“I have been such a fool,” Peter said as he began to pump Matt’s cock in his fist. “To deny myself this.” He ran his other hand, fingers spread, fingertips only touching skin, over Matt’s chest and belly. His touch trailed heat behind it.

  Matt thrust up into Peter’s hand, breath coming faster. He gasped out Peter’s name brokenly. Not too loud. His voice would carry in the still night. Then the pleasure grew so intense he no longer cared who heard or who knew. He bucked under Peter, writhed and cried out. Orgasm shot through him, drawn from him with every stroke of Peter’s hand. His head flung back on the pillow, he tensed. Every muscle locked up hard, and he shot, cum spattering on his chest and belly, hot on his chilled skin. Matt clutched the sheet hard, riding the climax until it ebbed slowly. He coasted down the other side, like he was riding into the beach after surfing a monster wave. He flopped limply, panting. That had felt a lot more intense than any handjob had a right to feel.

  He recovered enough to open his eyes and look up at Peter, who was looking down at him with an altogether too-serious expression. Matt grinned at him, even laughed out of pure joy.

  “That was fantastic,” he said. Peter smiled. For a moment Matt felt deep sadness for poor Harrison. Even if he was still alive, what was life without Peter Lane touching him and making him come? But he put the other man out of his mind. He was dead or far away. Matt and Peter were here, together. Peter was Matt’s, and Matt was Peter’s. This would not be a one-off stress reliever, he was sure. He loved Peter, and if Peter didn’t yet love Matt, he would one day. He would.

  Matt shivered as the sweat dried on his skin. At last Peter broke from gazing down at him and lay at his side, pulling the blankets over them. “Warm enough?” he asked. Peter’s chest was cold too, but they soon warmed each other and then it felt like lying next to a radiator. Hottest of all, pressing into Matt’s belly, Peter’s hard cock. Matt would be writhing and begging for relief by now if that were his cock. But Peter was no kid.

  He reached for Peter’s cock, and Peter moved back a little to give him room to get his hand around it. Matt watched his face. He’d have liked to see his hand on the cock, but he’d get a proper eyeful of the thing another time. Tonight he learned it by touch. Length and girth, bumps and ridges. When he caressed the leaking tip with a thumb, Peter let out a soft whimper that sounded more like the tiny mew of a kitten than anything else, and that made Matt laugh, delighted to start finding the softness behind Peter’s suit of armor.

  “That’s good?” he asked. Knew it was.

  “Yes. So good,” Peter whispered. “Can you…” Matt did. Stroked, then fisted the cock and pulled in slow, lazy strokes. “Yes. Yes. Just like that. Oh! Oh, Matt.”

  He kept his eyes open all the time, fixed on Matt’s, which Matt appreciated. He feared Peter would close his eyes and think of Harrison. But no. He was here, 100 percent here, with Matt. His eyes closed only when they kissed. And they kissed and kissed until Peter began to thrust against Matt, began to cry out. His eyes closed then, face screwed up as the pleasure grew and grew for him. Matt watched him every second, memorizing every inch of that face in the extremis of pleasure. He’d pictured it a thousand times. He didn’t want to miss even half a second of his first look at the real thing.

  Under the covers, warm wetness spilled over his hand, and the sharp tang of the smell of Peter’s cum hit him. Wonderful. Next time he’d taste it. He filed that away for later. Next time was later. Here and now he cared only for watching Peter in ecstasy. He saw the instant the pleasure peaked, that quivering, cricket-ball-hung-in-the-air moment, before tension snapped and relief came. Peter’s face relaxed into the softest smile Matt had ever seen him wear. For a while he lay that way, utterly limp, his cock softening in Matt’s hand. Finally he opened his eyes and smiled at Matt. Matt smiled back. They relaxed against each other, close again, toasting in each other’s heat.

  Chapter Eleven

  Matt was gone when Peter woke up around dawn. He heard the distant voices and noises of whoever was on kitchen duty up and about and making today’s bread. Peter sat up on the side of his bed, dragging the blankets around himself. Warm air came up from the floor vents, but not warm enough to stroll around naked. How he missed the old days when he could hang around the house in pajama pants, a tee, and bare feet and never feel cold. He opened a drawer on the cabinet beside his bed and took out the framed picture of himself and Harrison. His wedding ring was taped across the glass.

  “I’m sorry.” He wasn’t precisely ashamed of himself for sleeping with Matt. After seeing that zombie on the boat, he’d understood for the first time exactly what infested the world, understood that he’d never return home. No use in feeling guilt. Only sadness made sense. A tear splashed onto the glass of the frame, and Peter quickly rubbed a hand across his eyes. No. He had to be strong and look to the future, with Matt at his side. He was fond of Matt and strongly attracted to him. As time passed, that could turn to love. They had the rest of their lives here for love to grow.

  He felt less aloof from everyone here, not only Matt. As a doctor he needed his objectivity. But Matt was so different. So much more gregarious. Being his partner would bring Peter closer to the group. They were not strangers thrown together for the summer anymore. Nor were they friends who’d chosen one another. They were more like a family. Forced to be with one another, even the members they didn’t like much. Peter had always held himself a little apart from that family circle. He had to change.

  After washing up and dressing, he went to the kitchen, where he found Vicky and Kasper working. Hope gurgled happily in her cradle, in a warm corner of the room by a vent.

  “How’s my best girl?” Peter asked, crouching down to rock the cradle. She smiled and gurgled at him. “She seems pretty pleased with herself today.”

  “She slept right through the night,” Vicky said. “Long may it continue.”

  “There’s tea in the pot,” Kasper said. “Breakfast won’t be for an hour yet.”

  Peter poured tea, then left them to work and wandered into the rec room. It was only when he opened the shutters to let in the morning light that he realized what he’d taken for a pile of blankets on one of the couches had Matt under the heap.

  “Oh, hey,” Matt said, leaning up on an elbow, rubbing his face. In a few seconds he grinned—his memory of the night before presumably returning. “Come sit by me.”

  Peter did, and Matt arranged blankets around both of them to keep the cold out.

  “Didn’t you go back to bed?” Peter asked.

  “I didn’t want to disturb the guys,” Matt said. “And make them remember what time I came in—hours after my night watch finished. I wasn’t sure you’d want people to know about us.”

  “We won’t keep it secret for long here.”

  “Probably not. Um, can I kiss you? Now, I mean. Not hypothetically at some time in the future. Just a good morning, not a full-on snog or—”

  “You can kiss me. Especially if it will stop you babbling.”

  Matt chuckled and leaned in for a quick kiss, on the lips, no tongue. He sat back after it, looking even more pleased with himself than Hope.

  They sat quiet for a moment, leaning against each other. The only signs of life in the base seemed to be Vicky and Kasper in the kitchen. Peter couldn’t hear anyone else stirring.

  “Matt,” he said after a while, talking quietly. “There’s a point we should discuss.”

  Matt looked at him, and his face went serious, mirroring Peter’s. “What?” The seriousness became nervousness. “You don’t regret last night, do you?”

  “No. Let me make that clear. What happened wasn’t an impulse. I wasn’t out of control.”

  “You’re never out of control.”

  “I…try not to be, no. But anyway, what I’m saying is, I meant to do that last night. And I want to continue doing it. But as enjoyable as last night was, I’m sure there’s more you want to do. Do you enjoy penetration?”

  Matt flushed. “Bloody hell, Peter, can you try not talking like a doctor for five minutes?”

  Peter grimaced. Yes, that had been a bit clinical. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to loosen up.”

  “Okay. So to answer your question, yeah, I like fucking. I’m versatile.”

  “Me too. So what we need to talk about is protection. I do have condoms in the infirmary.”

  “And I brought some with me,” Matt said. “Not saying I was expecting to get lucky. But it’s always good to be prepared.”

  “The problem is, some of the ones I have are either expired or close to it.”

  “Ah.” Matt’s face fell. “I should check the ones I brought. They might be too.”

  “Possibly not, if you bought them shortly before you traveled here. But anyway, there’s another thing to consider. The straight couples need them too, for birth control. All the birth-control pills we had here have been used up.”

  “I never thought of that. So what do they do once the condoms are all gone?”

  “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

  “Okay. So, what do you suggest?”

  “There are three options. One solution is we leave all the condoms for them and we don’t fuck. Another is that we use the ones that have expired and let the straights use the ones that are still in date. The ones we use will offer less protection, but I’d rather take that risk than have one of the women end up pregnant if she doesn’t want to be.”

  “And the third option?”

  “We bareback. Which probably sounds pretty shocking coming from me. But hear me out. The fact is that I know when you arrived here, you didn’t have any STIs. You had a physical before the expedition, including STI tests, and they all came back negative. Those records were passed on to me.”

  “I’ve always been careful,” Matt said, sounding a little defensive. “I’m not stupid.”

  “Good. You haven’t been celibate the whole time here, though…”

  “God, Peter! Do you have to bring that up?”

  “Sorry. But we have to discuss this like adults.”

  “Look, I’ve given handjobs to Stav and to Brooks—one time with him! That’s all. But you must know if they had anything before they came here, like you know I didn’t.”

  “I can’t go into detail about them, but there’s nothing to worry about there. The problem is, there are two people here who I don’t have test results for.”

  “Ed and Kasper? I’ve never done anything with either of them. Kasper has Vicky, and Ed has Lou. And doesn’t have enough English to discuss it anyway.”

  “Okay.”

  “Do you believe me?”

  “Yes. So, which solution do you feel most comfortable with? You don’t have to answer right away if you don’t want to. Take as long as you need.”

  Matt didn’t answer, but he didn’t say he’d think about it and come back to Peter. He drew his knees up to his chin under the blankets. He looked young sitting that way. Like the kid he still was. After a minute or two, he turned to Peter.

  “I’ve never had unprotected sex. Not fucking, I mean. I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable with it.”

  “Understood.” A kid he might be, but he had obviously always been too smart a kid to risk his health.

  “I’m not implying anything about you. I trust you entirely and know you’d never put me at risk.”

  “I never would. I promise you that.”

  “So I think we should go with using the expired ones. I’m pretty sure none of the girls would want to risk using an expired one. There’s a bigger chance of them splitting, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “The risk to us from using them, on the other hand, is probably nil. Even if one did split, we’ve neither of us got anything to pass on. So if the girls aren’t going to use those, we might as well.”

  “Good reasoning,” Peter said. Eventually the condoms would run out. He hoped by then Matt would have grown comfortable enough in bed with him to be willing to dispense with them.

  “This is such a weird conversation,” Matt said, looking at him, giving him a quirky smile. “It was never such a long discussion before. No condom, no ass. That’s the rule.”

  “Good rule.” He put an arm around Matt, pulled him close, and kissed him on the temple. Matt snuggled against him.

  “Please reassure me the lube hasn’t expired too,” Matt said.

  Peter laughed. As he did, he thought he saw movement in the doorway. As if someone had stepped in from the dark corridor beyond and stepped out again so fast they vanished into the darkness before he could recognize them. Matt followed his gaze to the door.

  “Was someone there?”

  “I think so. As I said, we won’t keep this secret for long.”

  “I know. I don’t want to.”

  “Do you want to…I don’t know, tell everyone?” Peter said. God, that would be embarrassing. Maybe at the weekly base meeting. Any other business? Yes, Matt and I are sleeping together. Just wanted it on the record.

  “Nah,” Matt said. He grinned. “Let’s see how long we go before we get busted.”

  * * * *

  Matt leaned up on one elbow and looked around the bunk room in the near darkness. One shutter was open, and moonlight allowed him to see the room well enough. Stav was a sleeping burrito, entirely buried under blankets and the duvet. Muffled snores came from under it all. How the heck did he breathe?

  Edvin had more of his body showing, lying on his front, shoulders and head out of the covers. A woolly hat kept his head warm, and he wore light wool gloves. He didn’t snore, but his back rose and fell in a steady, slow rhythm. He was asleep.

  Matt slipped out of his bunk. He shivered when his feet touched the floor. Even through socks, it was cold. It was stormy out tonight, with a strong wind, chilly rain, and sometimes hail rattling against the windows. Wincing at every rustle, he put jeans and a flannel shirt on over his union suit. Still not the warmest, but it would do for the expedition to Peter’s room.

  He glided silently from the bunk room and closed the door behind him. Jay was on night watch tonight. Where was she right now? He partially opened the door that led from this block of bedrooms to the main corridor. Along the corridor to his right, on the other side, he saw the soft glow of a lantern from the rec room. Okay, so she was in there. Assuming it was her and not someone else staying up for a bit of late-night reading.

  He slipped out and padded left, up the corridor toward the infirmary. It was only a few steps, past the closed door into the kitchen on the same side as the rec room, past the door into the bathroom and shower area between the two blocks of bedrooms. Matt tackled it like a man trying to sneak into a heavily armed facility where the guards would shoot him on sight if they spotted him. You had to find your entertainment where you could in this place.

  Entertainment was definitely on the agenda. He reached the infirmary door, took a quick look around, and turned the handle slowly. It was never locked unless Peter was in there in the middle of something and didn’t want interruptions. Anything he didn’t want people getting at—like the drugs—was locked in cabinets inside.

  No light but a tiny chink of moonlight through a shutter. Good thing Matt knew the layout so well. He walked across the room, avoiding bumping into anything with a combination of memory and touch. By the time he reached Peter’s door, he was able to detect some light leaking from inside. He tapped softly.

  “Peter?”

  A pause, and a soft thump, and the rustle of blankets, then Peter’s voice.

  “Ah, come in.”

  Matt opened the door and slipped inside. Peter was half sitting up on his bed, rubbing his eyes. A book lay on the floor. A lantern burned low on the bedside table.

  “Matt. Yes, come in.” He sounded half-awake.

  “You were asleep?” Matt said. He crouched down to pick up the book, which must have slid off the bed to make the thump he’d heard.

  “I was reading,” Peter said. “Must have nodded off.” He rubbed his eyes once more, and they brightened with alertness. He smiled at Matt. “You made me wait too long.”

  “Sorry.” Matt leaned in, and Peter brought his arm up and around him, pulling him close for a kiss. So good. Peter, usually so tense, so rigid, all relaxed and sleepy. He wasn’t what you’d call “mussed,” his hair too short for that. But there was a softness to him. A blurriness. Matt wanted to surprise him asleep more often.

  “Ack, you’re freezing,” Peter said, warm hand on Matt’s cool face. “Get in with me.”

  Matt got rid of the jeans and shirt, kept on the union suit, and slid under the covers beside Peter, who wore thermal pajamas. The two of them filled the narrow bed. Peter filled Matt’s arms and his senses, the scent of him, the taste. The warmth of him. They kissed and cuddled for a while, Matt warming back up after his brief excursion. It was amazing how fast you got cold. Even in what passed for summer here on Shriver Island, the nights were chilly. Not as a bad as the brutally cold winter nights, but no fun. This, though, this was fun, kissing Peter, finding patches of skin to caress under those flannel pajamas.

  “Did you get the condoms?” Matt asked.

  “Damn, I forgot to bring them in here,” Peter said, grimacing, no doubt at the thought of having to leave their warm nest. “They’re out in the infirmary.”

  “Never mind,” Matt said as he heard the strong wind rattle the shutters. “Save them for tomorrow night. Tonight…um, do you know I haven’t given a blowjob in three years? Are you sure you’ll trust the family jewels to someone so out of practice?”

  “Pest,” Peter said but smiled. “I trust you with all my most delicate parts, Matthew.”

  The tricky part was staying warm, because exposing those delicate parts to the frigid air tended to have a withering effect. In the end Matt arranged the blankets to cover himself and Peter. They used Peter’s flashlight to illuminate this warm cave. The covers carried the scent of Peter, which Matt knew intimately, getting access to his skin, usually buried under three layers of clothing.