Embry twisted my hair, tugging so hard that a lightning bolt of heat zapped my cock. His chest rose and fell at a rate that matched mine. Too heavy, too fast. He tilted forward and kissed me, the barest brush of his fucking lips.

  Then he leaned back and pushed my head down. “It’s always been enough.”

  25

  MATEO

  I let him guide me all the way down. Then he released me so I could undo his jeans and press my face into where his cock already strained against his black underwear, the head escaping the waistband. I took a heady breath and kissed him through the fabric, revelling in the low sound that grit from his lungs. I’d never done this before, with him or anyone else, but I didn’t stop to wonder if I was doing it right. I just let it happen, the way it was always meant to.

  The underwear had to go. I yanked them down just enough to free Embry’s dick and closed my lips around the crown, tongue flicking, tasting him for the very first time, sliding my lips down the shaft.

  Embry groaned and his head hit the cupboard behind him. His cock swelled in my mouth, filling my throat, and it was the hottest thing that had ever happened to me.

  I hummed my appreciation and kept my lips wrapped around him for as long as I could before the need to breathe won out.

  Forearms braced on his thighs, I took a moment to just stare at him. Like, really fucking stare, as if I could excavate his soul and my own and find a place where nothing about us was so goddamn complicated. Where, beneath the heat boiling between us right now, I wasn’t scared, and neither was he.

  That place was so far from our reality I knew we’d never reach it, but this moment was the closest we’d ever been.

  I descended on his cock again, swallowing him down.

  Embry cursed and his fingers found my hair again, nails skimming my neck, the light touch turning me on and inside out.

  Fuck me. It wasn’t the first time I’d thought it, and it still felt distant enough that I knew it wouldn’t happen any time soon, even if my daughter’s grandad didn’t assassinate me. But I felt it all the same, in my skin and my bones. In my nerves as they zinged and pulsed in time with my lips and tongue on Embry’s dick. With our clothes off and our demons left at the door, we were made for each other, and I wanted every single part of that.

  I wanted him to come in my mouth, but he pulled me off before it got that far, breathing hard, eyes hooded and dark.

  It took me a minute to realise he was shaking.

  In an instant, I became colossally focused on him. “You okay?”

  “Yeah.” Embry cupped my neck and drew me in. “Just on the fucking edge, man, and I don’t want it to end here.”

  “What do you want?”

  “I want you to fuck me and not be afraid of anything except blowing your load too soon.”

  “I’m not afraid of that.”

  “No?”

  “No.” I captured his mouth, driving my tongue into his mouth. “Cos if it happened, I’d be hard again in ten seconds flat. You have that effect on me, chaparrito.”

  Embry smirked, but something deeper lingered. Something he needed from me before this train derailed and we couldn’t fucking catch it.

  I reached between us, fisting his cock and squeezing as I kept my lips as close to him as they could be without kissing him. “I know I haven’t earned this, but if we’re gonna fuck the way you want, I’ve got to trust you to tell me if something isn’t right. I have to live with a lot of sins, but I can’t hurt you like that. Not again. It’d kill me, Em.”

  “You’ve never hurt me like that.”

  “I fucked you while I was lying to you.”

  “And you shouldn’t have, but it’s not the same, and nothing you do ever will be.”

  There was a growl in his voice by the time he was done. Anger, but not for me. Still, I latched on to the energy and let it drive us to another plane.

  I pulled him off the counter and deeper into the shadowy house, flicking a lamp on when we reached the living room. There was no way I was fucking him in the dark. For many reasons, but mainly that I wanted to see him.

  Rubi’s living room was cosy and mostly filled by a couch long and wide enough to be a bed. I pushed Embry towards it. “Wait here.”

  He said nothing as I hightailed it out of the room in search of the bathroom, praying Rubi had thought his crafty plan through to this moment.

  Or that he was enough of a dirty bastard to have everything we needed on hand.

  Two minutes later he was my new best friend.

  I went back to the living room.

  Embry was by the window, peering through a gap in the heavy curtains. I tossed condoms and lube on the couch, then I faltered, gazing at his profile as he stared out into the night. You’re gonna fuck him again. The notion floored me. I’d lied to him for a thousand years and he still wanted me. How was this my life when everything else was so fucking fucked?

  “Don’t.”

  Embry’s shove came from nowhere, rocking me back.

  I stumbled into a media unit and raised my hands, and his lip curled in response, an ugly sneer that somehow made him hotter.

  “You’re already doing it, aren’t you?”

  “Doing what?”

  “Getting in your head. Fuck, Mateo. I need you here, with me. Why won’t you listen?”

  He pushed me again, but I had nowhere to go, and I snatched his hands, propelling him back to the couch, an emotion I couldn’t catch exploding out of me in a frustrated shout, contemplation to this frantic ball of . . . something in ten seconds flat. “I am listening. I heard you. What do you want from me? Tell me, and I’ll fucking do it.”

  “You won’t,” Embry combatted, the challenge clear in his wild gaze. “You say you will, but you’re as fucked up as I am.”

  “Truth. Won’t stop me doing whatever the hell you want, but you gotta tell me. I’m not a mind reader.”

  He laughed, full of warmth but lacking humour. “Not a mind reader . . . mother of Christ, you have no idea who you are.”

  “The fuck does that mean?”

  Another flat laugh ripped from his mouth. He was so beautiful, but fucking-A, I kind of wanted to punch him. Did he really think this was going to work? That he was going to rile me up so much I’d rage fuck him?

  Cielito, it doesn’t have to be this way.

  I was still clutching his hands. I let them go and pushed him down on the couch, throwing myself on top of him before he could react. My heavier build pinned him down. I pressed a forearm to his throat, testing him, and whispered close to his ear. “You’re the one who isn’t listening. You don’t need to provoke me. Just tell me how to fuck you.”

  “You won’t do it.”

  “I will.”

  “Promise me.”

  “I promise, Em. Just tell me what you want. What you need.”

  Embry raised his pelvis from the couch enough to hook his legs around me, binding us together as if he was afraid I would run. I wouldn’t. Not from this. For however long we had, I was right here with him.

  “Tell me,” I whispered. “Please?”

  “I want you—” Embry punctuated the words with a biting kiss. “—to fuck me how you first thought you would. Before everything else got in the way. Fuck me how you imagined it when your dick got hard in the shower.”

  In any other moment, I might’ve questioned how he knew I wanked in the shower with him on my mind, but the images popping into my head were too sharp. Too intense. I was seeing this shit in HD, and it pulled me apart at the seams. “The first time I thought about it, I slammed you against a wall and fucked you in the garage.”

  “And?”

  “We’re not in the garage, but I still want to put you on your knees and bang you.” It spilled out of me, uncensored and unrestrained. “I want to hold your hands behind your back and screw every bad memory out of you. I want to be rough and leave marks on your skin.”

  Embry swallowed hard. “And?”

  “And . . .” I planted a palm either side of his head. “I want to do it now.”

  Something broke. In him or in me, I couldn’t tell. Just that I blinked once and we were different people by the end of it.

  We came together with a savagery that stung my lips and raked my skin. We wrestled and I won because he wanted me to. Because I wanted to.

  I yanked his T-shirt over his head and threw him down, baring my upper body too. In the dim light of the room, the scars on Embry’s belly stood out, but I had my own scars, and the fury that plagued me so often was overwhelmed by a frantic need.

  His jeans were already undone and shoved down. I ripped them away. His socks too. All of it. Gone. I needed him naked.

  I needed to be naked.

  Clothes tossed aside, I took his cock in my mouth again, but I wasn’t gentle this time. I was rough, giving him what he’d asked for, and it felt fucking amazing. No guilt, no shame. Just his staggered breaths and harsh groans.

  “Mateo.”

  It was different to any other time my name had breached his lips tonight.

  A demand, a plea.

  A fucking prayer.

  I dragged my tongue up his dick, my fingers digging into his hips, leaving the marks I craved.

  Then I pulled off and yanked him down the sofa.

  I didn’t kiss him. He took it from me, and the violence of it soothed my frayed edges. I tasted blood. I tasted him, and my cock throbbed, static whistling in my ears. Fucking—I need to fuck him.

  There were all kinds of things I was supposed to do before that happened. Things we’d neglected last time, but I’d thought about a lot since. Take care of him. It was the only thought that eclipsed the pulsating desire scrambling my cognitive function.

  I reached for the lube. Poured it on my fingers while Embry watched, skin flushed and damp with sweat. I was already between his legs. I gripped one and raised it, opening him up, tracking the shiver that passed through him and forcing myself not to react to it.

  Kissing him, I slipped my lubed hand between us and eased my fingers inside him, finding a spot that made him breathe hard through his nose, body flexing, thighs shaking.

  “Mother of—” Embry white-knuckled my shoulder. “Have you got X-ray vision?”

  I didn’t answer. Just worked him up until he was a mess and I was humping the goddamn couch, deranged with the craving to sink my dick inside him.

  “I—fuck. Goddamn.” Embry shuddered, his cock jumping. “Not yet. I need you to fuck me.”

  I took the hint and withdrew my fingers. The box of condoms was somewhere near his head. I reached for it, shook one out, and tore the wrapper with my teeth. “Sure you want this?”

  “Shut the fuck up.”

  All right then. I sheathed my dick. “Get on your knees.”

  Lip curled, Embry obeyed, gripping the back of the couch for support.

  Without pause, I came up behind him and broke his legs apart, pushing his upper body down while I slotted us together.

  The tip of me breached him. Embry tensed, a whoosh of air escaping him, and I eased in further, chasing his heat, lit up with need, anticipation, and so much fucking pleasure.

  I didn’t know how high I could climb before I tumbled back off the edge. It took everything not to come the moment I filled him.

  A state of aching need overcame me. I rocked forward, hunching over his curved spine, driving my cock into him, deep and slow, before ramping up the pace.

  Holy shit—I fucked him. Pounded him. Over and over. Every sound he made a catalyst for more.

  Harder.

  Faster.

  Outside, the muggy air broke. Lightning flashed in the sky and thunder rolled. But I barely noticed because we were our own fucking storm.

  A harsh groan tore from my lungs, nerves expanding with every bang of my hips. My hands slipped on Embry’s damp skin, but I didn’t falter. I didn’t break—I was too far gone. We both were.

  Another level.

  Another fucking planet.

  Pleasure mounted, my whole body thrumming, blood roaring, brain split from the rest of me as Embry reared up, turning his head, looking for me.

  I took his weight, holding him up, meeting him in the middle, a wild kiss melding us together.

  Somehow I found the coordination to reach for his cock.

  He was so hard. As if it would shatter from the lightest touch.

  I pumped it anyway and he groaned against my mouth.

  “Fuck. I can’t—fuck.” Embry fell apart. He seized, back arching, and a blistering climax obliterated him, his hot release coating my hand.

  Watching him blew my mind. And the rest of me. Light burst in my vision. A shout scratched my throat and I had nowhere left to go. I thrust harder inside him, riding the waves still rocking his limbs.

  I told him I loved him and came hard into mind-bending bliss.

  It took a while to come down. For long moments we stayed slumped together, lost in a no man’s land of numbing pleasure. Then Embry’s legs gave way beneath him and I gathered some awareness.

  I left the couch to clean up.

  Embry sprawled out on the massive cushions, his skin as manhandled and reddened as I’d promised. He looked ruined and my spent dick took more interest than I had immediate energy for.

  I lay down beside him. It wasn’t cold, but the urge to cover him and keep him warm was too strong to ignore. I snagged a blanket and tossed it over us both to stop him bitching.

  Rolled his eyes anyway, but that was okay. Irritated Embry was one of my favourites.

  Fucked-out Embry was top two.

  I rolled onto my side and brushed his damp hair out of his face.

  He smiled a little and returned the favour.

  I had to know. “Did I hurt you?”

  “By fucking me? Nah. Any pain was the good kind, and I needed it. I’ve never let anyone fuck me like that, but I wanted it the moment I saw you.”

  “That quick, eh? You didn’t want to get to know me first? Bask in my glorious fucking wit?”

  “Didn’t need to. I knew it was all there—”

  Embry broke off to yawn. I thought he might conk out on me, but as I met his gaze, he was more alert than he seemed. “Where’s your head at?”

  He didn’t just mean me and him. He meant everything, and I had no clue where to start. “Tell me about Lili first?”

  “That’s what you call her?”

  “Sometimes.”

  Embry shifted to face me. Out of habit, I checked him for signs of pain.

  There were none. He was calmer than I’d seen him in a long time.

  You haven’t seen him in four weeks. A lot can change.

  This hadn’t, though. The way we could lie inches apart, not touching, but I still felt him in every fucking sense. “Can I kiss you?”

  Embry’s brow ticked up. “You just fucked my brains out.”

  “I know. It’s just . . .”

  He waited, but I didn’t really know what I was saying. What I was thinking. Just that I was stalling. Embry wanted to talk about the real world, and Liliana aside, I didn’t want to go back there just yet.

  “You can kiss me.”

  Embry’s low murmur wrapped around me like late evening sunlight. I leaned in and pressed my lips to his, tasting everything we’d done to get to this point, the lingering heat rippling through me, hardening my dick.

  I ignored it, though. For now. Kissing him, skating a hand down his bare shoulder, his ribs, coming to rest on his hip. I could fuck him a thousand times in a thousand different ways. This would still mean just as much.

  “Mateo.”

  He was saying my name a lot tonight. This time, murmured against my mouth, before he pulled back with a soft laugh. “I think you’re trying to distract me from making you talk.”

  “You’re the one supposed to be talking. I asked you about Liliana.”

  Embry shrugged. “She’s fine, apart from missing you and grieving for Raul. He was good to her, right?”

  Envy and guilt squeezed my heart. “He loved Juana, so he loved Liliana too. Did shit for her that I couldn’t. Made me want to murder him half the time, but we were on the same side.”

  “Were you friends?”

  “No. I only met him once. I watched him a lot, though. With Juana. I always knew he’d die for her, and I guess he did in the end.”

  Embry was quiet a moment, tracing patterns on my arm. “Juana showed me one of the sketch pads with my tattoos in. Your kid is crazy talented, just like you.”

  “She’s better than me.”

  “Because of you.” Embry’s touch travelled to my neck and my jaw, stroking my face with his fingertips. “I know you think you’re a shit dad, but you’re the best she could have. Every day I’ve spent with her, I see more and more of you. She’s so fucking sweet.”

  “That’s all Juana.”

  Embry snorted. “Can I ask you something?”

  Wariness invaded the bubble I’d built around us. “Okay.”

  “If you could fix everything to be perfect, how would it be?”

  “With Liliana?”

  “With everything. What do you want? What’s your dream?”

  I’d heard him ask other brothers that before, but never me. I’d figured he knew I didn’t have any dreams, only nightmares, but as the question sank in, the answer came to mind as if it’d always been there. “I want to live with you, in a house like Cam’s, and Lili and Juana in their own across the street or next door. If they wanted to be . . . Honestly, my biggest dream for them has always been that they get to choose.”

  “Would you follow Juana if she left?”

  “She won’t leave. After this, if we’re not all dead, she wants Lili to be where I am, and I need to be here. I, uh . . . even before you, I never felt safe anywhere but here. She knows that and she loves me.”

  “I know she does.” Embry held my gaze like he had more to say, but the moment passed and he rolled onto his back again. “What’s going on at home? I keep pretending nothing’s happening, but I can’t do that with you right in front of me. It’s too hard.”

  My fingers itched to smoke. I rolled off the couch and padded, naked, to the kitchen, the light from the oven reminding me that there was something unidentified that we were supposed to be eating.