“No. Well, not entirely,” he admitted. “You are at a disadvantage, Benny. I know the things I like. I know all the things that I would like to do with you. But you do not have the benefit of that knowledge. So that book… it is rather like fashion plates at the dressmaker. You choose what you’d like and I will do my utmost to replicate it.”

  Benny’s eyes widened in surprise. Had he really just offered her the opportunity to choose her own method of pleasure? “This seems… well, I can’t imagine that this is something that is done frequently.”

  “I think that is a fair assessment,” he concurred. “Many men feel threatened by a woman’s pleasure… they think that if a woman finds pleasure in the marital act then she will be inclined to stray.”

  “And you don’t believe that?” Benny glanced down at the book once more, her face flushed and her hands trembling.

  “I think that if men took as much time and effort to ensure their wives’ pleasure as they did trying to ensure their wives’ fidelity, then fidelity would not be an issue.”

  “I am not certain I understand.”

  “Women do not stray because they are eager to seek pleasure elsewhere. Women stray, and I daresay men, as well, because there is something missing in the marriage bed. Be it pleasure or intimacy—and I do not want that for us. I want us to have every chance of happiness and what happens in the confines of our bedchamber can predict our happiness or unhappiness. I think we are off to a good start. Don’t you?”

  “I’m hardly an expert to judge, but I think if what we shared earlier is an indicator of our overall compatibility, I think we have little to be worried about.”

  He frowned then, his brows drawing together and a serious expression replacing the smile he typically wore. “It occurs to me that there are many things about marriage that we have not discussed.”

  “Such as?”

  “Fidelity for a start. I mean to keep my vows, Benny. The standard of the day may be for men to keep mistresses, but that isn’t what I want. It is never what I wanted. So long as we are together, I will not take a mistress… And, no, I am not assuming that you would wish to take a lover. Things are different for men… there is an expectation there that I would be unable to be satisfied with you alone. But nothing could be further from the truth.”

  Benny just blinked. She hadn’t expected it, she realized. The assumption, as he said, was simply there. Men took mistresses. That was what they did. As uncomfortable as it was to admit, she knew that her father kept one. She and Cordelia, accompanied by their mother, had bumped into the woman in a dressmaker’s shop. The awkwardness of that exchange would stay with her forever.

  “I don’t want that. I don’t want to walk down the street and wonder if every woman I pass is one that you are…involved with. It would be miserable.”

  “Then let’s go back upstairs… we’ll take your book and see what strikes your fancy,” he urged.

  Benny laughed. “I thought we were going to get food?”

  “When the servants are abed, we can sneak down to the kitchen and raid the larder,” he promised. “Right now, I have more pressing needs than simply my growling belly.”

  It was the way his gaze roamed over her. The hunger for her was so evident in his eyes that she had no hope of resisting. And, in truth, if he could make her feel even an inkling of what he had made her feel earlier, it would be well worth delaying the fulfillment of one need in favor of another.

  “I like order,” she said. Tapping the tip of her finger on the first page and that wicked, scandalous illustration, she continued, “We should simply start at page one and work our way to the end. Don’t you think?”

  He took the book from her and tucked it under his arm, then grasped her hand, pulling her to her feet. “How remarkably efficient you are, Lady Davenport. We’ll explore that further when I have you back in my bed.”

  “Our bed,” she corrected.

  He grinned. “It most certainly is.”

  13

  Three blissful days. Three heavenly nights. And then the world intruded. Her parents had arrived in London.

  Benny sighed as she read the missive once more. It wasn’t simply informative. It was a summons. She glanced up to see Payne’s mother watching her surreptitiously as she perused the morning’s scandal sheets. Payne had gone out for a ride, saying he’d been neglecting his horse in favor of her. Of course, that had led to a mock argument about who was more entitled to his devotion—the wife in his bed or the mounts in his stables. Then he’d demonstrated, quite enthusiastically and quite effectively, that he had more than enough energy and stamina to show appropriate devotion to both. She blushed thinking about it.

  Across the room, her mother-in-law made a sound of disgust, once more drawing Benny’s attention. She was no longer looking at the scandal sheets but had her gaze trained directly on Benny herself. “Is there a problem, my lady?”

  The dowager placed the scandal sheet on the table beside her. “Your behavior with my son is… unseemly. Although, I should have expected no less. Your aunt was always a bit wild, as well. Fast, the lot of you. It must be a family trait… like hair or eye color.”

  Benny simply blinked slowly at her. She was becoming quite used to the woman’s barbs. They were only ever slung at her when Payne was not present. His mother might have been a petulant child in behavior, but she was far from foolish. She understood that Payne’s threats of sending her off to a dower house were very real, and curbed her antics (which amused no one) accordingly. “Then perhaps you should address our unseemly behavior with your son. I am very curious as to what his response would be.”

  The older woman pursed her lips—almost as if she’d bitten into a particularly tart lemon. “I find I am quite tired. Company of any sort is too taxing for me in my delicate state. I shall retire to my chambers and leave the house to you… that is what you want, after all. To have this house entirely to yourself?”

  “As a matter of fact, I do not.” Benny wondered how Payne tolerated the woman. She was positively exhausting. “This is a large house. Certainly it is large enough for you to remain here, as well. When it comes to the running of this household, you are not actively involved in the process. My presence here takes nothing from you in that regard. The staff is incredibly well trained and do their work without constant instruction or supervision.”

  Her mother-in-law smiled coolly. Her tone was mocking when she spoke. “I suppose you would not know how to run a household such as this. Wealth and privilege bring their own burdens, as you will soon discover. It is a pity Payne could not have married someone more suited to our station… Someone like poor, dear Anne.”

  She didn’t want to ask the question. In fact, she clamped her lips together to keep the words in. And, yet, they burst forth anyway. “Who is Anne?”

  “She was Payne’s first love. He adored her—everything about her. He still keeps the miniature he had commissioned of her in his desk. I’ve caught him looking at it many times.”

  It was perfectly fine and even expected that he should be sentimental about a first love. And it wasn’t as if she were jealous, Benny reasoned. She most certainly was not. They did not love one another. They liked one another well enough, of course. And clearly there was some degree of attraction between them.

  So why then did it sting so terribly? Why did the thought that he pined for another make her want to weep. Because she had thought, for once in her life, that she would simply be enough. And now she would have to wonder every day whether or not he wished she were someone else.

  “But alas, she died tragically young and now… well, now he has you. Old. A confirmed spinster. Embroiled in scandal. What a mess it all is! And, of course, you are destroying my relationship with Payne. I am his mother and yet he chooses to defend you at every turn! No doubt because you are whispering poisonous words into his ears.”

  Benny had no idea why the woman hated her so. Perhaps she was one of those women who believed that no woman would ever truly be good enough for her son and the sainted Anne was only spared her wrath by virtue of being dead, and therefore, no threat to her position as lady of the house. Still, Benny wasn’t about to be bullied by the woman. “I do not wish to be the cause of a rift between you and your son. And in truth, I will not be. It is your own behavior which is causing that rift and the only way to correct it is to alter your behavior.”

  “How dare you!” her mother-in-law snapped. “You take me to task for my behavior when you trapped my son into such an inadvantageous match! You may conceal your cunning nature from others with your delicate appearance, but I certainly know better.”

  And she had thought things could not get worse. Rising to her feet, Benny said, “Excuse me, my lady. I find I am quite fatigued and will go upstairs to have a rest. Good afternoon.”

  “No. Do not bother. I shall retire to my rooms. An hour in your presence would tax anyone’s strength and endurance!” With that, she swept from the room, her heavy skirts sending various items sailing from the table top and leaving Benny to sort out the mess.

  “That certainly went as I had anticipated,” she murmured to the now empty room. Getting up, she began to tidy the room, putting the items back on the table. In a moment of spite, she rearranged the lot, moving them to where she would want them to be. When it was done, she felt small and petty. She was also forced to admit they’d looked better the other way.

  After switching them all back to their original positions, albeit grudgingly, Benny left the drawing room. But she did not go upstairs. Instead, she went down the back hall towards Payne’s study. He would be out for a while longer. It was the perfect opportunity to snoop—to find this portrait of the tragic and mysterious Anne who should have been his wife instead of her.

  Creeping into the small room, she glanced toward the door that connected it to the library. Seeing no one about, she stepped deeper inside and moved immediately to the desk. Sinking down on her haunches, she carefully opened the center drawer. There was nothing in it but the normal sorts of things a man would keep in his desk. Stationery, pens, ink—there were no portraits of lost loves.

  The second drawer yielded greater results. If one could term them such. The small brass case was not very big. It fit in the palm of her hand. But she could see where it was worn from touch. Carefully, she undid the clasp. Immediately, she wished she had not.

  The face staring back at her was soft, lovely, with perfectly shaped pouty lips, all of it framed with soft blonde curls. So very different from herself. Small and dark, with pointy features— some had, in an effort to be kind, referred to her as elfin in appearance. Was that even complimentary? She hardly thought so.

  “So this is who he loves,” she murmured. With slightly trembling fingers, Benny replaced the portrait and rose to her feet. For the entirety of her life, she’d hated being so small. She’d hated feeling slight and inconsequential next to others. How she’d detested being weaker. Being so slight that people would laugh at the thought of her being carried off by a strong breeze. But she no longer felt slight. She felt impossibly heavy, her feet rooted to the spot and like a stone was pressing in on her chest.

  “What are you doing in here?”

  Benny looked up. Payne stood in the doorway. Still dressed from riding, his boots and breeches were splattered with mud, his hair windswept. He didn’t look angry at finding her in his private domain. Rather he looked perplexed and also oddly pleased. Somehow that made her transgression seem even worse. “I was looking for you,” she lied. “I thought perhaps you’d returned earlier than expected.”

  “Thought?”

  “Hoped,” she corrected. Thinking a change of subject might help her, she moved directly to a topic she knew would distract him. “You may wish to speak with your mother. My presence here is… trying for her.”

  Payne noted her pallor, the slight trembling of her hands. What had his mother done to upset her so that she’d come seeking him for—what? Comfort? Protection? He couldn’t imagine that his mother could dish out anything that Benny could not take. But then she shouldn’t have to take it, he thought. She was his wife. This was now her home. His mother’s stranglehold on the house needed to end. He’d let it go on for far too long already, just for the sake of convenience in not having to deal with her tantrums.

  “Why don’t you go upstairs,” he said. “I’ll have a word with mother and then I’ll join you.”

  “Don’t you have appointments today?”

  “I’m supposed to go to the club, but I do not have to go. It will survive another day without my presence… but will I survive another hour without yours?” he teased. “I think not, Benny. Five minutes. I’ll be there in five minutes. It would be very appreciated if you would be naked when I arrive. Efficiency is always welcome, after all.”

  She smiled, but there was something about it that didn’t seem natural. It didn’t seem like Benny. The spark and fire that he was coming to expect from her was simply absent. Yes. It was time to make some changes and his mother’s presence in the house would be the place to start.

  Stepping deeper into the room, he closed the distance between them and kissed her. Not passionately. Not erotically. But affectionately, yes. And she returned that kiss, but somehow he felt she was not truly present for it.

  “If something is wrong, if something has happened, you would tell me?” he asked.

  “What could possibly have happened?” she asked. “I will wait for you upstairs.”

  Payne watched her go. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Running one hand through his hair in frustration, as he looked down, he caught a glimpse of the drawer. It often stuck, very rarely closing with ease. But it had that morning, which was why he recalled it so immediately.

  The drawer was no longer closed. There was a gap of no less than an inch between the drawer front and the body of the desk. Tugging the drawer open, he looked inside. Nothing was missing or out of place, or if it was out of place, it was only from being shuffled about when the drawer was opened and closed. There was nothing in there that would have upset Benny.

  Except the portrait.

  The miniature of Anne was where he had left it though. And surely, if it were something about his past, she would ask him. Benny was a reasonable woman, after all. She was not given to hysterics.

  But was it hysterics to be upset about one’s spouse keeping a portrait of another? If he had discovered a portrait of some unknown gentleman amongst Benny’s things, he’d have questions at the very least.

  Decisively, he retrieved the portrait from the drawer and stepped out into the corridor. Signaling Barrett, he waited for the butler to approach. “Have this sent to Mrs. Bardwell, Barrett. I think she would appreciate having it now… And I do not need it anymore.”

  Barrett all but beamed at him. “Certainly, my lord. An excellent notion.”

  Payne started to walk away, but then thought better of it. Turning back to the butler, he asked, “The house on St. James is currently empty, correct?”

  “Yes, sir, I do believe so.”

  “Have it cleaned and readied.”

  “Will the dowager be taking up residence there?”

  “Yes. It’s high time, I think. Don’t you?”

  Barrett’s lips were quivering with barely surpressed glee. “A good servant would never offer an opinion in such matters. But as an excellent servant with many years devoted to this house and family, I am inclined to break protocol and heartily agree. Lady Davenport will never feel like she is the lady of the house if her orders are forever being countermanded by another. And the dowager will never be content to let anyone else rule a house in which she resides. Additionally, decorating the St. James house would keep the dowager occupied.”

  “See to your part then and I will see to mine.” With that Payne climbed the stairs and headed directly for his mother’s suite of rooms. Best to get it over with.

  14

  She wept piteously.

  “You’re disowning me for… for her!”

  Payne stared nonplussed at his mother. “No one said anything about disowning. You shall have a generous allowance in addition to the jointure father left for you. I will pay your household expenses, within reason, so that you need not worry about salaries for the servants.” Because if he left it to her to see that they got paid, they never would.

  “She went running to you with her complaints,” his mother continued, oblivious to any protest from him. “That girl is nothing more than a conniving adventuress!”

  His temper flaring, Payne snapped at her, “That girl is a woman grown and she is my wife! I will not hear another snide comment from you about her. I’ll instruct Somers to begin packing your personal items. I had thought to have you move by the end of the week. In light of your current temperament, I think we should make every effort to alter that timeline. You’ll be gone by breakfast tomorrow.”

  A decorative ormolu box that rested on the table beside his mother’s bed came flying at him. It was hurled with far more strength and accuracy than he would have ever anticipated. Not that he didn’t think her capable of viciousness, he did. But he’d never known her to engage in anything remotely resembling a sport. To have her accurately launch a projectile was rather surprising.

  “I’ll be deducting that from your allowance,” he retorted.

  “I told her,” his mother replied smugly. “I told her all about Anne and your devotion to her memory. No doubt she’s off right now weeping into her pillow because she knows you will never love her!”

  And there it was. The missing piece. His mother had meddled, had said something hurtful and patently false to make Benny feel—what? Jealous? No. Benny was not the jealous sort. But it certainly had left her feeling insecure in her present position. How could it not?

  “Tomorrow morning,” he repeated. “You will be moved into the St. James house. And if you dare speak a word against Benny, publicly or in private, there will be hell to pay. Is that clear?”