“And that would be a great sadness for me,” she replied gently.

  He stared at her. “You’re still not making any sense.”

  “You’re right,” she said. “I’m not. And I guess it doesn’t really matter whether I have trouble saying this or not. I need to get it out.”

  “Whatever it is, yes,” he replied. “I would really appreciate it if we can have a bit of honesty.”

  “And honesty is important.”

  At that, he gave half a snort.

  She winced. “And you’re right to not believe me. You’re right to think that I was, … to think what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong.”

  He didn’t even know what to say to any of that. He just waited and focused on his breathing, as he sat beside her in the hot tub.

  She continued. “When I realized how fast the time was going by, it was like a sledgehammer that told me how badly affected I would be when you left.”

  At that, his gaze widened, and he stared at her.

  She nodded. “I really care. And it sounds foolish because I’m the one who walked away and who left you in the lurch. … Hearing that you would be leaving soon was a real shock, and I learned just how much I care and how badly affected I’ll be when you do leave,” she shared painfully.

  And it was painful to even hear her talk about it. But, for him, he was still in shock and such a shock that he wasn’t even sure he could trust his own voice. “So, instead of wanting to spend time with me, time that we still had together, you completely walked away?” He didn’t get that. He wasn’t even sure where she was going with this now because none of this sounded like what he wanted to hear. She was close, but there was so much distance between there and here that he just knew that getting back to what they had would be almost impossible.

  “And that’s what was wrong,” she said, with a nod. “I shouldn’t have done that, and, for that, I’m very sorry. All I can say is that I got scared.”

  He shook his head. “And we’re back to that. I don’t get it.”

  “I knew that, when you left, I would be devastated,” she admitted, “and it made me realize just how much I had opened up to you and how much I would miss you. And it was a hurt that wouldn’t go away anytime soon, so it was almost instinctive for me to step back and to protect myself.” She shook her head. “Only it didn’t work, and stepping back just made me feel worse,” she murmured.

  She sighed. “It reminded me of all the good times that we had had. Every time I came to the pool, it reminded me of how much help you had given me in learning to swim, even now that I can swim and badly at that.” She gave him half a smile. “But I can now work on my swimming. I’ve got enough skill to make it and to continue along that line of progress. I go to the cafeteria, and all I see is you and the times that we sat together, laughing and talking about things that were really important.”

  She grimaced. “And the longer it went on, the harder it was for me to find a way back to you because then my behavior seemed foolish and childish and impossible to explain away,” she murmured. “And I didn’t realize what I was doing or what effect it could have on you.”

  And then he realized where this was going. “You don’t have to worry about it,” Victor said. “I’ve got five weeks left, and obviously wherever I was hoping we were going isn’t where you want to go. Otherwise you wouldn’t have pulled back.”

  “But you’re wrong,” she muttered. “I don’t know where you were hoping to go. I didn’t give you a chance to explain. I didn’t give you a chance to even talk about where we wanted to go,” she added. “I just got so scared that I became very self-protective, and I stepped back. It was more about fear because I knew that you were leaving, and I was afraid that you didn’t want anything to do with me afterward.”

  Chapter 13

  There. Dawn had said it. It sounded stupid and foolish in her own ears. She had no idea how Victor would take it.

  He frowned at her. “Good Lord. What tangled webs we weave.”

  She laughed at the famous quote. And she felt such relief to laugh. And then almost immediately she started to cry.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why the tears?”

  “Because I haven’t laughed in the past week,” she whispered, sobbing on her own.

  “Oh, jeez,” he muttered. “I can’t handle tears.”

  She half laughed through her tears. “And I didn’t think I would ever have a reason to laugh again,” she muttered, her heart breaking. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t even know I could hurt you.” She added, “I knew we were friends, but I just … I didn’t trust myself after all this time of being here and never meeting anybody who would want me back.”

  He shook his head and whispered, “Dear God, don’t you know how special you are?” She stared at him. He asked, “You really don’t, do you?”

  “What? I get up, and I work, and I step up, and I do things that need to be done,” she shared, “but everybody here does that.”

  “No.” He raised a hand. “There’s something on my night table that you need to see. Maybe that will help you to understand.”

  She frowned at that. “And yet that’s a long way away,” she pointed out, as they both sat in the hot tub still.

  “It is, indeed.” He sighed. “Wouldn’t it be nice if we had robots to go get stuff like that?” he asked, with a laugh. “But I am serious that I never even considered leaving without you. Obviously you can’t go, as you live and work here. Plus, it’s something that I need to figure out as I leave, but I wasn’t thinking about just getting up and leaving,” he stated. “Obviously I wanted to figure out how we could have a relationship.”

  She stared at him. “I don’t think I’m any good at long-term relationships,” she murmured. “I mean, it already hurt me so much to think about you leaving. So, to imagine you going away would be devastating.”

  “You mean, every time I had to come and go?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, that would be terrible. I would be crying constantly.”

  “But what about if I live in town?” he asked, with a smile.

  “I think you mentioned that a couple times, but you never made it sound like that was something you were serious about.”

  “Because I hadn’t really figured out what I wanted, what I want to do. I still don’t, in a way. A part of me wants to do something to help with the environment or help with the animals or help somehow,” he shared, “but I’m still so focused on healing that—”

  She interrupted, “And that’s what you should be focused on.” She nodded, finally starting to understand just how detrimental some of this emotional stuff, particularly when it went wrong, could be for these guys. “You need to focus on your healing,” she repeated. “That’s why you’re here.”

  “It is why I’m here,” he agreed. “And the good news is, I am healing, and I am getting stronger, and I will regain full use of everything,” he said, with a smile. “And coming here was the best decision I ever made in my life, but, if I were to leave here, without in any way trying to make you a part of my life after this, that would be the worst decision of my life.”

  She sniffled ever-so-slightly.

  He whispered, “You really need to understand what we have and that I don’t want to lose it.”

  “And that was the part that I was missing,” she whispered back. “I just figured that you were talking about you leaving and your life after this.”

  “And yet was I,” he noted, “or were you just filling in the blanks?”

  She thought about it and shrugged. “I was probably just filling in the blanks.”

  “Well, in that lovely book, that’s not there.”

  At that, Dennis popped his head over the deck above. “Do you need something?”

  Victor nodded. “Would you mind getting me the little planner that you guys hand out to everybody off my night table? I really hate to ask.”

  Dennis just waved a hand and disappeared.

  “What’s the planner got to do with anything?” she asked, staring at him.

  “I don’t even know that I can explain it,” he admitted. “So you were so afraid that I would leave without you, or without either of us knowing where we stood?” he asked.

  “Yet that’s not it either,” she replied. “It just hit me that you were leaving. And that change was happening, and that the change was likely to be a change I didn’t want.”

  He smiled. “Same diff, different words.”

  “If you say so,” she muttered.

  He laughed. “Let me, … just let me show you the planner,” he said.

  And when Dennis returned, Victor used his towel to dry off his hands and thanked him profusely.

  Dennis smiled. “It’s all good. I’ve seen this a time or two.”

  Victor didn’t even ask what Dennis had seen, but Victor figured that, over the years, Dennis had probably seen absolutely everything that was happening at Hathaway House. Victor picked up the planner and held it out to her at an open page.

  She dried her hands now and reached for it. She glanced at the title on the page. “Oh, this is your practice on joy.”

  He nodded. “Yes, but you need to read it,” he prompted.

  She looked down at it to see exercises and things that brought him joy. Number one was Dawn’s smile. She gasped. Number two was being around Dawn. Number three was thinking about Dawn. She lifted her stunned gaze to him.

  He nodded. “I was still working my way through all this, when you decided to pull your little disappearing act. And believe me. That was pretty tough on me too,” he admitted, “because I was trying to figure out where we were going and how we could make something work. … Obviously I still need a bit of time, and I still need whatever time I have here, if I even get to leave at the time period that I’m supposed to,” he noted. “As you know, that’s not exactly set in stone either.”

  She nodded slowly. “Did you mean it? What you wrote?”

  “Absolutely I mean it,” he declared. “Even after you cut me out, I meant it. It hurt, but I could remember the things, the time that we spent, with joy, so I owe you a huge thank you for that.”

  “I don’t want thanks,” she said.

  “Well then, I don’t want thanks for teaching you to swim,” he replied, with a laugh. “So how about we just decide that what we have is special and that we’ll work toward finding a solution.”

  She looked at him, tears running down her face.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,” he muttered, “and we’re not getting all teary-eyed because that’ll just make it way worse. And we’ll build and grow what we have, and we’ll trust each other, and, when we get hit by emotions a little hard to handle,” he added, “we’ll come to each other and honestly share our fears, and we’ll remember to find the joy in each other.”

  She smiled at him. “That’s one of the nicest things anybody’s ever said to me.”

  “And you need to remember that there are lots of ways to find joy in this life. But you are the one who brings me the most joy.”

  He wasn’t prepared for it, but she threw herself into his arms and hugged him close. He just wrapped his arms around her and held her and whispered against her ear, “Not only do you bring me joy, and I thought you already knew, but obviously … we hadn’t discussed it. We hadn’t said anything about it, but you are my heart,” he stated simply.

  She pulled back, looked at him, tears in her eyes, and whispered, “Thank you, thank you for being you.” He just looked at her. She nodded. “It’s because of you being you that I made it through this difficult conversation.” She added, “I was just so devastated at the idea of losing you that I just didn’t think I could handle it.”

  “We can all handle anything,” Victor stated, “but I really don’t want to handle losing you.”

  She tried to wipe away her tears, but now more were coming. “You say the nicest things.”

  “And it’s not even a case of just saying something nice. I mean it,” he declared. “You are my heart, and I want to find a way to make this work,” he said. “I’m quite happy to relocate to town. Obviously the future is still a big unknown, but, as long as you’re okay with that, and you’re okay with however I end up physically—”

  She placed a finger over his lips. “You’re already way more of a man than so many other guys, so that will never be an issue.”

  He chuckled. “Now I know that you care because you’re obviously blind.”

  She shook her head. “Nope, definitely not blind,” she murmured, “but I am in love.”

  He stared at her, his eyes widening. And he wrapped her up in his arms, pulled her close, and whispered, “That’s good because it’s lonely in my heart otherwise. I’ve always loved you.” He shrugged. “I don’t know when or how, but, the next thing I knew, you were gone, and I was lost.”

  “And what’s lost is now found,” she murmured, as she gently stroked his cheek.

  “Perfect,” he murmured, “because all I need in my life is you.” And he lowered his head and kissed her.

  Epilogue

  Wesley Broden stared at the inside of the ambulance. He couldn’t believe he had to travel this way. It was a six-hour drive, but he couldn’t find anybody else to take him, so this was about the only way to go. It wasn’t necessarily a true ambulance. It was more of an interfacility transfer vehicle.

  The paramedic looked down at him. “You doing okay?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. I had hoped to find somebody with a truck to get me there.”

  “Not advised,” he replied. “Anybody in your condition will find it very painful to go that far for that long.”

  “It is much more comfortable to lie down,” Wesley admitted.

  The paramedic nodded. “That stump of yours is pretty sore, isn’t it?”

  “Both of them.” He nodded. “They were doing better, and then they weren’t. I tried to … I wore the prosthetics too much,” he shared, hating to admit it. “I just was really happy to get back up and to have some mobility. And then, of course, I pushed it.”

  “Yeah, that happens,” the EMT noted, “especially on your left arm.”

  “Yeah, I don’t have much of a stump.” He had about four inches down from the elbow. “I was really trying hard to make the prosthetic work because I hate not being independent,” he said, his tone letting through a tinge of anger.

  “And yet there’s times when you need help, like all of us.” The paramedic lifted his pant leg and showed him his lower leg, which was a prosthetic.

  Wesley stared at it. “Well, that gives me hope,” he said.

  “Don’t ever lose hope,” the EMT declared. “I lost my leg when I was sixteen in a motorcycle accident, and I thought my life was over at the time,” he admitted, “but it’s not. It happened long ago, and I survived pretty fast. I had to have surgery and rehabilitation,” he added, “but it is what it is. I’m fine with it. My wife’s fine with it. My kids think it’s cool.”

  Wesley laughed. “I can see that too. That almost sounds like fun when you’re a kid. I’m probably not a whole lot older than you, but, at the moment, I think my arm amputation bothers me more than the leg.”

  “Of course. At Hathaway,” he offered, “you’ll do just fine.” He pointed out the window. “You can see the grounds just coming up here. I’ve delivered a couple people here, and every time I think what an absolutely incredible place it is. I’ve looked it up a couple times, and the reviews and awards it’s won are just incredible,” he shared. “You’re in good hands here.”

  Wesley nodded. “I hope so. Sometimes you just want to give up.”

  “Don’t give up,” the EMT stated. “I’m proof that you can have a life after amputation. Even double amputations,” he added. “Find something you want to do with your life, and stick with it, and don’t let anybody tell you differently.” And those were definitely words to live by.

  “Do you know anybody who works there?” Wesley asked him.

  “Several people,” he replied. “Dani, the co-owner, I’ve talked to her a couple times. I’ve had a friend go through here. She mentioned Dennis in the kitchen—apparently he’s quite a character. I don’t know anybody else right now, but that doesn’t mean a whole lot.” As he pointed out the window again, he said, “Look. Somebody is out riding horses.”

  Wesley shifted so that he could look outside. “Wow, I would love to get back to horseback riding.”

  “They have training here for the patients too,” the EMT offered.

  A couple people were out there. Wesley watched the woman, with her long red braid bouncing behind her, as she moved the horses at a great clip.

  “Well, if nothing else,” the paramedic added, with a big smile, “you’ll have lots of good things to look at.”

  Wesley wasn’t sure whether the EMT meant the woman or the horse. But, in truth, the two of them moved as one and looked absolutely stunning. “I used to ride like that,” Wesley muttered.

  “And you can again,” the paramedic vowed. “Don’t worry. Have a little faith, and it’ll take you a long way.”

  And, with that, they pulled into the driveway and up to the front of Hathaway House and the beginning of Wesley’s new life.

  This concludes Book 22 of Hathaway House: Victor.

  Read about Wesley: Hathaway House, Book 23

  Hathaway House: Wesley (Book #23)

  Welcome to Hathaway House. Rehab Center. Safe Haven. Second chance at life and love.

  Dealing with the loss of his right leg was one thing, but dealing with his missing left arm was more than Wesley can handle. He can hide the prosthetic leg. However, the arm is damn-near impossible to make look normal. And being normal mattered—or so he thought.