The Ticking Heart

The Ticking Heart

Andrew Kaufman

Psychological Thrillers

Part modern fable, part detective novel, a journey through grief in the imaginary world of Metaphoria One cold winter night, Charlie shares a cab with a stranger in a purple hat. As they talk, a cloud of purple smoke overwhelms him and he wakes up to find himself behind the only desk in the Epiphany Detective Agency. Charlie, as it turns out, is trapped in Metaphoria, an otherworldly place that reality has forgotten, a place where everything means something else. His first client is Shirley Miller, who insists on hiring Charlie to find her husband's missing heart. In fact, she's so insistent that she replaces Charlie's heart with a bomb. He has twenty-four hours to find Twiggy Miller's heart - and its meaning - or his own will explode. Tender and brutal, optimistic and despairing, this modern fable by the author of the cult hit All My Friends Are Superheroes takes a fresh look at what it means to fall into, and out of, love.
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Small Claims

Small Claims

Andrew Kaufman

Psychological Thrillers

In this new novel by ReLit award–winning, Leacock-nominated writer Andrew Kaufman, Charlie eschews the usual avenues of mid-life crisis—sportscars, mistresses—and instead seeks meaning in the least likely of places: small claims court. There, he struggles to understand what's gone wrong in his marriage, his career as a writer, and his relationship with his two young children. With small observations, subtle investigations, and the constant pursuit of small-scale justice, Charlie attempts to rebuild his faith in humanity through the framework of a court system that won't let you sue for damages above twenty thousand dollars. This is Andrew Kaufman minus the magic realism and with a big dose of tenderness for the frailties of the heart.
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Born Weird

Born Weird

Andrew Kaufman

Psychological Thrillers

A family drama unlike any other from the internationally acclaimed author of All My Friends are Superheroes. The Weirds have always been a little peculiar, but not one of them suspected that they'd been cursed by their grandmother. At the moment of their birth Annie Weird gave each of her five grandchildren a special power that she thought was a blessing. Richard, the oldest, always keeps safe; Abba always has hope; Lucy is never lost and Kent can beat anyone in a fight. As for Angie, she always forgives, instantly. But over the years these blessings have proved to be curses and ruined their lives. Now Annie is dying and she has one last task for Angie, her favourite grandchild. Angie has to gather her far-flung brothers and sisters and assemble them in her Grandmother's hospital room so that at the moment of her death, she can lift these blessings turned curses.
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The Tiny Wife

The Tiny Wife

Andrew Kaufman

Psychological Thrillers

A robber charges into a bank with a loaded gun, but instead of taking any money he steals an item of sentimental value from each person. Once he has made his escape, strange things start to happen to the victims. A tattoo comes to life, a husband turns into a snowman, a baby starts to shit money. And Stacey Hinterland discovers that she’s shrinking, a little every day, and there is seemingly nothing that she or her husband can do to reverse the process. Can Stacey and the other victims find a solution before it is too late? The Tiny Wife is a weird and wonderful modern fable. Small, but perfectly formed, it will charm, delight and unnerve in equal measure.
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All My Friends Are Superheroes

All My Friends Are Superheroes

Andrew Kaufman

Psychological Thrillers

All Tom's friends really are superheroes. There's the Ear, the Spooner, the Impossible Man. Tom even married a superhero, the Perfectionist. But at their wedding, the Perfectionist was hypnotized (by ex-boyfriend Hypno, of course) to believe that Tom is invisible. Nothing he does can make her see him. Six months later, she's sure that Tom has abandoned her. So she's moving to Vancouver. She'll use her superpower to make Vancouver perfect and leave all the heartbreak in Toronto. With no idea Tom's beside her, she boards an airplane in Toronto. Tom has until the wheels touch the ground in Vancouver to convince her he's visible, or he loses her forever.
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All My Friends Are Superheroes

All My Friends Are Superheroes

Andrew Kaufman

Psychological Thrillers

All Tom's friends really are superheroes. There's the Ear, the Spooner, the Impossible Man. Tom even married a superhero, the Perfectionist. But at their wedding, the Perfectionist was hypnotized (by ex-boyfriend Hypno, of course) to believe that Tom is invisible. Nothing he does can make her see him. Six months later, she's sure that Tom has abandoned her. So she's moving to Vancouver. She'll use her superpower to make Vancouver perfect and leave all the heartbreak in Toronto. With no idea Tom's beside her, she boards an airplane in Toronto. Tom has until the wheels touch the ground in Vancouver to convince her he's visible, or he loses her forever.
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Small Claims

Small Claims

Andrew Kaufman

Psychological Thrillers

In this new novel by ReLit award–winning, Leacock-nominated writer Andrew Kaufman, Charlie eschews the usual avenues of mid-life crisis—sportscars, mistresses—and instead seeks meaning in the least likely of places: small claims court. There, he struggles to understand what's gone wrong in his marriage, his career as a writer, and his relationship with his two young children. With small observations, subtle investigations, and the constant pursuit of small-scale justice, Charlie attempts to rebuild his faith in humanity through the framework of a court system that won't let you sue for damages above twenty thousand dollars. This is Andrew Kaufman minus the magic realism and with a big dose of tenderness for the frailties of the heart.
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The Waterproof Bible

The Waterproof Bible

Andrew Kaufman

Psychological Thrillers

A magical story of love and the isolation that defines the modern condition - Andrew Kaufman pulls off the near impossible and creates a wholly original allegorical tale that is both emotionally resonant and outlandishly fun. Rebecca Reynolds is a young woman with a most unusual and inconvenient problem: no matter how hard she tries, she can't stop her emotions from escaping her body and entering the world around her. Luckily she's developed a nifty way to trap and store her powerful emotions in personal objects - but how many shoeboxes can a girl fill before she feels crushed by her past? Three events force Rebecca to change her ways: the unannounced departure of her husband, Stewart; the sudden death of Lisa, her musician sister; and, while on her way to Lisa's funeral, a near-crash with what appears to be a giant frogwoman recklessly speeding in a Honda Civic.Meanwhile, Lisa's inconsolable husband skips the funeral and flies to Winnipeg where he begins a bizarre journey that strips him of everything before he can begin to see a way through his grief… all with the help of a woman who calls herself God.From the Hardcover edition.Review“A quirky, tender, fantastical page-turner that makes even the most torrential of feelings––despair, doubt and desperation––feel good. . . . The Waterproof Bible is a witty, poignant stroke of beauty that deftly explores deluges of desire and need, fear and faith. The Kaufman current is powerful.” — Lisa Foad, The Globe and Mail“Kaufman is in total control of his universe. He doesn’t put quotation marks on either the realistic or fantastic, and the transition between the two states is always smooth.”— Brian Joseph David, EYE WEEKLY“There are very few Canadian authors, other than Sheila Heti, Yann Martel and occasionally Atwood, willing to submerge that deeply into magic. . . . His prose is so refreshingly heartfelt and natural that he makes it easy to believe.” — The Coast (Halifax)“Elegantly written literary novel, packed with plot. . . . The great pleasure is in the story and its permutations. . . . How it plays out, as opposed to what it may finally mean, is Kaufman’s chief achievement, as [is] his fluid technique in crosscutting the strands of the novel into its many resolutions. . . . Bizarre as the story grows, it never unravels, or becomes inconsistent. All goes, well, swimmingly.”— Winnipeg Free Press“Those who enjoyed All My Friends Are Superheroes . . . should be similarly taken with his sophomore effort, The Waterproof Bible, which retains the romance, humour and inventive allegory of the earlier book.” — Quill & QuireFrom the Hardcover edition.About the AuthorANDREW KAUFMAN's critically acclaimed first book, All My Friends Are Superheroes, was a cult hit and has been translated into six languages. Kaufman is also an accomplished screenwriter and has completed a Director's Residency at the Canadian Film Centre. He lives in Toronto with his wife and their two children.From the Hardcover edition.
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The Tiny Wife

The Tiny Wife

Andrew Kaufman

Psychological Thrillers

A robber charges into a bank with a loaded gun, but instead of taking any money he steals an item of sentimental value from each person. Once he has made his escape, strange things start to happen to the victims. A tattoo comes to life, a husband turns into a snowman, a baby starts to shit money. And Stacey Hinterland discovers that she’s shrinking, a little every day, and there is seemingly nothing that she or her husband can do to reverse the process. Can Stacey and the other victims find a solution before it is too late? The Tiny Wife is a weird and wonderful modern fable. Small, but perfectly formed, it will charm, delight and unnerve in equal measure.
Read online
  • 43
Born Weird

Born Weird

Andrew Kaufman

Psychological Thrillers

A family drama unlike any other from the internationally acclaimed author of All My Friends are Superheroes. The Weirds have always been a little peculiar, but not one of them suspected that they'd been cursed by their grandmother. At the moment of their birth Annie Weird gave each of her five grandchildren a special power that she thought was a blessing. Richard, the oldest, always keeps safe; Abba always has hope; Lucy is never lost and Kent can beat anyone in a fight. As for Angie, she always forgives, instantly. But over the years these blessings have proved to be curses and ruined their lives. Now Annie is dying and she has one last task for Angie, her favourite grandchild. Angie has to gather her far-flung brothers and sisters and assemble them in her Grandmother's hospital room so that at the moment of her death, she can lift these blessings turned curses.
Read online
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