Mayor hubble is in troub.., p.3
Mayor Hubble Is in Trouble!,
p.3
“I can’t do this,” Neil said. “It’s wrong.”
“You’re not doing it,” Mayor Hubble said. “I’m doing it. And I’m the former mayor, so it’s okay.”
He turned the key and pushed open the door. I was afraid an alarm would go off, but it didn’t.
“Follow me,” the mayor said. “Let’s go upstairs to Andrea’s room.”
We slinked up the stairs like secret agents.
“What if we get caught?” whispered Michael.
“Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!” said Mayor Hubble.
It wasn’t hard to find Andrea’s room. It was the one with all the pink in it.
“WOW!” everybody said, which is “MOM” upside down.
The walls were pink. The bedspread was pink. The rug was pink. The stuffed animals, dolls, and other girlie girl stuff all over the place were pink. I thought I was gonna go blind from all the pinkness.
“Andrea sure wins a lot of awards,” said Alexia.
There was a bookcase filled with trophies, plaques, ribbons, and certificates with Andrea’s name all over everything.
“We should get out of here,” I said. “She might come home any second.”
“Shhhhhhhh!” said Mayor Hubble. “Look what I found!”
He was holding a book that was on the desk. The cover said ANDREA’S PRIVATE DIARY.
“I’ll bet there’s some good dirt in here,” Mayor Hubble said.
“You can’t read that!” said Michael.
“Sure I can,” said the mayor. “I’m the former mayor.”
He flipped through the pages. We all gathered around so we could look over his shoulder. Most of the pages were just boring stuff about Andrea’s dance class, Andrea’s gymnastics class, Andrea’s art class....
And then the mayor turned to a page with just three words on it. Three horrible words. The worst words in the history of the world …
I LIKE A.J.!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
“Oooooh!” Ryan said. “Andrea likes A.J. They must be in love!”
“When are you and Andrea gonna get married?” asked Michael.
“Can we get out of here now?” I asked.
I wanted to run away to Antarctica and live with the penguins.
I didn’t want to go to school the next day. I didn’t want to go to school for the rest of my life. Once word got around that Andrea wrote “I LIKE A.J.” in her diary, my life would be over anyway.
So I walked really slowly to school. If you walk slowly enough to someplace you don’t want to go, you’ll never get there. That’s the first rule of being a kid.
A big, black limo pulled up next to me.
“Pssssssssst!” said Mayor Hubble as he rolled down the window. “Hop in!”
As we rode to school, he pointed to all the yard signs that people had put up on their front lawns: VOTE FOR ANDREA. VOTE FOR A.J.
“I have a job for you,” the mayor told me. “You need to take down all the Vote for Andrea signs and replace them with Vote for Mayor Hubble signs.”
“Isn’t that stealing?” I asked.
“No, don’t be silly,” the mayor said, “it’s borrowing. It’s sort of like borrowing a book from the library. After the election you can give the signs back.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “It seems kind of wrong to me.”
“Look,” said the mayor, “the election is tomorrow. I thought you said you wanted to beat Andrea.”
“I do.”
“I thought you wanted to humiliate her.”
“I do!”
“I thought you wanted her to wish she had never been born.”
“I do!!”
“Well, if you want to win the election, A.J., you need to take down Andrea’s yard signs,” said the mayor. “We didn’t dig up any good dirt on her. This is the only way.”
“Okay.” I sighed. “If you say so.”
“Good boy,” said Mayor Hubble as he handed me a bunch of VOTE FOR MAYOR HUBBLE signs.
After dinner that night I told my parents I was going over to Ryan’s house to check our homework. But I didn’t go to Ryan’s house. I grabbed the VOTE FOR MAYOR HUBBLE signs and went out looking for some VOTE FOR ANDREA signs.
It was getting dark outside. I was slinking around the neighborhood like a secret agent. It was cool. At the first house I came to, there were two signs on the front lawn. One said VOTE FOR ANDREA and the other said VOTE FOR A.J.
I started pulling the VOTE FOR ANDREA sign out of the ground. And you’ll never believe in a million hundred guesses who tapped me on the shoulder at that moment.
It was Andrea!
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!” I shouted.
She was holding an armful of VOTE FOR MAYOR HUBBLE yard signs, just like I was.
“Arlo, what are you doing here?” she asked.
“I’m taking away your yard signs,” I told her. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to take away your yard signs!” she said. “Who told you to do this?”
“Mayor Hubble,” I told Andrea. “He told me to take down your signs and replace them with Vote for Mayor Hubble signs.”
“That’s strange,” said Andrea. “He told me to take down your signs and replace them with Vote for Mayor Hubble signs too!”
Andrea and I looked at each other for a second.
“You mean Mayor Hubble is helping you win the election?” I asked Andrea.
“Yes!”
“Mayor Hubble has been helping you win the election too?” Andrea asked me.
“Yeah!” I said. “He told me he would help me win if I told all the parents to vote for him.”
“That’s the same thing he told me!” said Andrea. “So no matter which of us wins, it will be good for Mayor Hubble!”
She looked really mad.
“Mayor Hubble is in trouble,” she said.
Finally, it was Election Day. There was a ballot box for each grade in the front hallway so kids could vote before going to class.
“Good luck, man,” said Michael.
“I hope you win,” said Neil the nude kid.
“It’s in the bag, A.J.,” said Ryan.
“What’s in the bag?” I asked. “You don’t even have a bag.”
After I voted (for myself, of course), I went to the boy’s bathroom and put on a fake nose and glasses I brought from home. Then I went back to the table with the ballot boxes.
“My name is Bob,” I said. “I’d like to vote in the third-grade election.”
“Certainly,” said the mom behind the ballot box.
After I voted (for myself again, of course), I went back to the boy’s bathroom and put on the Batman costume that was in my backpack. Then I went back to the table.
“My name is Batman,” I said. “I’d like to vote in the third-grade election.”
“Thanks for voting!” said the mom as she handed me another ballot.
I must have voted for myself at least ten times. At that point I ran out of disguises and walked down the hall to class. That’s when Andrea stopped me in the hallway.
“I just wanted to say good luck, Arlo,” she said, “even though I hope you lose.”
“I hope you lose too,” I told Andrea. “So good luck losing.”
I was about to walk away, but I stopped.
“Hey Andrea,” I said, “can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, Arlo. What is it?”
“I just wanted to know,” I said, looking at my feet, “do you like me?”
I knew I shouldn’t have said it. As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted to stuff them back inside. But it was too late.
Andrea didn’t answer for like a million hundred seconds. It was so quiet. It was like we were in an underground cave, and all the other humans had been eaten by zombies.
And then Andrea said those three little words.
“Of course not,” she said. “I can’t stand you.”
“Well, I can’t stand you either,” I told her.
“Okay, then we’re in agreement,” Andrea said. “May the better candidate win.”
I didn’t say anything else to her as we walked down the hall to class.
After we pledged the allegiance and did Word of the Day, the whole third grade was called to the all-purpose room to find out who won the election.
When we got there, there was electricity in the air. Well, not really. If there was electricity in the air, we would all die.
I spotted Mayor Hubble sitting in the front row. He winked at me. Mr. Klutz climbed up on the stage and made the shut-up victory peace sign. Everybody stopped talking. He took a sheet of paper out of his pocket.
“I hope this election helped you kids learn how democracy works,” Mr. Klutz told us. “You picked your candidates. You watched them campaign. You listened to them debate. You voted. And now the votes have been counted, and it’s time to reveal the results. The president of the third grade is …”
I’m not gonna tell you.
Okay okay, I’ll tell you. But you have to read the next chapter. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you!
Mr. Klutz was about to announce the winner of the election. We were all on pins and needles.
Well, not really. That would hurt.
“The president of the third grade is … NOBODY!”
“Gasp!” everybody gasped.
“Nobody?” I yelled.
“I’m sorry,” said Mr. Klutz, “but A.J. and Andrea have both been disqualified.”
“Why?” everybody was asking.
“I have been informed that Mayor Hubble was helping both of them,” said Mr. Klutz. “Officer Spence, arrest that man!”
Our security guard, Officer Spence, came running over to Mayor Hubble.
“You’re under arrest!” he said as he slapped a pair of handcuffs on the mayor.
“On what charge?” demanded Mayor Hubble.
“Trespassing, stealing yard signs, contributing to the delinquency of minors …”
“B-but …,” said Mayor Hubble.
Everybody started giggling because the mayor said “but,” which sounds just like “butt” except it’s missing a t.*
“That’s not fair!” Mayor Hubble yelled as Officer Spence dragged him away. “I’m not a crook, I tell you! I’m an honest man! I want my lawyer!”
After Mr. Klutz made the shut-up victory peace sign and everybody calmed down, the teachers went around passing out slips of paper and pencils to all the kids.
“We’re going to have a runoff election to determine the president of the third grade,” Mr. Klutz told us. “You can vote for anyone you want, as long as it’s not A.J. or Andrea.”
Andrea was upset that she was disqualified, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be president anyway. I just didn’t want her to be president.
We all voted again, and the teachers collected the slips of paper. It took about a million hundred hours for them to count up all the votes. Finally, Mr. Klutz went back to the microphone.
“The winner of the runoff election, and the president of the third grade is …,” he said, “… Mr. Wiggles? Who’s Mr. Wiggles?”
WHAT?!
Neil the nude kid’s pet ferret was the president of the third grade? Everybody was hooting and hollering.
Neil was told to go get Mr. Wiggles. He went running to class and came back with Mr. Wiggles in his cage.
“Hooray for Mr. Wiggles!” we started chanting. “Hooray for Mr. Wiggles!”
Neil took Mr. Wiggles out of his cage and held him up in the air so we could all see him. Everybody went crazy. It was really loud.
“Hooray for Mr. Wiggles!”
That’s when the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened. Mr. Wiggles must have been really excited about winning the election, because he started doing his weasel war dance and jumped out of Neil’s hands!
And then, after winning the runoff election, Mr. Wiggles ran off! He hopped down from the stage and headed straight for the front row.
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!” somebody shouted. “There’s a wild ferret on the loose!”
“Help!”
“Run for your lives!”
Kids were screaming, yelling, crying, clawing each other, and knocking each other over to get out of the way. You should have been there.
All in all, it sure made for an exciting Election Day! Maybe Neil will find Mr. Wiggles. Maybe grown-ups will stop saying “Blah blah blah blah.” Maybe Andrea will invite me to her birthday party. Maybe people will stop running into doors. Maybe we’ll go on a field trip to see the new Batman movie. Maybe people will stop talking about stumps all the time. Maybe Alexia will realize she is a fictional character. Maybe ladies will stop sticking babies in my face. Maybe I’ll make a Mother’s Day card for my mom next year. Maybe the guys will stop saying I love Andrea. Maybe Mayor Hubble will find a way to get out of jail again.
But it won’t be easy!
About the Author and Illustrator
Nina Wallace
Dan Gutman has written many weird books for kids. He lives in New Jersey (a very weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. You can visit him on his weird website at www.dangutman.com.
Jim Paillot lives in Arizona (another weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn’t that weird? You can visit him on his weird website at www.jimpaillot.com.
Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors and artists.
Credits
Cover art © 2012 by Jim Paillot
Copyright
My Weirder School #6: Mayor Hubble Is in Trouble!
Text copyright © 2012 by Dan Gutman
Illustrations copyright © 2012 by Jim Paillot
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
ISBN 978-0-06-204213-2 (lib. bdg.) — ISBN 978-0-06-204212-5 (pbk.)
EPub Edition © JUNE 2012 ISBN: 9780062042149
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First Edition
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* What does any of this have to do with Mayor Hubble?
* That’s grown-up talk for “What are you doing here?”
* That’s a prize they give out to people who don’t have bells.
* Okay, okay, I promise there won’t be any more stump jokes.
* But not really. You should mop the floor with a mop. Mopping the floor with a person is weird.
* Grown-ups get mad when you say “butt.” Nobody knows why.
Dan Gutman, Mayor Hubble Is in Trouble!
