Those words hit me harder than any punch to the gut. There’s nothing I can do to bring her mother back. There’s no amount of comfort I can give her that’ll heal that wound.

  “I know,” is all I can say, and I hate myself for it too.

  I’ve never been a wordsmith or someone who doled out wisdom easily. I left that shit up to the women in my family. Sometimes the men have had some pearls of wisdom, but those were far and few between.

  “Maybe your aunts will make you feel better.”

  Ana shakes her head against my shoulder. “I don’t want to talk to them. I only want her.”

  “Do you ever talk to her?” I sigh, knowing I sound like an idiot. “Like, just talk, hoping she’ll hear you?”

  I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose a parent. I’ve never known life without them, and to think about having to live a single moment without them being here steals my breath.

  “Sometimes,” she whispers, “but it’s not the same.”

  I stare out at the horizon, watching the waves grow out of what feels like nowhere. “I imagine it isn’t. I’m sorry, Ana.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for, Trace.” She lifts her head, staring me in the eye. “You’ve given me more comfort and attention than anyone else in my life has since my mother died.”

  The hits keep on coming. Going through life without anyone as a safety net must be the worst feeling ever. I can’t fathom not having a single person who could help brighten my day or let me unload on them a little bit. I’d sink into some pretty dark places without my family around me to keep me propped up.

  “Baby,” I whisper, cupping her cheek. “That’s not right.”

  Tears line her eyes, hanging on by the smallest thread as she gazes at me with so much softness. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For acknowledging my loss instead of comparing it to your own.”

  “I would never do that,” I tell her, but I couldn’t do that. I’ve never lost anyone close to me to be able to compare.

  “People do it all the time,” she says softly, staring out in the distance.

  “I’m sorry.” I wipe away a few of her tears with my thumb, wishing I could take them away forever.

  She gives me a sorrowful smile and takes a deep breath before curling into me again. I hold her just as tightly as I did before, letting her be in the moment. I’m not sure how long we stay like that, but it is comfortable. It’s never been this easy for me to be around anyone who isn’t my family. Connecting with people has never been my strong suit. I am best at pushing strangers away, but Ana… Somehow, she makes everything feel natural.

  “I should get ready.” She pushes herself upright in my lap, and I ease my hold on her, missing the weight of her on my chest.

  “Let’s skip the restaurant tonight.”

  “What? No.”

  “Yeah, baby. I’d rather spend the evening together in our room. Maybe room service on the patio, listening to the waves?”

  She smiles. “I like that.”

  It’s like a weight has been lifted from her. She’s no long sinking into whatever grim abyss she allowed herself to drift into. She’s lighter, although I know the pain is still there, still gripping on to her, trying to pull her back.

  “I do too.” I have never been one for fancy restaurants, and skipping a meal at the swankiest joint at the resort won’t be hard for me.

  “This was perfect,” Ana says, placing her napkin on top of her empty plate. “I’m sorry if I ruined the perfect evening for you, though.”

  “Ana,” I warn, hating that she thinks anything is ruined. “What couldn’t be perfect about this?” I motion to the darkened beach where the waves are crashing, creating the most amazing background accompaniment to the music that’s playing in our room. “I wouldn’t change a thing.”

  “But the restaurant…” She smooths down the ponytail that’s come over her shoulder. “I know you wanted to get out tonight.”

  “I wanted a nice evening with my wife. That happened. Doesn’t matter where we are.”

  “I like that,” she whispers, smiling as she glances down at her plate.

  “Like what?”

  “Your wife.” Her cheeks pinken at the repetition of the term. And for the first time since this entire thing began, we feel like a couple…a team.

  “Will you dance with me under the moonlight?”

  Her eyes brighten as she lifts her head. “You want to dance with me?”

  “I never got that ceremonial first dance with my wife.”

  I stand and hold out my hand, wanting nothing more than to dance with her under the stars. This trip is about healing and getting some peace away from our lives. But that doesn’t mean we can’t end our time on the island with a romantic dance.

  Ana places her hand in my palm and stands in front of me. “You’re full of surprises, Mr. Caldo.”

  “I’m just getting started, Ace,” I say with a wink before pulling her toward me and holding her tight.

  This feels like something different…something more. It is a fresh beginning to whatever lies in front of us.

  17

  ANA

  Stunned.

  It’s the only word I can use to describe the feeling of walking into Trace’s grandparents’ house. He told me it would be crowded and that his family is large, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the reality.

  There’s a constant buzz from the dozens of voices, some quiet and some substantially louder. Children are running around the space like wild little animals, screeching in happiness. The smells… Dear God, the smells are better than any fine Italian restaurant I’ve ever stepped foot inside.

  Trace grabs my hand, giving my fingers a squeeze. “We can go if this is too much,” he says in my ear, whispering as if someone could hear him.

  I lean into him, squeezing his hand back and trying to reassure both of us that everything is fine. “I’m okay,” I promise him. And for the first time in a week, I’m not entirely lying about my feelings.

  I’m not healed. I don’t think I ever will be mentally. Physically, I’m fine. But my head… Sigh. The guilt has been crushing as I’ve questioned everything, wondering if I somehow caused my body to reject the little thing growing inside me. But between the trip and a few therapy sessions, I feel a little more like my old self, but not entirely. I don’t think I can ever be that person again.

  “We’re going to do a quick run-through, introducing you to everyone, and then we’ll head outside to where my cousins hang out.”

  I turn my gaze toward the back of the house. “Do they know everything?”

  “Knowing my family, there’re no secrets left.”

  I cringe, hating that I put us in this situation. “Should I prepare myself for anything?”

  Trace smiles, and a sense of calm comes over me. He does that. He brings light to my surroundings even when I want to let darkness creep in. “No, Ace. If they say anything, they’ll bust my balls and not yours.”

  “Thank goodness since I don’t have any,” I tell him, giving him the same smile back.

  “You have big ones. They’re just hard to see.”

  “Trace?” An elderly woman stalks into the foyer, drying her hands off with a towel. Her eyes move from me to Trace, and a giant smile spreads across her face. “Oh, thank goodness,” she says as she throws the kitchen towel over her one shoulder. “I was worried you two wouldn’t show.”

  “Hey, Gram,” he says to her, leaning over to kiss her cheek as soon as she’s close enough to him. “I’ve missed you.”

  She reaches up with her hand, cupping his cheek in her palm. “I missed you more. It hasn’t been the same without you.”

  Trace laughs, looking more relaxed than any time I’ve ever known him. Which isn’t really surprising since we’ve had our lives thrown into a constant state of turmoil. “I’m sure you barely noticed my absence.”

  His grandma steps back, tilting her head and dishing him so much sass with a single look. “We all noticed your absence, and you’ve always been my favorite.”

  “You’re lying.”

  She turns to me and winks. It’s precious, really. Something that appears to be easy and natural. A kind of relationship I’ve never had with another human being. “And who do we have here?” she asks, turning her gaze back to Trace.

  “Gram.” He steps forward and places his arm around my middle as he stands next to me. “This is Ana Kelly.”

  “Well, aren’t you a looker,” his grandmother says, looking me up and down. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Ana Caldo, my newest grandchild.”

  I’m too stunned to speak as she steps in my direction and holds out her arms, wanting to embrace me. My first instinct is to back away. Hugging was never something we did in my house. My mother was a hugger, but after she passed, it became nothing more than a memory, something other people did, but not the Kellys. We were too refined to show any form of affection, even when we were in private.

  “She’s still Ana Kelly, Gram,” Trace tells her as I stand helplessly in her arms.

  His grandmother pulls back a little and stares at me. “Really?”

  I swallow, nervous to answer. We haven’t discussed the last name thing, but I assumed I’d keep my own, especially since this wasn’t a forever thing.

  “Feminism,” she says with a smile. “Kids are full of surprises these days.”

  Kids. In her eyes, we’re still little ones. A bit wet behind the ears, but I feel I’ve lived more than a lifetime in my twentysomething years in this world.

  She leans into me again, still not letting go, but this time, I wrap my arms around her a little easier. “I don’t care if you call yourself Mother Teresa, I’m happy you’re here and have tamed my wild grandson.”

  Trace rolls his eyes behind her. “I didn’t need taming.”

  “They’re like a pack of wild wolves sometimes, Ana. The men in this family are rough around the edges, and it’s our job to smooth out their sharp corners.” She finally releases me and turns toward Trace, who has a stoic expression and doesn’t look at all amused. “No, baby, you have always been a complete angel.”

  He smirks at her, but I can tell he knows she’s lying through her teeth. “Thanks, Gram. I try to be, but sometimes things get in the way.”

  “I wonder what those things could be?” she teases him.

  The way they talk to each other is so effortless. Completely opposite of any interaction my family has with one another. Even my aunts don’t talk playfully with one another. There’s an edge of seriousness between everyone all the time. It’s mentally taxing and sometimes even physically exhausting.

  His grandmother turns around. “Well, make yourself at home. Eat up,” she says, giving me another once-over from head to toe. “You could use a few plates.”

  My face heats, and I know my cheeks are pink without even looking in the mirror. I’ve always been critical of myself and my weight, but it’s lovely to be around someone who thinks I could gain more. “Thank you.”

  “I’ll make sure she eats, Gram. No worries.” He gives his grandmother another kiss on the cheek before she marches off in the direction she came from originally.

  “I guess everyone knows about us,” I say to him, trying to shake the panic out of my body through my hands.

  He grabs my arms, stopping me from a full-blown panic attack. “It’ll be fine. I figured they knew. There’s no secrets with this group. Do you know what I never told you?”

  I take a deep breath, trying to focus on him instead of all the people waiting for us. I shouldn’t be so worried. It’s not like I’m walking into a Kelly family party. If everyone is like his grandmother, the day is going to be more entertaining than anything else. “What?” I finally ask after waiting a few seconds to gather my thoughts.

  “That day…”

  He doesn’t need to explain what day. I already know. He talks around it, and so do I. It’s too painful to talk about in any type of casual manner, and I’m not sure it will ever be easy to discuss, even with him. “Yeah?”

  “My entire family was there to support us. Not only my mom. They wanted us, meaning you too, to know that they were there for you. The one thing I do have is good people around me, Ana. There’s no need to be worried or panic about meeting them. I promise they’re going to love you as much as I—”

  “Trace,” a woman says, popping her head into the foyer from around the corner. She smiles as soon as she sees him and makes her way to fill the space with us.

  Whatever he was going to say dies with her entrance. Dear God. Was he going to say, “as much as I do”? I don’t know how I feel about that. We haven’t known each other long enough to have those deep feelings, but I know I’ve never liked anyone more than I do Trace. Maybe it’s because I’ve never bothered to let anyone get close to me or really know me. My father was too much of a problem to allow anyone inside my world…until Trace.

  “Cousin,” Trace says with a quick chin lift. “Ana, this is Gigi, my oldest cousin.”

  Her smile grows as she turns her gaze toward me. “Ah, Ana. I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m so excited you’re here and to have another woman join our group.”

  Trace lets out a loud grunt. “Don’t get too excited yet, Gigi. She’s not easily influenced, and what makes you think she’ll join your side?”

  I don’t know if I should say hello to her or let them have a side conversation in front of me. I’m not sure of the dynamics or even what the hell they’re talking about.

  “Cousin,” the beautiful woman says, pushing her dark hair behind her shoulders with an even bigger smirk. “Have any of the women ever not joined with the other women in the family? The girls stick together, just like the boys. Our numbers are growing, and soon, we won’t be outnumbered.”

  “Soon, it’ll be even,” he tells her. “Duh.”

  Her eyebrows fall inward, and her smile is immediately wiped away. “Fuck,” she snaps. “I hate when you’re right.”

  “It’s not often,” he tells her, trying to soothe away her internal conflict over the fact that the women may never have the upper hand.

  “Anyway,” she says and turns her full attention to me. “We’re happy you’re here. You fell into a good family. We’re excited to have a new cousin. We never thought this one—” she pitches her thumb over her shoulder at Trace “—would settle down, but somehow you did it.”

  “He’s one of the good ones,” I tell her because so far, he’s been beyond nice and has done nothing but take care of me. I don’t know if I were in a similar situation if I’d be as patient as he’s been with me.

  She drops her chin, looking at me like I’m not all with it. “You’re talking about Trace?”

  I nod. “He’s so nice.”

  “Girl,” she draws out and shakes her head slowly. “He’s been nothing but a party animal his entire life.”

  “That’s what young people do, Gigi,” he tells her, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “If my memory serves me right, you were—”

  She waves her hand at him. “That’s in the past.”

  “So are my party-animal days,” he informs her. “I’m a married man now.”

  “So crazy,” she whispers. “We need all the details. Say hello to the older people, and then head outside. We have a million questions.”

  “Great,” I mutter, not looking forward to it at all, even though she’s sweet too and way more excited than I ever could’ve imagined.

  Trace moves to my side, placing his arm around my middle and holding me tightly against him. “I’ll be the one answering all the questions.”

  Gigi shrugs. “Makes no difference to us who does the talking as long as we get the details,” she says before she wanders away, leaving us alone.

  I peer up at him, taking in his unworried look. “Should we go?”

  He shakes his head. “Nah, Ace. I’ll handle them. I’ll explain what happened. They’ll ask a few questions, and then we’ll get them on to another topic. They’re easily distracted.”

  “They are?” I ask in disbelief.

  “You watch and see.”

  “They aren’t going to interrogate us for hours?”

  Trace tips his head back and laughs, setting my mind at ease. “They do nothing for hours. I give them thirty minutes tops, and then they’ll be complaining or arguing about something totally random and off-the-wall.”

  “If you say so,” I whisper.

  “I’ve known them my entire life. They change topics more than a government press conference.”

  “Whatever you say. I’ll follow your lead. What do I need to know?”

  “More than I can tell you before someone else comes in here. You can either let me do the talking, or you can join in. We’ll say hello to the insiders before we go out.”

  “Who are the insiders?” I ask, confused.

  “The parents and older. They stay inside, along with the kids, typically. The rest of us go outside. There are too many people to all fit comfortably in the house and be able to hear a conversation.”

  “Got it. I’m ready.”

  “Are you sure?” he asks, waiting for me to give the go-ahead.

  “Let’s do this,” I tell him and take a deep breath, preparing myself for the worst.

  They’re not the Kellys.

  They’re not the Kellys.

  I repeat those words to myself as we make it through the grand foyer and head toward the buzz of voices. As soon as we enter the open room where the kitchen and family room become one, all voices drop to a whisper and all eyes turn to us.

  Shit.

  18

  ANA

  “She did,” Trace says at my side as he holds my hand for reassurance. “She’s a total badass.”

  “Jesus, girl. It takes a big set of balls to do what you did,” his uncle Joe says as he sits on the couch next to a beautiful older blond woman.