‘I’m going to talk to Tobias,’ Luna said. She walked over to the remaining Keepers.

  Ji-yeong was staring after Landis. ‘That’s your captain?’

  A nearby soldier laughed. ‘Stick around,’ I said. ‘You’ll see why they follow him.’

  ‘If you say so.’

  ‘He was the one who took on Sagash, miss,’ the soldier told Ji-yeong.

  Ji-yeong looked startled. ‘He fought Sagash?’

  ‘Landis is one of the best battle mages I’ve ever seen,’ I told her. ‘And a good commander. Look around.’ I nodded at the soldiers and mages talking and laughing among themselves. ‘They just went through an attack, and they’re telling jokes.’

  ‘At least he’s confident . . .’

  I sighed, my brief good humour fading. I took my mug of tea. He wasn’t, I sent to Ji-yeong through the dreamstone.

  Ji-yeong gave me a surprised look.

  Today was just the warm-up, I told her silently. A day from now, a good number of the people in this room are going to be dead. Get some sleep. Tomorrow will be bloody. I walked away without waiting for an answer.

  9

  Outside was dark and still. A blurry moon shone down through the haze, the castle battlements looming up all around. From up ahead I could hear the slow creak . . . creak . . . creak of the windmill.

  I walked around the castle walls, my feet soft on the grass. The windmill was a hulking shadow in the gloom, its sails turning slowly in the sea breeze. Far below, the sea crashed against the rocks.

  There was a man leaning against the windmill, invisible in the darkness. ‘Ozols, isn’t it?’ I said.

  ‘Ah, Verus, yes?’ Ozols sounded pleased. ‘Yes, yes.’

  ‘Brought you some tea,’ I said, walking up and handing him the mug. ‘All quiet?’

  ‘Yes, yes,’ Ozols said in his thick accent. ‘Those demons, they watch. No move.’

  ‘Jinn, not demons,’ I said with a yawn. ‘But close enough. I’ll be in the windmill.’

  ‘Inside is warmer,’ Ozols said with a chuckle. ‘I call if they attack, yes?’

  ‘Thanks, Ozols.’

  ‘Is no problem. Thank you for tea!’

  I walked past Ozols into the windmill. The inside was pitch-black, lit only by stray moonbeams. I climbed the stairs until I came to an open room on the upper level. Windows opened up on all four walls, giving views onto the castle and out to sea.

  I sat down against the wall with a sigh. The after-effects of Ji-yeong’s healing were setting in and my limbs felt heavy and tired. My stomach was also telling me in no uncertain terms that I was hungry, and I knew the sensible thing would be to go back to Landis’s camp and get a hot meal and a nap on one of those camp-beds.

  I rummaged in my bag for a protein bar instead. My stomach growled in protest.

  I stared up at the sky as I chewed. From my angle, I couldn’t make out the moon, though its beams cast the opposite wall in blue-white light. A few stars were visible through the haze. The first time I’d come to this castle, Anne and I had spent the night in this windmill. She’d been afraid and vulnerable, but she hadn’t given up, staying awake and on the run for days. Only when I’d found her had she allowed herself to finally fall asleep. It had been right in this room, and I’d been against the wall . . . here?

  No, it had been the other side. I got up, ignoring the angry complaints from my legs and back, and dropped down against the opposite wall. I shuffled over a little bit until, as far as I remembered, I was in the exact same spot. Once I did, I closed my eyes.

  That was it. I’d been against this wall, just here, and Anne had been on my right. I’d had my arm around her, and that was how she’d fallen asleep, her head on my shoulder. I remembered how she’d looked, white skin pale in the moonlight, strands of black hair falling across her cheek down to my coat, the slow rise and fall of her chest. Had that been when I’d started to fall in love with her? Memories . . . waking in Arachne’s lair as Anne healed me, lying side by side with her on the grass of the heath, training together in Wales . . .

  It had been here that I’d first met Anne’s shadow, too. Maybe that was where things had started to go wrong.

  Anne’s shadow had been a danger for a long time. Not the kind that creeps up on you, but the kind that sits and waits and is just a tiny bit bigger every time you look. The more I’d learned, the more worried I’d become. I’d tried talking to her; I’d tried getting help; I’d even travelled into Elsewhere to face it. In the end, none of it had really made a difference. Arachne had told me in her letter not to blame myself, that Anne’s doom would have fallen with or without me. But I still felt as though it was my fault.

  Maybe that was why I was here.

  I kept my eyes closed. As long as I didn’t move, I could pretend that Anne was next to me, just for a little while.

  I felt the change in the futures before I heard the footsteps. They climbed the stairs. I didn’t open my eyes.

  Luna appeared in the doorway. ‘Hey.’

  I held up a hand.

  Luna put a plate down next to me, the plastic clacking against the stone. ‘I brought you something.’

  I could smell the sausages from the kitchen. My stomach growled again. ‘Thanks.’

  Luna sat back against the wall, and I sensed the silver mist of her curse spreading out. Luna keeps it under tight control when people are close, relaxes it once they’re at a safe distance. She does it automatically these days. ‘Landis is quizzing Ji-yeong about the castle.’

  I nodded.

  ‘Still think we can trust her?’

  ‘Sagash taught Ji-yeong one way to live,’ I said. My stomach wanted me to eat, but I didn’t reach for the plate. ‘Now she’s realising that there are others. As to which one she’ll pick . . . I think she’s still figuring that out herself.’

  ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘Tomorrow’s going to be ugly,’ I said. ‘The Council’s going to launch an all-out attack. They’ll probably spend all night arguing about it, but in the end it’s not going to make a difference, because it’s the only choice they’ve got. Landis knows it, I could see it in his eyes. A lot of people are going to end up dead.’

  ‘Okay,’ Luna said, and paused. ‘That wasn’t really what I was asking.’

  ‘I know, I know. You just want to know about Vari.’

  ‘No!’

  I looked up in surprise. Luna was frowning at me. ‘Alex, give me some credit, okay? Yes, I’m here because of Vari. But I know you’ll do everything you can for him. Right now, I’m more worried about you.’

  ‘You don’t need to worry about me.’

  ‘You think I haven’t noticed?’ Luna asked. ‘Those conversations with Karyos? The way you’ve been giving me access to all those bank accounts, “just in case”? You aren’t planning on coming back from this shadow realm. And you act different as well. You don’t tell jokes or make fun of me or even smile. You’re just . . . distant and focused.’

  ‘I’ve got a lot to be focused on.’

  ‘That doesn’t mean you’re supposed to act like a machine.’

  ‘What do you want from me, Luna?’ I snapped. I had too many things to worry about, and I didn’t need this now. ‘You just said that I’m going to do all I can for Vari. Well, you’re right, I am, and it’s going to be really frigging hard, because I’ve been counting up the numbers and I don’t like the answers I’m getting. If I’m right, then saving him means solving a problem I don’t know how to solve, on top of saving Anne, which means solving at least two more problems I don’t know how to solve, and that might not be even possible to solve, but I have to solve them, because if I don’t, there’s nobody else. So excuse me if being friendly and approachable isn’t high on my priority list!’

  Luna was silent and I looked away, already regretting my words. I knew I shouldn’t have lost my temper, but I was strained to breaking point.

  ‘You remember when we went into that bubble realm in the British Museum?’ Luna asked. ‘When we were going after the fateweaver the first time?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘We ran into Cinder and Deleo,’ Luna said. ‘They were caught in a trap and couldn’t get out. I thought we should just leave them. You didn’t. After they were gone, I asked you why you did it. You remember what you told me?’

  ‘If you can’t get another ally, next best thing is to give your enemy another enemy.’

  Luna nodded. ‘But when I kept asking, you gave me another answer. You remember?’

  ‘Honestly, no.’

  ‘You said there was another reason.’ Luna was looking at me steadily. ‘You said whenever you kill someone, it gets a little bit easier to do it the next time. You said if you’re making the decision to do that, when you’re doing it deliberately, to be really sure you know what you’re doing. Because you’re going to have to live with it for ever.’

  I hesitated. Had I told her that?

  I couldn’t remember.

  That bothered me.

  ‘It’s been a month since you took the fateweaver,’ Luna said. She hadn’t taken her eyes off me, and in the moonlight, I could make out her steady gaze. ‘How many people have you killed since then?’

  I didn’t answer.

  ‘Alex?’

  I spoke quietly. ‘I’ve lost count.’

  The answer hung in the silence for a long moment before Luna started speaking again. ‘Back when I first met you, I wanted to be a badass. You know: tough and strong and good at fighting. Like you. Even when I started to get into your world and met Dark mages and Light mages who could throw me around like I was nothing, it didn’t put me off. It just pushed me to get better. It was why I got into duelling. I wanted to go up against mages and beat them. Even when I got hurt, it didn’t put me off, I’d just drive myself harder. I think . . . I think in some weird way, I felt like I was fighting my curse. If I could get strong enough, go far enough, then I could beat it. So I kept training and pushing myself.

  ‘Then there was what happened with White Rose. You remember that battle at the end, where Vari and I were with the Keeper strike team? I saw men killed right in front of me. And afterwards, watching them carry away the bodies . . . it made me realise something. The normals and the adepts killed in that battle, they trained too. They wanted to be tough too. And in the end it got them . . . nothing. They died for nothing.

  ‘I tried to forget about it, but for a long time after that, every time we heard about someone getting killed, I’d remember those bodies and I’d think: hey, that was someone who trained and practised and wanted to get stronger, just like me. And the more I thought about it, the more I realised . . . if you keep on fighting, if you keep trying to prove how tough you are, then that’s the only way things can end, isn’t it? And when you die, it’s not going to be some heroic last stand. It’ll be some pointless fight in a back alley, or a battle where neither side even knows what it’s for. Most fights aren’t about good and evil. I mean, even this one, right now. We’re here because of Anne, but Anne would never have ended up like this if Richard and the Council hadn’t been using her as a playing piece in their stupid chess game.

  ‘So when I was picking my mage name, I decided I didn’t want something that sounded cool and dangerous. I would have, once. Now, though . . . I’ve looked down that road, and I’ve seen where it ends. So I picked Vesta. The goddess of hearth and home and family. Maybe I’ll get to have those things someday, maybe I won’t. But even if I don’t, it’s worth a try.

  ‘So the way you’re acting now . . . it feels really wrong. Because you were the one who turned me away from all that. You taught me to look ahead, think about the future. But now it doesn’t feel like you care about the future. When you told me to take that lift, and I hesitated . . . it was because I was wondering if you were going to follow us down.’

  ‘I was always going to follow you down.’

  Luna waited. I hadn’t answered her question and we both knew it.

  ‘But . . . there’s probably going to be a time very soon when I won’t.’

  Silence fell. A sea breeze blew through the open windows. From far below, I could hear the rush of the waves against the rocks.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I haven’t been setting you a very good example lately, have I?’

  ‘I don’t need an example. I’m not an apprentice any more. I’m worried about you, Alex, don’t you understand that?’

  ‘I do,’ I said with a sigh. ‘And you’re right. It’s just . . .’ I trailed off, trying to figure out how to say it. It was an effort to find the words; this was a place in my mind I’d been shying away from. ‘After I got away from Richard, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t be like him. I knew I wasn’t a good person, I was never going to be the hero. But I could be different from him. Running a shop . . . it’s good, for that. No one expects much from a shopkeeper. You buy and sell, maybe give a little advice now and then. It’s safe. But it can be lonely. So I started making friends. Arachne. Anne, Vari. You. And I came to realise over the years how much I cared about you all. I wouldn’t give you up, and I’d fight if I had to.’ I paused. ‘Those were the two things that mattered to me. Not being like Richard, cold and manipulative and evil. And protecting and being loyal to all of you. It was why I wouldn’t join with any of the factions. Didn’t want to compromise. So I stayed apart.’

  ‘Until?’ Luna asked quietly.

  ‘Until what happened with Anne,’ I said. It was hard to say all this, but I had to. I’d been keeping it bottled up too long. ‘Two pillars. Not being Richard, and my friends. I’d been walking a tightrope between them. Figured I could keep my balance. Hadn’t thought of what I’d do when the rope ran out. Anne being lost broke . . . everything. Couldn’t leave her or she’d die. Vari, too: he was never going to walk away. But couldn’t stop her, either. Not as the person I was.’ I paused. ‘Two pillars. Myself, all of you. Had to let one fall.’

  ‘And you chose the first,’ Luna said. ‘You stopped trying to be different from Richard.’

  ‘Funny thing?’ I said. ‘How easy it was. Just had to stop holding back.’ I turned to look at Luna. ‘You know all the times the Council screwed us over, or some Dark mage tried to kill us? Remember how after the dust settled we’d get together and talk? And you’d be furious, wanting to hit back, and I’d tell you to calm down and think?’

  Luna nodded.

  ‘You ever wonder why I didn’t get angry?’

  ‘A few times.’

  ‘I did get angry,’ I said. ‘When Caldera acted like it was my fault for fighting back when she tried to arrest me. When Undaaris sold us out. When Levistus told me how he’d destroy us. When Bahamus voted for my sentencing. When Alma tried to remove me from the Council. When Talisid double-crossed me. When Onyx hurt me just because he could. When Vihaela boasted about torturing children. When those Council mages tortured Anne. Over and over. Every one of those things, they’d spark a tiny little white-hot drop of fury. But I couldn’t let it loose, because they had the power and I didn’t. So I’d force that little drop down below the surface, and it would stay there, burning away. And year after year, those drops kept building up.’ I took a deep breath and let it out. ‘So when I finally stopped holding back . . . let’s just say that fire had a lot of fuel.’

  ‘I did wonder,’ Luna said. ‘You were too calm about some of those things. But you don’t act angry now.’

  ‘Yeah, well, it turns out that when you store up that much anger for that long, then let it burn its way out, it’s not good for you,’ I said. ‘It’s hard for me to feel much of anything now. Too much pain, too much death. And I’m responsible for a lot of it.’

  ‘Then shouldn’t you be dealing with that?’

  ‘I can’t afford the distraction.’

  ‘You’re not cold enough to keep this up,’ Luna said. ‘Not long term.’

  ‘Luna,’ I said, trying to make my voice gentle, ‘there isn’t going to be a long term.’

  Luna stiffened. ‘You—’

  I spoke over her. ‘The fateweaver’s spreading. Eventually it’ll reach my heart. And once that happens, my emotional health isn’t going to matter very much.’

  ‘You could stop using it.’

  ‘It’s the only chance I’ve got of winning.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘The dragon told me this would happen,’ I said. ‘I’ve had time to accept it. And honestly, at this point, it might be for the best.’

  Luna stared at me. Futures shifted; a hundred possible Lunas argued, protested, pleaded, shouted. One future eclipsed the others. Luna rose to her feet and left.

  I listened to her footsteps descending the stairs, then rested my head back against the wall with a sigh. I hadn’t wanted to open up that far, but Luna and I had been through too much for me to brush her off. She deserved the truth.

  I still didn’t feel happy about it.

  With an effort, I put it out of my mind. The food Luna had brought me was nearly cold, and I ate without tasting, searching the futures as I did. Once I was done, I leant back and closed my eyes, willing myself to sleep. There was someone I needed to talk to, and tonight might be my last chance. As the world faded away, my last thought was to hope Luna would be feeling better by tomorrow.

  The sky in Elsewhere was overcast. Brooding clouds stretched to the horizon, dark and ominous. Only a weak half-light made it through to the abandoned city below.

  The conversation with Luna was still replaying itself in my head, calling up feelings as it did: tension, pain, worry, guilt. I forced the feelings away, centring myself. Breathe in, breathe out. The past was done; what mattered was the present. Once I was calm again, I set off, walking along a raised path above street level.

  The sky stayed dark, the clouds thickening. I already knew from path-walking that Anne was asleep, though I hadn’t been able to find out much else – divination isn’t much use for looking into Elsewhere: it’s too fluid. Trying to track her down like this was dangerous, but I had to try.

  Trees rose up in front of me as I drew closer to the border. Beyond was Anne’s kingdom . . . or world . . . or prison. I came to a stop at the edge of a plaza. Thirty feet ahead, the stones of the plaza broke up into clumps of grass that turned into a meadow that turned into a forest. Black storm-clouds roiled the sky.