Mr docker is off his roc.., p.3
Mr. Docker Is Off His Rocker!,
p.3
Lately, I’d noticed, Mr. Docker wasn’t giving us very good answers. It was like he was getting sick of hearing our why questions.
Miss Lazar, the custodian, came into the science room with a big ladder.
“Hooray for Miss Lazar!” everyone chanted.
Mr. Docker handed Miss Lazar a bowling ball with a rope attached to it. She went up the ladder and tied the rope to the ceiling, so the bowling ball hung down.
“Duty calls,” said Miss Lazar, and she left. We all laughed, because Miss Lazar said “duty” and it sounds just like “doody.”
“This is a pendulum,” said Mr. Docker.
He took the bowling ball and walked backward, pulling the bowling ball with him. Then he put the ball against his nose.
“What do you think will happen if I let go of this pendulum?” he asked.
“It will swing across the room and come back and smash you in the head,” Ryan said.
“Let’s do the experiment and find out,” said Mr. Docker.
“No! Don’t!” we all shouted, but Mr. Docker let go of the ball anyway.
“Eeeeeeek!” all the girls shouted as the bowling ball swung across the room.
“Get out of the way!” shouted Michael.
Mr. Docker just stood there!
“We’ve got to do something!” shouted Emily.
She was right. The bowling ball was heading back to Mr. Docker, straight for his head! I had to act fast!
I remembered my Pee Wee football training. At the last possible second, I jumped up and tackled Mr. Docker. He fell backward. We crashed into the skeleton in the corner. Bones went flying everywhere and the skeleton was destroyed, but I had saved Mr. Docker’s life. All those football practices paid off!
“Why did you do that, A.J.?” Mr. Docker asked as we were lying on the floor.
“I didn’t want the bowling ball to hit you in the face,” I said.
“It wasn’t going to hit me,” Mr. Docker said. “A swinging pendulum loses energy because of gravity and air resistance. That’s what I was trying to show.”
“Oh,” I said. “Sorry.”
Maybe he was right, but if you ask me, a grown man shouldn’t stand in front of a moving bowling ball.
9
Spying on Mr. Docker
Spying on people is cool. My sister, Amy, and I spy on our parents all the time. We tiptoe around and hide behind the furniture so we can write down their conversations. I always hope to hear good secrets, but all my parents ever talk about is whose turn it is to take out the garbage and stuff like that. They’re the most boring parents in the history of the world.
On Saturday me, Michael, Andrea, and Emily rode our bikes to Ryan’s house. Ryan was all ready. He had sunglasses for all of us, because spies always wear sunglasses. He had his milk carton periscope. Ryan even had one of his famous stink bombs.
“Okay,” he said, “let’s synchronize our potato clock.”
“What does that mean?” Emily asked.
“I don’t know,” Ryan said. “But they always synchronize their watches in spy movies.”
We tiptoed down the street to Mr. Docker’s house. It looked pretty normal. You would never know a mad scientist lived there.
We hid behind a tree across the street. Ryan looked in the periscope.
“Can you see anything?” Andrea asked.
“No.”
“Maybe he’s not home,” said Emily. “We should go.”
“Let’s get closer,” I said.
We tiptoed across the street and sneaked up Mr. Docker’s driveway.
“If he comes home right now, we’ll be in big trouble,” Emily said.
“Don’t be a baby,” I said. “Come on. Let’s peek in the window.”
I looked in the window. I was hoping to see Mr. Docker swapping brains with someone, but there was nobody inside.
“He’s not home,” Andrea said. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Oops.”
I turned around. Ryan dropped the stink bomb in the middle of Mr. Docker’s driveway! It broke open and the stink got out.
“Ewww, it’s disgusting!” Andrea said, holding her nose.
“Ugh, I think I’m gonna die,” I said.
I didn’t think things could get any worse, but they did. Suddenly the garage door opened!
Mr. Docker was standing there!
He had a knife in his hand!
We all screamed!
“He’s crazy!” Andrea shouted. “Run for your life!”
10
The Spudmobile
That crazy mad scientist Mr. Docker was four feet away, and he was holding a big, sharp knife. I looked at Ryan. Ryan looked at Michael. Michael looked at me. Andrea and Emily ran away.
“Are you going to swap our b-b-brains?” I asked Mr. Docker.
“What are you d-d-doing with that knife?” asked Ryan.
“I’m peeling potatoes,” Mr. Docker said. “What’s that smell?”
“I made a stink bomb,” Ryan said.
“Excellent!” said Mr. Docker. “I’m glad you’re doing science projects at home. Welcome to my laboratory.”
We looked around Mr. Docker’s garage. It was filled with lots of test tubes, jars of chemicals, and other stuff. But the thing that stood out was his car. It didn’t have a metal covering like a normal car. The whole thing was covered with…potatoes!
“What’s that?” Michael asked.
“You’re just in time,” Mr. Docker said. “I’ve been working on it for months and it’s finally done. Behold the Spudmobile!”
The car was covered with rows and rows of potatoes. Each potato had wires attached to it that went to the engine. It was the weirdest-looking car I ever saw.
“You built a car powered by potatoes?” Ryan asked.
“It can also run on pickles,” Mr. Docker replied. “But I thought a Picklemobile would sound silly. Do you want a ride?”
“Sure!” we said as we climbed in.
“It has that new potato car smell,” said Michael.
“What kind of mileage does this thing get?” asked Ryan, who knows a lot about cars.
“About five miles per potato,” said Mr. Docker.
He turned the key. The engine started up with a quiet hum. Mr. Docker pulled out of the driveway. It really worked!
“Maybe someday all cars will run on potatoes,” Mr. Docker said. “They won’t have gas stations anymore. They’ll have potato stations.”
“And if you’re out driving and you get hungry,” I said, “you can eat your car.”
“The possibilities are endless!” said Mr. Docker. “We could heat our houses with potatoes! Someday we’ll have potato-powered computers and TV sets.”
“They could have potato-powered toys,” I suggested. “Potatoes not included.”
Mr. Docker let out one of his cackling laughs. That’s when I realized that he’s not an evil mad scientist at all. Mr. Docker is the coolest nerd in the history of the world!
We turned the corner, and there were Andrea and Emily on the sidewalk. They were staring at the potato car with their mouths wide open, like they were looking at a ghost.
“Check it out!” Ryan shouted out the window. “We’re riding in the Spudmobile!”
“Power to the potato!” shouted Michael.
“Nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you!” I shouted.
11
My Buzzing, Bubbling Brain
I could hardly sleep that night. My brain wouldn’t stop thinking about Mr. Docker and his amazing potato car. Lots of why questions were buzzing around in my head. I decided that science isn’t nerdy after all. Science is cool! I don’t want to be a football player anymore. When I grow up, I want to be a scientist like Mr. Docker.
By the time I got to school, my brain was bubbling over with why questions.
“Miss Daisy,” I asked as soon as she walked in the class, “why do some people have curly hair and other people have straight hair? Why is grass green? Why is it called a pair of pants when you only have one of them?”
“I have no idea,” said Miss Daisy, who doesn’t know anything. “I’m surprised to hear you asking all these questions, A.J. Didn’t you say science was for nerds?”
“Cool nerds,” I said.
“We have science this morning,” she said. “Maybe Mr. Docker can answer your questions.”
I couldn’t wait to get to the science room. Mr. Docker was in there, eating potato salad.
“Mr. Docker,” I asked. “Why don’t eggs break under a chicken? How come heavy boats can float but light rocks sink? Do cats have belly buttons?”
“Whoa!” said Mr. Docker. “Slow down, A.J.!”
“Why does my dad have hair growing out of his ears?” I asked. “How do microwave ovens work? What would happen if I dropped a watermelon off the Empire State Building?”
“A.J., I think I’m getting a headache,” said Mr. Docker.
“Where do babies come from, Mr. Docker? Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable? Why is water wet? How many toothpicks can you make out of one tree?”
“That’s enough, A.J.!” said Mr. Docker.
“Why do clocks go clockwise, Mr. Docker?” I asked. “Why do leaves change color? Why is ice slippery? If you don’t milk a cow, will the cow explode?”
“Stop, A.J.!” shouted Mr. Docker.
“Why are bubbles round, Mr. Docker? Why do we sneeze? What’s the difference between jelly and jam? How come when cartoon characters run off cliffs, they don’t fall right away? Why do grown-ups like vegetables? How come some people can roll their tongues and other people can’t? Where did Mr. Klutz’s hair go? Why does the moon look bigger than the sun?”
“I can’t take it anymore!” Mr. Docker shouted.
Then he ran out of the room. His head wasn’t even on fire, but it was cool anyway.
12
The Worst Moment of My Life
We had to let Andrea sit with us in the vomitorium because I was still being nice to her. My mom packed me a jelly sandwich because it was meat loaf day and I hate meat loaf.
“I love meat loaf,” said Andrea. “It goes so well with mashed potatoes.”
What a waste, I thought, looking at Andrea’s mashed potatoes. Those potatoes could be powering someone’s car or washing machine.
Suddenly Mr. Klutz came running into the vomitorium.
“Has anybody seen Mr. Docker?” asked Mr. Klutz. “He ran away again.”
Everybody looked at me.
“A.J. drove him crazy,” said Andrea, the big tattletale. “He asked Mr. Docker so many why questions that he went running out of the room.”
“It’s not my fault!” I said. “Mr. Docker was crazy long before I got to him.”
“It is too your fault!”
“Is not!”
We went back and forth like that for a while. Finally I got sick of listening to Andrea. I scooped up some of her mashed potatoes and mashed them right on top of her head! Ha-ha-ha!
“Eeeeeek!” Andrea screamed. “I’m covered in potatoes!”
“So is your face!” I yelled.
Andrea got up and stood on her chair.
“Hey everybody!” she yelled. “I have an announcement. I know what A.J. stands for. A.J. stands for…Arlo Jervis!”
No!
She said it! I couldn’t believe she actually said it! Out loud!
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do. I had to think fast.
So I did the only thing I could do. I ran out of the vomitorium. I ran out of the school. I ran home.
And that’s where I’m going to stay for the rest of my life.
Maybe after a million hundred years go by, everybody will forget that A.J. stands for Arlo Jervis. Maybe then I’ll be able to go back to school and face my friends again. Maybe then I’ll be able to return to a normal life.
But it won’t be easy!
Acknowledgments
Thanks to “Science Bob” Pflugfelder for some ideas in this book.
About the Author and the Illustrator
DAN GUTMAN has written many weird books for kids. Dan lives in New Jersey (a very weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. You can visit him on his weird website at www.dangutman.com
JIM PAILLOT lives in Arizona (another weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn’t that weird? You can visit him on his weird website at www.jimpaillot.com
Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.
Credits
Cover art © 2006 by Jim Paillot
Copyright
MY WEIRD SCHOOL #10: MR. DOCKER IS OFF HIS ROCKER!. Text copyright © 2006 by Dan Gutman. Illustrations copyright © 2006 by Jim Paillot. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
EPub © Edition SEPTEMBER 2008 ISBN: 9780061973307
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Dan Gutman, Mr. Docker Is Off His Rocker!
