“Can you forgive me?”

  “Oh, Andrew.” She felt herself weakening.

  “I’d go on my knees if it would help.”

  The tears felt locked in her throat. “No, that isn’t necessary.”

  He relaxed as if a great burden had been lifted from his shoulders. “Thank you.”

  Neither moved, wanting to prolong this tender moment. When Andrew spoke it was like the whisper of a gentle breeze and she had to strain to hear him.

  “When I first came out here you looked like a blue sapphire silhouetted in the moonlight. And I was thinking that if it were in my power, I’d weave golden moonbeams into your hair.”

  “Have you always been so poetic?”

  His mouth curved upward in a slow, sensuous smile. “No.” His eyes were filled with an undisguised hunger as he studied her. Ever so slowly, he raised his hand and placed it at the side of her neck.

  The tender touch of his fingers against her soft skin caused a tingling sensation to race down her spine. The feeling was akin to pain. Jo Marie loved this man as she would never love again and he was promised to another woman.

  “Jo Marie,” he whispered and his warm breath fanned her mouth. “There’s mistletoe here. Let me kiss you.”

  There wasn’t, of course, but Jo Marie was unable to pull away. She nodded her acquiescence. “One last time.” She hadn’t meant to verbalize her thoughts.

  He brought her into his arms and she moistened her lips anticipating the hungry exploration of his mouth over hers. But she was to be disappointed. Andrew’s lips lightly moved over hers like the gentle brush of the spring sun on a hungry earth. Gradually the kiss deepened as he worked his way from one corner of her mouth to another—again like the earth long starved from summer’s absence.

  “I always knew it would be like this for us, Florence Nightingale,” he whispered against her hair. “Even when I couldn’t find you, I felt a part of myself would never be the same.”

  “I did too. I nearly gave up dating.”

  “I thought I’d go crazy. You were so close all these months and yet I couldn’t find you.”

  “But you did.” Pressing her hands against the strong cushion of his chest she created a space between them. “And now it’s too late.”

  Andrew’s eyes darkened as he seemed to struggle within himself. “Jo Marie.” A thick frown marred his face.

  “Shh.” She pressed her fingertips against his lips. “Don’t try to explain. I understand and I’ve accepted it. For a long time it hurt so much that I didn’t think I’d be able to bear it. But I can and I will.”

  His hand circled her wrist and he closed his eyes before kissing the tips of her fingers. “There’s so much I want to explain and can’t.”

  “I know.” With his arm holding her close, Jo Marie felt a deep sense of peace surround her. “I’d never be the kind of wife you need. Your position demands a woman with culture and class. I’m proud to be an Early and proud of my family, but I’m not right for you.”

  The grip on her wrist tightened. “Is that what you think?” The frustrated anger in his voice was barely suppressed. “Do you honestly believe that?”

  “Yes,” she answered him boldly. “I’m at peace within myself. I have no regrets. You’ve touched my heart and a part of me will never be the same. How can I regret having loved you? It’s not within me.”

  He dropped her hand and turned from her, his look a mixture of angry torment. “You honestly think I should marry Kelly.”

  It would devastate Mark, but her brother would need to find his own peace. “Or someone like her.” She removed his suit jacket from her shoulders and handed it back to him, taking care to avoid touching him. “Thank you,” she whispered with a small catch to her soft voice. Unable to resist any longer, she raised her hand and traced his jaw. Very lightly, she brushed her mouth over his. “Goodbye, Andrew.”

  He reached out his hand in an effort to stop her, but she slipped past him. It took her only a moment to collect her shawl. Within a matter of minutes, she was out the front door and on her way back to the apartment. Mark would never miss her.

  * * *

  —

  Jo Marie spent Sunday with her family, returning late that evening when she was assured Kelly was asleep. Lying in bed, studying the darkness around her, Jo Marie realized that she’d said her final goodbye to Andrew. Continuing to see him would only make it difficult for them both. Avoiding him had never succeeded, not when she yearned for every opportunity to be with him. The best solution would be to leave completely. Kelly would be moving out soon and Jo Marie couldn’t afford to pay the rent on her own. The excuse would be a convenient one although Kelly was sure to recognize it for what it was.

  After work Monday afternoon, before she headed for the LFTF office, Jo Marie stopped off at the hospital, hoping to talk to Mark. With luck, she might be able to convince her brother to let her move in with him. But only until she could find another apartment and another roommate.

  Julie Frazier, the nurse who worked with both Kelly and Mark, was at the nurses’ station on the surgical floor when Jo Marie arrived.

  “Hi,” she greeted cheerfully. “I don’t suppose you know where Mark is?”

  Julie glanced up from a chart she was reading. “He’s in the doctors’ lounge having a cup of coffee.”

  “Great. I’ll talk to you later.” With her shoes making clicking sounds against the polished floor, Jo Marie mused that her timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Now all she needed was to find her brother in a good mood.

  The doctors’ lounge was at the end of the hall and was divided into two sections. The front part contained a sofa and a couple of chairs. A small kitchen area was behind that. The sound of Mark’s and Kelly’s voices stopped Jo Marie just inside the lounge.

  “You can leave,” Mark was saying in a tight, pained voice. “Believe me I have no intention of crying on your shoulder.”

  “I didn’t come here for that,” Kelly argued softly.

  Jo Marie hesitated, unsure of what she should do. She didn’t want to interrupt their conversation, which seemed intense, nor did she wish to intentionally stay and listen in either.

  “That case with the Randolph girl is still bothering you, isn’t it?” Kelly demanded.

  “No, I did everything I could. You know that.”

  “But it wasn’t enough, was it?”

  Jo Marie had to bite her tongue not to interrupt Kelly. It wasn’t like her roommate to be unnecessarily cruel. Jo Marie vividly recalled her brother’s doubts after the young child’s death. It had been just before Thanksgiving and Mark had agonized that he had lost her.

  “No,” Mark shouted, “it wasn’t enough.”

  “And now you’re going to lose the Rickard boy.” Kelly’s voice softened perceptively.

  Fleetingly Jo Marie wondered if this child was the one Kelly had mentioned who was dying of cancer.

  “I’ve known that from the first.” Mark’s tone contained the steel edge of anger.

  “Yes, but it hasn’t gotten any easier, has it?”

  “Listen, Kelly, I know what you’re trying to do, but it isn’t going to work.”

  “Mark,” Kelly murmured his name on a sigh, “sometimes you are so blind.”

  “Maybe it’s because I feel so inadequate. Maybe it’s because I’m haunted with the fact that there might have been something more I could have done.”

  “But there isn’t, don’t you see?” Kelly’s voice had softened as if her pain was Mark’s. “Now won’t you tell me what’s really bothering you?”

  “Maybe it’s because I don’t like the odds with Tommy. His endless struggle against pain. The deck was stacked against him from the beginning and now he hasn’t got a bettor’s edge. In the end, death will win.”

  “And you’ll have lost, and every loss is a personal one.”

  Jo Marie didn’t feel that she could eavesdrop any longer. Silently she slipped from the room.

  The conversation between Mark and Kelly played back in her mind as she drove toward the office and Jim. Mark would have serious problems as a doctor unless he came to terms with these feelings. Kelly had recognized that and had set personal relationships aside to help Mark settle these doubts within himself. He’d been angry with her and would probably continue to be until he fully understood what she was doing.

  Luckily Jo Marie found a parking space within sight of the office. With Christmas just a few days away the area had become more crowded and finding parking was almost impossible.

  Her thoughts were heavy as she climbed from the passenger’s side and locked her door. Just as she turned to look both ways before crossing the street she caught a glimpse of the dark blue Mercedes. A cold chill raced up her spine. Andrew was inside talking to Jim.

  Nine

  “Is everything all right?” Wearily Jo Marie eyed Jim, looking for a telltale mannerism that would reveal the reason for Andrew’s visit. She’d avoided bumping into him by waiting in a small antiques shop across the street from the foundation. After he’d gone, she sauntered around for several additional minutes to be certain he was out of the neighborhood. Once assured it was safe, she crossed the street to the foundation’s office.

  “Should anything be wrong?” Jim lifted two thick brows in question.

  “You tell me. I saw Andrew Beaumont’s car parked outside.”

  “Ah, yes.” Jim paused and smiled fleetingly. “And that concerns you?”

  “No.” She shook her head determinedly. “All right, yes!” She wasn’t going to be able to fool Jim, who was an excellent judge of human nature.

  A smile worked its way across his round face. “He came to meet the rest of the staff at my invitation. The LFTF Foundation is deeply indebted to your friend.”

  “My friend?”

  Jim chuckled. “Neither one of you has been successful at hiding your feelings. Yes, my dear, sweet Jo Marie, your friend.”

  Any argument died on her tongue.

  “Would you care for a cup of coffee?” Jim asked, walking across the room and filling a Styrofoam cup for her.

  Jo Marie smiled her appreciation as he handed it to her and sat on the edge of her desk, crossing his arms. “Beaumont and I had quite a discussion.”

  “And?” Jo Marie didn’t bother to disguise her curiosity.

  The phone rang before Jim could answer her. Jim reached for it and spent the next ten minutes in conversation. Jo Marie did her best to keep occupied, but her thoughts were doing a crazy tailspin. Andrew was here on business. She wouldn’t believe it.

  “Well?” Jo Marie questioned the minute Jim replaced the receiver.

  His expression was empty for a moment. “Are we back to Beaumont again?”

  “I don’t mean to pry,” Jo Marie said with a rueful smile, “but I’d really like to know why he was here.”

  Jim was just as straightforward. “Are you in love with him?”

  Miserably, Jo Marie nodded. “A lot of good it’s done either of us. Did he mention me?”

  A wry grin twisted Jim’s mouth. “Not directly, but he wanted to know my intentions.”

  “He didn’t!” Jo Marie was aghast at such audacity.

  Chuckling, Jim shook his head. “No, he came to ask me about the foundation and pick up some of our literature. He’s a good man, Jo Marie.”

  She studied the top of the desk and typewriter keys. “I know.”

  “He didn’t mention you directly, but I think he would have liked to. I had the feeling he was frustrated and concerned about you working here so many nights, especially in this neighborhood.”

  “He needn’t worry, you escort me to my car or wait at the bus stop until the bus arrives.”

  Jim made busy work with his hands. “I had the impression that Beaumont is deeply in love with you. If anything happened to you while under my protection, he wouldn’t take it lightly.”

  Even hours later when Jo Marie stepped into the apartment the echo of Jim’s words hadn’t faded. Andrew was concerned for her safety and was deeply in love with her. But it was all so useless that she refused to be comforted.

  Kelly was sitting up, a blanket wrapped around her legs and torso as she paid close attention to a television Christmas special.

  “Hi, how’d it go tonight?” Kelly greeted, briefly glancing from the screen.

  Her roommate looked pale and slightly drawn, but Jo Marie attributed that to the conversation she’d overheard between her brother and her roommate. She wanted to ask how everything was at the hospital, but doubted that she could adequately disguise her interest.

  “Tonight…oh, everything went as it usually does…fine.”

  “Good.” Kelly’s answer was absentminded, her look pinched.

  “Are you feeling all right, Kell?”

  Softly, she shook her head. “I’ve got another stomachache.”

  “Fever?”

  “None to speak of. I think I might be coming down with the flu.”

  Tilting her head to one side, Jo Marie mused that Kelly had been unnaturally pale lately. But again she had attributed that to painfully tense times they’d all been through in the past few weeks.

  “You know, one advantage of having a brother in the medical profession is that he’s willing to make house calls.”

  Kelly glanced her way, then turned back to the television. “No, it’s nothing to call Mark about.”

  But Kelly didn’t sound as convincing as Jo Marie would have liked. With a shrug, she went into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of milk.

  “Want one?” She raised her glass to Kelly for inspection.

  “No thanks,” Kelly murmured and unsuccessfully tried to disguise a wince. “In fact, I think I’ll head for bed. I’ll be fine in the morning, so don’t worry about me.”

  But Jo Marie couldn’t help doing just that. Little things about Kelly hadn’t made sense in a long time—like staying home because of an argument with Mark. Kelly wasn’t a shy, fledgling nurse. She’d stood her ground with Mark more than once. Even her behavior at the Christmas parties had been peculiar. Nor was Kelly a shrinking violet, yet she’d behaved like one. Obviously it was all an act. But her reasons remained unclear.

  In the morning, Kelly announced that she was going to take a day of sick leave. Jo Marie studied her friend with worried eyes. Twice during the morning she phoned to see how Kelly was doing.

  “Fine,” Kelly answered impatiently the second time. “Listen, I’d probably be able to get some decent rest if I didn’t have to get up and answer the phone every fifteen minutes.”

  In spite of her friend’s testiness, Jo Marie chuckled. “I’ll try to restrain myself for the rest of the day.”

  “That would be greatly appreciated.”

  “Do you want me to bring you something back for dinner?”

  “No,” she answered emphatically. “Food sounds awful.”

  Mark breezed into the office around noon, surprising Jo Marie. Sitting on the corner of her desk, he dangled one foot as she finished a telephone conversation.

  “Business must be slow if you’ve got time to be dropping in here,” she said, replacing the receiver.

  “I come to take you to lunch and you’re complaining?”

  “You’ve come to ask about Kelly?” She wouldn’t hedge. The time for playing games had long passed.

  “Oh?” Briefly he arched a brow in question. “Is that so?”

  “She’s got the flu. There, I just saved you the price of lunch.” Jo Marie couldn’t disguise her irritation.

  “You didn’t save me the price of anything,” Mark returned lazily. “I was going to let you treat.”

  Unable to remain angry with her brother for long, Jo Marie joined him in a nearby café a few minutes later, but neither of them mentioned Kelly again. By unspoken agreement, Kelly, Andrew, and Kelly’s unexpected resignation were never mentioned.

  Jo Marie’s minestrone soup and turkey sandwich arrived and she unwrapped the silverware from the paper napkin. “How would you feel about a roommate for a while?” Jo Marie broached the subject tentatively.

  “Male or female?” Dusky dark eyes so like her own twinkled with mischief.

  “This may surprise you—female.”

  Mark laid his sandwich aside. “I’ll admit my interest has been piqued.”

  “You may not be as keen once you find out that it’s me.”

  “You?”

  “Well I’m going to have to find someplace else to move sooner or later and—”

  “And you’re interested in the sooner,” he interrupted.

  “Yes.” She wouldn’t mention her reasons, but Mark was astute enough to figure it out for himself.

  Peeling open his sandwich, Mark removed a thin slice of tomato and set it on the beige plate. “As long as you do the laundry, clean, and do all the cooking I won’t object.”

  A smile hovered at the edges of her mouth. “Your generosity overwhelms me, brother dearest.”

  “Let me know when you’re ready and I’ll help you cart your things over.”

  “Thanks, Mark.”

  Briefly he looked up from his meal and grinned. “What are big brothers for?”

  Andrew’s car was in the apartment parking lot when Jo Marie stepped off the bus that evening after work. The darkening sky convinced her that waiting outside for him to leave would likely result in a drenching. Putting aside her fears, she squared her shoulders and tucked her hands deep within her pockets. When Kelly was home she usually didn’t keep the door locked so Jo Marie was surprised to discover that it was. While digging through her purse, she was even more surprised to hear loud voices from the other side of the door.

  “This has to stop,” Andrew was arguing. “And soon.”