Johnny hangtime, p.11
Johnny Hangtime,
p.11
I looked at him. I could take the money. I could also spit in his face. It was my choice.
“Don’t ever treat anybody that way again,” I warned Bonner. “Whether you think they’re cool or not.”
And then I walked away.
Two Birds, One Stone made something like sixty million dollars the first weekend, and broke box-office records all over the country. Right away, Paramount started planning the sequel, Three Birds, Two Stones.
So, picture this: I’m standing on the 103rd-floor “Skydeck” of the Sears Tower in downtown Chicago. This building—the second tallest in the world—has 16,100 windows, 25,000 miles of plumbing, 2,000 miles of electrical wire, and 43,000 miles of telephone cable.
They don’t call it the Windy City for nothing. I can barely hold on up here. Below, Lake Michigan looks like an ocean. In the distance, I can see parts of Indiana, Michigan, and Wisconsin. The Skydeck is 1,353 feet above the ground.
And I’m about to jump off it.
Here’s the plot of Three Birds, Two Stones: A gang of drug dealers has taken over the Sears Tower. They’re armed, and they’ve taken positions on every tenth floor. Augusta Wind—or, I should say, Gladys Shmutz—is tied up in the lobby, and they’re planning to torture her.
I have to jump from the Skydeck with a hang glider on my back. As I corkscrew around and around the building on my way down, I’ll have to pick off the drug dealers one at a time with my machine gun. After I land, I’ll blow away the leader in the lobby and rescue Gladys.
Truly, this is the coolest gag I have ever been asked to do.
Yet, somehow, something doesn’t feel right. Ever since I met Dad at Niagara Falls, I realize, my heart hasn’t been into stunting.
It’s too late to back out now. Helicopters are in the air, hovering around the building on all sides. The crew has their cameras in position. Roland’s got his bullhorn in his hand. Mom’s got her fingers crossed. I give my harness one last yank to make sure it’s tight all around.
“Ready, Johnny?” Roland asks.
“I guess.”
“Nervous?”
“A little.”
“It’s a piece of cake,” Roland assures me. “I’ll meet you at Dairy Queen. Roll cameras!”
I take a deep breath. I’m about to lean forward off the ledge.
Suddenly, a guy with a briefcase comes running over.
“Wait!” he screams, all out of breath. “Don’t jump!”
“Stop cameras!” Roland yells. “Hold everything!”
I exhale and come back off the ledge. The guy with the briefcase rushes over to me. I recognize him as one of the Paramount lawyers. There is a teenage kid behind him.
“We’ve decided…” the Paramount guy huffs, gasping for breath, “…it’s way too dangerous…for Johnny…to be doing this gag. Especially…after what happened to Ricky Corvette. So we hired a stuntkid…to take Johnny’s place.”
“You hired somebody to do stunts in place of me?” I ask, a wave of relief sweeping over my body.
“Johnny, you’re a star now,” the lawyer explains. “The studio can’t risk something happening to you. I believe your days as a stuntkid are over.”
Well, Mom lets out this shriek of joy that could probably shatter every one of those 16,100 windows in the Sears Tower. She hugs Roland and grabs me, almost knocking the breath out of me.
“Mom! No kissing, okay?” I protest.
“Meredith,” Roland says to Mom, “perhaps this would be an opportune moment to invite you to have dinner with me this evening. I know of a marvelous steak house on Rush Street—”
“You’ve got a date, Roland,” Mom replies quickly.
The teenage kid who was with the lawyer steps forward and sticks out his hand. “Mr. Hangtime,” he says to me, “my name is Bobby Holiday. I’ve seen all your movies. Dude, you’re my idol. I’m an adrenaline junkie, and I’m totally stoked about taking your place.”
I help Bobby put on the hang glider and show him how to work the fake machine gun. Roland explains the gag to him carefully and Bobby steps out onto the ledge.
“Roll cameras!” Roland shouts.
“We’ll meet you at Pizza Hut,” I call to Bobby. He looks puzzled, and I add, “I’ll explain later.” I give Bobby the thumbs-up sign. He leans forward, pushes off with his legs, and he’s gone.
I lean over the edge of the Skydeck and watch Bobby glide around and around the building like a paper airplane, spitting out sparks of machine-gun fire as he goes. As he disappears from view, I realize that I’m not wishing it was me. And it feels good.
AFTERWARD…
Well, you can probably guess what happened with everybody afterward.
Mom: Fell in love with Roland.
Roland: Fell in love with Mom. He also decided to quit making action movies. He said being in love with Mom gave him all the endorphins he needed.
So Roland started making art films. He’s currently working on My Dinner With Andre, Part II. It’s about two guys who sit around a table talking for two hours. Mom says Roland is a genius.
Ricky Corvette: He’s getting better slowly, and it looks like he’s going to make a full recovery. Ricky’s movie-star days are over, but when I talked to him about that, I got the feeling that he was almost glad. He’s anxious to start his life over as a normal person.
Gladys Shmutz: She gave up movies entirely. She’s not sure what she’s going to do with her life yet. In the meantime, she has enrolled in public high school and says she wants to go to college. All the newspapers say we’re going steady.
Mrs. Shmutz and Ricky’s mom: Who cares? Ricky and Gladys moved out of their houses and stopped speaking to their parents.
Boris Bonner: I wouldn’t know. Every time he sees me, he crosses the street or ducks into a classroom.
Me: I’ve been living the tough life of a movie star. You know, hanging out with Gladys. Shooting a movie or making a personal appearance every once in a while. Counting the money I rake in from the Johnny Hangtime action figures, trading cards, lunch boxes, and backpacks. Buying lots of stuff I don’t need.
Dad: I’m not sure. I still have the card he gave me on the observation deck at Niagara Falls. I’ve been thinking about him just about every day lately. I think I might give him a call.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thanks to Loren James, cofounder of the Stuntmen’s Association of Motion Pictures and Television
About the Author
DAN GUTMAN is the author of many fantastic books for young readers, including the popular My Weird School series and award-winning Baseball Card Adventures. He has also written about soccer, basketball, bowling, and aliens. Thanks to his many fans who voted in their classrooms, he has received fifteen state book awards and thirty-seven state book award nominations. Dan lives in Haddonfield, New Jersey, with his wife, Nina, and their two children, Sam and Emma. You can visit him online at www.dangutman.com.
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Mr. Hynde Is Out of His Mind!
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Mrs. Kormel Is Not Normal!
Ms. Todd Is Odd!
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Mr. Macky Is Wacky!
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Baseball Card Adventures:
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Credits
Cover art © 2007 by Mark Fredrickson
Cover design by Sasha Illingworth
Copyright
JOHNNY HANGTIME. Copyright © 2000 by Dan Gutman. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
Mobipocket Reader December 2008 ISBN 978-0-06-179050-8
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Dan Gutman, Johnny Hangtime
