Oh Dear God, make it stop.

  A feral grunt expels from Big’s mouth surrounding a string of continual ecstasy-laden curses, and I know he’s just nutted inside this woman.

  Fuck, it hurts!

  Shooting my head backward to shake off the swirling vortex of torment, I smash my head into the brick. Pain radiates the entirety of my skull and I relish in it, as a small sense of relief takes hold. Smashing my head backward again, harder this time, my eyes blank out from the self-inflicted torture, as it washes away all of the overwhelming emotions. The only thing I feel is a potent pounding of sharp pain shooting through my brain, down my neck, and into my back. The emotional relief is welcomed. Taking in another deep breath, I ready myself again and focus on the pain of my head, not the anguish eating away at my heart.

  A loud cracking noise ricochets in the hall when I collide my skull with the immovable wall for a third time. I grind my teeth to keep from screaming in blissful agony. The tingling sensation of my skin bursting open, in a sick sadistic way, makes me happy. The warmth of my blood rushes through my hair, down my neck and back. I sigh, reveling in the sensation of pure physical pain, eroding the emotional.

  Sliding my hand to the back of my scalp, I touch the liquid warmth. I open my eyes to see the bright red blood coating my fingertips as I pull them into view. I can’t tell you why, but there’s something about pain that defeats the internal overflow. Suddenly, without cause, I feel very sleepy. My muscles are lax, my head becomes weightless. I fight to keep my eyes from fluttering closed. But it does me no good. I am called into dreamland by the Sand Man himself, as my head flops forward, resting on my bent knees. I no longer fight the urge to stay awake. It’s lights out. Night, night.

  The room is steamy hot. I’m nude. I’ve left my panties in front of Big’s door. He sits fully clothed on the edge of his bed, transfixed on my curvy form. His eyes dance like liquid fire, with every inch of my body his gaze penetrates. I’m wet. My pussy aches for him, for his touch, his tongue, and the strength of his magical fingers coaxing me into the perfect orgasm.

  “You’re mine,” his husky voice states.

  A shiver of delight crashes through me, as the butterflies begin their beautiful ballet inside my wanton form.

  “Yes,” I hiss with sheer happiness. “I’m yours.”

  “Bink,” a worried tone echoes in our darkened room. I look around and see no one. “Bink.” It repeats again.

  My body begins to shake. I look down to see my fingers coated in bright red blood.

  “Bink.”

  My heart thumps in my chest.

  “Bink, open your eyes.” There’s a tight grip on my forearm. “Fuck, come on,” the voice booms.

  Yet, Big sits across from me on his bed, calm, collected, and extraordinarily handsome.

  “Come on,” the same voice demands.

  Son of a bitch, a sharp, searing sensation burns my cheek.

  “Stop it!” I shriek, my eyes flying open. Light pours in, and all I see is Big’s face is mere inches from mine. Grief is the only word to describe his bleak, colorless expression, as his messy hair falls into his face.

  “Oh God, you’re okay,” he gasps expectantly, crushing me to him. His arms, wrap around my back, as he pulls me off the floor. Craning my head to the side, so I can breathe, I catch the view of Niki, with a similar worried expression. Her back’s flat against the hallway wall, fully clothed, lips red like she had been biting them, and a fresh purpled hick marks her exposed collarbone.

  Observing her is a lightning bolt jolting my system, my body unintentionally jerks, and it all comes flooding back, crashing painfully into my chest. The pussy eating, the claiming, the fucking of Niki. It was Niki that Big was fucking. All of those emotions. Oh fuck, all of those emotions that overtook me. The emotions that shattered my heart. Feelings I’ve never felt before. Feelings I never want to experience ever again.

  “Get off me.” I try to push him away, but he won’t let go. Big has me tight in his heavenly scented arms, my legs dangle above the floor, cheek flattened to his bulging peck.

  “No,” his stricken voice cracks.

  Carrying me into his room, Big presses plentiful kisses to the top of my head. Blood or not, he doesn’t seem to care.

  Hanging like a rag doll in his arms, my body fully awake and aware, I demand for him to, “Put me down.”

  “Why did you do it?” The pain in his voice makes me ache.

  “Do what?”

  “Hurt yourself,” he whispers, his lips resting in my hair, his hot breath bathing my scalp.

  I will not dignify that question with an answer. I don’t know why I even cared enough to have a nuthouse meltdown in the first place. I guess there’s a first time for everything. Didn’t think I’d ever see this one though. If this is how I will feel hearing or seeing Big with any woman, after the things we’ve done and what he’s said to me, then I can’t be around him anymore. And I don’t mean just space. I mean ever. It scared the shit out of me. I lost control, and I never do that. Or hardly ever.

  I hyperventilated. I felt like my world was literally coming to an end. Was it a panic attack? I don’t know. Never had one before. But it was something, and it wasn’t good, in the least bit.

  “Just put me down, Big,” I gently order, less demanding this time. Avoiding the whole confrontation is what I plan to do. See, avoidance, I knew I had that character flaw. What did I tell ya?

  Hesitantly, Big lowers me to the floor, still wrapped in his arms. “You need to get washed up.” He lovingly says, “And I will call the doctor.”

  “I don’t need a doctor,” I state, barely above a whisper. Inhaling deeply, Big’s masculine scent seeps into my every cell, making me want to weep. I can’t do this any longer. Not after this new revelation, where my feelings for the man I’ve spent my entire life, knowing inside and out, have changed into something more than family love. Hearing him with Niki was education enough on my innermost feelings that I typically lock up tighter than Fort Knox, or desperately try to stomp down and run away from. Avoiding them, ignoring them, or whatever else that works. Now I accept that I feel for Big, but I also accept that I cannot be his old lady because him with another woman may only crush me now but it would kill me later. My self-preservation is too strong to willingly succumb to that fate.

  Knowing that I need to relax and wash the blood from my hair, I solemnly mutter, “Take me to the shower.”

  Releasing me, Big drops to his knees on the ground. The sadness that is pouring off him clouds the air. His normally handsome face is void of any emotion except sorrow. This is the end for us. I feel it, and maybe deep down, he feels it too.

  Curving his hands over the lip of my PJ pants, Big drags them down my legs, to pool around my ankles. I step out of them, along with my boots. Next he tugs the hem of my shirt up and over my head. Exposing me completely to him. I don’t shy away. I let him drink in my body because this will be the very last time he ever sees it.

  Pushing off the floor to stand, Big removes his shirt, allowing it to fall on the floor. Dropping his jeans and boxers to the ground, he steps out, and he too is fully naked. Taking my time, I drink in his form. The deep V at his hips. The beautiful, intricate tattoos that span the length of his chest and abs, down his thick arms, and the tops of his meaty thighs. He’s beautiful. A perfect Adonis birthed into this world. And in this moment, he’s all I see, hear, smell and want nothing more than to touch. His cock hangs semi-hard, atop his wonderfully heavy balls. They too are perfect. Even the wide span of Big’s shoulders is breathtaking. I bite my lip, reveling in every inch, every nook, every tattoo, and every scar that makes Big the man I’ve loved my whole life. The asshole, the control freak, the caretaker, the savior, the man with the rainbow Band-Aids, my homecoming date. All of him.

  We remain quiet, heavily breathing, raking out gazes across one another’s bare flesh. My soft pillowy curves, and my wide hips clashing with Big’s hard, ripped body. The only softness that lies upon him is held within his eyes. The blues that are both hard and soft wrapped in thick lashes and endearing age lines.

  Walking backward, my eyes still on him, I slowly slide into the bathroom. Big advances, following me inside. Both of us, without a word step into his shower, and he turns on the water. The cool turns to warmth and splashes my feet until he pulls the lever and the water sprays us from above. Pulling me to him, Big embraces my form, and I wrap my arms around his torso, holding him too. My head is lying on his chest, listening intently to the lub-lub of his heart.

  I will remember this night forever.

  With a little work, Big maneuvers me under the warm spray. The blood in my hair washes over my pale skin, turning it light red as the fresh water swirls with it until all the blood is gone, leaving my hair clean once more.

  “I wish you wouldn’t have done that,” Big whispers, caressing my spine, up and down in sweet contentment.

  I sigh, “I wish you wouldn’t have hurt me by sleeping with Niki, one of the many.”

  “I didn’t know you were here.” He is calm and sweet when he says it, but it stings nonetheless.

  “Would that really have mattered?” I mutter, resting my chin on his chest, my eyes glancing up to see his face. The water cascading down my backside. Steam rolls around us. But I can see him clearly, and feel every part of him. And I love it, even if it pains me. Even if this new, strange revelation scares me. I know it’s not going to last. So I’ll revel in it now, if only for a little while.

  Big’s weepy eyes collide with mine. “I would have waited,” he whispers.

  Another shooting pain stabs my heart and twists, and I’m forced to swallow the hardened lump in my throat. This is too much.

  “Why won’t you sleep with me? You want everyone else. You sleep with them all. But never with me,” I painfully whisper, holding his gaze, chewing nervously on my inner lip.

  “I want to be with you more than anyone else.” He frowns, bringing his lips down and pressing a sweet kiss to my forehead. “But I can’t.”

  My tone hardens, “Can’t? Or won’t?”

  “Is that what you want? Is that what will make you happy? To have me inside of you?” Big’s hand stops moving, and lingers at the slope of my back, awaiting my reply.

  I don’t have to think about it. I nod, slowly, repeatedly, holding firm eye contact. Conveying all of my emotions to him in a single, needy look.

  A flash of something strange, something I could almost describe as vulnerable briefly washes over Big’s features, and then is gone, as fast as it came.

  Shutting down the water, Big lifts me from the shower, hooking my legs over his arms, as if I am weightless. And he carries me into the bedroom, laying me face down across the mattress. Crawling up behind me, he leans over my back, his legs straddling mine. The thickness of rock-hard cock presses into the seam of my ass, as the heat of his chest ascends, connecting with my back and I groan, burying my face into the mattress. My hands fisting in the crumpled bed sheets, soaking in this magnificent moment, as my arousal courses through me like a wildfire. I’m instantly wet. My pussy begs me to fill her, with each clenching and unclenching of her muscles.

  “Is this what you want?” Big hotly whispers, his lips tantalizing the shell of my ear. The heat of his breath wafting excitedly over my flesh. I shiver beneath him in sheer delight as his cock grinds into the meat of my ass.

  “Yes,” I hiss, curling my back into his chest.

  “Listen, Sugar Tits.” He kisses the back of my neck. “I’m going to fuck you.” Another kiss. “And I hope you understand that I don’t do sweet. I don’t do slow. And I’m going to bury myself into your sexy little cunt and make you come so hard that you’re not gonna remember your name tomorrow,” Big deliciously explains, with his lips provocatively brushing the nape of my neck, making me wetter and wetter with each enticing stroke.

  I can’t explain why those dirty words coming so gently off his succulent lips turn me on that much. They just do. I’ve wanted him so badly for what feels like a lifetime. I will do whatever, say whatever, be whatever he wants, just so I can experience this everlasting moment with him that I will carry with me always.

  Peppering kisses down the back of my neck and across my shoulders, goose pimples rise, and I whimper, my body electrifying higher and higher with each bewitching touch.

  “You’re so soft, sweetheart.” His tongue traces my shoulder blade, “So beautiful.” Trailing his tongue along my spine, I coo, shaking beneath him.

  “Big,” I lightly moan, calling his name, wanting him to ravish me, fuck me, and live up to all the promises he has made known. I don’t know if I can take this. I am on fire. My body burns for him.

  “You’re so wet for me, Sugar Tits. I can smell you.” He audibly inhales, scenting the air and my arousal that is dripping from between my folds. “And fuck if that doesn’t make me wanna sink my dick into ya right now,” he growls, leaning back onto his knees, his calloused hands appreciatively gliding over the deep curves of my body, across my plush ass, down the backs of my thighs and up again.

  “Fuck, you’re perfect,” he mutters to himself, gripping my wide hips and digging his fingers deliciously into my flesh. Yanking my hips up from the bed, he silently orders me onto my knees and pries my legs apart. Opening up my plump pussy lips for him to feast his eyes upon.

  “So wet,” he grunts, settling his giant body between my parted legs.

  I quiver with anticipation. My heart thundering wildly in my chest, my excited breaths coming out in short sexually charged spurts.

  This is it.

  Licking my dry lips, I breathe, “I want you.”

  I’m lost in the insurmountable sensation as his rough hands sexually slither along my thighs again, to my knees and back up. Where he circles the faintest of touches across my ass cheeks and inward until he meets my crevice and his fingertips skim the sensitive skin of my inner cheeks and pussy lips. Shifting behind me, his hands are soon replaced with the thickness of his hard, pre-come soaked cock. Gliding it between my folds, he dampens his rod, and I jolt forward as it connects with my throbbing clit.

  “Do you like that?” he taunts, driving the head of his member against my clit again.

  Oh God, I think I might come.

  “Yesss,” I hiss, propelling my hips backward, my head and shoulders still resting on the mattress.

  Jabbing my little hardened nub with his cock he bucks into it, forcefully driving sparks of pleasure to wrack through my body. Thrust after thrust, his cock drives me closer and closer to coming, and I moan, closing my eyes, focusing on his exquisite onslaught.

  “Fuck, I gotta stop this,” he grunts, and suddenly his cock stops and I am flipped into the air with a squeal. Landing onto my back and maneuvering me quickly, Big piles all three of his bed pillows under my hips, and positions my upper back and shoulders flat against the headboard so I am almost folded in half. Without stopping, he opens my legs and I see it all. My swollen clit, the reddened lips of my awaiting pussy, and the head of his monstrous cock as he readies himself between my outstretched thighs.

  “Take in a deep breath and watch me, Eva. Watch me.” Big holds his shaft and guides the head of his cock to my entrance.

  Shit, he’s going to tear me apart. He hasn’t prepped me.

  “Big,” I whimper, with both worry and anticipation. “It’s been a while and you’re…” I trail off, my eyes glued to his massive cock and I swallow, hard.

  “Take a deep breath,” he repeats, and I am listening this time. “I want to fuck you, sweetheart. I want to watch my cock stretch you.”

  I briefly nod, understanding. Slowly, the arousal soaked head of his beautiful veiny cock stretches me. And I shudder, my legs uncontrollably shaking as my body feels like it’s been torn open.

  “Arg!” I cry out in pleasure-pain, seizing his shoulders, as my nails imbed into his flesh, for support. Forcing him to expel a grunt.

  “Watch…it…” He swallows hard, his eyes latched onto his cock inching its way into my tight wanton core. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Big whispers to himself, transfixed. “Your pussy is tighter than I thought, Sugar Tits. I don’t want to hurt you. You’ve got to tell me if it does, okay?” His vibrant lust filled eyes shoot to mine, and I shakily nod.

  “Okay.”

  Halfway inside, my back arches, thrusting my breasts upward, I wail out in red-hot pain, swirling with a deep seeded pleasure. Shit, he’s inside me, Big is in my pussy, it feels… He pushes in a bit further. Oh…

  Screwing my eyes shut, I can no longer watch him entering me. It’s too much. It feels… oh fuck…

  Big’s hips swiftly thrust forward, bottoming out into my pussy and I scream, furiously squeezing his shoulders, as his cock stills in the depths of my quivering hole. My entire body trembles, and my breath stalls in my chest.

  Oh God, Oh God…it…fuck…

  “It’s okay.” He’s gentle, treating me like a delicate flower. Leaning forward, he lingers a warm kiss in the center of my forehead, my temple, and down my cheek. “It’s okay, Bink, take a deep breath, the worst is over.”

  My teeth chatter. “It burns, Big. Oh, fuck, you’re huge,” I whimper, feeling so full that I might explode at any moment. His cock feels like it’s resting in my stomach. I can’t believe this.

  “I know, I know and I’m sorry.” He’s sweet. “Just let me pull out a little, Sugar Tits, and let me stretch your pussy then I’ll fuck you. I need to fuck you.” His voice quivers with his last sentence and I open my eyes to see that same vulnerability I once saw, all over again. Except this time, it’s permanently mingled in his expression, amidst the rawness of extreme carnal lust and fierce desire.

  He wants me, my mind repeats on a reel. And I feel a sense of triumph over the realization that this is something we both desire, we both want to share. A feeling of understanding that I know I will never be with anyone else in my life. Not like him.

  I swallow the emotional lump in my throat, breathing in deep and exhaling out the burning pain that is vibrating all the way to my toes.