He closed his eyes, pain rushing through him. Opening them, he said, “I think she loves me enough to give me up.”

  “Explain, Dev,” encouraged Win when Devin fell silent.

  “Julia told me my foremost duty would now be to my people and that I could not be selfish. She said if the estate is doing poorly, then I would need to wed someone with a substantial dowry.” He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. “I don’t know the state of the estates,” he said angrily. “She didn’t give me a chance to even talk about this. She ran off.”

  “She was upset, Dev,” Win said. “She loves you and wants to do right by you.”

  He recalled Julia’s words. How her half-brother promised their dying father he would do right by his stepmother and half-sister. And how he had twisted the promise to his father, turning them out. Julia’s mother had not been able to deal with that harsh reality and had ended her own life, leaving her daughter to fend for herself.

  “I know,” he said, rubbing his tired eyes. “I cannot do this without her. Julia is my everything.”

  “You must go to town and meet with your solicitor,” Win said. “Find out what you owe or don’t owe. Get an idea of your financial standing. I am happy to go with you if you wish.”

  His throat thickened with emotion. “Thank you, Win, but I need to start learning to do for myself. I would ask for a mount from your stables, though, in order to go to town.”

  “Now?” Sera asked. “It is dark, Devin. You are upset and the roads are dangerous. Wait until morning and take our carriage.”

  “All right,” he agreed. “But promise me—not a word to Julia. She is upset enough. I don’t want her to think I came to you and tattled about our spat.”

  “It sounds more than a spat, Dev,” Win cautioned. “She said she will not wed you.”

  “Cannot,” Devin emphasized. “There is a difference. If there are no money worries, then I am free to marry her and still meet my responsibilities to my tenants. Our tenants.”

  Sera looked thoughtful. “Are you certain it was only money standing between you, Devin?”

  “What else might it be?” he asked testily.

  Win’s face grew stormy. “We are friends, Dev, but you will address my duchess with respect.”

  “I am sorry, Win. I am upset. I did not mean to upset Sera.” He looked to her. “Forgive me?”

  “Of course,” she said. “What I was trying to get at, Devin, is Miss Birmingham might find more than money a barrier between you. It was one thing to wed an upper servant, as she is, and remain contentedly in the country the rest of her life. Quite another to navigate the shark-infested waters of the ton, though. I have yet to be introduced to them and find that I am nervous about doing so—and I am a duchess.”

  “If Julia wants a quiet, country life, then so do I. I have never been a part of the ton. I wouldn’t miss it. Not if I had her by my side. Besides, she is a lady. Her father was a titled peer. I assume when she became a governess, she dropped Lady Julia and became plain Miss Birmingham so she might better fit into her role in life.”

  Sera nodded. “Then find out your status and return and share it with her. See if she agrees to wed you then—or find out if she has an aversion to the ton. I believe in love, Devin. I know the two of you can work this out.”

  He rose. “Thank you both for your advice. I will leave at first light tomorrow for London.”

  Returning to his room, he took a pencil and parchment. Not to practice his letters or the common words from the list Julia had provided him.

  Instead, it took him a good two hours to write her a letter. A letter of explanation. A letter of love.

  *

  Julia awoke, her eyes swollen from crying and gritty from lack of sleep. She had waited for hours before she returned to her room and then lay awake even longer, listening to see if Devin came to her door. Thankfully, he hadn’t. She hoped he would take her words to heart and do what was right for his people.

  At first, she had been angry with him for behaving selfishly and stupidly. Then the more she thought about it from his point of view, the more sympathy she had for him. He was a man raised to go into the military and, before that, a child ignored and berated by an unloving father. He had escaped a terrible home life and made a good life for himself in the army. He’d had friends. Men he loved and watched over. Then his identity had been stripped from him within a few seconds, by a man Devin had wanted to bring to justice. He was forced from the only life he had known as an adult and feared how he would support himself, not being capable of physical labor because of his new disability—and having to learn with that reality.

  She had been so proud of him and his work ethic, as he had devoted hours to learning how to write again. Devin had started gaining confidence, happy to be offered a position that she believed he would excel in. Then he was upset yet again, his world changing in the blink of an eye, by discovering he now held a title. A title it didn’t seem he wanted and believed he was unsuited to hold. One he had no preparation for. This would exacerbate his fears and increase his self-doubt.

  Devin was a good man at heart. Her refusal to wed him may have been hard to hear but once he mulled over her words, he would understand where his duty belonged. To his tenants and not to her. Yes, their love was new and thrilling. The coming together of their bodies was an experience she would forever cherish. But he would forget her quickly. He would be caught up in his new responsibilities. He would attend the Season with his friends and find a bride. Even if his estate were in excellent shape, it wouldn’t hurt for him to marry a woman with a large dowry. As it was, Devin was as handsome a man as she had ever seen. Julia knew women would be crawling all over him, hoping to win his heart.

  Ironically, she had enough money to help him if he truly needed it. Lady Sowbury had seen to that. The old woman’s relatives had abandoned her. When her death came, Julia was shocked to find the dowager marchioness had left her a fortune of almost twenty thousand pounds. The family who never had time for the sweet woman had been angered, threatening Julia with a lawsuit that might drag through the courts for years. In the end, the dowager marchioness’ solicitor had told the family Lady Sowbury had been in her right mind when she executed the will, had the proper witnesses, and they would be wasting their time and money if they challenged Julia in court.

  She had left Somerset, disillusioned at how members of Polite Society treated one of their own and determined never to be a part of such an ugly world.

  But that was a part of her story she hadn’t wished to share with him. What was important to her was to see them both happy. He, as a married marquess, doing good for his people, an appropriate wife by his side. She, being true to her heart, remaining free and independent.

  Julia wondered if he would seek her out today and hoped that wouldn’t be the case. If he were wise, Devin would go to London immediately and make the right people aware of the situation. Undoubtedly, the family solicitor—and possibly a representative of the crown—would have written to Devin in France, thinking him still in the military. He could clear up any confusion quickly and assume his title and duties.

  Where did that leave her, though?

  If his estate—or estates—were financially sound, he would insist that they wed. Devin Hunt was not a man who would accept no for an answer. Julia telling him she didn’t wish to wed him simply because she didn’t want to be a part of a world she had once come from wouldn’t be a good enough answer. Knowing Devin, he would drag her to a clergyman and somehow force her to speak her vows.

  If he found himself in arrears, then she need not worry. He would do the only thing he could and search for a bride to help get his estate into good, working order.

  Which would it be?

  No matter, he would return to Woodbridge, if only to return the horse or carriage he borrowed. He would seek her out. And Julia couldn’t have that. She didn’t want to give up her position. Freddie and Charlie were so special and still had a long way to go in order to be brought to a level where they could compete with their peers. How could she keep her role as their governess and yet avoid Devin?

  She decided to lie.

  Julia had been an honest child and tried to be the same as an adult. The only lie she had willingly taken part in had been the one which had allowed her mother to be buried in consecrated ground, next to her father. That lie had allowed Tilton to keep his reputation. Her promise not to out him for his ungentlemanly behavior had been worth it to see Mama laid to rest peacefully.

  This new lie would have to be believable. She knew how the duke and duchess valued family, so it must be centered around that.

  She rose and washed, carefully bathing her face and pressing a cold, wet cloth to her eyes for some minutes in order to try and reduce the swelling. Then she decided she could actually use that to her advantage.

  Julia went to the schoolroom to lay out the day’s lessons as was her custom. On the table was a folded page with her name written upon it. Lifting it, she saw the shaky lettering.

  And knew Devin had written it to her.

  With trepidation, she opened the page. Seeing all the writing, she wondered how long he had labored over it. Tears filled her eyes again and she blinked them back in order to read what he had written to her.

  My dearest Julia—

  I am sorry I cannot tell you goodbye in person but I am leaving for London at first light tomorrow morning. I wish to learn firsthand about my inheritance and what my financial situation might be. I fear I worried you prematurely, my darling. I hope that Prentis has not left me in debt. Even if he has and it is staggering, it would be ridiculous to wed some heiress—when the only woman I want is you.

  If matters are well in hand and Easton Ridge thrives, I know you will be by my side and it will continue to flourish and prosper. If it has lapsed, then you are the person who can help me bring it back to its full potential. You know far more about these things than I do, Julia. I am counting on you to stand with me and help me to help my people.

  I hate how we left things between us. I know you were being noble, wishing to step aside so that if I needed to marry a woman with a large dowry, I could. Know this, my dearest—I could never do so. I find I am utterly, incredibly, wonderfully in love—with you. You are my sun and moon and stars. I am not a man to wax poetic, love. I did not even believe in love before I met you. Knowing you and loving you, though, I see the great adventures which are ahead of us. The years will unwind as we build a life together in love, creating a strong marriage as we have (hopefully) half a dozen children or more.

  For I find my heart is different now, Julia. You have changed me for the better. I want a life with you. I want to grow old with you at Easton Ridge. If you are worried about the ton, forget them. We have each other. So put your fears aside, my sweetest love. Take my hand. You already hold my heart. Come along with me on a journey where we depend upon one another. Cherish each other. Love the other from this moment—until death do us part—and hopefully, even in the Great Beyond.

  I will try to return by nightfall. Tomorrow at the latest. And then we can make our plans. Our souls have collided, Julia. We were destined to be.

  All my love,

  Devin

  Her heart grew heavy as more tears rushed down her cheeks. Oh, this man. How he must have struggled to write so much to her—and how he must love her. She wasn’t good enough for him, though. He needed someone far better than she. He deserved every good thing in life and would find it. If she stepped away quickly. He would become caught up in his new duties and, with time, he would forget her and find lasting happiness with someone else.

  Julia would never forget him, though.

  She folded the page and returned to her room, slipping it inside her reticule. Then she went to the boys and accompanied them downstairs so they might collect their daily eggs. They breakfasted in the kitchens and then she sent them upstairs to use their tooth powder, saying she would be with them shortly.

  She went to the breakfast room and glimpsed inside, seeing it was only His Grace at breakfast. She had heard a few of the servants mention Her Grace was sometimes taking her breakfast in her room because of the sickness she felt in the mornings.

  This would work to Julia’s advantage.

  She climbed the stairs and made her way to the duchess’ suite of rooms. She knocked and heard Her Grace call out, “Come.”

  Julia entered, her insides thundering. “Good morning, Your Grace.”

  Worry filled the duchess’ face. “Is it one of the boys? Are they hurt?”

  “No, Your Grace. Both boys are fine. They collected their eggs as usual and breakfasted with me. They are about to start their lessons. Or were, until I received a letter.”

  She knew the duke received the morning post while at breakfast but only letters directed to him or his duchess. She had seen a footman take another letter and deliver it to a servant on a previous occasion. That meant His Grace would not know if a letter had come for Julia or not. Once she told Her Grace a fib, she doubted the duchess would hunt down the footman who delivered the mail and ask about it.

  Taking a deep breath, she continued. “My uncle is quite ill, Your Grace. My aunt passed away many years ago and Uncle Ralph has no one else to care for him in his final days. In fact, he is so sick that his neighbor wrote to me since Uncle Ralph is unable to do so himself.”

  “Oh, that is dreadful,” the duchess said. “Where is he?”

  Julia didn’t want to go far and so she said, “London. Cheapside. He is in charge of receiving meat brought in from Smithfield Market.” She cast her gaze downward. “Or he was.”

  “You must go to him,” Her Grace encouraged.

  She gave the duchess a grateful smile. “Oh, thank you, Your Grace. From what his neighbor wrote, he only has a week or so to live. Naturally, since he has no other family, I would want to stay on and help settle his affairs.”

  “Take as long as you need, Miss Birmingham. This will give me an excuse to spend more time with Charlie and Freddie.” She paused. “Did you happen to see Mr. Hunt this morning?”

  “No,” Julia said carefully, not wanting to reveal she had read his letter to her. “I heard a few of the scullery maids talking. They said he left for London this morning.”

  “He did,” the duchess confirmed. “In our carriage. I am only sorry we did not know you would need to go the same way. It would have given you ample opportunity to . . . talk.”

  Deciding to confront this head on, she said, “You are referring to Lord Devin’s marriage proposal.”

  “Why, yes. He said you were engaged. Then you were not.”

  “I am afraid Lord Devin may have thought we were engaged. His situation has changed radically, you know.”

  “Yes, he did share with us about his brother’s passing.”

  “Woman-to-woman, Your Grace, I believe Lord Devin would be happier with someone of his own class, just as I am happy being in service to families with children.”

  Her Grace eyed Julia thoughtfully. “You carry yourself so well, Miss Birmingham. You are intelligent and beautiful and would be an asset to Lord Devin. Or Lord Bedford, I should say.”

  “I am afraid his lordship’s affections are misplaced, Your Grace,” she said, the words sticking in her throat. “I have helped him on his road to recovery. What he is taking for affection is merely gratitude on his part since I have aided him in learning to write again.”

  “You did not tell him that you loved him?”

  Julia couldn’t lie anymore to this woman. “I would prefer not to discuss my personal affairs, Your Grace.”

  “I see. Well, with the carriage gone, we can’t very well have you borrowing one of our horses to ride to London. We do have a cart and horse, however. I could get one of our grooms to take you to town.”

  “I would not want to have anyone go to such trouble for me, Your Grace. I will catch the mail coach into town. It comes through Marston at eleven o’clock. I would appreciate if a groom took me into the village, though.”

  “Very well. Have Mr. Harrison find someone to convey you there. Do you need help packing, Miss Birmingham?”

  “I haven’t all that much, Your Grace. Thank you.”

  “I will come to the schoolroom in half an hour.”

  “Today’s lessons are already laid out. I can write up a few more if you wish.”

  “I can handle that for you, Miss Birmingham. You have things to do. I hope you will get to spend some quality time with your uncle.”

  The duchess nodded, dismissing Julia, and she left the room, her heart pounding as wildly as if Devin had kissed her. Oh, how she would miss those kisses.

  As she returned to the schoolroom, she wondered if she would return to these boys or remain away. If she came back to Woodbridge and Devin’s finances were sound, he would come looking for her. Perhaps the best thing to do would be to disappear.

  She entered the schoolroom, finding the boys. It had been hard enough lying to the duchess. Now, she would be doing the same to these boys she cared for so much.

  “I want to do spelling first,” Freddie said. “Then it’s out of the way.”

  “I like spelling so I don’t mind doing it first,” Charlie added.

  “Boys, I am going to have to be gone a little while,” she began.

  “Where?” they asked.

  “My uncle is very sick. He is dying. I am going to spend time with him during his final days.”

  “You will be back?” Charlie asked anxiously.

  “I should be back in about two weeks,” she said brightly, hoping that would be the case. “In the meantime, your aunt will be taking over your lessons. Help her as much as you can.”

  “We will, Miss Birmingham,” Freddie promised.

  “I need to go pack a few things.”

  “We can start on our spelling and you can check it when you finish,” Charlie said.

  Oh, they were such good, good boys.

  Julia went to her bedchamber and lifted her valise, placing it on the bed. She packed everything she owned in case she did not return. Then she returned and looked over the sentences the boys had written out.