Daniel was writhing, fucking himself on my fingers. “Please, Lymond.”

  I nodded and quickly got myself sheathed and lubed. Daniel lifted, and I guided the head of my cock to his puckered entrance. I let him set the pace, groaning as his tight hole slowly swallowed my steely length. Daniel’s wince was soon followed by a decadent moan as he pulled me farther into his body until I was buried deep. I dug my fingers into the soft flesh of his ass, and when he began to move, my eyes practically rolled into the back of my head with how damn good it felt.

  Daniel whispered my name, and I met his smoldering gaze. His lips curled up in the corners, and before I could ask him what that wicked look was for, he lifted, then impaled himself on my cock.

  “Fuck!”

  Daniel wrapped his arms around my neck, and I gripped his hips hard enough to leave bruises as he impaled himself on me over and over, the sound of skin slapping skin driving me wild. I leaned back on my hands, and thrust up into him when he came down, and he cried out.

  “Yes! Oh fuck yes!” Daniel dug his fingers into my shoulders as he bounced on me, and I met every one of his plunges with a hard thrust. My muscles tightened, and I sat up again, throwing one arm around him, my free hand shoved between us to grip his leaking cock. “Please.”

  It was a broken plea, and the emotion I saw in Daniel’s eyes, like he saw through me, like he could feel my heart, almost undid me. This should have been just sex, but as I dug my fingers into his perfect skin, as I clutched to him like letting go would kill me, I knew it was more. Our breathless panting filled the silent room as he moved against me, his tight body giving me more than words ever could. His arm tightened around my neck, and his eyes stayed locked on mine as we moved together.

  “Baby, I’m gonna come,” I said, feeling my balls tightening. Daniel got off me so fast, I cried out at the sudden loss.

  “Move back and lie down,” he ordered, and I quickly complied. He turned and positioned himself over me to give me access to his cock, then rid me of the condom before his mouth swallowed me down to the hilt. I bucked my hips, and he let me fuck his mouth as I sucked him into my mouth, my finger pressing into his hole. He thrust his hips, and I let him fuck my mouth, pressing my lips tight around him as we both lost out rhythms. The taste of his come bursting down my throat had my orgasm exploding through me, and I released myself in the warm heat of his mouth. I swallowed down every drop he gave me, sucking him until he softened between my lips. He pulled off and turned to lie on me and bring our lips together for a tender kiss. I moaned as we tasted each other. His body felt heavenly against mine, and I wrapped my arms around him as he lay his head on my chest, our sweat-slicked bodies pressed together from head to toe.

  Daniel’s breathing steadied as I stroked his hair with one hand and held on tight to him with the other. As sleep came to claim me as well, it hit me then how I’d spent my entire adult life trying to save others, not realizing how desperately I needed someone to save me.

  Chapter Six

  DANIEL

  “Good morning,” I hummed. My body ached in the most delicious way, and I couldn’t help my dopey grin at the memory of last night. It had been like nothing I’d ever experienced. No one had ever touched me the way Lymond had. No one had ever needed me like he did. He might not have said the words, but it had been in every caress, in every kiss. He’d bared his soul with every touch, and the reverent way in which he’d whispered my name. I opened my eyes, and rolled over, but the bed was empty. I bolted upright. “Lymond?”

  Oh my God. What if something happened to him? I forced myself to calm down as I scrambled out of bed to get dressed. Shoes on, I ran to the bedroom door when I noticed the duffel bag was gone. No. No. No. I threw the door open and ran into the living room. It was empty. The dogs were gone. Maybe Lymond had taken them out for a walk? But why take his duffel bag? What the hell was going on?

  “Lymond?” I checked every room in the small apartment. Had he gone out in search of Crispin? He’d promised he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. What if he went out there to find Crispin but Crispin got to him first? Every worst-case scenario my brain could conjure up flashed before my eyes, and all I could see was Lymond sprawled in a puddle of blood, his gorgeous silver eyes empty and void of life. The door opened, and I clutched at my heart to keep it from escaping.

  “Hi,” Lymond said, his smile sweet as he held up a paper bag. “I brought you a breakfast bagel. Coffee’s in the kitchen. The dogs couldn’t stay here. I took them to that fancy pet hotel in Chelsea so you wouldn’t have to worry about them.”

  The noise I let out wasn’t human, and I ran to him and flung myself in his arms. I couldn’t control the tears that fell.

  “Hey, what’s this?” he asked, pulling back to wipe his thumb over my cheeks.

  Anger flared through me, and I shoved him. “Asshole!”

  He stared at me, and I couldn’t stop myself from shaking.

  “Daniel?”

  He took a step toward me, and I threw my hands out. “Stop! Don’t come any closer.” The hurt that flashed through his eyes broke me, but I couldn’t bring myself to go to him. What the hell had I been thinking?

  “Daniel, talk to me,” Lymond pleaded, his voice breaking. “Please, baby. Tell me what’s going on.”

  I looked up at him, my voice shaky. “Is this what it would be like? My waking up to find you gone, wondering if you’re dead in a ditch somewhere? What if one day you walk out and never return? What if you just disappear and I don’t know what’s happened to you? I can’t live like that. The not knowing would kill me.”

  Lymond swallowed hard, and I saw the moment it registered what was happening. If it hurt this much now, what would it be like the more time we spent together? What if it turned out it was just an adrenaline thing? That whatever was brewing between us wasn’t special, just something brought about from being thrust into danger together. What the hell was wrong with me, being attracted to this man in the first place? Lymond was the kind of man you feared. He wasn’t the man you settled down with to have a family. I was so conflicted.

  Lymond didn’t yell or get angry. He simply nodded. “I understand.” He averted his gaze. “I was kidding myself, thinking I could have a normal life.” The laugh he let out was harsh, and I didn’t like the self-loathing I saw in his expression. “Who am I fucking kidding? I went way past normal a lifetime ago. I mean, I tried to go on a date and look what happened?” He moved his eyes back to me, the vulnerability in them had me wanting to go to him, but as if sensing my moment of weakness, Lymond’s eyes turned hard, their coldness sending a shiver through me. He was shutting me out. “Well, at least we got a good fuck out of it, right?”

  I shook my head. “Don’t do that. Don’t turn what happened between us last night into something cheap.”

  “There is no us,” Lymond snapped, startling me. “You’re a good fuck, Daniel, but not worth all this trouble. Now get the fuck out and go home.”

  “What?” He was throwing me out? I didn’t know what hurt more, his callous words or that he was tossing me out into the cold like I was nothing. “What about Crispin?”

  “Crispin doesn’t give a fuck about you. It’s me he wants, and you’ll just slow me down.” When I didn’t move, he marched over and threw a hand out when he reached me and wrapped it around my neck. I gasped and closed my fingers around his wrist. “I said, get the fuck out!”

  “This isn’t you,” I whispered. My head and heart were at war. How could I be scared and drawn to him at the same time?

  He loomed over me, his lips curled in a sneer. “You don’t know fuck all about me.” He leaned in to murmur in my ear, “You clearly don’t know yourself either. You let a killer fuck you.”

  My eyes widened. I knew what he was a trying to do. He wanted to hurt me. Whether it was to get me to leave or to mask the hurt he felt, it didn’t matter. He was right.

  “I’m sorry I ever met you,” I replied quietly, catching the subtle flinch.

  He quickly released me, stormed off to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. I didn’t hesitate, I grabbed my coat, put it on, and bolted. No matter how tightly I wrapped my arms around myself, I couldn’t keep the bitter cold at bay. This was for the best. I’d gotten off lucky. The fact I’d met someone like Lymond was insane. The idea I could have a relationship with the man was even more absurd. CIA? Spies? Assassins? The closest I’d ever gotten to that world was through my watch list on Netflix.

  I had no idea how I got home. I may have called a cab at some point. When I got in, I hung up my coat and walked into the living room. It was empty. No wagging tails or happy noises to greet me. I dropped down onto the couch and looked around my cozy apartment. It was like I was looking at everything through a different set of eyes. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel safe or at home; it just felt… different. My cellphone rang, and I considered letting it go to voicemail, but a pathetic part of me thought it might be Lymond. I swiped it up, my heart sinking a little that it wasn’t, but that soon turned to relief. Lissa’s cheerful voice met my ear.

  “Tell me everything!”

  I frowned and picked at some lint on my pants. “It didn’t work out.”

  There was silence for a moment before Lissa spoke up. “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. What happened?”

  I sighed and let my head fall back against the couch, closing my eyes. How did I explain how heartbreakingly beautiful Lymond was and how terribly unsuited we were for each other? “It’s his job. I… I can’t get involved with someone who risks his life for a living. Knowing he might not come home one day.” Not to mention the whole morality side to things.

  “Daniel, sweetheart, even if he had the safest job in the world, life is unpredictable. If he’s a good man, if he makes you happy, you can’t get caught up in the what ifs. Let me ask you this. If he was in a different profession, would you be with him right now instead of wherever you are?”

  I didn’t even have to think about it. “Yes.”

  “Well?”

  It wasn’t that easy. Even if I could get past the danger part, there was the other part of his profession. What disturbed me most wasn’t what he did, but the knowledge that it didn’t bother me as much as it should. What kind of man did that make me?

  “I’m scared,” I admitted to my best friend.

  “Aren’t we all, baby?” she replied softly. “Aren’t we all?”

  Chapter Seven

  LYMOND

  “Wow. This is just sad.”

  I took another gulp of whiskey, enjoying the smooth burn as it went down my throat. The lamp turned on, and I grunted against the sudden brightness. When the sun set, I couldn’t be bothered to turn on any lights, so I’d just sat on my couch in my shitty little apartment. Jerrott was always griping that I needed to move. It wasn’t like I didn’t have the money for a nicer place; I just didn’t give a shit.

  “Seriously?” Crispin paced in front of me, his gun with silencer in his gloved hand laying against his leg, his honey-colored eyes trying to burn a hole in me. “What the fuck is this? You haven’t moved from that spot in two hours.” He stepped closer to me and waved his free hand to indicate my general person. “What is this? Are you moping? Is that what’s happening right now?”

  I swallowed hard and lifted my gaze to meet his. “Just promise me you won’t hurt him.”

  Crispin’s brows drew together. “Who?”

  “Daniel.”

  Crispin’s brows shot up near his hairline, and his jaw dropped. It would have been funny if I wasn’t feeling so sick to my stomach. I could still see the hurt in Daniel’s eyes. When I’d realized he was ending things, the pain had been so great all I could do was give it right back.

  “It’s for the best,” I said. “I’d only end up hurting him again. He deserves better.”

  “And what about me, you selfish prick? Don’t I deserve better? You broke up with me over text!” Crispin paced indignantly.

  “You deserve better too,” I told him, and he stopped, turning to stare at me. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Crispin. I was a coward and used the job as an excuse. All I was doing was hurting you, and I didn’t want to see the disappointment in your eyes. It’s all I ever did. Disappoint you. I wasn’t making you happy, and you deserve someone who’ll make you happy.”

  Crispin wiped a hand over his mouth, his eyes not moving from me. He was tall, muscular, though sinewy like an athlete. At thirty-six, he was four years older than me but looked younger. He was a very handsome young man, his hooded honey-colored eyes and his playfulness had attracted me to him. We’d worked a job together back when I was still with the DO. The sex had been hot, but there was always a distance between us. Neither of us had been willing to open up completely. We hid parts of ourselves. It was a survival instinct. The inability to trust always there. I’d never been able to lay myself bare for anyone. Until Daniel.

  “Holy shit.” Crispin slowly sank into the armchair to my left. “Oh fuck.”

  “What?” I asked, baffled by his stunned expression. Nothing took Crispin Fox by surprise. Nothing.

  “You’re in love with him.”

  I stared at him. “Are you crazy? We just met. You can’t fall in love with someone this fast.”

  “Okay, maybe it’s not love, but you really care about him, and at the rate you’re going it won’t be long. Did you tell him? Does he know what you do?”

  I nodded, and Crispin was up and pacing again.

  “What’s gotten into you?” I asked. “Are you going to shoot me or not?”

  Crispin worried his bottom lip between his teeth before turning to face me. “Why aren’t you with him right now?”

  I dropped my gaze to my empty glass. “He woke up and I wasn’t there. I’d gone to take the dogs to a pet hotel and bring him breakfast, but he thought something had happened to me. He got scared.” I raised my eyes to meet Crispin’s. “How could I do that to him? How could I ask him to accept what I am, what I do, and expect him to wait for me?”

  “So you hurt him.”

  I flinched and looked away, nodding.

  “My God, Lymond, stop being such a fucking martyr!”

  “What?” I jumped to my feet, tossing the empty glass onto the couch behind me. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

  Crispin poked me in the chest with the barrel of his gun. “It means you have the chance at something good, but you’re so fucking scared that this might be it, that you might get and lose everything you didn’t even know you wanted, that instead of taking a chance, you lash out and then run off to lick your wounds, spending the rest of your days fucking brooding.”

  I slapped the gun away from me. “Don’t fucking point that thing at me.”

  “Did you forget I came here to kill you?”

  “Because I broke up with you?” I growled. “Stop trying to kid yourself, Cris. You wanted me to break up with you.”

  “Fuck you,” Crispin snarled.

  “You let me get away with shit you wouldn’t have let anyone else get away with. We spent weeks, sometimes months apart, and when we met back up, it was like nothing had changed.”

  “And that’s a bad thing?”

  “Yes. You liked having me there, Cris, but you didn’t need me there.” I cupped his cheek, smiling warmly. “You deserve someone who can’t wait to see you, whose heart breaks every time you walk out that door, who loves you with everything in them.”

  Crispin opened his mouth to reply, but there was loud pounding on my door.

  “Lymond, I know you’re in there with him. Open this fucking door!”

  Crispin arched an eyebrow at me. “Is that your little brother?”

  I patted Crispin’s shoulder and chuckled. “The last time you saw him, he was graduating high school. He’s not so little anymore.” I headed for the door, but turned to point at the gun. “Put that away.”

  Crispin nodded, and I opened the door, finding my seething baby brother on the other side. I opened my mouth to ask him what he was doing here, but he shoved past me and marched straight into the living room and up to Crispin. Before I knew what the hell was going on, Jerrott’s fist collided with Crispin’s jaw, sending Crispin stumbling back.

  “Jesus fuck!” I grabbed Jerrott’s arm, jerking him away from Crispin before he could land another hit. “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

  Jerrott ignored me, his icy blue eyes focused on Crispin. “You stay the fuck away from him!”

  Crispin rubbed his jaw, his honey-colored eyes darkening to almost black, and I dragged my brother behind me.

  “Cris, come on. It’s Jer. He was just protecting me.”

  Crispin looked from me to Jerrott, who was trying to get away from me, flailing and spitting like a feral kitten. Jerrott knew as much about Crispin as I did. We never kept anything from each other, and here he was, a sweet-faced, twenty-four-year-old paralegal in a designer suit, with deceptively sharp claws and a sharper tongue, trying to protect me from a professional assassin.

  The bark of laughter startled me, and I stared at Crispin, who was wiping a tear from his eyes. “Fuck, Lymond. He’s adorable.”

  “Fuck you, Crispin!” Jerrott spat, and I just couldn’t get over my normally very cool and collected little brother losing his shit. I grabbed him by the arm and pushed him down into the armchair.

  “Don’t move.”

  Jerrott crossed his arms over his chest, his glare on Crispin, who looked absolutely enchanted. I groaned.