteria for a dinner of barely warm chicken and limp salad. At the back of the cafeteria, workers dressed in black ran frantically in and out of a door, carrying huge trays of food or stacks of dishes.

  I sat across from Noah and Patrick, who were excitedly talking about Noah’s YouTube subscriber numbers. They were exploding, apparently. Dorsey, Hunter, and Gage were at the end of the table. To my left, Zoe and Dani laughed at something Madison said. On my right, Priya was trying to explain just how huge high school football was in Alabama to Laila and Edan, both of whom seemed dubious.

  I was in the middle of all the conversations, but part of none of them. I was watching them form their friend groups, and I didn’t have one. That always happened to me. It was part of the reason I stopped being friends with Adriana and the other girls a few years ago. Every time we hung out, I’d look around and realize that they were all better friends with each other than they were with me. Even when a new girl joined the group, she immediately found a place. I would watch it, wondering how on earth it happened. How did normal people just bond like that? How did they meet someone and just start sharing things? I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know how to do it.

  But everyone else did, apparently. Even Dani had found a place with Zoe and Madison.

  I glanced at Patrick. I’d been relieved to have a friend on the team, but he was clearly already better friends with Noah. Only Archer was also alone, across from Gage but obviously in his own world. That guy was weirder than me, at least.

  I realized that Noah was watching me. His gaze cut to the team members on either side of me, and he seemed to recognize that I was left out. Great. That wasn’t embarrassing at all.

  “Clara, I need your phone number,” he said, picking up the phone next to his empty plate. “Yours is the only one I don’t have.”

  “I don’t have a phone,” I said, using the edge of my fork to drag a soggy piece of lettuce across my plate.

  “You don’t have a phone?” Priya asked, leaning past Laila to peer at me.

  I shook my head. “I . . . forgot it.”

  “You forgot it?” Noah repeated, like this was the strangest thing he’d ever heard.

  “Uh, yeah,” I said, already regretting this lie. Why didn’t I just say I couldn’t afford one? That was technically true. My parents had bought that phone for me. Without them, I couldn’t afford anything.

  Why had I lied at all? Why hadn’t I rolled my eyes and said, My dad took it as punishment?

  Because that invited questions. Questions I didn’t want to answer. I didn’t care about protecting Dad, but I cared about protecting myself. And I wasn’t interested in answering those questions.

  Noah blinked at me, and I realized that silence had stretched out for a beat too long.

  “Let’s get out of here,” Priya said quickly. “I need a shower.”

  “Me too,” Noah said, and everyone rose from their seats.

  No wonder I couldn’t make friends. I’d successfully made everyone feel awkward in three seconds flat.

  I sighed as I grabbed my plate and walked across the cafeteria to dump it in the bin. I followed a few steps behind Noah and Patrick as we exited into the hallway.