Joe slowly pulled his hand away and closed his eyes, most likely trying to bring himself to his senses. Lord knew Tom was beginning to feel like he’d lost his. He sure as hell hoped his instincts weren’t wrong about Joe. Or himself.

  “I’m sorry I’ve caused you trouble,” Tom said quietly. “When I think about it, it’s crazy. Maybe it’s all a bunch of bullshit.” Tom’s hands balled into fists at his sides. “Maybe I’m not the nice guy I tell myself I am.” He looked down at his knuckles and let out a humorless laugh. “Who am I trying to kid here? Look at me. Nice guys don’t live in the shadows. They don’t end up facedown in the dirt, lurking in the dark with detectives looking for them.”

  If there hadn’t been utter silence in the room, Tom would never have heard Joe’s “no.” He waited, holding his breath the entire time. When he thought he was going to pass out, Joe finally spoke up.

  “I’m sorry. I… I don’t regret what happened. I know it sounds pathetic, but this sort of thing has never been easy for me. I’m not very good at it. Relationships, I mean, not the, um, ‘finding a guy with amnesia’ thing. Don’t think I didn’t want to, because I did. I just… I’ve been hurt before, and by someone I knew a hell of a lot more about. It’s hard for me, and it’s even harder to trust someone who I don’t know can be trusted.”

  Tom’s heart squeezed at the uncertain yet endearing expression on Joe’s face. The man had absolutely no idea how sweet he was. Joe had every right to tell Tom to get the hell out of his life. He had no reason to trust in anything Tom said or even listen to what Tom had to say. How could someone meet Joe and not fall for him?

  Edging a little closer as if he were approaching a wounded animal, Tom tenderly reached out to Joe. No feelings of rejection coursed through him this time when Joe’s shoulder came up a little and he stood stock-still. Tom could only imagine how much that one move must have cost Joe, who no doubt felt like running for the hills. Tom wasn’t about to let Joe’s bravery go unrewarded.

  Pulling him into his embrace, Tom placed a kiss to Joe’s temple, feeling Joe stiffen. He slowly rubbed his hand up and down Joe’s back, placing little kisses on top of his head, behind his ear, his neck. Whatever the reasons for Joe’s apprehensions, Tom was going to do his best to ease them. Joe needed to be cared for. Tom didn’t know how he knew that. There seemed to be a lot about Joe that felt oddly… right.

  “You’re right,” Tom admitted. “We should take things as they come, get to know each other. I know I can’t tell you much, but we can still learn about each other. Maybe it’ll even help me remember. Will you give me a chance to prove myself? To show you that you can trust me?”

  Joe paused before relaxing in Tom’s arms. He shifted from one foot to the other. “Okay.”

  Tom wanted to kiss Joe to within an inch of his life. Instead, he said, “Deal. All right, jitterbug.”

  Joe met his gaze, one eyebrow arched. “What did you call me?”

  Tom smiled ruefully. “Jitterbug. It seems to fit. You’re all jittery and cute.”

  “Oh. I thought you were about to turn into George Michael and start singing.”

  “Would you like that?” Tom teased.

  As serious as could be, Joe shook his head, but amusement shone in his eyes. “Please don’t.”

  Tom threw his head back and laughed. Incapable of holding back, he planted a quick, sloppy kiss on Joe’s lips and hugged him tight. “I wish you knew how goddamn adorable you are.”

  “Right, well, I should probably check on Bea and the kids. Why don’t you, um, take the rest of the night off? Order us some takeout. We’ll watch some TV. What do you think?”

  “Sounds great.” Tom headed to the couch and sat down, holding back a grin as Joe shuffled to the door, avoiding Tom’s gaze like the plague. The slight flush of his cheeks gave him away, which only made the grumpy ramblings coming out of him all the more sweet.

  Tom put his shirt on and sat back, thinking about everything he’d told Joe. Nothing he said hadn’t been true, and a good deal of that worried him, mostly the part regarding the darkness. Whoever he was, he was all too familiar with a world so far removed from Joe’s that it terrified him. He needed to remember, not just for himself, but for Joe. Whatever he was a part of, he couldn’t bring that darkness down on Joe.

  Six

  Joe wasn’t the only one smitten with Tom.

  Bea had gone from being suspicious of Tom to wanting to hire him. His natural talent and skills meant she could give him any job and have it completed swiftly and efficiently. All he had to do was see how something was done once and he had it memorized. Tom strategized and executed his tasks with military precision. The kitchen had never been so spotless. Everything was fully stocked, organized, labeled, and monitored. Tom never missed a beat, and he did it all with a smile on his face and a bounce in his step. Joe had never seen anyone look so happy slicing fruit. The guy never seemed to run out of energy.

  “He’s like a superhero,” Donnie gushed as he mopped the floor. “Did you know he can move around the kitchen with his eyes closed and not bump into anything? We tried it this morning. Didn’t run into one thing. He can do pretty much anything with his eyes closed, even carve an apple! He’s teaching me how to defend myself.”

  Joe wasn’t too sure about Tom showing Donnie how to throw punches, but Donnie promised he’d be careful, and Tom wasn’t wrong in believing Donnie should know how to defend himself, especially since the kid walked everywhere and was somewhat on the lanky side.

  “If you like him so much, maybe you should marry him,” Bea teased Donnie as she took the mop from him and handed him a tray filled with dirty dishware.

  Donnie let out a snort. “If I was gay, I’d totally marry him. The guy can cook, clean, and kick butt. Admit it, Bea. You want to marry him too.”

  “Son, we would have been on our honeymoon by now.”

  “Donnie, don’t encourage her,” Joe muttered as he finished cleaning up the counter and came around the front. The last thing he needed was Bea going on about what she’d do to Tom on her imaginary honeymoon.

  “Joe should marry him,” Elsie said with a dreamy sigh. “You two would be perfect together. He’s crazy about you, Joe.”

  Joe tripped over his feet. Luckily they’d closed shop early and there were no customers to hear this ridiculous conversation or witness another bout of gracelessness from him. More importantly, Tom was in the kitchen behind a set of thick swinging doors with some old jazz playing.

  “I don’t know that he’s crazy about me,” Joe replied, hoping his face wasn’t as hot as it felt. His mind went back to the other night on the couch, and every night since then. Their evening would start out innocently enough. Dinner, some TV, maybe a movie, and then they’d somehow end up pressed together on the couch. Tom would touch Joe, and it would be all over. They’d end up half-naked giving each other hand jobs or blow jobs, with Tom making Joe’s toes curl in his determination to drive Joe out of his mind. Tom’s lips were magic, working Joe over, and oh my God, why am I thinking about that now?

  “You’re blushing,” Elsie said with a giggle. “You know it’s true.”

  “You know what? Get in the kitchen. Everyone in the kitchen. Mrs. Rotherford’s pies won’t bake themselves, and you’ve left Tom to do all the work.”

  “Well, he’s like a one man pie-baking army,” Donnie stated cheerfully as he left to wash the dishes. Joe shooed Bea and Elsie off to help Tom while he finished getting the shop ready for the next day. It was odd how things felt the same around here, yet different, as if Tom had always been a part of their little misfit crew. Joe knew he shouldn’t think about Tom in the long term. For all they knew, Tom would wake up tomorrow and remember everything. Of course Joe wanted him to remember—he would never be so selfish as to wish Tom never regained his memory simply to have him stay—but it didn’t stop Joe from worrying about what came next. Would Tom still feel the same about Joe once he stopped being Tom? Would he stop being Tom?

  Bea returned from the kitchen, her pad and pencil in her hand. “Joe, I almost forgot—that friend of yours, what’s his name, the one who wears all those pretty dresses?”

  Joe arched an eyebrow. “Care to be more specific?”

  “You know, the one who works on Broadway or something.”

  “Ah, Ken.”

  “That’d be the one. He dropped by while you popped out for groceries, said to tell you he expects you at his costume party this weekend.”

  “Oh, I don’t know….” Joe started to grumble when Bea grabbed hold of his arm and hauled him to the other end of the room so fast he almost hurt something.

  “You need to get out and have some fun, Joe. Take poor Tom with you. The man’s going to go stir-crazy in there. I bet he’d love the chance to spend some time with you outside of this place.”

  “You really think he’d like it?” Maybe Bea was right. Just because Joe enjoyed staying in, that didn’t mean the same went for Tom. Ken’s penthouse was a few blocks down. If they took a cab, went straight to the party and came right back, they should be all right. Plus, it was a costume party, so Tom would be in disguise. “You’re right,” Joe declared, straightening and then marching into the kitchen, where Tom was kneading dough. When Tom saw him coming, the smile on his face nearly knocked Joe over, and he found himself floundering.

  “Um, uh, hi, Tom.”

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, I uh, I wanted to ask if maybe, um….” Cripes, why did he turn into such a blithering idiot whenever he was faced with the man? Just do it, Joe. For crying out loud. He opened his mouth and the words tumbled out in a rush. “Would you like to come to a friend’s costume party with me tomorrow night?”

  “A party?”

  Joe nodded. “I know it sounds a little crazy considering your current situation, but Ken’s apartment isn’t far. We’d take a cab there and back. You’ll be in disguise. One night wouldn’t hurt, right?”

  Tom considered this. “Would I be going as your date?”

  Joe cleared his throat. “If you’re okay with that.”

  “Sounds like fun.”

  “Great. I don’t generally stay very long at these things, but I thought it might be nice to go out for a while. Ken’s a producer on Broadway, so he can get us some costumes. I’ll give him a call tonight and ask him to get his assistant to drop them off.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay. I’m going to uh, go make that phone call. Be back in a bit.” Joe headed toward the stairs to his apartment. It was no big deal. Just because Tom was going as his date, to a party, in front of people, that was no reason to panic. It was one party. Granted, it was one of Ken’s parties, but it wasn’t like they had to be there long. Have a few drinks, catch up with Ken and Gordon, and say good night. It was just to get Tom out of the shop for a few hours. No big deal. Completely uneventful.

  Damn Tom and his dimples.

  They were almost at penthouse level. Joe was aware of Tom trying his hardest not to smile. He hadn’t stopped fidgeting since they left the apartment. The costumes had been dropped off that morning by Ken’s assistant, and Tom hadn’t stopped eyeing Joe since he’d put on the outfit. Ken knew Joe well, because the ringmaster costume he sent Joe covered him up pretty much from head to toe, from the black top hat on his head to his white-gloved hands and his shiny black boots. Anything more revealing would have gotten a “no” from him. Tom’s outfit, on the other hand, had his legs, arms, and neck bare.

  “Are you sure I don’t look like an idiot?” Joe muttered, tugging on the lapels of the ornate, red tailcoat. He flicked the fringe on one of the gold shoulder epaulettes with a frown. Tom leaned in to kiss his cheek and reassure him for the hundredth time.

  “You look adorable.”

  “Thanks. I think.” Joe looked him over. “You look… wow.” He still couldn’t believe how amazing Tom looked. The gladiator costume fit him like a glove. The bronze-colored chest plate with rearing horses made Tom look even bigger and more imposing than usual. His muscular arms were bare except for the cuffs around his wrists, and his legs were as muscular, covered only by his sandal straps going up his calves. The costume had a lush red cape that hung from his shoulders, and a helmet with red plumes that did a good job of concealing a good portion of his face. He looked like he’d stepped off some Hollywood blockbuster set.

  “You said that already,” Tom chuckled. In fact Joe had said it several times, but it didn’t make it any less true each time.

  “Well, at least you have the legs for it. I could never pull that off. I would have skewered Ken with that plastic sword if he’d sent me a gladiator costume.”

  Tom looked down at himself. “I think it’s a centurion.”

  “A what now?”

  The elevator pinged and they stepped out onto the penthouse floor. There was only one door, and before Tom had a chance to reply, it swung open. A tall, slender, blond man with a wide grin and playful brown eyes stood before them in a very snug sailor’s uniform. Joe looked him over before glancing at Tom and shrugging. “I thought this was a costume party?”

  “You bitch!” Ken gasped before throwing himself into Joe’s arms and hugging him tight. Joe laughed and returned his hug.

  “Hey, Ken.” Joe greeted him affectionately, allowing him to usher them into the luxurious penthouse apartment. It was packed with guests dancing, drinking, and having a good time. “Tom, this is Ken. We’ve known each other since high school. Ken, this is Tom.”

  Ken arched a perfectly shaped brow as he glanced from Joe to Tom and back. A crooked smile spread on his boyish face. Oh, boy. Here we go.

  “We’re, uh, just friends,” Joe said feebly, feeling his cheeks burning.

  Ken gave him a look that said he didn’t believe a word of it but would wait until Joe had a few cocktails in him before the interrogation began. He turned to Tom and took his hand.

  “Hello, Tom, Joe’s friend.”

  “Hello,” Tom said just as cheerfully before leaning over to whisper hoarsely, “we’re more than just friends.”

  Joe made a strangled noise, and Ken cackled before giving Tom a big hug. “Oh, Joe, I love him already! Come on, you two. Let’s get some alcohol in you. The bar’s where we’ll find the light of my life.” He paused and gave Joe a wink. “We’ll probably find Gordon there too.”

  Joe mumbled something under his breath as Ken led them up the stairs and out onto the roof. Joe had to admit it was stunning. The expansive roof had been transformed into a tropical paradise, from the large palms securing the guests’ privacy and the exotic flower arrangements to the colorful paper lanterns glowing above their heads and cocktails served in coconuts. There were plenty of fire torches to keep the October chill away. They spotted the light of Ken’s life at the large bamboo tiki bar—Gordon, not the booze. Though booze came a close second where Ken was concerned.

  Gordon was a good twenty years Ken’s senior, an exceptional surgeon, and as Ken stated, very much the love of his life. Just as sweet was the way Gordon doted on Ken. Joe had always admired their relationship, and at times it made him feel a little wistful. It was at least comforting to know that happily ever after did exist.

  Ken leaped on Gordon, throwing his arms around the elegant man dressed like a dashing pirate, and almost made him spill his drink. Joe heard Tom chuckle beside him and turned, catching those bright silver eyes. They both gazed at each other until a look of what could easily be misconstrued as affection flashed in Tom’s eyes. Joe was the first to look away. Gordon had Ken in his arms as they murmured sweetly to each other. Joe had given up some time ago on having what his friends had. Not the wealth part. Joe was never concerned with money. It wasn’t their lifestyle he coveted. To Ken and Gordon, the sun and moon rose and set in their lover’s eyes.

  “Darling, Joe’s brought a friend,” Ken announced, snapping Joe out of his wistful thoughts. He had to get a hold of himself. This was a party, even if he wanted to groan at Ken’s emphasis on the word “friend.”

  Gordon smiled warmly at Joe and gave him a firm handshake, his hazel eyes filled with amusement. “Joe, it’s so nice to see you again. It’s been too long.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. You know how time gets away from me when I’m at the shop. Gordon, this is Tom.”

  “Joe’s friend,” Ken pitched in. In case anyone had forgotten in the last ten seconds. Gordon shook Tom’s hand, and Joe took the opportunity to lean behind Gordon and stick his tongue out at the chipper sailor. Ken just laughed.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” Tom said with a broad grin.

  Joe noticed Ken’s hand subtly disappear behind his lover’s back. Gordon turned to Joe.

  “Joe, I’ve got a couple of friends I want you to meet. They work in my hospital and just about need resuscitating every time I bring one of your pies in. They’d love to meet you.” He turned to Ken and gave his cheek a peck. “Why don’t you get Tom a drink, darling?”

  “Of course.” Ken smiled and returned his lover’s kiss before taking Tom’s arm.

  Did they really think Joe didn’t know what they were up to? Subtlety was not a part of Ken’s vocabulary. Before Joe could utter a word, Ken had whisked Tom away. It would be fine. Maybe if Joe told himself that enough times, he might actually believe it.

  The moment Gordon and Joe were out of earshot, Ken pounced. “You won’t try and hide anything from me, will you?”

  Tom turned his gaze away from Joe to smile at Ken.

  “That was quite smooth. Years of practice?”

  “Are you kidding? Finding your way around Joe is like trying to find your way through a maze blindfolded, while moving backward, with your ankles bound together. In a storm.”