“How did I not know they were gone?” Dan shook his head. “I feel totally out of it.”

  “I think Hutto went a week later than we did, that’s all.” Dix reached out, and he took his brother’s hand. “Hey. Talk to me.”

  “Oh, I was talking to Hank. You remember Hank?” There had been one disastrous weekend with him and Hank and Dix and Ron in NOLA….

  Dixon’s eyes went wide. “You mean New Orleans Hank?”

  “Yeah.” Dan chuckled. “So you can guess how I was running my mouth. Weldon overheard some shit, and before I could even try to explain, he kicked me out. I mean, just for a drive.” He had to be honest.

  “Ouch. Did the kids hear?”

  “Yeah.” Guilt tore at him when he thought how upset Maddie and Emma had been in particular. “I feel like an ass.”

  “Damn. You want a beer? I got tortilla roll ups.” That was Dix. Ply the soldier with cold drinks and snacks and get all the dirt.

  “I’d love one.” Dan would dish all the family drama Dix needed. “You and Audie never fight, so I guess this sounds odd.”

  Dix’s laugh rang out, sharp and surprisingly harsh. “Are you shitting me? Never fight. Right. Jesus Christ, Bubba.”

  “Seriously?” Dan stared, shocked a bit.

  “Duh. Jesus. He and I tie it up over the kids, over the money, over whether I can handle the bus by myself, or Grainger is going to need another guitar or Randi another horse. We have been known to fight over whether blowjobs or rim jobs are better.”

  Dan gaped. “TMI, because ew. But—I mean I’ve never seen you argue.”

  “That’s because that’s between us—not family, not the kids, not our friends. That’s ours. Fighting’s important, isn’t it?”

  “Is it?” He could never remember Mom and Dad doing it. “Did you fight with Ron?”

  “I never saw Ron, and when he was home, we were in bed or at a party together or…. You knew Ron. He didn’t fight. He left on a business trip.”

  “Yeah.” He pondered that. “So why is it so important with Audie?”

  A low chuckle came from out in the yard. “Because I come from a long line of East Texas rednecks who know how to get down and dirty.” Audie stepped up onto the porch and immediately walked over to kiss Dix’s mouth.

  Dixon kissed him back—not passionate, but happy, warm.

  “What the fuck does that mean, you perv?” Dan asked when they came up for air.

  “It means that I didn’t come from polite, educated folks like you. It means that we can tear it up, because we both care about shit.”

  “Oh.” Dan was pretty sure his folks gave a shit. Maybe they just fought behind closed doors. “Do you think he fought with his wife?”

  “Probably. Couples fight, right? Does he ever talk about her?” Dix looked so fucking curious.

  “When I ask him.” Dan sighed. “I mean, I worry. Was he happier with her?”

  “Does that matter?” Dix asked.

  “Sure it does. Y’all don’t understand. I mean, he was married. To a woman.”

  Audie made this noise, clicking his tongue against the backs of his teeth. “Right. Neither one of us gets those things at all.”

  Oh, shit on a shingle. “I didn’t mean….”

  “Sure you did.” Audie took a beer and sat down, all long legs and worn-out boots. “You know, I fucked a girl. Like, for months.”

  “Audie—”

  “Seriously. We got pregnant the old-fashioned way. I liked it. It’s a wonder Dix doesn’t worry that I’ll suddenly go straight.”

  Dix snorted. “Shit, I worried more about you and Weldon, for fuck’s sake. No girl can suck as good as I do.”

  “Eurgh.” Dan closed his eyes. No sex talk from his brother, and no way was Audie getting anywhere near Weldon that way.

  “Then there’s Dix,” Audie went on, drawl heavy and pronounced.

  “Moi?” Dixon was having altogether too much fun.

  “Yessir. You were married to this incredibly sophisticated, artsy, classy black guy from Houston. Not me. Now, do I worry on it now?” Audie added, glancing at Dan. “No. But you should have seen me meet Dix’s house.”

  “The white house?” God, he remembered that place. It was an art gallery.

  “Yeah. I walked in there and thought, there’s no fucking way.”

  Dixon hooted. “I’d forgotten about the erotic art in the bedroom. Audie shorted out.”

  “The erotic art. The fancy-assed everything. The endless fucking white carpet. I was scared to walk in there. My boots are always dusty.”

  “I never worry about that with Weldon,” Dan murmured.

  Audie chuckled softly. “No, I don’t imagine so. I can’t see that you worry about him wanting you either.”

  “No. He’s like the sun, he’s so hot.”

  Dix smiled a bit, but it faded quickly.

  “What is it you’re really worried about?”

  As soon as Dixon asked the question, Dan’s mouth went dry, and he didn’t know where to look.

  “I knew it.” When he didn’t speak, Dix nodded. “I can’t see you, but I understand you better than anyone else. Spill.”

  “You know how the colonel asked me to re-up?” Dix and Audie both nodded. “Well, I don’t think I could if I wanted to. I think I’m losing my fucking mind.”

  Audie did peer at him, brows raised. “What does that mean?”

  “I have nightmares, and I’m bad there. When Mel shot that rifle, I lost it. I mean, I damn near burst into tears like an idiot. That’s not me. That’s not like me. I’m supposed to be the hero, for fuck’s sake, not cry because an old woman shot a gun!”

  Audie nodded slowly. “So you think you’re losing it.”

  “I do.” He couldn’t meet Audie’s eyes.

  “So go get help, Bubba.”

  “Go to the VA and tell them I’m losing it? No fucking way.”

  “Why not?” That was Audie. “Aren’t they the ones that are supposed to help? Isn’t that part of their job?”

  “They’ll put me on a bunch of meds.”

  “No, they’ll put you in therapy, and don’t tell me that’s for pussies,” Dix said, leveling a finger in his direction. “Randi and I are both still seeing a therapist once a month.”

  “Yeah, but you’re….”

  “What? I’m blind? A civilian? Gay? Quit making fucking excuses and man up and get some help, for fuck’s sake, or I will tell Daddy, and he’ll get you in to see one of his scary fucking friends.”

  “Jesus. At least the VA isn’t touchy-feely.” Dan didn’t want his dad in on this.

  “Man, you know it’s serious when Dix pulls the Daddy card.” Audie was laughing at him, he knew it.

  Dan could either laugh too or get really pissed off. He was tired of being scared and pissed off, so he snorted. “I’ll call tomorrow, okay?”

  “Okay. I’ll check up on you.” Dix looked so serious. “Don’t fuck up this thing with Weldon because of pride. Y’all make each other happy.”

  “I want to make him happy, but I feel like all I do is fuck up.” Dan held up his hands, his frustration easing some. “I think Jakob really dislikes me, and I’ve really upset Maddie and Emma.”

  “Jakob? My student? He’s so fucking overwhelmed with the whole Boyd thing he can’t tell his ass from a hole in the ground. Add to that the girlfriend situation and you’re not on his radar.”

  “Were Damon and Dalton that bad?” Dan asked.

  “What’s with the were? Dalton is still a fucker.” Right. Dix adored the little shit.

  “He really is,” Audie said.

  “Y’all are stupid for that kid, and you know it.”

  Dixon grinned. “And you’ll forgive Maddie and Jakob and the others for things you’ll never imagine.”

  “I just hope they forgive me.” Dan handed Audie his untouched beer. “I think I’m going to go home.”

  “You sure? You’re welcome to hang out.”

  “I’m sure. I want to go home, see the kids, let them know it’s okay.” Dan stood and walked over to grab Dixon in a hug. “Thank you.”

  “I love you, Bubba. I do.”

  “I love you too. So much.” Dan turned to face Audie, holding out a hand.

  Audie surprised him with a hard hug. “Drive safe, buddy.”

  “I will. I’ll see y’all soon.”

  He felt like he could breathe a little bit, focus. He was going to need moral support to call the VA, but he had his head on right about Weldon and the kids.

  He called as soon as he got in the truck, and Weldon picked up on the second ring. “Hey.”

  “Hey, babe. I was at Dix and Audie’s. You okay if I come home now?”

  “Yeah. Blake and Travis came by, but they headed home. The teenagers are in their rooms, the others have been playing in the sprinklers and now they’re having pizza.”

  “Cool. Pencil me in after the kids are in bed for a talk?”

  “Are you hungry for supper? I have to feed the two oldest.”

  “You want me to pick up grown-up food for the four of us?” Dan asked. Maddie and Jakob would eat Chinese or Indian or Thai, even.

  “If you don’t mind. I had a couple beers.”

  They were being so careful with each other, so gentle.

  “I was going to, but I wanted to come home. Can you call in an order to Hao Hao? I’ll pick it up on the way.”

  “Cashew chicken for you?”

  “Please. I’ll get extra fortune cookies for Pepper.”

  “Will do. Be careful driving.”

  “Love you.” Dan was learning. Weldon never said good-bye without an I love you. He got it. It had taken a while, but he got it.

  “I love you too.”

  “Half an hour.” He hung up and headed to the little strip mall in Round Rock before streaking for home.

  The cab of his truck smelled like crispy, salty goodness by the time he got home, and he was starving. The burger at lunch had tasted like ash. He had high hopes for this meal.

  Maddie met him outside. “Daddy said to see if you needed help.”

  “I do. I got something your dad didn’t order. Hot-and-sour soup for you to have for lunch tomorrow.”

  “Oh.” Her eyes went wide, and then she pinked. “I love hot-and-sour soup. Daddy never remembers. Thank you.”

  “I owed you an apology. I was being a jerk on the phone to my friend, and I’m sorry.” He handed her a bag with soup, condiments, and utensils.

  “Sometimes you say stuff to your friends you don’t mean.”

  “Yep. Trying to impress them, right?” They walked toward the house. “It was still wrong to say it.”

  “Yeah. Are you going to go back in the Army and leave us?”

  “No. I don’t want to go back at all. Hank is still in, and I didn’t want to make him feel bad.”

  “Good. Daddy loves you.”

  “I love him too. Very much.”

  They made it inside, and Maddie put her soup in the fridge before giving him a guilty glance. “Did you want some?”

  “No, kiddo. I got egg drop.”

  “’Kay. I’ll get Jakob. Daddy’s on the back porch.”

  “Gotcha.” He chuckled and made his way to the back porch. “Supper has arrived.”

  “Hey there, honey.” Weldon stood up, kicking the cigarette butt off the porch. Like the smell of peppermint didn’t scream “I’ve been smoking.”

  “That’s bad for you, babe.” Dan smiled a little. He really couldn’t bitch when he’d caused it.

  “I know.” Weldon reached for him. He wasn’t sure Weldon was even sure he was doing it.

  Dan met his lover halfway, grabbing Weldon’s hand to reel him in. “I’m sorry. I was an asshole.”

  “I don’t want you to go back in. I know it’s selfish, but I don’t.” Weldon met his eyes, straight on. “But I don’t want you to be here if you’re bored, if you hate it.”

  “Don’t be stupid.” The words were instant, and he immediately regretted them. “That’s not what I mean.”

  “Then stop trying to say what you’re supposed to and just tell me the fucking truth.”

  “Babe, I don’t want to go back in. I really don’t. I was having a pissing contest with an old friend and feeling like shit because… well, mostly because I’m not unhappy.”

  “And you’re telling me not to be stupid?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, I am. It fucked with me, Mel and the rifle, and I didn’t expect it to. I didn’t expect the nightmares to keep on. I’m not intending to go back in, but I want to know that I could if I wanted to, does that make sense?”

  “Not a bit, but it doesn’t have to. I’m not a complicated guy, Dan. I like beer and sex and the occasional tater tot.” Weldon shrugged. “I guess I’m not the most macho guy on earth.”

  “Shit, honey. You’re… you’re magic. You know who you are, and you just amaze me. I’m going to get some help, for the nightmares and shit, but you and me, we’re golden. All the way.” Dan pressed a kiss to Weldon’s lips for emphasis.

  Weldon searched his eyes, and Dan wasn’t sure what he found there, but his lover relaxed and breathed, held him closer.

  Thank God, because he really did mean it. He wanted Weldon for life.

  “You ready for egg foo young?”

  “God yes. The guys came over, and there was hot sauce and chips. Did you know Travis is a Cheez Whiz whore?”

  “Nope. Now that I know, I will buy more kinds.” He loved the idea of having someone to share Cheez Whiz with.

  “I wondered where it came from. I think it’s all gone….”

  “No worries. Kenzie might be a bit put out.” He winked at Weldon, who gave him an outraged look.

  “You are corrupting my baby girl!”

  “I totally am.” Dan stopped Weldon for one more kiss. “Today Kenzie, tomorrow all the kids.”

  “I’m pretty sure Maddie’s not corruptible, but we’ll see. Love you, asshole.”

  “I love you too. Let’s go eat.” Dan felt ten feet tall and bulletproof.

  “Works for me, soldier.” Weldon gave him an arch look.

  “Don’t make me beat you.” He fondled that tight little ass, but he knew they still had a lot to discuss. Not to mention he had to make up with Emma.

  He wanted his best girlfriend back.

  For now, though, he wanted his cashew chicken and egg drop soup.

  He’d start bowing and scraping at bedtime.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  LEFT SWISS steak in the crockpot. Maddie/Kenzie are with M. Taking J to Dix. CU2nite@7.

  715ish. Emma Girl Scouts, Caleb fball. Love you

  Love

  It had been a long summer, and Weldon wasn’t sure if he was happy or sad school was back in. Kenzie was in first grade now, and Caleb was in pre-K, and for the first time, Mel was free during the day, and they were all running their asses off in the evenings.

  Basketball. Academic decathlon. Girl Scouts. Peewee football. Dance. Piano. Guitar.

  Of course the summer was beach and camp and Fiesta Texas and Schlitterbahn and hours on Lake Travis in the weird little party barge the Whites had all decided to go in on.

  Weldon wasn’t sure he and Dan were ever going to sleep again.

  At least not for thirteen more years.

  He could live with that. Especially now that Dan seemed way more settled in his skin. The nightmares got bad sometimes, but Dan had called the VA and started therapy in July, so he was working on it.

  Some days Weldon thought reliving all that shit was worse, but Dan’s daddy was a social worker, and one of the little brothers was going to be a psychologist someday or something, so Dan ought to know, right?

  Right.

  He pulled into Audie’s drive and hauled his ass out of the truck, the air hot and heavy like it could only be in late August.

  “Howdy, Weldon. You to blame for this weather?”

  “Shit no. Blame Dan. He’s the asshole that spent all that time in the desert.” Although, okay, deserts were dry, and this was like walking through a Texas-sized swimming pool.

  “Yeah. He does like it hot.” Audie shook his head sorrowfully. “Weirdo.”

  “No shit on that. How’s the kiddos?”

  “Good. Busy. Randi has really gotten into 4-H.”

  “Yeah? Emma’s got her first meeting… next Wednesday? Shit, I don’t know. Dan’s handling it. I told him no more animals. She can train one of the zebras or milk an ostrich or show a kangaroo or something.” He didn’t care, so long as he wasn’t feeding anything else. Emma’s gelding, Elsito, had an empty leg.

  Seriously? A draft horse. He still hadn’t quite forgiven Audie for the Percheron.

  “I have my eye on a used buggy for her. She can learn to show Elsito in driving.”

  “She’ll love that.” He pierced Audie with a glare. “I’m buying Grainger a scroll saw for his birthday and telling him he can use it to make guitars.”

  Audie hooted. “You pay for the hospital bills and you’re on.”

  “Not a chance. I’m going to have to teach both Dan and Emma how to hitch up.” Dan was a hard worker and one hell of a man, but not a cowboy. Not even close.

  “Damn. Okay, well, I guess that’s fair.” Audie clapped him on the back. “Let me holler at them and get you an iced tea while Jakob packs up.”

  “Surely. Sounds great.” They both turned to look at a big dually parked at the end of the drive. “You expecting company?”

  “Nope.” Audie frowned, lifting a hand to shade his eyes even more. “Anyone you know?”

  “Don’t think so.” Still, he’d been seeing that same truck a lot since school started. “I’m worried it’s that Boyd asshole.”

  “Y’all are going to have to get a restraining order or something.” Audie’s mouth flattened into a grim line.

  “Yeah, or something.” He was considering beating the son of a bitch down again, but until he knew for sure…. He sure as shit wasn’t hunting that dog.

  “Well, come on in. If he’s still there when you come out, I’ll get the rifle out.”

  “Works for me.” He headed into the house, the back of his neck all prickling. This constant feeling of impending doom since school had come back in session was starting to get to him.