“Brianna has green eyes and red hair. She’s a light caramel color.”

  “Is she cute?”

  “Yeah, really cute.”

  “That’s good. I hate to say it, but if you’re gonna be biracial, you should at least be cute. People expect you to be cute. It’s a disappointment if you’re not.”

  “You sound like old-timey folks now. You’re bordering on callin’ somebody yellow wasted, if they’re not cute.”

  “I don’t think like that,” Sharon protested. “I just meant it’s hard enough being caught between two worlds. You may as well have looks going for you.”

  I nodded.

  “Anyway, so did it bother you when you found out that Skylar’s ex-wife is white?”

  “Maybe, a little, but not that much. Skylar isn’t your typical brotha. He’s such an individual. I told you he was mostly raised by a white woman. So I wasn’t that surprised. I’m not really tripping on Allison’s race. People have a right to date and marrry whomever they choose. What concerns me is, if Allison is trying to get back with Skylar, he might fall for the bait. She’s already got one foot in the door now. She doesn’t seem to have any solid plans. She’s staying at a hotel, but I don’t think she has money to burn. Supposedly she’s in recovery. She’s at a twelve-step meeting as we speak. I just wish I knew what her real agenda was.”

  “It’s impossible for you to know, unless she tips her hand. She might even be confused herself. But, more importantly, you need to know what Skylar’s agenda is.”

  “He claims he’s through with her; he’s just being cordial for Brianna’s sake. Skylar says that he’s glad that Allison is showing more interest in their daughter, since he wants them to have a good relationship. He even says that if Allison cleans up her act, he wouldn’t object to joint custody. Then he could spend more time with me.”

  “Look at it this way: If she’s in the picture, you’ve got a regular babysitter. Who knows, one day you and Skylar might even be able to spend a whole weekend together.”

  “Yeah.” I smiled, imagining Skylar and me waking up together in a quaint bed and breakfast in a little antiquey town. “So, how’s it going with you and Michelle?” I asked. “How is her son handling your relationship?”

  “Thanks for asking. As a matter of fact, we’re doing pretty well. The boy has made a one-hundred-and eighty-degree turn!”

  “That’s great, Sharon.”

  “Now Ryan constantly wants to know when I’m coming over. It makes you mad when you think about how these heterosexist oppressors have used kids against us. Children have always been used as the hammer to beat us down. It’s always been ‘the kids can’t handle it,’” Sharon said sarcastically. “Kids can handle it just fine. It’s the adults that have the problem.”

  “Yeah, Professor, sho’ you right. Kids are very flexible. What kids need most has nothing to do with who you sleep with or how you cross your legs.”

  “I heard that.”

  “Now, teenagers are different. They’ve already been indoctrinated. What’s T up to?”

  “She’s at the computer. She’s got a big paper due. She waited till the last minute. Luckily she can get a lot of information off the Internet.”

  I decided to call Skylar from Sharon’s place. It had gotten a little late, and also I might need Sharon for moral support.

  “I can’t believe it. I dialed the number twice and there’s still no answer,” I said a few minutes later, staring at the receiver as if it could explain.

  Sharon looked up from the pile of clean laundry she was sorting on the couch. “Did you check the number?”

  “I know it by heart,” I said, “but let me verify it in my book.” I reached for my purse. “The number’s right. I can’t believe Skylar would step out after ten o’clock. It’s an hour past Brianna’s bedtime. And he knew I was gonna call.”

  “Maybe he’s got the phone unplugged, or something happened and he just can’t deal with the phone right now. It doesn’t have to be serious; his daughter could just have a tummyache. You know a single parent’s work is never done.” Sharon continued to fold clothes.

  “I’m surprised he’s not letting the machine pick up, though.”

  “Maybe he forgot to turn it on.”

  “I let it ring a bunch of times.”

  “Dee Dee, stop trippin’. There’s probably a logical explanation.”

  “They say God sends you a pebble before he sends you a brick.”

  “Don’t get paranoid,” Sharon cautioned as she folded a towel. “Now, maybe this is a red flag, and maybe it isn’t. Why not have a ‘wait and see’ attitude?”

  “Wait until I see what?” I jumped to my feet. “A red flag as big as that beach towel?” I pointed.

  “No, of course not. I just don’t want you to act too hastily. I think this relationship might have potential. Maybe Skylar is a good guy,” Sharon said, setting the towel atop a stack of folded clothes.

  “Well, a part of me has hope and another part of me hears, ‘All men lie and only a fool would put her trust in a man’ echoing in my memory.”

  “Well, maybe it’s time for you to go beyond that thinking,” Sharon suggested. “Maybe it’s time for you to learn that it is possible to find a man that you can trust.”

  I looked at Sharon incredulously. “Easy for you to say, now that you don’t deal with them.” I folded my arms. “You know, I really resent the fact that now that you’ve become a lesbian, you wanna always give men the benefit of the doubt.”

  “How ironic.” Sharon laughed, placing her hands on her hips. “Well, at least you’re not calling me a man-hater. I have to give you points for originality.”

  “I don’t know why I ever got my hopes up about Skylar in the first place,” I said, throwing my hands up in the air and beginning to pace. “Let’s get real. What are the chances of an overweight, over forty, black woman meeting Mr. Right? Come on,” I challenged Sharon, “what are the chances? Statistics say I have a better chance of being struck by lightning,” I said, pounding my chest.

  Sharon shrugged. “So you’re slightly overweight, and so you’re slightly over forty,” she said, squaring off with me. “Dee Dee, you’re an attractive, dynamic, intelligent, warm, caring, witty woman, and anyone would be lucky to get you. Now, that’s the real deal.”

  “You really mean that? You’re not just saying that ’cause you’re trying to hit on me?” I asked, half teasingly.

  Sharon rolled her eyes. “Just take it in. Dee Dee, don’t try to diminish yourself by insinuating that I have an ulterior motive. Everything I said is true, just accept it.”

  “Sharon, I never thought I would say this, but I’m glad you’re who you are.”

  “Come again?” Sharon had a puzzled look.

  “I mean, some straight sistas are so competitive with each other. When they give another woman a compliment, it’s a gift. The praise doesn’t flow out like water. But you can say I’m all that and it doesn’t take anything away from you.”

  “Why should it?” Sharon hunched her shoulders. “Your being all that, doesn’t keep me from being all that, too. Why can’t we all be all that and a bag of chips?”

  “When you first came out to me as a lesbian, I thought I’d lost something,” I said, feeling a catch in my throat. “But now I realize that I gained something.”

  “We both did,” Sharon said, giving me a hug.

  “Lemme try the number again.”

  “Yeah, maybe Skylar was just taking a long shower and didn’t hear the phone ring.”

  But there was still no answer. “Still in the shower,” I quipped. I paused. “I hope his ex-wife left. If not, anything could be going on.”

  “Yeah, they could be making love. They could be making war. They could be making popcorn. We don’t know,” Sharon said.

  I pictured Skylar arguing with an imaginary strawberry blonde and then I pictured them having sex together. I much preferred the former image.

  “I just want to know the truth,” I said firmly. “I’m not in too deep at this point to walk.”

  “That’s good,” Sharon said. “That sounds healthy.”

  “It would be painful, but I’d rather know the truth.”

  “You wanna check your voice mail? Maybe he left you a message.”

  “Yeah, good idea.” I called in to hear my messages.

  “Nothing,” I reported, hanging up the phone.

  “Are you gonna try calling Skylar from your car phone?”

  “No, because I don’t want to act obsessed.”

  When I got home, I did have a message from Skylar. It was ten minutes old. He’d been waiting to hear from me, he said, but he was going to go ahead and turn in now. “Not yet, you aren’t,” I said aloud. “You got some ’splaining to do.”

  Skylar’s voice sounded calm on my voice mail. Obviously, no calamity had occurred. It was like he’d been expecting to hear from me, but for some reason I just hadn’t called and therefore he was just going to go to bed.

  My heart was pounding when I dialed his number. I wasn’t sure if he would answer, but he did.

  “Hi, Dee Dee, I thought I would’ve heard from you earlier,” Skylar said, sounding puzzled.

  “I called your number a few times.” I was ashamed to admit that I’d dialed four times and let the phone ring almost a total of forty times.

  “What do you mean? The phone hasn’t rung all night.”

  “Are you sure it was plugged in?” I asked, trying to speak in an even tone.

  “Yeah, I’m sure.”

  “Maybe you were using it. Do you have call waiting?”

  “No, I don’t. And I haven’t used the phone at all tonight. I’ve been sitting right next to it all evening while working on a legal brief.”

  When I heard the words legal brief, I saw red. “Skylar, is that the same legal brief you told Allison that you presented to a client while we were having dinner?”

  “What do you mean?” Skylar stammered.

  I mean you’re stone cold busted, I thought. “I just happened to overhear your phone conversation,” I said. “I heard you lie.”

  Skylar sighed into the phone. I felt nervous, but I’d rather get down to the real nitty-gritty than to pretend.

  “Dee Dee, I told Allison that just to keep the peace. I really don’t want her in my business. And the more I say to her, the more I have to say to her. You don’t understand. Technically, I have joint custody. Allison could run with Brianna at any time. I can’t afford to rock the boat. That’s why I’m walking on eggshells with her.”

  “You were right next to the phone and you never heard it ring tonight?”

  “Not once.”

  “By the way, where’s Allison now?”

  “Allison?”

  “Yeah, Allison, your ex-wife, remember?”

  “What’s Allison have to do with anything?”

  “Where is she? Did she go to her meeting?”

  “As a matter of fact, she got the days mixed up. That meeting is a different night.”

  “Oh, those things happen. Well, did she leave?”

  “The phone didn’t ring, Dee Dee, okay?”

  “Where is Allison now?”

  “She’s sleeping on the couch, if you must know.”

  “I thought she had a hotel room.”

  “She checked out this afternoon.”

  “Is she going back to Indianapolis tommorrow?”

  “I told you, she said she was going to try to get established here in Chicago.”

  “Look, Skylar, I wasn’t born on April First. If you want to get back with your ex-wife, just say so. That is, if she is your ex-wife.”

  “She is definitely my ex-wife,” Skylar snapped. “The only reason she’s here is because of Brianna. Allison and I are cordial at best.”

  “When was your cordial divorce final?”

  “At the end of May. Do you wanna see a copy of my divorce paper? I will be glad to fax it to you tomorrow or mail you a hard copy.”

  “Mail me a hard copy.”

  “Okay, no problem.”

  “I still have a problem. In fact, we still have a problem. I need to know how long Allison is going to stay there. I need to know what your agenda is. I just want you to be straight with me. I do not have time to play games.”

  “I’m not playing games with you. I am being straight with you. I just couldn’t put Allison out in the street tonight. She is my daughter’s mother. But she knows that she’ll have to make other arrangements pretty soon.”

  “Is pretty soon a day or a month?”

  “In one way, it doesn’t really matter, because there’s nothing going on between us.”

  “It matters to me.”

  “Allison will not be here a month, believe me, or even a week. I want her to leave as soon as possible.”

  “Skylar, I wanna believe you, but I have to protect myself. I’ll be honest with you. If I find out you’re lying to me, I swear to you I’ll walk.”

  “Dee Dee, don’t you threaten me. I don’t need this shit. Stop jammin’ me. I told you that the only thing between me and that woman is the little angel sleeping in the next room. So, please, don’t threaten me.”

  “Skylar, it wasn’t a threat. It was a promise.”

  twenty

  Halloween had come and gone and Thanksgiving was fast approaching. They were already playing Christmas music in one of the department stores. I was in love, and therefore happy to be in the holiday spirit. Skylar had recently sent me a dozen red roses and a copy of his divorce paper.

  However, all was not bliss. Skylar’s ex-wife was wreaking havoc on our lives. She’d been sleeping on his couch for almost a week now. Allison had promised to be out by this coming Saturday, and I was counting the days. The only silver lining was that she was our babysitter and we were therefore able to wake up on this cold, overcast Sunday morning in each others’ arms. We had shared a night of exquisite lovemaking. The afterglow had really been the bomb for me. It was one of those times when you’re just in awe and you want to utter, “So this is what life is all about.” But instead you have sense enough to just let your mouth hang open.

  “I didn’t want to tell you what she did, yesterday. I didn’t want to spoil our evening,” Skylar said, nuzzling my neck.

  I automatically knew who “she” was. I gave Skylar a concerned look. I wanted him to feel comfortable sharing his problems with me. I wanted to be supportive. “What did Allison do now?” I sighed. I was tempted to use the word “bitch,” but I restrained myself.

  “It was really emotional abuse,” Skylar said, sitting up and jamming the pillow behind his head.

  “What happened?”

  “I can handle her foolishness, but what really got my goat is that she dragged Brianna into it.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  Skylar sighed and gave me a pained look. “Allison told Brianna some private things about our relationship, very private.”

  “Like what?”

  “She told Brianna that I talked her into having an abortion a few years ago. That was totally inappropriate.”

  I gulped. Abortion was still a painful topic for me. I had never completely forgiven myself for having one. Yet I steadfastly believed in a woman’s right to choose. “It was definitely inappropriate for Allison to tell Brianna about the abortion,” I agreed. “Even if you did pressure her to have one.”

  “I didn’t pressure her,” Skylar said defensively. “I just gave her my opinion.”

  “Regardless, she shouldn’t have told Brianna,” I said, gently stroking Skylar’s face. “Baby, I’m not judging you. I’m agreeing with you. What Allison did was horrible.”

  “We weren’t getting along at the time,” Skylar said with a faraway look in his eyes. “Brianna had just started school. I didn’t think that we were equipped to begin all over again with another child. But I didn’t force Allison to have an abortion.” He frowned, creating deep creases in his forehead.

  “It’s not like I even threatened to leave or anything.”

  “It’s an agonizing decision to have to make, especially for a woman,” I mumbled. “I’ve never really forgiven myself for having an abortion, even though I felt it was the best decison for me at that time.”

  Skylar sighed. “Don’t beat yourself up. I’m sure you did what you thought was best under the circumstances. If men had to go through what women have to go through as a result of sex, this would be a different world.”

  “Yeah, there would be a lot less sex and a lot fewer people.”

  “When it comes to their bodies, women definitely have a harder row to hoe,” Skylar said. He held me closely and I felt snug inside his embrace.

  “How did Brianna react to hearing about all this?”

  “She was upset.” Skylar shook his head. “She cried herself to sleep. She asked me why I made Mommy kill her little sister.”

  “That’s heavy.”

  “Yeah, tell me about it,” he said in a beleaguered tone. “I really gave Allison a piece of my mind.”

  “What did she say?”

  “She claims it just came out.” Skylar rolled his eyes. “And she needed to let Brianna know that she loved her and that she wasn’t always the bad guy and that she’d been in a lot of emotional pain during our marriage.”

  “It was still inappropriate.”

  “Thank you,” Skylar said, wrapping the sheet around himself. “I hate even leaving Brianna with her. But I don’t think she’ll do any further damage.”

  “Let’s hope not. Can you give me some of the sheet?”

  “Sure. I wanted to be with you so much. I’ve missed everything about you.”

  I pressed my softness against Skylar’s hardness in the manner we’d become accustomed to.

  Sharon called me the following evening and informed me that she’d overheard Tyeesha planning with her friend to strip at a club. I felt a little guilty because I’d failed to warn Sharon that T had mentioned stripping to me. But I’d been under the illusion that I’d talked T out of it. I was royally pissed at her for not following my advice. I didn’t appreciate flapping my lips for nothing.

  Sharon said that she had half a mind to let Tyeesha go on with her plan, and half a mind to beat the shit outta her. I thought that two heads might be better than one, and said, “I’m on my way over.”