Not like him.

  Comic books form stacks on my shelves, wrapped in protective sleeves. They’re hard enough to come by in the cities, but out here there’s no chance of getting new ones, so I try to safeguard what I have. A few pairs of my reading glasses sit beside them, and my lab coats hang from hooks near a table with my personal microscope.

  My personal microscope.

  There isn't a single person on this planet that can use that phrase and claim to be cool.

  I’ve fought with the idea of stashing it all away, but a voice inside me tells me not to. I don’t want to hide myself from Xeni. If I pretend to be someone else, it means he’ll never like the real me, and that thought fills me with an indescribable sadness. Rejection would hurt, but living a lie would be worse.

  He knocks again, and I smooth my hands down my jeans in a futile attempt to steady them before bracing myself. Xeni’s face lights up the moment the door opens, that easy, breathtaking smile spreading as he balances two plates of food in his hands.

  “Thanks for picking up dinner,” I say, hurrying to usher him inside.

  He tilts his head, catching the slight shake in my voice with that perceptive gaze of his. “Are you okay?”

  I blow out another heavy breath, eyes dropping to stare at the plates. “I’m nervous,” I admit, shifting my weight between my feet.

  “For little ol’ me?” he asks, his tone soft through the teasing.

  “Yeah. You’re just so… cool? Put together? While I’m over here being…” I trail off, words failing me as self-doubt creeps in.

  Xeni sets the plates on the table with a quiet clink, then returns to stand in front of me. Long fingers wrap around my wrist, holding me there until I finally meet his eyes. They’re sincere in a way that makes my chest tighten, and he slides his palm down to weave his hand with mine, thumb brushing soothing circles over my knuckles.

  “You’re over here being authentically you, which is something I’ve always struggled with. The real you is the only one I want. Please believe that. No masks, not with me.”

  “Does that work both ways? Can I have the real you?”

  “As long as you promise you won’t run away,” he answers.

  His throat bobs in a swallow that betrays the nerves he’s hiding, and it makes me wonder what lies behind those smiles and easy laughs he wears like armor.

  “I promise,” I whisper, releasing his hand to wrap my arm around his neck, fingers threading into his hair. My heart thuds wildly as I guide him forward, but I don’t have to coax him. He comes willingly, closing the distance with a quiet exhale.

  Our kiss is more urgent now that we’re behind the privacy of these walls, and months of tension break free. His arms circle my waist, hauling me flush against him, while his fingers slide under my shirt to brush the bare skin underneath.

  Fingertips dance along my lower back in light, teasing trails before his hand snakes up my spine. Palms press flat against my back, pulling me impossibly closer as our mouths open wider. The kiss turns hungry, and Xeni forms a pleased hum that vibrates against my tongue as it meets his.

  I shouldn’t be so greedy with him. I should give him time to warm up to this idea of us together, but it’s like I’m bound by some invisible rope that coils tighter around us with every breath. The pull is magnetic, and draws me in until there’s no space left for anything but his mouth on mine.

  “Dinner’s going to get cold,” he murmurs against my lips, but his nails dig into my back with a sharp edge of desperation that only fuels my own.

  “Yeah,” I agree on a ragged breath, barely able to focus as heat pools low in my belly, my cock starting to harden against him with a dull, throbbing ache. “And the movie is going to start without us.”

  “It is,” he mumbles, lips trailing hot across my jawline in a path of open-mouthed kisses that make my knees weak. My hips jut forward involuntarily to grind against him, and a deep chuckle rumbles from his chest as his fingers dance lower. They explore the waistband of my jeans before taking a teasing dip underneath, brushing bare skin that’s never felt so alive.

  His name leaves me in a quiet, pleading moan, and I tilt my chin high as he sucks a path along my neck. Teeth graze just enough to spark fire under my skin, and the burn breaks my hands free from their frozen spot at his neck. They coast down his back with growing boldness as muscles flex and pop under my palms.

  Emboldened by his reaction, I trace along his hipbone. My fingers dip under fabric to the warmth of his skin, then move to his stomach, mapping the lean lines I’ve dreamed about for too long.

  “Please?” he whispers, and it makes me shiver from head to toe. He pulls back, breathless with the same raw need coursing through me.

  I tease the smooth skin underneath his navel. “You’re going to ruin me before we even get started,” I murmur.

  Xeni has always had an unflappable air about him, like he’s unaffected by everything, but not right now. He whimpers as his eyes close, his head tilts upward with his lips sagging open, and as my fingers dip into his pants, he whines.

  He fists my hair and guides my mouth back to his as we move towards the bed. My legs hit the edge of the mattress, and I drag him into my lap as I sit. We kiss like this for a few minutes, until we’re both on fire and can’t wait any longer. Xeni gasps as I spin us and drop him on his back.

  He’s beautiful there. Hair sprawled underneath him, eyes heavy and hooded, and chest heaving with his lips bitten between his teeth. His knees part, and my gaze drops to the bulge hidden under his sweatpants. I cup him through the fabric, and he bucks against my hand.

  Frantic for more, my fingers curl around his pants and underwear, and I tug to expose the creamy skin of his abdomen.

  “Wait,” he rasps, and I freeze. “I’m not like you.” His eyes land on mine, unguarded and uncertain.

  “I know you aren’t," I say softly, waiting on his permission to move. "That doesn’t matter. I’ll learn.”

  A tiny smile slips onto his lips. “Yeah, I know you will.”

  “Show me what you like," I say. "Let me study.”

  That tiny smile spreads into one that digs into his cheeks, and he nods as he takes my wrist and guides it into his pants.

  Long and slender, his cock is slick as I wrap my fingers around it. He moans quietly as he gives a few gentle rocks of his hips.

  “Lower,” he murmurs as he guides my hand to the base where an opening seems to be the source of his self-lubrication. Another whispered moan rings through the room as I drag my fingertips through it.

  “Push them inside me,” he whispers, spreading his knees further.

  I sink two fingers into his heat as his stomach muscles tighten. His cock retracts into his opening and tucks itself away into his body. Slick coats my fingers as I press them into him, exploring his dips and curves and cataloguing his reactions. His thighs tense and his hips flex, and he seems to lose control as his cock extends again.

  “Fuck, Xeni,” I mutter as I pull back long enough to slide his pants off.

  Eyes closed and spine arched, his head digs into the pillow, and I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as the pink flush on his cheeks. The mattress dips as I drop beside him and wrap my hand around his cock.

  “Is this too fast?” he asks, even as he thrusts into the cage of my fingers. “Do you… should we slow down?”

  “Do you want to slow down?” My voice is deeper than I’ve ever heard. Two years of pent-up attraction have made me nearly rabid, but if he tells me to stop, I’ll stop.

  “Gods, no,” he says as he claws at my neck, pulling my mouth to his again. “Thought I’d try my hand at being a gentleman.”

  “I’m pretty sure we’re a few steps past gentleman.”

  Surrounded by that halo of white hair, he smiles up at me, then moans softly as I loosen my grip and give him a few slow strokes.

  “Do you like to fuck or be fucked?” I ask.

  “Both. Either. Yes, please,” he breathes eagerly.

  “Yeah, same,” I say as I sit back and admire his body.

  Xeni is graceful in a way that’s supernatural, with complete control over every muscle. His body is magnificent—narrow hips and defined thighs full of a quiet strength that I’m dying to worship. He whines when I release his cock, but his eyes flare as I slide down his legs to kneel between them.

  There’s a sense of comfort between us that spurs me on. A boldness I rarely possess keeps our gazes locked as I lower my head and seal my lips around him.

  I love the way he loses control.

  Fingers white-knuckled in the sheets, he flexes his hips and thrusts into my mouth. The noises he makes are exquisite, and they grow louder as I take him to the root. His cock lodges in my throat, and it steals my breath as I let it rest there.

  “Bash,” he whimpers as his hips jerk, stilted like he’s trying to hold back. “Bash, I’m… fuck, I’m… I’m sensitive. It doesn’t take a lot for me to… to…” He moans again as his hips snap up.

  Tears spring into my eyes as my gag reflex kicks in, but I only suck harder. The base of his cock pulses against my lips, and he releases a wailing shout as he comes. I keep him there as he writhes and shudders, enjoying the slow slide of his release down my throat.

  The last of his orgasm throbs against my tongue, but he never softens. My chin is coated in slick and spit as I pull off him, and his face is a deep rose pink as I wipe my mouth.

  He throws his arm over his eyes, and my brows furrow as I climb his body.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

  “For what?” I ask, confused at the way he tries to hide, and worried I’ve done something wrong.

  He peeks out, still deeply flushed. “For… not… taking long. I’ve never been able to hold back, and I just…”

  “You just…?” I gently grip his wrist to pull his arm from his face.

  “I just really like you,” he admits.

  “Xeni,” I whisper, pressing a kiss on his knuckles. “I really like you, too. We said no hiding, right?” He nods, so very vulnerable, and I glance down at his still-hard cock. “I like that you lose yourself in it. Can you… more than once?”

  “Ideally.” He flashes me a sheepish grin, some of his uncertainty dissolving.

  “Sounds like I need to get busy then,” I tease as I grin back. “What do you want?

  He palms my cock through my jeans, biting his lip as he stares. “Fuck me,” he whispers, eyes pleading as they snap back to mine. “Please? I need it, Bash.”

  We work together to get my pants off my legs, and we both fight with our shirts until we’re naked. Bare skin touches everywhere as he pulls me in for another long, drawn-out kiss. When we separate, he turns his back to me and kneels.

  Xeni peers over his shoulder at me, face flushed and lips swollen, and his hair is a wild mess from the bed.

  “Fuck, you’re beautiful,” I murmur as I stare at the dip of his waist and the curve of his ass. Dampness glistens between his cheeks, and his eyes follow me as I kneel behind him.

  More slick pools at his hole, and it opens easily for my finger as I press it inside him.

  “You don’t need to prep me,” he says as I add a second. His back arches as he sinks down onto my hand, his body yielding for me. “You won’t hurt me. Just fuck me. I want to be full of you.”

  “That mouth,” I mutter, slipping my fingers free before tracing a path along his perky ass.

  “Please,” he begs, and the needy sound makes me shiver.

  It’s heady, having him want me this way. Intoxicating to the point where it’s surreal—like I might wake up and find this was all a dream. If that’s the case, I don’t want to waste a single minute.

  I line myself up at his entrance, coating myself in his slick before I press into him. His body is an inferno, hot and soaked as it opens for me. I thrust into him, my eyes rolling back into my head at the pressure. His muscles squeeze and flex as he whines, and the realization that we’re connected in this way hits me in a rush.

  My arms band around his chest and hug him against me as I pull out and sink back in, and he reaches down to grab my thighs like he’s just as desperate to stay joined. The next thrust drives me even deeper, and Xeni’s moans are so loud, I’m convinced they’re carrying down the hallway.

  He whimpers, fingernails digging into my skin as I rock up into him, and his hole compresses around my cock as he gasps.

  “Fucking hells, Xeni,” I mutter as I reach between his legs.

  His cock is tucked inside his opening, and slick leaks out of him in a gush.

  “Are you trying not to come again?” I ask, my entire body on fire from the idea.

  “S-s-sorry,” he stammers, and I thrust up harder as one of my hands traces down the front of his abdomen. My fingers dip into his entrance, toying with the tip of his cock as I build a faster rhythm.

  “Don’t apologize. I thought you’d reject me. Making you mindless is a much better option.”

  His breathy laugh turns into a moan as he lets his weight fall back on me. “You thought I’d turn you down?”

  “Mmm,” I agree as I kiss along the side of his jaw. “Was sure of it.”

  “I’ve wanted you for a long time now," he admits as he twists his head to let me see the sincerity in his eyes.

  I place a soft kiss on his lips as we still for a moment.

  He releases a contented sigh as he pulls away, rolling his hips and fucking himself on my cock. The throbbing inside my core spreads outward as we build speed once more, my hips jerking faster into him.

  I use my hold on him as leverage as a series of the most delicious moans leave his throat. Wet slaps of skin join our panting breath, and Xeni’s hands search for purchase on anything. They claw at my arm, reach to fist my hair, and he’s pliant as I build myself to breaking.

  “You feel so good,” I pant as I try to hold back. “I’m close.”

  “Please,” he whines.

  His body clamps around me, and after a few more hasty thrusts, the tension snaps. My vision goes staticky as I bottom out inside him, my cock pulsing with my release. He calls out again, a mix of my name and begging pleads that are even louder this time.

  Streams of cum pour over my fingers as he grinds against my hand, and the rest of the world disappears as we work through our pleasure.

  Absolute, unequivocal rightness fills my body from the connection, and my breath comes in heavy pants. Xeni sags against me as I dot kisses along his shoulders, and when he twists to look at me, his eyes are wide open.

  Defenseless.

  “Bash,” he whispers, then spins in a rush and wraps himself around me.

  He squeezes so tightly it hurts, but I don’t want him to let go. I want to find a way to get even closer to him as something inside me flares.

  It brings with it so much emotion that tears spring to my eyes, and I can’t find an explanation for the sense of connection that screams to never let him go.

  “I’ve got you,” I murmur. “Was that okay?”

  Xeni nods, his hair rubbing against my cheek.

  “You’re probably drained after that," I say as I run my fingers over his skin, "and we never ate our dinner. Let me feed you, princess.”

  “Princess?” he asks, pulling back with questioning eyes that are as damp as mine.

  I swipe my thumb under his eye, catching a salty droplet. “Is that weird? You’re just so pretty, and I’ve always thought you felt… regal.”

  He offers me a shaky smile. “Arrogant, you mean.”

  “No,” I say immediately. “It’s not a bad thing. You deserve to be taken care of, and I…”

  Hesitation makes me pause, but he looks like he needs reassurance, and for once, I can offer that. I steel my spine.

  “I want to be the one to take care of you.”

  “You do?” He watches me nod like he expected me to run instead.

  He looks… terrified.

  Scared of the intensity, or that I might leave.

  “Hey,” I whisper, and his bottom lip trembles as I kiss him again. “None of that.”

  “I don’t want you to go,” he whispers back, and I tuck him into my arms. “Not even to grab our food. I can’t stand the thought of not touching you right now.”

  My heart aches at his confession, and I nod because I feel the same confusing way.

  “Come on, then,” I say as I scoop him up in my arms.

  He pushes out a wet laugh as I carry him to the table where our cold dinner waits. We’re both covered in fluids and filthy, but neither of us cares as I settle him into my lap.

  We’re completely naked, but I’m not exposed or uncomfortable. Instead, I soak in the connection of our bare skin as we eat. Towards the end of our meal, he wiggles his ass again, and we've barely finished eating before he drags me back to the bed. He works me open and bends me over the side, and the way he moves in me is sweeter than any dessert.

  The moon is high in the sky when we finally fall into a pleasure-induced sleep. We wake up wrapped in each other, and Xeni seems ready for more when the sun rises. He tosses the covers aside, and his gasp is so shocked it forces my eyes open.

  He’s staring, and I follow his line of sight.

  For a long stretch, neither of us even breathes.

  A golden glow shines happily from my hip.

  Xeni sinks onto his haunches and lets the sheets fall away. A matching mark shimmers on his hipbone. His eyes crawl up to mine so slowly, and for an endless moment, we stare at each other.

  Both of us know what this means—the gravity of our situation should anyone find out about it. There should be fear, or trepidation, or at the very least, anxiety.

  But there’s none of that.

  There’s only a sense of completeness that’s eluded me for my entire life.

  A rightness in what I’ve found.

  Xeni’s eyes fill with tears, and I clamber to sit and drag him against me.

  “Hey… it’s alright,” I soothe.

  “How?” he whispers, and I hate how small he sounds. “How could it ever be alright?”

  “Because I’ve got you.”

  His gaze moves up to mine, his lip quivering as tears streak his face. “You don’t want this,” he says, the words so quiet I barely understand them.