Without saying a word, my brothers gather their things and leave me with Niki for our time, the moments we spend together in the afterglow of animalistic sex.

  Most days, I’d appreciate the space.

  Today, I throw the well-fucked whore off me onto the bed and race to the bathroom to purge a chasm of guilt from the depths of my murky soul.

  Tears matt my eyelashes as the goodness in me rears to the forefront with pictures of a beautiful woman with tattoos and purple hair.

  Pissed at myself for feelin’ anything, I yank the condom off and throw the evidence in the trash as Niki’s concerned voice penetrates my ears, and I throw up again.

  Fuck.

  This isn’t normal.

  I… Fuck…

  Another heave leaves me listless, my stomach twisted in barbed knots.

  “Gunz? You need me to do anything for you? Are you okay?”

  “Leave. Please. I… I need my phone.”

  A kiss is placed on the back of my head and my phone set on the tiled floor beside me. For once, Niki leaves without argument.

  Then, I’m alone.

  Naked on the floor of my bathroom, sick in the head, in the soul, in everything.

  Too weak to stop myself, I text her. I know I shouldn’t, not after today, not after what I did…

  I’m sorry. I can’t wait to see you when I get back. Please forgive me.

  CHAPTER NINE

  GUNZ

  Bouncing Leech and Dom on my knees to keep ‘em occupied, Beth, a good friend of mine, talks my ear off on the couch cushion beside me. We haven’t seen each other in weeks. I’m not much for phone conversations, and texts only convey so much. Guess Bink invited her for the club dinner, even though we’re on lockdown. Tomorrow morning, we ride out.

  Beth wiggles a finger at Dom, who gives her a big boy grin. She coos in turn.

  “How’s Jonesy,” I ask, referring to her grandfather, whom she cares for. He used to run with the SS back in the day.

  “Good. Still as sharp as a tack.”

  We carry on, sharing stories of her gramps and other insignificant stuff as the rest of the brotherhood does their thing in the common room, eating food Bink and the Sacred Sisters prepared, drinking, and shootin’ pool. It’s a typical family night. No club whores, they’ll be by later, and I have no intention of staying for that after last night. Mindless sex is great and all when it doesn’t end how it did. I’ve never had anything like that happen before. Throwin’ up after fucking isn’t my idea of a good time. Neither is the myriad of emotional torment that followed. I think it’s best if I keep things as they are. It’s safer that way.

  Oh, yeah, and if you were wonderin’ if my weak text to Kit resulted in a positive outcome, or any outcome for that matter, that’d be a negative on both fronts. No reply. Not a damn peep since I left the parking lot yesterday. I’m tryin’ not to dwell on it, but my mind finds ways to screw with me even when I think I’ve got it on lockdown.

  “Bink told us you have a son,” Beth notes outta no-fucking-where. As if my thoughts on Kit weren’t bad enough, she’s gotta rub salt in the gaping wound that’s formed.

  Taking Dom into her lap, he snuggles against Beth’s average chest and tugs on a stand of brown hair. Beth’s pretty in a Plain Jane kinda way. Nothing about her is exquisite or striking. Bottom line, she’s wholesome and nice. A good, albeit naïve, and too trusting of a woman, who had her heart stomped on by Runner. She’s friends with Bink and became mine thanks to a bit of Big coercion. I don’t need to bore you with the details.

  Laying my sleepy girl’s head against my shoulder, I pepper her soft hair with Grandpa Gunz kisses, and relax, enjoying the world’s best medicine—Leech time. She’s snuggly and beyond fuckin’ adorable in her skull-print jumper as she lets me snuggle with my much larger, tattooed arms wrapped protectively around her teeny form.

  Beth’s eyes rest heavily on us as she permits me time to be with my girl without distraction.

  It doesn’t last long enough.

  Once Leech zonks out and Janie comes to take Dom home, Beth doesn’t let her previous question slide and probes a second time. “Soooo,” she drawls, massaging the tops of her denim-covered thighs nervously. “You have a son.”

  Knowin’ the Sacred Sisters, they sent Beth here for the deets. I haven’t said a word to anybody about Adam since church. Don’t think I have anything else to say on the matter. If Big asks, I’ll tell him. Anyone else can kiss off. Adam and Kit are mine. For me. Not the club’s and surely not a group of nosy old ladies’ business. They do their thing, fine. But I don’t want some unfounded, overprotective judgments screwing things up for me with Kit. ’Cause that’s what’ll happen.

  What Beth says next confirms my suspicions. “Bink texted our group. That’s how I know. She said he’s grown, and his mom kept him from you. She said the woman stayed here this week, for a day. Do you think that’s smart, Gunz? Havin’ her here? What if he’s not yours? What if she’s here to hurt the club? What if—”

  I hold up a hand for her to quit talking. These are not the words of my friend. Of the woman I’ve been there for… the heartbroken person who cried on my shoulder before fallin’ asleep in my bed. These are not the questions and accusations founded by Beth. These have Bink and the rest of the Sacred Sisters written all over ‘em.

  I’ve had enough.

  I’m done.

  Spent.

  Massaging the bridge of my nose, eyes closed, I rest my chin against Leech’s hair and try my hardest to reel in the budding anger before I take it out on Beth, or accidentally wake my grandbaby. It’s not her fault she’s the pawn of the sisterhood. Alright, it is, but it’s not intentional. She’s not malicious. There’s no doubt in my mind this is born of care and concern. However, I’m still fucking done. I don’t have another ounce left in me to deal with petty bullshit. I’m going to war tomorrow.

  Clenching my jaw, I swallow the sharp retort I wanna unleash and formulate a better one. One I’d normally say under better circumstances—when I have a legitimate patience storage to siphon from. Too bad for them, those wells were sucked dry.

  “Gunz, I’m sorry,” Beth tacks on when she realizes I’m not in a good place.

  “It’s fine,” I lie, then squeeze my grandbaby a little tighter to imprint her body on mine, to remember when I’m gone for days on end. I’m gonna miss this little shit. Dom, too.

  She pats my knee in apology and rests her hand there. “It’s not. I see you’re upset. I didn’t mean to make you upset. I promise.”

  “I know.”

  “The sisters are worried.” Beth’s nail traces anxious circles across my kneecap. I watch as it does, too caught up in my own head to pay attention to those around us.

  “I know. They sent you to get information.”

  Out of my periphery, I watch Beth’s body language and expression morph from blank indifference to guilty as her eyes mist over. Lettin’ the guilt eat her from the inside out, she sucks in a sharp, emotional breath. “I’m sorry.”

  I know she is. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t say what I’m about to, so she has something to report back to the sisters.

  “I do have a son. He is mine. He looks like me. And his mother never kept him from me. Her intentions of why she was here are our business. I would appreciate it if the sisters would respect my privacy on this. Everything’s still fresh, and I’m leaving tomorrow. My head needs to be in the game, not on this sh—stuff.”

  The knee drawing persists. “That’s good… understandable. I’ll tell them.”

  “Thanks.”

  Her finger pauses mid-draw. “Do you want me to tell them now?” Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, Beth looks to me for guidance.

  “Are they waiting on your report?” Wantin’ a little less touchy-touchy, I remove her hand from my leg and set it back on hers. She frowns as I do.

  “I’m guessing so. Bink has… um… never mind.”

  “No. Finish your thought. Bink has what?”

  “She packed food for you to take on the road tomorrow. I’m supposed to go get it.”

  “Okay. You do that. But have her bring me the food when you’re finished tellin’ her I have a son, who is really mine, and I plan on keepin’ him and his mother in my life.” I reiterate the last bit so she don’t forget. I need her to relay the message loud and clear for Bink’s stubborn mind to hang on to, so she’ll quit makin’ my life difficult.

  Beth doesn’t fill the silence with a needless reply when she stands and heads straight to the kitchen. Breaking away from their men, the sisters join her beyond the swinging door. I smile privately to myself as I watch Pixie, Axel’s old lady, carry an empty food tray in with her like that’s gonna make her departure appear any less conspicuous.

  Bulk, a fellow baldheaded brother of mine, drops his heavy ass into the spot Beth vacated. “Do they think we don’t know what they’re doin’ in there?” Chucklin’ to himself, he bumps shoulders with mine. “Damn women.”

  “I’m guessin’ you know what this’s about.”

  “I have the loudest old lady in the club. Yeah, I know. She’s been rantin’ about the kid shit all fuckin’ day.”

  “She tell you they were gonna use Beth as bait?” I ask.

  Bulk’s foot bounces. “Not exactly, but Axel, Trip, Dallas, and I compared notes and shit before we got here.”

  “You sayin’ you’re a bunch of gossipy bitches, too?”

  “Nope. Not at all. I’m sayin’ we knew they were gonna start their gang mentality shit, and we wanted to be in front of it when it happened. In case they pissed ya off. We don’t have time for games. But they can’t keep their noses outta shit that don’t concern ‘em.”

  He’s right. They can’t.

  “The brothers got an issue with me havin’ a kid and Kit comin’ ‘round?” I test.

  The big man heaves a sigh. “’Sides Viper’s outburst in church and Runner always runnin’ his punk-ass mouth, nope. We got your back and theirs too, without question.”

  Good. Glad that’s settled.

  Perching himself on the couch arm, Axel offers me a bottle of Bud. I accept it with a nod of respect, then sip the cold brew. The cold liquid feels mighty nice as it slides down my throat. Even better when I take a whiff of Leech’s hair at the same time. Unconditional, no-bullshit love, and beer, it doesn’t get much better than this. ’Cept maybe a beautiful woman sittin’ beside me. In my head, I picture Kit takin’ her own pull of Bud where Bulk’s giant ass is. Gotta say, he’s not as pretty as her. Don’t smell as nice either.

  When I open my mouth to tell him as much, Bink exits the kitchen, a bag of food in hand, headed straight for us. Knowin’ what’s good for ‘em, my brothers scram to claim their old ladies who have rejoined the party.

  Blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, one hand on her hip, Bink sets the bag on the empty seat beside me and eyes her sleeping girl. I’m not breaking the ice first. I’ll let her do that. If she’s got somethin’ to say, she’s gonna be the one to say it.

  Swayin’ back and forth, she nudges my toe with her own, that beautiful face etched in equal parts concern and nerves. Most wouldn’t be able to read Bink’s emotions, but I’ve known and cared for her since birth. I know everything about this woman. Love everything about her, even the bossy, nosy, stubborn parts that irritate the hell outta me sometimes.

  When she continues lookin’ at me and Leech, her toe nudges mine again. I arch a brow. She knows what I’m askin’ without me havin’ to speak.

  “I…” Bink’s sentence falters, and she swallows thickly.

  It’s not like her to tread lightly. Neither is the lip chewing in my presence. By the way she’s actin’, she must think I’m pissed. Maybe that’s what Beth told her.

  Alright. I gotta nip this in the bud.

  Knowin’ exactly what my girl needs, I pat my thigh. It does the trick and Bink climbs straight onto my lap. Jostling her around a bit, I drape both of her legs over my other, her ass on my thigh, and tuck her head against my free shoulder. The woman practically melts into me, a sigh imparting her lips.

  Unable to help herself, she strokes up and down Leech’s back with soft touches as I wrap arms around them both. A kiss presses to the underside of my jaw. “I wanna get to know them both,” she whispers so only I can hear.

  Thank fuck.

  I squeeze her a lil tighter in gratitude, my heart growin’ six sizes. “Me, too, Baby Doll.”

  And just like that, all is right in my world.

  It’s funny how quickly pieces align when those who matter most give you something you didn’t know you needed.

  Bink in my arms beside her daughter is heaven. Her wanting to know my son and his mother, without puttin’ up a fight, even better.

  Tomorrow, the club comes first. Tonight, it’s family, my family. Even if Adam and Kit can’t be here, I’ll carry them in spirit, in the cradle of my arms where Bink and Leech rest.

  CHAPTER TEN

  KIT

  ::Bang :: Bang :: Bang::

  Beneath a spray of water, mid-shampoo, fingers massaging my scalp, someone pounds on my front door. Worried it’s an emergency, I rinse off in record time, hop out, and quickly throw a towel around myself.

  “Hold on! I’m coming!” I yell, dripping water halfway across my apartment to unlock the deadbolts and pull open the door without bothering to look through the peephole.

  Securing the towel to my chest, one hand on the knob, I gasp when I come face-to-face with a bouquet on legs.

  “Holy crap,” I hiss, staring straight into a sea of colorful blooms.

  “Delivery,” the man laden with flowers says. “Sorry, I had to kick your door.”

  “Uh. Those aren’t mine. They probably belong to Jessie down the hall.” I point to her door with the seasonal wreath, even though the guy can’t see me. Jessie’s ex is a stalker, always sending her flowers, balloons, and chocolates once a week.

  “You, Kit?” He shifts the large bowl vase as if he can’t hold on much longer.

  “No…” My brain freezes mid-thought, and I sigh, lips turning down into a frown. “Yes. That’s me.”

  Fucking Gunz.

  “I can’t see. Maybe you wanna back up, so I can set them inside somewhere?”

  “Sure.” I slip away from the door to make room, streaking the small pool of water along with me. We don’t want him to fall and bust his behind on my crappy linoleum entry.

  The scrawny boy I saw walking on the street just this morning when I went out to get the mail, sets the oversized arrangement in the center of my coffee table.

  “The water makes it heavy,” he remarks as he dusts both hands on the sides of his jeans.

  Unsure what I’m supposed to say to that when I’m wet and naked under a towel, inside my tiny apartment, with a stranger… I escort him to the door. “Thanks for the delivery,” I fib.

  The kid knocks on the doorframe twice, wearing a put-on smile. “You have a nice day now.”

  “You, too.” I shiver at his creep factor but don’t let it show.

  Once the door’s secure, I about-face, and there it is… the bouquet. No, it’s more like a massive flower arrangement you see at funerals. The asshole bought me dead people blooms. With how the baldheaded jerk acted after the hottest moment of my life, followed by an idiotic text, this must be a goodbye gift. An our-flirty-friendship-is-dead-because-I-want-someone-younger send-off. A you’re-my-baby’s-mama-but-you-kiss-like-a-fish letdown. Why else would the world’s largest funeral spray be on my coffee table? Why else would he have sped from the parking lot like I disgusted him?

  I don’t understand.

  Not him.

  Not men.

  Nobody, it seems.

  One minute, you like a man and he kisses you like you’re his, like he owns you. The next, he runs away like a coward. Like he realizes it’s you he’s kissing and not someone hot, like his lady friend, Niki.

  Ugh.

  This is why I don’t get caught up in those of the male variety anymore. The games are too much to stomach at my age. Been there. Done that. Have the T-shirt. I’ve got enough on my plate with Adam and keeping my head above water. I don’t need Gunz’s rollercoaster, too. I’m better than that, even if I don’t believe that half the time.

  Not bothering with the blooms or the card I see amid them, I return to the bathroom to finish my shower. I take my time—as much time as I need—and then more for good measure. Sure, my brain concocts a dozen implausible scenarios as to why I have that thingy in the living room. Nobody has ever bought me flowers before unless you count the dandelions Adam used to pick for me on his way home from the bus stop.

  Double ugh.

  Why did Gunz have to send them today?

  It’s been a week since I last saw him.

  A week of unknown.

  I was doing better, slowly getting past our kiss and the time spent together. Trying to forget the damn grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup for dinner, where I laughed so hard, I cried. All thanks to a story he shared about his brother and him growing up. Who knew flamingo underwear was a thing, even then? Guess Bonez and Gunz fought over a pair. Silly kids.

  I also visited Adam this week again.

  He’s excited to see Gunz when he gets out. The smiles he had when he talked about his father made me… I dunno. Let’s not talk about it.

  Now there are flowers.

  How did he even know where I lived?

  Triple-washing my hair and conditioning it, I then scrub every ounce of skin with a coffee-infused sugar scrub. It’s supposed to fight cellulite. Not sure if it works. It’s hard to tell under all the ink, but I paid a pretty penny for the jar. I’m not about to let it go to waste. At least it smells good.

  Satisfied with the extensive washdown, I step out of the shower, my toes and fingers extra pruny.

  From the rack, I use a fresh towel to dry and forgo looking in the mirror. I’m not in the mood to see all this looking back at me.

  Hidden behind the bamboo partition that separates my living room from my bedroom, giving the illusion of a wall and privacy from the front apartment windows, I slip on a raggedy tank and boxers from my only dresser.