Monkeys, warm with envious spite,

  Their most obliging friends will bite.

  He that drinks his Cyder alone, let him catch his

  horse alone.

  Tart Words make no Friends: a spoonful of honey

  will catch more flies than a Gallon of Vinegar.

  Visit your Aunt, but not every Day; and call at your

  Brother’s, but not every night.

  Promises may get thee friends, but non-performance

  will turn them into enemies.

  The same man cannot be both Friend and Flatterer.

  A true Friend is the best Possession.

  A Brother may not be a Friend, but a Friend will

  always be a Brother.

  Hear no ill of a friend, nor speak any of an enemy.

  If you would keep your secret from an enemy, tell it

  not to a friend.

  A Father’s a treasure; a Brother’s a comfort; a Friend

  is both.

  Friendship cannot live with Ceremony, nor without

  Civility.

  Do good to they Friend to keep him, to thy Enemy

  to gain him.

  Thou can’st not joke an enemy into a friend, but thou

  may’st a friend into an enemy.

  Some Worth it argues, a Friend’s Worth to know;

  Virtue to own the Virtue of a Foe.

  ’Tis better to leave an enemy at one’s death, than beg

  of a friend in one’s life.

  Friendship increases by visiting Friends, but by visiting

  seldom.

  The rotten apple spoils his companion.

  ’Tis great Confidence in a Friend to tell him your

  Faults, greater to tell him his.

  Friends are the true Scepters of Princes.

  A false Friend and a Shadow attend only while the

  Sun shines.

  One good Husband is worth two good Wives; for the

  scarcer things are, the more they’re valued.

  Love and Lordship hate companions.

  Fine linnen, girls and gold so bright,

  Chuse not to take by candle light.

  There are no ugly loves, nor handsome prisons.

  He that goes far to marry, will either deceive or be

  deceived.

  A ship under sail and a big-bellied woman, are the

  handsomest two things that can be seen common.

  When ♂ and ♀ in conjunction lie,

  Then, maids, whate’er is ask’d of you, deny.

  Let thy maid-servant be faithful, strong, and homely.

  Late Children, early Orphans.

  Quarrels never could last long, if on one side lay the

  wrong.

  He that has not got a Wife, is not yet a compleat Man.

  Marry above thy match, and thou’lt get a master.

  You can bear your own Faults, and why not a Fault

  in your Wife.

  EPITAPH ON A SCOLDING WIFE BY HER HUSBAND

  Here my poor Bridget’s Corps doth lie,

  She is at rest,—and so am I.

  When man and woman die, as poets sung,

  His heart’s the last part moves, her last, the tongue.

  Where there’s marriage without love, there will be

  love without marriage.

  An undutiful Daughter, will prove an unmanageable

  Wife.

  After three days men grow weary of a wench, a guest,

  and weather rainy.

  You cannot pluck roses without fear of thorns,

  Nor enjoy a fair wife without danger of horns.

  A good wife lost, is God’s gift lost.

  A man without a wife, is but half a man.

  If you would be loved, love and be lovable.

  Happy’s the wooing that’s not long a doing.

  He that takes a wife takes Care.

  A house without woman and firelight, is like a body

  without soul or sprite.

  Beauty and folly are old companions.

  Light heel’d mothers make leaden-heel’d daughters.

  If you want a neat wife, go chuse her on a Saturday.

  Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut

  afterwards.

  Why does the blind man’s wife paint herself?

  Love and Tooth-ache have many Cures, but none

  infallible, except Possession and Dispossession.

  If Jack’s in love, he’s no Judge of Jill’s Beauty.

  Honour thy father and mother, i.e., live so as to be an

  honour to them tho’ they are dead.

  Let our fathers and grandfathers be valued for their

  goodness, ourselves for our own.

  If you’d be belov’d, make yourself amiable.

  ’Tis a shame that your family is an honour to you!

  You ought to be an honour to your family.

  Love, and be loved.

  Teach your child to hold his tongue, he’ll learn fast

  enough to speak.

  The good or ill hap of a good or ill life,

  is the good or ill choice of a good or ill wife.

  Let thy child’s first lesson be obedience, and the

  second will be what thou wilt.

  An old Man in a House is a good Sign.

  The proof of gold is fire; the proof of woman, gold;

  the proof of man, a woman.

  ON HEALTH

  There are more old Drunkards than old Doctors.

  Give me yesterday’s Bread, this Day’s Flesh, and last

  Year’s Cyder.

  A full Belly makes a dull Brain.

  Many Dishes, many Diseases.

  Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.

  Onions can make ev’n heirs and widows weep.

  An infallible remedy for toothache, viz.—Wash the

  root of an aching tooth, in Elder vinegar, and let it

  dry half an hour in the sun; after which it will never

  ache more.

  Poor Dick eats like a well man, and drinks like a sick.

  Eat few Suppers, and you’ll need few Medicines.

  Cheese and salt meat should be sparingly eat.

  It is ill Jesting with the Joiner’s Tools, worse with the

  Doctor’s.

  After Fish, Milk do not wish.

  Fear not death; for the sooner we die, the longer shall

  we be immortal.

  There are lazy minds as well as lazy bodies.

  Wish not so much to live long, as to live well.

  He that spills the Rum loses that only; He that drinks

  it, often loses both that and himself.

  Dine with little, sup with less: Do better still: sleep

  supperless.

  A full Belly is the Mother of all Evil.

  Wars bring scars.

  Eat to live; live not to eat.

  To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals.

  Keep your mouth wet, feet dry.

  We are not so sensible of the greatest Health as of the

  least Sickness.

  He’s the best physician that knows the worthlessness

  of the most medicines.

  Be temperate in wine, in eating, girls, and cloth, or the

  Gout will seize you and plague you both.

  An old young man will be a young old man.

  If thou would’st live long, live well; for folly and

  wickedness shorten life.

  Time is an herb that cures all diseases.

  I saw few die of hunger; of eating—100,000.

  He that would travel much, should eat little.

  The Muses starve in a Cook’s Shop.

  Pride and Gout are seldom cur’d throughout.

  He’s a fool that makes his doctor his heir.

  Many medicines, few cures.

  Pain wastes the body; pleasures the understanding.

  He that can take rest is greater than he that can take

  cities.

  RULES OF HEALTH AND LONG LIFE, ETC.

  Eat and drink such an exact quantity as the constitution

  of thy body allows of, in reference to the services

  of the mind.

  They that study much, ought not to eat so much as

  those that work hard, their digestion being not so

  good.

  The exact quantity and quality being found out, is to

  be kept to constantly.

  Excess in all other things whatever, as well as in meat

  and drink, is also to be avoided.

  Youth, age, and sick require a different quantity.

  And so do those of contrary complexions; for that

  which is too much for a flegmatick man, is not sufficient

  for a cholerick.

  The measure of food ought to be (as much as possibly

  may be) exactly proportionable to the quality and

  condition of the stomach, because the stomach digests

  it.

  That quantity that is sufficient, the stomach can perfectly

  concoct and digest, and it sufficeth the due

  nourishment of the body.

  A greater quantity of some things may be eaten than

  of others, some being of lighter§ digestion than

  others.

  The difficulty lies, in finding out an exact measure;

  but eat for necessity, not pleasure, for lust knows

  not where necessity ends.

  Wouldst thou enjoy a long life, a healthy body, and

  a vigorous mind, and be acquainted also with the

  woderful works of God? Labour in the first place

  to bring thy appetite into subjection to reason.

  RULES TO FIND OUT A FIT MEASURE OF MEAT AND DRINK

  If thou eatest so much as makes thee unfit for study,

  or other business, thou exceedest the due measure.

  If thou art dull and heavy after meat, it’s a sign thou

  hast exceeded the due measure; for meat and drink

  ought to refresh the body, and make it chearful,

  and not to dull and oppress it.

  If thou findest these ill symptoms, consider whether

  too much meat, or too much drink occasions it, or

  both, and abate little and little, till though findest

  the inconveniency removed.

  Keep out of the sight of feasts and banquets as much

  as may be; for ’tis more difficult to refrain good

  cheer, when it’s present, than from the desire of

  it when it is away; the like you may observe in the

  objects of all the other senses.

  If a man casually exceeds, let him fast the next meal,

  and all may be well again, provided it be not too

  often done; as if he exceed at dinner, let him refrain

  a supper, &c.

  A temperate diet frees from diseases; such are seldom

  ill, but if they are surprised with sickness, they bear

  it better, and recover sooner; for most distempers

  have their original for repletion.

  Use now and then a little exercise a quarter of an hour

  before meals, as to swing a weight, or swing your

  arms about with a small weight in each hand; to leap,

  or the like, for that stirs the muscles of the breast.

  A temperate diet arms the body against all external

  accidents; so that they are not so easily hurt but

  heat, cold or labour; if they at any time should be

  prejudiced, they are more easily cured, either of

  wounds, dislocations or bruises.

  But when malignant fevers are rife in the country or

  city where thou dwelst, ’tis adviseable to eat and

  drink more freely, by way of prevention; for those

  are diseases that are not caused by repletion, and

  seldom attack full-feeders.

  A sober diet makes a Man diet without pain; it maintains

  the senses in vigour; it mitigates the violence

  of passions and affections. It preserves the memory,

  it helps the understanding, it allays the heat of

  lust; it brings a man to a consideration of his latter

  end; it makes the body a fit tabernacle for the Lord

  to dwell in; which makes us happy in this world,

  and eternally happy in the word to come, through

  Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour.

  Nine men in ten are suicides.

  ON HUMAN NATURE

  The family of Fools is ancient.

  The tongue offends, and the ears get the cuffing.

  Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

  There’s many witty men whose brains can’t fit their

  bellies.

  Who has deceiv’d thee so oft as thy self?

  He that can travel well afoot, keeps a good horse.

  A traveller should have a hog’s nose, a deer’s legs, and

  an ass’s back.

  Hope and a Red-Rag, are Baits for Men and Mackerel.

  Anger warms the invention but overheats the oven.

  They who have nothing to trouble them, will be troubled

  at nothing.

  Declaiming against Pride, is not always a sign of

  Humility.

  Neglect kills Injuries, Revenge increases them.

  Great Good-nature, without Prudence, is a great

  Misfortune.

  Do me the favour to deny me at once.

  Eat to please thyself, but dress to please others.

  He that would live in peace and at ease,

  Must not speak all he knows, nor judge all he sees.

  If you would have guests merry with cheer,

  Be so yourself, or so at least appear.

  Let all Men know thee, but no man know thee thoroughly:

  Men freely ford that see the shallows.

  Ah simple Man! when a boy two precious jewels were

  given thee, Time and good Advice; one thou hast lost,

  and the other thrown away.

  When Knaves fall out, honest men get their goods:

  When Priests dispute, we come at the Truth.

  Speak and speed: the close mouth catches no flies.

  Half Wits talk much but say little.

  ’Tis easy to see, hard to foresee.

  In a discreet man’s mouth a publick thing is private.

  Here comes Courage! that seized the lion absent, and

  ran away from the present mouse.

  Caesar did not merit the triumphal car more than he

  that conquers himself.

  Nor eye in a letter, nor hand in a purse, nor ear in the

  secret of another.

  Great talkers should be cropp’d, for they have no

  need of ears.

  Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a

  bloody nose.

  Where yet was ever found their mother,