Her hands trembled as she slid off the stool. Wordlessly she turned and walked out of the lounge. She made it as far as the elevator before she felt her entire body start to shake.

  The penthouse was dark. Very dark. Even the million lights of the city couldn’t illuminate the room. Leaning against the door, Caasi heaved her shoulders in a long, shuddering sigh. She’d had too much to drink that night, far more than normal. That was what was wrong. Not Edie. Not Blake. Not even her. Only the alcohol.

  Undressing, she pulled the long satin gown over her head. Accidentally, her hand hit against her abdomen and she paused, inhaling deeply. Lightly her fingers traced her breasts, then fell lifelessly to her sides as she hung her head in defeat.

  “I am a woman,” she whispered. “I am a woman,” she repeated, and fell across the bed.

  Chapter Two

  Caasi’s head throbbed the next morning when the alarm rang. She rolled over and moaned. She’d made a complete idiot of herself the night before. She couldn’t believe that she’d actually suggested that Blake dance with her. Heavens, she hadn’t been on a dance floor since her college days. The temptation was to bury her head under a pillow and go back to sleep, but the meeting with Pacific Contractors was scheduled for that morning, plus a labor-relations conference for that afternoon.

  Laurie, the paragon of virtue who served as Caasi’s assistant, was already at her desk when Caasi arrived.

  “Morning,” Caasi greeted her crisply.

  “Schuster’s been on the phone twice. He said it’s important.” Laurie held out several pink message slips.

  Caasi groaned inwardly. Every time Schuster phoned it was important. She didn’t want to deal with him. Not today. Not ever, if she could help it.

  “Is Mr. Sherrill in yet?” Caasi would give the pesky troublemaker to Blake to handle. He’d deal with Schuster quickly and efficiently. Then she remembered that she’d given Blake the rest of the week off.

  “He’s been in and out,” Laurie announced, following Caasi into the inner office. “He left something on your desk.”

  A silver tray with a large pot and cup rested on the clean surface of her desk. Beside the cup was a large bottle of aspirin. Caasi managed just a hint of a smile.

  “Thanks, Laurie,” she murmured, and waited until the short, plump woman left the office.

  A folded piece of paper lay on the tray beside the aspirin. Slowly, Caasi picked it up, her heart hammering. A single note and her heart was reacting more to that than any profit-and-loss statement.

  The large, bold handwriting matched the man. How often had she read his messages and not noticed that his penmanship personified him? The note read: Thought you could use these this morning. B.

  Caasi realized that she could. After snapping the cap off the bottle, she shook two tablets into the palm of her hand and poured the steaming coffee into the cup. She lifted her hand to touch the chestnut hair gathered primly at the base of her neck as she lazily walked across the carpet.

  Everything last night hadn’t been a fluke. Edie had raised questions that Caasi had long refused to voice. She was a woman, with a woman’s desires and a woman’s needs. Home, husband, children—these were things she had conveniently shelved. Seeing June and Edie happily married, in love and expecting children, was bringing all these feelings to an eruptive head. Her father hadn’t counted on that. Caasi was the only child, the last of the Cranes, who were now an endangered species. With Isaac gone, and her mother dead before she had any memories of her, now there was only Caasi. Alone. Against the world.

  Caasi wanted to be protected and loved, cherished and worried about. Like Edie and June. But at the same time, she wanted to be proud, independent, strong…everything her father had worked so hard to ingrain in her. Sometimes she felt as though a tug-of-war were going on inside her, with her heart at stake. Some days she looked in the mirror only to discover that a stranger was staring back at her.

  The phone buzzed, interrupting her musings. Another day was about to begin, and her doubts would be pushed aside and shelved again.

  * * *

  —

  Saturday morning Caasi woke, sat up in bed, and sighed heavily. The past two days, she’d crawled out of bed more tired than she’d been the night before, as if she hadn’t slept at all. Now her eyes burned and she felt as if the problems of the world were pressing against her shoulders.

  The company helicopter was flying in that day, and Caasi was scheduled to officiate at a ground-breaking ceremony at Seaside. Another Empress Hotel, the tenth, was about to be launched. She should be feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment, yet all she felt was tired and miserable. The day would be filled with false smiles and promotional hype.

  She dressed in a navy-blue linen suit, double-breasted. Her father would approve.

  Her breakfast tray was waiting for her, but she pushed it aside. The silver pot of coffee reminded her of Blake. Absent two days and she missed him like crazy. He was scheduled to have gone with her on this little jaunt. Somehow, having Blake along would have made the outing far more endurable.

  Caasi was back at her suite by four. Exhausted, she kicked off her shoes and pulled the pins from her hair. The weather was fantastic, a glorious, sunny April afternoon. How could she have felt anything but exhilarated by the crisp ocean breeze? Everything had run smoothly—thanks to Blake, who had been responsible for setting up the ceremony.

  The instant his name floated through her mind, the heaviness she’d experienced that morning returned. For years she’d taken him for granted. In rethinking the situation, Caasi realized that he had cause to resign. He was invaluable to her. He couldn’t leave; she wouldn’t let him. She’d find a way to convince him to stay.

  Slouching against the deep, cushioned couch, Caasi propped her feet on the shining surface of the glass coffee table. She’d talk to him. Explain Crane Enterprises’ position. And the sooner, the better. Now. Why not?

  After changing into a three-piece pantsuit, Caasi sailed into her office to look through his personnel file. They’d worked together for years and she didn’t even know where he lived. There were so many things she didn’t know about Blake.

  She scanned the computer file until she located the Gresham address, a few miles outside of Portland.

  Her silver Mercedes had been a gift from her father. Caasi had little need to drive it. Usually she made a point of taking it for a spin once a month. It had been longer than that since she’d last driven it, but the maintenance men kept it tuned and the battery charged for her.

  It took almost thirty minutes to find the address. She drove down a long, winding road that seemed to lead nowhere. Although there were several houses around, they were separated by wide spaces. Blake…in the country. The mental image of him tilling the fields flitted into her mind. The picture fit.

  She stopped at the side of the road and, before pulling into Blake’s driveway, checked the nearest house number against the one she’d scribbled down in her office. The house was an older two-story with a wide front porch, the kind Caasi would picture having an old-fashioned swing. A large weeping willow tree dominated one side of the front yard. Caasi had always loved weeping willows.

  By the time she opened the car door and climbed out, Blake had come out of the garage, wiping his hands on an oily rag.

  “Caasi.” His voice was deep and irritated.

  “Afternoon,” she replied, sounding falsely cheerful. “This is beautiful country out here.”

  “I like it.” He came to a halt, keeping several feet of distance from her.

  “Everything went fine today.”

  “I knew it would.”

  Caasi untied the lemon-colored chiffon scarf from her throat and stuffed it into her purse. “Can we talk?”

  His gaze traveled over her before he lifted one shoulder. “Okay.”

  Caasi felt some of the tension ease out of her. At least he was willing to discuss things.

  “Go in the house; I’ll wash up and be there in a minute.”

  “All right,” she agreed.

  “The back door’s unlocked,” he called to her, as he returned to the garage.

  Caasi let herself into the rear of the house. An enclosed porch and pantry contained a thick braided rug, on which she wiped her feet. The door off the porch led into a huge kitchen decorated with checkered red-and-white curtains on its large windows.

  The glass coffeepot was half full, and Caasi poured herself a mug, hugging it to keep her hands occupied.

  With her purse clutched under her arm, she wandered out of the kitchen. A large formal dining room contained built-in china cabinets. An array of photographs filled the open wall space. Caasi stopped to examine each one. They left her wondering if Blake had once been married. Nervous apprehension creased her brow. Several pictures of children who vaguely resembled Blake dominated the grouping. Another of an older couple, dark and earthy, captured her attention. Caasi lifted the wooden frame to examine the two faces more closely. These must be his parents. They both had round, dark eyes—wonderful eyes that said so much. Warm, good people. If Caasi ever had the opportunity to meet them, she knew she would enjoy knowing them. They looked to be salt-of-the-earth kind of people.

  Another picture rested behind the others; this one was of a large family gathering outside what appeared to be the very house she was in. The willow tree was there, only smaller. The two adults were shown with six children. Blake’s family. He stood out prominently, obviously the eldest.

  “My parents,” he explained from behind her.

  Caasi hadn’t heard him come in and gave a startled gasp, feeling much like a child caught looking at something she shouldn’t. Her hand shook slightly as she replaced the photograph.

  “The children?” she asked hesitatingly.

  “My nieces and nephews.”

  “You’ve never married?”

  Blake’s mouth thinned slightly. “No.” He ran a hand through his dark hair. “You said you wanted to talk?”

  “Yes.” Her head bobbed.

  “Sit down.” His open palm gestured toward the living room.

  Caasi moved into the long, narrow living room. A huge fireplace took up an entire wall, and she paused momentarily to admire the oil painting above the mantel. Mount Hood was richly displayed in gray, white, and a forest of green against a backdrop of blue, blue skies.

  “Wonderful painting,” she commented casually, looking for the artist’s name and finding none.

  “Thanks.”

  Caasi sat in a chair where she could continue to study the mountain scene. On closer inspection she found minute details that weren’t readily visible on casual notice. “I really like it. Who’s the artist?”

  The small lines about Blake’s mouth hardened. “Me.”

  “You!” Caasi gasped. “I didn’t know you did anything like this. Blake, it’s lovely.”

  He dismissed the compliment with a short shake of his head. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

  “I’m beginning to find that out,” she said on a sober note.

  His eyes pinned her to the chair.

  Uncomfortable, she cleared her throat before continuing. “As I mentioned, the trip to Seaside went without a hitch. But it didn’t seem right, not having you there.”

  “You’ll get used to it.”

  “I don’t want to have to do that.”

  Blake propelled himself out of the overstuffed chair he had sunk into and stalked to the far side of the room. “My decision’s been made.”

  “Change it.”

  “No.”

  “Blake, listen.” She set her coffee aside and stood. “Today I realized how inconsiderate I’ve been the last few years. Putting it simply, I’ve taken you for granted. You were Dad’s right-hand man. Now you’re mine. I don’t know that I can do the job without you.”

  His laugh was sarcastic, cruel. “I have no doubts regarding your ability. More than once I’ve been amazed at your insight and discernment. You’re a magnificent businesswoman, and don’t let anyone tell you different.”

  “If I’m so wonderful, why am I losing you?”

  He didn’t answer her.

  “I’m prepared to double your salary.”

  “You overpay me as it is.”

  She clenched her fist at her side and stared at the oil painting, searching for some clue to the man she once thought she knew. “Then it isn’t the money.”

  “I told you it wasn’t.”

  “Then clearly someone else has made you a better offer. Holiday Inn? Hilton?”

  “No.” His voice was loud and insistent.

  Don’t yell at me, she wanted to shout back, but held her tongue. They’d never argued. For months on end they’d worked together without saying more than a few necessary words to each other. And suddenly everything had changed.

  “Caasi.” Her name was issued softly. “I wouldn’t do that to you. I don’t know what I’m planning yet, but I won’t go to work for the competition.”

  “What is it you want?” Angrily she hugged her stomach with both arms and whirled around. “I’ve never known you to be unreasonable.”

  He was silent for so long, she didn’t know whether he intended to answer.

  “You can’t give me what I want.”

  “Try me.” She turned back to him, almost desperate. Blake was right; she could manage without him. A replacement could come in, be trained, and suffice, but she wanted him. Trusted him.

  His dark gaze fell to her mouth. They stood so close that Caasi could see the flecks of gold in his dark irises. A strange hurt she didn’t understand seemed to show in them. A desire welled in her to ease that pain, but she didn’t know how. Wasn’t that a woman’s job, to comfort? But then, she was a complete failure as a woman.

  He reached out and gently touched the side of her face. A warmth radiated from his light caress. “I was planning to take the summer off. Do some hiking. I’ve always wanted to climb mountains, especially Rainier.”

  Sadly, Caasi nodded, her eyes captured by his. “I’ve never hiked.” She laughed nervously. “Or climbed.”

  “There are lots of things you haven’t done, aren’t there?” His soft voice contained a note of tenderness. He dropped his hand.

  Caasi forced her eyes away. Blake didn’t know the half of it. Her gaze fell on the rows of family pictures. “Do…do you like children?” What a ridiculous question, and yet it was one she’d asked of him.

  “Very much.”

  “Why haven’t you married and raised a houseful? You’ve got the room for it here.”

  “The same reason you haven’t, Cupcake.”

  Caasi bit her tongue to keep from reminding him not to call her that. The name itself didn’t bother her. Nor did she care if he reminded her of her father. What she didn’t like was Blake thinking of her as a child.

  “For the last several years,” he elaborated, “the two of us have been married to Crane Enterprises.”

  “But you could have a family and still work for me.” She was grasping at straws and knew it.

  “I’m a little too old to start now.”

  “Old,” she scoffed. “At thirty-six?”

  Blake looked surprised that she knew his age.

  “I don’t want to lose you.”

  His expression hardened as if her words had displeased him. “I’ll walk you to your car.”

  Perplexed, she watched him move across the room and pull open the front door.

  “You’re angry.”

  He forced a long breath. “Yes.”

  “But why? What did I say?”

  “You wouldn’t understand.”

  Her hand sliced through the air. “You keep saying that. I’m well above the age of reason. I have even been known to exhibit some intelligence—”

  “And in other ways you’re incredibly stupid,” he interrupted. “Now go before I say something I’ll regret.”

  Caasi sucked in her breath. Her shoes made a clicking rattle against the wooden steps as she hurried to her car. She couldn’t get away from Blake fast enough.

  Thirty minutes later, still angry and upset, Caasi let herself into the penthouse suite and threw her purse on the bed. Her shoes went next, first the right and then the left. She felt like shouting with frustration.

  Dinner arrived and she stared at it with no appetite. No breakfast, a meager lunch, and now dinner held no appeal. She should be starved. Steak, potato, baby white asparagus, and a roll, eaten alone, might as well be overbaked, dried-out macaroni and cheese. Eating alone hadn’t bothered her until that night. Why it should now remained a mystery.

  The portrait of Blake’s parents came into her mind. How easy it was to picture his mother standing in the kitchen with fresh bread dough rising on the counter. Kids eating breakfast and laughing. How could something she’d never known bother her so much? Children. Family. Home. Each word was as foreign to her as the moon. Yet she felt a terrible, gnawing loss.

  Determinedly she took the crusty French roll and bit into it. Hard on the outside, tender inside, exactly right. It was the only thing in her life that was exactly right.

  The phone buzzed, which usually meant trouble. Caasi lifted the receiver.

  “Mr. Sherrill’s on his way up,” the hotel receptionist informed her cheerfully.

  “Thank you,” Caasi answered in a shaky voice. Blake coming here? He’d never been to her private quarters. Maybe when her father was alive, but not since she’d taken over.

  Hurriedly she rushed into the bathroom and ran a brush through her hair. Halfway out the door, she whirled around and added a fresh layer of light pink gloss to her lips. Her hands shook, she was rushing so much. She unscrewed the cap from a perfume bottle and added a touch of the expensive French fragrance behind each ear and to the pulse points at her wrists.