Things i never told you, p.30
Things I Never Told You,
p.30
No, I didn’t know what that was like, but for the sake of continuing a pleasant conversation, I wasn’t going to say that. “Challenging, I would imagine.”
“Just getting her used to the routine, helping her learn the way around the hospital. The whole crawling-up-the-learning-curve thing.”
“Right. How’s Beckett?”
“He just got orders to Alabama this summer.”
Jillian took a sip from her water bottle. “He took the new assignment after all?”
“Yes. We talked about our options and decided postgraduate school was the right thing for him to do.”
There was no reason to ask my sister if that was really the way things went after her showdown with Beckett on Christmas Day. This was her story—a mutually agreed-upon decision—and she’d stick to it.
Although none of us liked talking about Jillian’s cancer, I still had to ask the question. To let my sister know I cared. “How are you doing with your radiation therapy, Jillian?”
“Managing. I’m tired, but there’s an end in sight.”
“You still like having a puppy?”
Johanna’s question, asked without a trace of skepticism, was almost not worth asking. Geoff and Jillian took Winston with them everywhere. Right now, the puppy was probably snoozing in Geoff’s lap—or my dad’s.
“Winston is part comic relief, part comfort, and part constant aggravation. I’m focusing on the first two and reminding myself that he will outgrow the third one.”
“Dad certainly likes the little guy. Makes me wonder if he’s going to talk Mom into a dog.”
We all laughed over the thought. If only someone could capture the moment—the three of us smiling and laughing.
We’d get back to normal soon enough. Occasional rounds in the ring between Johanna and me. Jillian taking up her position in the middle, forever and ever, amen.
I had to be realistic. Even with truth . . . with confession . . . some things were destined to remain the same.
“Sometimes you just have to forget all the other stuff and remember we’re sisters.”
The truth of Pepper’s words no longer seemed to remind me of what was lacking in my relationship with my sisters. Instead, they drew me closer to Johanna and Jillian—and Pepper—and made me grateful for the good.
“You know, I’ve been thinking about Pepper a lot lately.”
My comment was met with surprised silence. Johanna stared at me and Jillian glanced back and forth between the two of us as if uncertain what to say.
“I think . . . I think maybe this year was tough, what with it being ten years since she died. Or maybe I just made it tougher on myself. Tougher for everyone else, too.” I swallowed the salty taste of unshed tears. “I’m learning how to live without her . . . letting myself miss her.”
“I miss her, too.” Jillian reached across the table to touch my hand.
“We all do.” Johanna’s agreement united us.
I had to clear my throat before I could say the next words. “I have to tell you both something Pepper said. Something we all need to remember.”
And as I spoke the words, I heard the echo of Pepper’s voice with mine.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
WHENEVER I WRITE A BOOK, I expect challenges. And challenges did happen while writing Things I Never Told You . . . some that brought me to tears and also drove me to my knees in prayer—again and again—as I faced some ongoing health issues and also wrestled with my beliefs about family and yes, sisters.
If a book strengthens my faith, then it’s worth it. I learned over and over again that God is faithful and His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). And I also was encouraged by the love and prayers of family and friends who walked alongside me. Every page of this book was prayed over as I wrote. I pray God blessed you in some way as you read it.
I do want to mention the different people who supported me through the months as Things I Never Told You went from just an idea to a real book:
My family: Writing a book disrupts life—mine and my family’s. But my husband, Rob, and my children—Josh, Katie Beth and Nate, Amy and David, Christa, and my two GRANDgirls—accept and love me for who I am: a creative. They adapt to conversations about imaginary characters, deadlines, and impromptu “What do you think about this?” discussions.
Special thanks to my physician-husband, Rob, who also moonlights as my “doctor on call” when I decide to weave a medical angle into a book.
Special thanks also to my youngest daughter, Christa, who was my sports consultant for Things I Never Told You. I’m not an athlete, but Christa is, and she’s a very good one, too. When I needed volleyball information, I went to my favorite volleyball player, an unconventional left-handed middle.
Advance readers: Angie, Casey, Jeanne, and Shari—I like to think I’m a good writer, but Things I Never Told You is all the better because of your insights.
Rachel Hauck and Susie May Warren: Here’s to another December Meet-Up where we talk story, brainstorm our upcoming books, laugh, relax, and remember the value of good friends. You two mean the world to me.
Rachelle Gardner: How did we get here? Oh yes. You believed in me and this change of direction along the writing road. Lots of conversations and e-mails. Prayer. Thank you for being the best of agents . . . and for being my trusted friend.
Casey Herringshaw: “Casey, would you . . . ?” Every busy writer—and yes, every writer is busy—needs a virtual assistant (VA). But I have dibs on Casey Herringshaw. Why? Because she keeps me sane—and keeps my to-do list under control.
Tyndale House, including Jan Stob (acquisitions director), Sarah Rische (editor), Sharon Leavitt (senior author relations manager), Julie Chen (senior designer), and Emily Bonga and the marketing team: I was told by other authors that I would love being with Tyndale House Publishers. I didn’t doubt them—but it’s wonderful experiencing being part of Tyndale for myself. Thank you for believing in me and for all your expertise while I worked on Things I Never Told You.
My Dream Team: The group changes a little with every book. But the purpose is always the same: These people support my dream . . . and I support theirs. And it’s always fun and life-giving.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
BETH K. VOGT is a nonfiction author and editor who said she’d never write fiction. She’s the wife of an Air Force family physician (now in solo practice) who said she’d never marry a doctor—or anyone in the military. She’s a mom of four who said she’d never have kids. Now Beth believes God’s best often waits behind doors marked Never. Things I Never Told You is the first novel in her women’s fiction series with Tyndale.
Beth is a 2016 Christy Award winner, a 2016 ACFW Carol Award winner, and a 2015 RITA finalist. Her 2014 novel, Somebody Like You, was one of Publishers Weekly’s Best Books of 2014. A November Bride was part of the Year of Wedding series published by Zondervan. Having authored nine contemporary romance novels or novellas, Beth believes there’s more to happily ever after than the fairy tales tell us.
An established magazine writer and former editor of the leadership magazine for MOPS International, Beth blogs for Novel Rocket and also enjoys speaking to writers’ groups and mentoring other writers. She lives in Colorado with her husband, Rob, who has adjusted to discussing the lives of imaginary people, and their youngest daughter, Christa, who loves to play volleyball and enjoys writing her own stories. Connect with Beth at www.bethvogt.com.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Which sister did you most identify with in Things I Never Told You: Payton, Pepper, Jillian, or Johanna? Why? If you have a sister or sisters, how would you describe your relationship(s): supportive or competitive—or a blend of both?
Were you an athlete in high school or college or part of another group or organization that influenced your identity? Did you have a coach, teacher, or other mentor who had a significant impact on your life? How did those experiences shape who you are today?
If you’ve ever grieved the death of a family member or close friend, what helped you deal with the pain? Was there something—a book or a Scripture verse or a song—that ministered to you?
Jillian is closer to Harper than she is to her sisters, Johanna and Payton. How has a good friend made a difference in your life when you’ve faced a trial?
What did you think of the “positive thoughts” jar that Harper made for Jillian? Would something like that be helpful to you during a tough time? What thought would you add to the jar?
Payton and Jillian both see examples of times when Johanna means well but causes hurt in the way she tries to take charge or impose her own solutions. How do you handle a loved one—a friend, a sister, or other relative—who is more strong-willed or opinionated than you and, while attempting to help, hurts you or overlooks your feelings or desires? Have you ever been a “Johanna” to someone? What was the result?
After Pepper’s death, Payton gave up many of her goals for the future and chose a different path for her life. What dreams did you have when you were younger that changed or were lost along the way? If you had the chance, would you pursue those dreams now? Why or why not?
Zach Gaines struggles to share his faith with Payton. How and when do you talk to others about what you believe about God? When someone talks to you about their faith, how does that make you feel?
Payton kept a secret from her family for ten years. How do you feel about secrets—are they necessary or are they destructive? When do you think a person should keep a secret?
As identical twins, Payton and Pepper shared a unique bond, but they began to grow apart when Pepper started exploring ideas of God and faith. Have you ever felt betrayed, as Payton did, by a change in someone you love? Were you able to navigate that change to keep the relationship? If so, what helped you?
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Beth Vogt, Things I Never Told You
