Next they toured the San Francisco Zoo at a similar breakneck speed, then stopped at a restaurant for a mere half hour for lunch, barely time to wolf down their meals before they boarded the van again. Ava’s stomach hurt, her feet ached and she was overwhelmed by all the sights they’d taken in. Now they were in the Union Square shopping district.

  “We have two hours to shop before we’ll head to Fisherman’s Wharf,” Chloe announced. “We need to stick together. Remember our plan of action from the other day? Ava, you weren’t there, so I’ll reiterate it. We all go into a store and take five minutes to find the clothes that interest us. When I blow the whistle, we head for the changing rooms. When I blow the whistle again, it’s time to get to the cash register. Then we wait outside the store for everyone to be done. Got it?”

  “Got it.” She turned to Sam and whispered, “Have I been extraordinarily evil without realizing it? Am I actually in hell?”

  Naomi, sitting near them, tittered.

  “What?” Chloe called over everyone else’s heads. “Did you have something to say, Ava?”

  Whoops. Ava ducked her head, thinking Chloe had to have supersonic hearing. “No,” she murmured.

  “Then let’s go.” Chloe led the way into a high-end boutique, and Ava saw at a glance she wouldn’t want anything from this store. It was the kind of place where items of clothing on the racks were spaced six inches apart, created with models or anorexics in mind. None of it would fit her, and she couldn’t afford it, anyway. When her phone buzzed, she pulled it out gratefully.

  “I have to take this,” she said to Sam and retreated to a quiet corner of the store, near the front window. “Hi, Marie. What’s up?” She’d never thought she’d be happy to hear from her sister-in-law.

  “Hi, Ava. Glad I caught you. I’ve got a question for you about Mom’s birthday.”

  Was she still on that topic?

  “What about it?” Ava knew she sounded unfriendly, but she also knew Marie probably had an ulterior motive for the call. She probably wanted Ava to know how hard she was working to make Ava’s mother’s party special. The implication being that Ava wasn’t working hard enough on it.

  Unfortunately, she’d learned a long time ago that the only way to make anyone in her family happy was to conform to their ideas of who she should be. She remembered a day when she was eight years old and they were spending the summer in West Sumatra, her mother’s primary spot for field research. They’d been there for weeks already, living among a set of villagers so her mother could more easily complete her observations and interviews, and the days stretched endlessly before Ava. At fourteen, Oliver was already assisting his parents with research tasks, and Ava was sick of being shunted off to play with local kids who didn’t want her around. Now she could see her parents thought they were giving her a wonderful opportunity, but back then it hadn’t seemed that way. She was easily overwhelmed by new things, often got headaches from the glaring sun. Wanted to be with her friends at home.

  “Oliver gets to be with you all the time,” she’d whined, lonely and hot and miserable. “Why can’t I?”

  “You want to be helpful like Oliver?” Her mother had handed her a pad of paper and a pen. “Go ask those children about their lives and record their answers.”

  “They don’t speak English!”

  “Then learn to speak their language. That’s what Oliver did.”

  Oliver always shone in her parents’ eyes, and she was always in the way, as excluded from her family group as she was from the gang of village children her mother wanted her to befriend. Knowing there was no use expecting any actual comfort from her parents, she’d trailed away again. Avoiding the village children, she’d taken the pen and paper into the shade of the nearest tree, lain down on her belly and drawn what she saw from that angle—tiny plants barely poking out of the ground, the rugged terrain of the dirt seen from a nose-length away, insects that loomed as large as automobiles if you imagined you were less than an inch tall. Over the course of that summer, she drew hundreds of pictures like that, recording the smallest details of the smallest objects she could find, feeling a kinship with them.

  She was as invisible as they were to most people’s eyes.

  Her total indifference to them and utter concentration while drawing attracted the other children in the village in a way her previous overtures hadn’t, and in the end she did become friends with them. Soon all of them wanted paper and pens, too.

  “You’re supposed to observe the people we’re studying, not influence their behavior,” her mother had said in exasperation one morning when she came across a dozen village kids lying on their bellies like Ava was, drawing the same outsized versions of the tiny objects and insects they found in the dirt.

  “I’m just being me,” Ava said.

  “A little less of that would be a good thing.”

  “I don’t know what to do about the cake.” Marie broke into her memories. “I can get a lovely layer cake from my favorite bakery, but I don’t know if Mom will like that. Do you think she’d prefer something homemade? I’m pretty good at that kind of thing, but I’m not an expert.”

  “She’ll be happy with either. She’s not a big cake person.” Ava caught her mistake too late. “I mean…”

  “Should I get something else? A pie? A tort? Oh my goodness, it never even occurred to me she might like something else.”

  Marie was working herself into a tizzy, and Ava still didn’t know what she really wanted from this call. “Cake will be fine. In fact, a bakery cake is the way to go.” Someone needed to be decisive and save Marie from herself, Ava thought. And there was no use making a homemade cake when Mom wouldn’t even notice.

  “You think?”

  “I know.”

  “Thank goodness I called. I wish you were flying out for the party. It’s a shame you didn’t think it was worth it.”

  Here it was, the real reason for the call. The guilt trip. Ava rolled her eyes, thinking of all the birthdays she’d had over the years that no one in her family had bothered to celebrate. That’s what happened when your birthday fell right after your mother’s in a family that hardly celebrated holidays to begin with. Mom hated a fuss about her birthday, which made it hard to demand one for her own. Besides, her family always traveled in the summer months. In fact, it was amazing her parents were in Bryn Mawr now. She knew they’d be leaving for West Sumatra in a matter of days.

  “When is your birthday, by the way?” Marie asked. “Oliver is so lazy about these things. He doesn’t even have the date on the calendar.”

  Ava laughed. She doubted Oliver even knew when it was. “Four days after Mom’s, actually.”

  There was a silence on the other end of the phone. “Really? Why didn’t I know that?”

  “We don’t make a big thing about birthdays in our family.” Ava kept her tone light, despite the throb in her chest when she made that statement. She was far too old to care about such things and chastised herself inwardly for being sensitive about it still.

  “Well, I think people should be celebrated,” Marie said stiffly. “I don’t know why the rest of you are so against that.”

  If Marie thought she could change her husband or in-laws, she had taken on a hopeless cause, but Ava figured she’d have to learn that for herself.

  “I’ve got to go,” she said. “I’m with a group of people shopping in San Francisco.”

  “That sounds lovely.” Marie was wistful, and Ava wondered if she was a little bored. She wasn’t working, and Ava had no idea what she did all day in the town house she and Oliver owned.

  “I’ll talk to you soon.” Ava pocketed her phone just in time to hear Chloe’s whistle. Everyone in the group made for the changing rooms. She went to find Sam.

  “Where are your clothes to try on?” Chloe demanded when she spotted her.

  “I don’t have any. These aren’t my style.”

  Chloe gave a little huff and turned away. Ava couldn’t find Sam, so she waited by the entrance to the changing rooms. He came out a little while later looking sheepish.

  “Found a shirt,” he said, holding it up.

  “Better get in line to buy that before the stampede.”

  Chloe’s whistle sounded again, and Sam leaped toward the line for the cashiers, which soon extended into the racks of clothing as the rest of his friends joined him. Ava headed to the front of the store, stepped outside and took a deep breath. San Francisco’s air wasn’t exactly fresh, but it was better than the recycled air inside the store. One boutique down, how many to go?

  Was she going to make it through this day?

  She asked herself that question more than once as the afternoon continued. When they finally arrived home late that night, she couldn’t help herself. Stepping out of the van, she sank to her knees and kissed the ground.

  “Home. Glorious home,” she moaned as if she’d trekked across the Sahara and back since she’d left this morning. It sure felt that way.

  A few of her new acquaintances laughed as Sam pulled her back to her feet. “I know what you mean. I thought we’d never make it back.”

  “Nice,” Chloe said sarcastically. “I worked hard to set up today’s trip. Why is it that freeloaders think they can dump all over everything?”

  Ava was immediately contrite. “Sorry, Chloe. It was an awesome day. I’m just done in.”

  “You’re just rude, that’s what you are.” Chloe flounced inside, Ben hurrying after her.

  Ava turned to Sam. “I really am sorry. She’s right; that was rude.” A familiar feeling took hold of her body. Shame. Once again, she’d missed the mark. All day she’d felt the way she used to when she was traveling with her family: rushed, overwhelmed and out of her depth. Todd had been a little easier to travel with. He made the final decisions, but he was laid back, and their travel days were never hurried. He liked to play the protective male, running interference for her when a situation got sticky. When he went off to do some extreme sport she wasn’t comfortable with, he sometimes fussed when she didn’t want to join in but usually didn’t mind if she lolled on the beach with a novel as long as she oohed and aahed over his prowess when he was done.

  “I think it’s a miracle no one melted down before now,” Sam said. “That was a long day—and I feel like I barely saw you even though we spent it together.”

  She could tell he was about to invite her on a walk to the beach or to hang out on the deck, which meant he’d try again to entice her into bed. She’d have to fend him off—or give in, knowing it couldn’t last. Suddenly she needed some time alone. “I’m going to call it a night,” she forestalled him. “I’ll see you in the morning for our walk, okay?”

  He was obviously disappointed. “You never told me what you decided. About us,” he clarified when she didn’t answer. “I guess the answer is no, right?”

  Ava still didn’t have an answer to that question. Last night she’d told herself she had to end their budding relationship before it could really start, but after spending another day with Sam, she couldn’t summon the stamina to do that. She desperately wanted to spend more time with him. If she was honest, she wanted a lot more than that. She was going to miss Sam so much when he was gone.

  “Can you give me one more night?” she asked, knowing it was massively unfair to Sam. “I’m overwhelmed. I can’t think straight, and I don’t want to make a decision I’m going to regret.” She held her breath, hoping he wouldn’t be too angry or hurt. Before he could misunderstand, she went up on tiptoe and brushed a kiss over his cheek. “I really like you. I’m just confused.”

  Sam caught her hand and held it, searching her face as if he was trying to read her mind. “Yeah, I can give you one more night,” he agreed, his voice husky.

  Ava swayed in place, wishing she could kiss him again. Wishing he would reach for her and she could fall into his embrace without any thoughts or decisions at all.

  That wasn’t the way life worked, though. There would be consequences to whatever choice she made, so she had to think it through carefully—when she wasn’t exhausted.

  “Thank you.” She kissed him again and darted away, around the side of the house to the stairs that led to her suite.

  “Good night, Ava,” Sam called after her.

  “Good night.”

  That hadn’t gone the way he’d hoped.

  Sam let himself into his room, shut the door and locked it behind him, then kicked off his shoes, stripped down and pulled on a pair of worn-out sweatpants. He slid open the door to his balcony to let cool air blow in since his room had gotten stuffy during the time away. The moon was up, a crescent lighting a path of shining water across the surface of the ocean.

  Maybe he should forget all about Ava. About Chloe and Ben, too. Head to the beach first thing tomorrow. Try surfing again. Spend the day in the waves, the way a vacation was meant to go. His life was slipping away operating on other people’s itineraries and plans. What about him? What he wanted?

  “It was nuts,” he heard Ava say from somewhere above him. Her voice was muffled, but the exclamation carried through his open door.

  Sam moved closer to it. She didn’t sound like she was out on her balcony. Maybe she was in her suite with the sliding glass door open, the way his was? Was someone up there with her, or was she on her phone?

  On her phone, he decided a moment later.

  “Emma, you should have seen her bossing everyone around. She had a whistle.”

  Sam winced. Yeah, that was weird, he had to admit. He’d seen the way the other customers looked at them each time Chloe blew that whistle in one of the stores they’d visited. Like maybe they were a bunch of overgrown children needing to be carefully watched.

  “They all went along with it like a pack of sheep. No one even questioned her. You should see her fiancé—he’s terrified of her.” There was a silence. “Sam? I think he’s terrified of her, too.”

  Sam straightened. Like hell he was. Chloe didn’t scare him; she just made life unpleasant when you didn’t go along with her schemes. He supposed he’d gotten in the habit of appeasing her over the years, which was why things had gotten out of control. Thank God he’d stood up for himself when it counted. He wished Ben would grow a pair and stop letting her push him around.

  “Her fiancé is Sam’s business partner, and he follows her around like a whipped dog. Their employees don’t know what’s going on. It’s obvious to everyone she’s trying to take over, and it doesn’t seem like Sam or Ben are going to do anything about it. I’m afraid Sam is going to lose his company if he doesn’t watch out.”

  Sam gripped the handle of the sliding glass door, her words piercing him to the quick. She was right. He kept holding back, hoping Ben would fix the problem they were facing, but why would Ben do that when it was clear if he did, Chloe would leave him?

  “I’d forgotten how much I dislike cities,” Ava went on upstairs. “I mean, they’re fine to visit now and then, but I need space. I need to see the ocean. The stars. I need forests close by. No matter where we went today, I could feel the walls closing in.”

  Something twisted in Sam’s gut. There was no ocean near Chicago. No forests around his downtown condo. Would Lake Michigan and some local parks do the trick, or would Ava hate it there?

  She’d probably hate it there, he decided.

  It was already clear she didn’t think much of his employees, even though he’d thought she’d gotten along well with them today. She’d probably turn him down flat if he asked her to join Scholar Central, an idea that had been growing in his mind over the past twenty-four hours.

  “I get Sam’s interest in online education, but Chloe’s obviously in it for the money. I can’t get a read on Ben at all. I don’t think Scholar Central is going to be the beacon of hope for disadvantaged kids Sam thinks it is.” She was silent a minute. “Yeah, he’s going back to Chicago at the end of next week. Can you imagine living there? I can’t.”

  Each sentence she spoke hit him like a punch to his gut. Nothing about him was up to snuff in her eyes, was it? She thought he’d lost control of his business. She hated his hometown. In fact, she sounded a lot like Chloe had when they were together. Obstinate. Opinionated. Sure she was right and everyone else was wrong. He hadn’t even asked Ava to be with him long-term, and she was already turning him down?

  He didn’t need someone like that around.

  He ignored the little voice in his head that said Ava didn’t know he was listening and it was unfair to judge her when she was venting to a friend after a very long day. As far as he was concerned, she’d made it very clear what she wanted and what she wouldn’t accept.

  There was no room for him in her life, and he wasn’t going to waste any more time trying to change her mind.

  “I guess he’s not coming,” Ava said the next morning when she, Emma and Penelope had waited in the Cliff Garden ten minutes past their usual time.

  “Maybe he’s sleeping in,” Emma suggested. “Your trip to San Francisco sounded rough.”

  “Maybe.” But Ava had an awful feeling there was more to it than that. When she returned to her house thirty minutes later, her fear grew even stronger when she spotted Sam milling about the parking area with the rest of his friends, preparing to leave.

  “We’re going to Santa Cruz,” he said shortly when she asked where they were off to. “Boardwalk, beach, boutiques—and some surprise activity.” It sounded like he was echoing what Chloe had announced as the itinerary for the day.

  Ava waited a beat, but he issued no invitation to join them. She supposed she’d acted badly enough the previous day, he’d been told she wouldn’t be welcome. Despite the warmth of the morning, a prickle of cold danced across her skin. Had he given up on her?

  “I’m heading out pretty soon, too,” she said. “I’m checking out a farm I might take my students to see this fall.”