Tim hangs his head. He doesn’t defend himself. Doesn’t try to stop any of the accusations flying from my mouth. It’s like he’s running through the same memories I am. The kids that we were. How we only had each other. How the two of us were alone until Gramps took us in—and even after that.

  “We ran a business together for what—how many years?” I ask him. “After we lost Gramps, I thought we’d always have each other’s backs. We’d always have each other.”

  “It’s good you found someone,” he says quietly. “Someone you can rely on. Someone you can make a future with. You can’t do that with me,” he says. “I’m wasted, Leo. I’m a waste.” He swallows hard and scratches a bunch of tiny scabs growing in the webs of skin between his fingers. “Been addicted a long time,” he admits. “Since high school.”

  “You’ve been on the run,” I say, accusing him.

  He nods. “Doping to deal. It’s always been my way.”

  “Doping to deal? With life?”

  “Can’t help it, man. I’ve tried to get clean, okay?” Tim stares at his hands. “I thought when I got arrested, that would be the end of the run? I was relieved, to be honest. Happy, almost.”

  I watch my older brother talk, and I look for signs of the guy I used to worship, look up to. I can see the features of his face—the nose, the color of his eyes—as familiar to me as my own are, but he’s like a stranger now.

  Distracted.

  Fidgety.

  Filthy.

  It scares me that someone I loved so much could be so different. So completely strange to me that I’m not even sure I can love this person in front of me. Not that he’s going to give me the chance.

  “So, what changed?” I demand. “Why the fuck did you run off a year ago? You left me with nothing, and they took it, Tim. They took it all. The building is gone, seized by the bank and sold.”

  He seems incapable of doing anything but nodding and agreeing. “Juliette,” he says. “I was gonna tell you about her, but we were both hooked on the shit. Maintenance-level stuff. I knew you’d freak out if you knew I was actively using, let alone had a girlfriend who was also using.”

  He looks down at the floor.

  “I was spending like three grand a week to support us,” he says.

  “Three grand? Where did you get that kind of money?”

  That kind of money going out on bags of smack… No wonder we lost the business.

  “I just stopped paying the mortgage on the property, man. The drugs kept going faster and faster. But I love Juliette. She’s something special. She’s got a degree. She’s got potential.”

  “She’s a junkie, just like you.”

  “Well, yeah, she was,” he says. “But do you understand how goddamn hard it is to get clean in this country? How much the detox programs are?”

  I shrug, not in the mood for a lecture about fairness and access to health care from a guy who shot an entire family legacy into his veins.

  “Don’t you think if we had options that didn’t include ruining my kid brother’s life, we would have taken them?” Tim’s getting worked up now too, but it’s weak. I can see he’s defeated. He’s hoping I can see things through his eyes.

  “I can’t imagine,” I say. I can’t help laying on the sarcasm. “Because while I got up every goddamn morning and worried how many more days I’d have before the bank took our business, you were out there high as a kite, living your junkie dream.”

  Tim nods a slow, painful nod. “If this is a dream, man…you don’t want to live the nightmare.”

  “Promise me you didn’t take her?” I press. “You have nothing to do with my girlfriend’s disappearance?”

  Tim shakes his head. “Fuck no. You know me better than that, man.”

  “I used to know you.” I wave my hand between us. “The person in front of me, I don’t know what he’s capable of, and at this point, I don’t care to know.

  “Who are these assholes who want you enough to kidnap and hold somebody for ransom?”

  Tim shudders. “Bad dudes.”

  That was the wrong thing to say. I get up from my seat and round the desk, but Tim stops me before I can start swinging.

  “I know what they want, Leo.”

  “So do I,” I say, grabbing my phone. “They want you. And I’m going to hand you over to them right now.”

  “Wait. Leo, please.” His hands shake as he tries to stand, and he collapses back against the chair in defeat.

  But there is something in his voice that makes me stop. Makes me set down that phone before I send the text that ends this. “I’m listening,” I grit out. “You have ten seconds to change my mind.”

  “I know who has her, and I know what they want.” He looks me square in the eyes. I want to believe he’s telling the truth.

  “How can I trust you, Tim? How can I be so sure? You gonna just take me to them? Send over a text message and be, like, sorry, guys, small mix-up? Take me and not my brother’s girlfriend?”

  Tim looks at me and raises his brows. “Can I get up?” he asks.

  “You planning on running?” I ask.

  He shakes his head.

  “I’ll fucking tackle you and break your face if you do. The kidnappers just need to be able to identify you. I can do a lot of damage and still leave your face, looking like you.”

  Tim gets up from the chair and motions for me to follow him. He pulls a key ring from the pocket of his jeans and throws it to me.

  “What the fuck is this?” I ask. There is a single key on a cheap plastic key ring. I recognize it instantly. “How did you…”

  He shrugs. “Always kept it with me. No matter what.”

  I finger the plastic like it’s as fragile as a memory. Because it is. The diamond-shaped plastic is red and has a chip in it. On one side in barely readable ink is the logo and address of a motel.

  “The Red Pelican.” As I say the words, all the years collapse into this one moment.

  Tim nods. “Any time I’ve ever had anything that mattered, I lock it up and use this keyring to protect the key.” He sighs and scrubs a hand across his face. Tears still wet his cheeks, but he’s not actively crying. It’s like the tears are flowing in spite of himself. “All these years, no matter where I was or what fucked-up state I was in, I never lost it. No matter how fucked up I got, as long as I held on to this, I knew I could come back.”

  My parents stayed at the Red Pelican on their honeymoon—which was basically a one-night stay in the cheap motel away from the prying eyes of two sets of disapproving parents. It was all they could afford, one night away from their after-school jobs when my mom got pregnant in high school and her parents kicked her out.

  My gramps and gram took both kids in for a few months, until Tim was born and they were back on their feet. Mom and Dad spent a weekend at the Red Pelican every single year for their anniversary after that. Mom bought the key chain for a dollar to remember their honeymoon by.

  She used that key chain every day for as long as I knew her, as long as I can remember. House keys, car keys. No matter what hook it was hung on, what purse it was buried at the bottom of, that diamond-shaped plastic key chain from the Red Pelican is part of the fabric of the memories I have of my parents. Of our family. It’s where our family started.

  That key chain was the one thing after they passed away that was recovered from the accident that took them away from us.

  “Why?” I demand. “Why give this to me now? What the fuck do you want me to do with it, Tim? Forgive you because you kept a memento of our parents while you were shooting thousands of dollars of shit into your arms? That because you saved the key chain, I shouldn’t care that you lost our fucking business?” I shake my head at him, wanting him to feel even worse about all this than he’s making me feel.

  I can’t fucking save him. I can’t stop him from wanting drugs, doing drugs. I sure as hell couldn’t stop him from selling drugs even though we had a house, a business. I thought we were doing all right, us two. On our own. But he didn’t love me enough to stay clean. He didn’t care enough about his little brother to not take it all away to feed his own pain.

  Tim lowers his eyes, his chin practically touching his bony chest. “You can make me feel as bad as you want to, and I promise you, it won’t be half as bad as I feel about myself on my best day. Give it all you’ve got, Leo. I’m a worthless piece of shit, and I let you down. I know that. And I can’t say enough I’m sorrys to make it okay. But I told you. I know who has your girlfriend, and I know what they want.”

  “Yeah, asshole,” I seethe. “They want you.”

  Tim cocks his head. “Well, that’s what they said. They think they want me because they think I have all the shit I stole from them.”

  My heart sinks. Of course, he did.

  Arrow was right.

  I’m not the only one my brother double-crossed.

  “What do you have, Tim? What did you do?”

  He walks up to me and points to the rusted-out piece-of-shit car that’s been sitting in my shop for days. “Open it. Trunk.”

  My mouth drops open in disbelief. “You?” I ask, dumbfounded. “This goddamn Cadillac is yours?”

  Tim nods. “That engine is fucked, right? I wondered if you’d suspect it was some kind of message from me. Remember what Gramps used to say? You think hiring a pro is expensive—”

  “Try hiring an amateur.” I finish the phrase that I must have heard hundreds, maybe thousands of times growing up.

  I can’t believe it. “So that woman, the one who had this towed in…”

  “That’s Juliette. My wife.” He looks sad. But then he firms his lips. “I know what my girl means to me. Let me do what I can to help get yours back.”

  I take the Red Pelican key chain and pop the trunk of the Cadillac and take a look inside.

  “Hoooooollllly fuck.”

  16

  Leo

  “Tim…what the fuck.” I can’t even believe what I’m looking at. “What is…” The questions are flying out of my mouth faster than I can think to form them.

  Tim nods. “I know,” he says. “I know. It’s a lot of money.”

  “What the… Are you out of your fucking mind?” My stomach sinks, and my palms start to sweat. “Where did you get this money?” This is serious money. Stolen, I assume, from some seriously bad people. “Is this drug money?”

  I start to panic.

  Maybe it would have been better if I’d found a body in the trunk. This? This is the big time.

  The risk he exposed me to by keeping this here…it’s even worse than him actively making me lose the business or the house. He’s made me an unwitting accomplice to crimes I can’t even comprehend have taken place.

  “What the fuck did you do this for?” I’m pacing now, terrified. “What if someone found out it was here? Who did you steal this from? What were you going to do with this?”

  I know before he admits it that he was not going to use this money to save my house. A selfish, drug-abusing user would rather steal money from bad guys and steal the house right out from under me than face the music the honest way. Not to mention his total disregard for the danger stashing this shit in my shop brought down on me, my business.

  “You’re going back to fucking prison,” I say, grabbing my phone.

  In the heat of the moment, I consider it. I consider dialing 9-1-1 and letting the cops pick up my deadbeat brother and take his ass away for good, but Tim’s hand on my arm stops me.

  “This is the only thing keeping Lia alive,” he reminds me. “That money is what they want. They only want me because they think I have it.”

  And just like that, I hang up the phone.

  “So, now what?” I ask. “I’m guessing you’re not going to show up with me at midnight and let me hand you over to the assholes who have Lia. That or show up with a bag of cash and propose a new deal.”

  Tim shakes his head. “You don’t have to. I have a plan.”

  “I already don’t like it,” I mutter, but he’s my best chance to get Lia back.

  “Give me a break, Leo.” Tim is pleading with me. He’s not being shitty.

  He looks scared.

  “I can’t go to prison. Locked up away from Juliette. Away from life. I can’t. I won’t do it.”

  “You’re a fucking drug dealer, Tim. You deserve it.”

  “I’m an addict, Leo. If I could get clean, do you really think I’d deal? I hate this shit. Okay? I hate it! I hate how it makes me feel, how it makes me think. I hate being a junkie. And don’t even pretend that’s not what I am. I know what you think of me. I’m not trying to pretend I’m a hero. But bank robbers get out of jail with less time than they’ll give me if I go back.”

  “So, what?” I demand. “You were going to let me lose the house while you and Juliette and this nice wad of cash sailed off into the sunset? Until what? You shoot that money up your veins, and then you’re broke, high, and back in the goddamn clink?”

  He walks up to me and looks me right in the eye. “No, Leo. Okay? That was never the plan. There’s a place in Costa Rica…” He gets this dreamy look in his eyes. “Juliette and I planned on going down there and getting clean. We could pay ten thousand for both of us, spend a few months in rehab down there, and have enough money left over to start new lives.”

  I don’t know shit about Costa Rica, but that sounds like a pipe dream to me. “Well, as happy as I want to be that you had this whole happy ending planned out for you and your wife, your entire plan still hinged on screwing me out of the business, the house…fucking me, Tim. Your plan all along has been to fuck me.”

  “You see that bag?” He points to a small grocery store sack.

  “Uh, yeah?” It’s empty and sitting beside the canvas bags that are piled high with cash.

  “Juliette was going to leave that for you. Filled with cash.” He grimaces at me. “It probably wouldn’t have been enough to save the house,” he admits. “But I told her to leave you at least fifty. It would have been something. It would have made a dent.”

  “A dent,” I echo. “A dent is all you have room for when it comes to your brother.”

  I slam the trunk of the Cadillac closed and turn on him. “Now what, Tim? You’re wasting my time. I don’t give a fuck about your future and your bullshit lies about getting clean and starting over. Some thugs have Lia, and they want you. You have their cash, which you want to run off with to Costa Rica. I don’t see a happy ending to this story.”

  Tim huffs a huge sigh. I look closely at him. I still can’t believe this guy is my blood. My brother. He looks nothing like the healthy, fit guy who used to play beach volleyball with his friends.

  “I can take you to where they’re keeping Lia.”

  “What?” I bolt upright. “Why the fuck didn’t you lead with that? You know where she is? How do you know?”

  “Barry Kasterson,” he says. “Barry’s one of the suppliers I used to work for.”

  He explains how he got out on bail, reaching out to Josh, his high school buddy, for help with the bond. But I stop him right there because I know this part of the story. I didn’t know that he planned on fucking over Arrow too.

  Intentionally.

  “Wait, wait, wait.” I’m seething, seeing red, and I don’t even give a shit about Arrow. “You’re telling me you went to a high school buddy for your bond when you knew full well you were going to skip out?” I ask.

  The layers of how my brother planned to fuck people are just…I can’t believe it.

  “No. Jesus, Leo. Would you give it a rest? I get that you think I’m a total asshole.” He calms down and sits. “I was planning on fighting the charges. There were problems with my arrest and some evidence shit, I don’t know. I had a lawyer for a while. I got out on bail, tried to get a real job. Tried for months, actually. I was gonna get clean and fight the charges, Leo. I was.”

  He looks at me, and all I see is the ruin.

  The futility.

  “I couldn’t go straight, Leo. Nobody wants to hire a white trash motherfu…”

  “Shut the fuck up already. Take me to Lia, or I’m going to end you right here.”

  He wipes his face with the back of a sleeve. “We give that to Barry, we take Lia, and we’re even.”

  “You think it’s that easy?” I ask. “We take their hostage, leave the cash, and what? You got a greeting card? Maybe we should stop at the market for a thank-you note. Make sure they know who left the bag of fucking cash in place of their prisoner.”

  “It’s the best shot we have.”

  “No,” I correct him. “It’s the best shot you have. I can call the cops right now and have you, and this Barry motherfucker, put away for a long, long time.”

  Tim is quiet. “What about this?” he asks. “I’ll go with you to get Lia. If she’s safe, I’ll hand Barry the money myself.”

  I think about that for a second. “You mean we go together? You’d bring me to the drug dealer you stole from, return his money, and help me save my girl?”

  Tim nods. “Barry’s an asshole, but he’s small time. He’s no murderer. Why do you think I stole from him? He’s small enough that he trusted an asshole out on bail to deal for him. I really think this could work. He wants his money, Leo. He only wants what’s his.”

  I want what’s mine too.

  Lia.

  She’s the only thing that matters.

  Not the house.

  Not my brother.

  Not even the memories.

  I think it over. It sounds like an absolutely terrible plan. “All right,” I tell him. I hold out my hand. “Until this is all done, I’m going to need the key for that Caddy, and when it’s over, you’re not forgiven. You’re not in my life.” I motion for Tim to sit. “This asshole isn’t expecting to make the trade until midnight tonight,” I tell him. “I need to make a call first.”

  I punch in a number.

  Forty-five minutes later, Dog pulls up to the shop in his truck with a flatbed trailer on the back.