told him , “and to attack on both sides of the board at once. In the

  second gam e you played well until you lost the q u e e n ’s rook; then

  you w ent to pieces.”

  1 he professor sat dow n, and for a m om ent said n o th in g . And

  then: “ You are the operator of the m achine. I was correct in the

  beginning; I should have k n o w n .”

  Lam e H ans looked ou t the window.

  H ow did you move the pieces— by radio? I suppose there m ust

  still be radio-control eq u ip m en t in existence som ew here.”

  I was inside,” Lam e H ans said. “I ’ll show you som etime; it ’s not

  im portant. W hat w ill you tell the University?”

  6 6

  The Marvelous Brass Chessplaying Automaton

  “T h a t I was sw indled, I suppose. I have some m oney of my ow n,

  an d I w ill try to pay back as m uch as I can ou t of th a t—and I ow n

  two houses in F urstenw ald that can be sold.”

  “ Do you smoke?” asked Lam e H ans, an d he took ou t his short

  pipe, an d a bag of tobacco.

  “ O nly after d in n e r,” said the professor, “and not often th en .”

  “ I find it calm s my nerves,” said Lam e H ans. “ T h a t is why I

  suggested it to you. I do not have a second pipe, bu t I can offer you

  some of my tobacco, w hich is very good. Yon m ight buy a clay

  from the innkeeper here.”

  “ No, thank you. I fear I m ust abandon such little pleasures for a

  long time to com e.”

  “ Not necessarily,” said L am e H ans. “ G o ahead, buy that pipe. T h is

  is good T urkish tobacco—w ould you believe, to look at me, that I

  know a great deal about tobacco? It has been my only lu x u ry .”

  “ If you are the one w ho played chess w ith me last n ig h t,”

  Professor Baum eister said, “ I w ould be w illin g to believe that you

  know a great deal about an ything. You play like the devil him self.”

  “ I know a great deal about m ore th an tobacco. W ould you like to

  get your m oney back?”

  And so it was that that very afternoon (if it can be credited), the

  m ail coach carried away hills p rinted in large black letters. These

  said:

  IN T H E VILLAGE OF O D E R SPREE

  BEFORE T H E INN OF T H E G O L D E N APPLES

  O N SATURDAY

  AT 9:00 O'CLOCK

  T H E M A R V E L O U S BRASS CHESSPI.AYING A U T O M A T O N WILL

  BE O N DISPLAY

  FREE T O EVERYONE

  A N D WILL PLAY A N Y C H A L L E N G E R

  AT EVEN ODDS

  T O A LIMIT OF D M 2,000.000

  6 1

  Planfejt Engineering

  Now, you w ill th in k from w hat I have told you that Lam e

  H ans was a cocky fellow, but that is not the case, th o u g h like

  m any of us w ho are sm all of stature he pretended to be self-reliant

  w hen he was am ong m en taller th an he. T h e tru th is that

  th o u g h he did no t show it he was very frightened w hen he

  met H err H eitzm ann (as the two of them had arranged earlier that he

  should) in a certain m alodorous tavern near the Schw arzthor in

  Furstenw ald.

  “ So there you are, my friend,” said H err H eitzm ann. “ H ow did it

  go?”

  “T erribly,” Lam e H ans replied as th o u g h he felt n o th in g . “I was

  locked u p in that brass snuffbox for half the night, and had to play

  twenty games w ith that fool of a scholar. And w hen at last I got out,

  I co u ld n ’t get a ride here and had to w alk m ost of the way on this

  bad leg of m ine. I trust it was com fortable on the cart seat? T h e horse

  d id n ’t give you too m uch trouble?”

  “ I ’m sorry y o u ’ve had a poor tim e of it, but now you can relax.

  T h e re ’s n o th in g m ore to do u n til h e’s convinced the m achine is

  broken and irreparable.”

  Lam e H ans looked at him as th o u g h in some surprise. “ You

  d id n ’t see the signs? T hey are posted everywhere.”

  “ W hat signs?”

  “ H e ’s offering to bet two th ousand kilom arks that no one can

  beat the m ach in e.”

  H err H eitzm ann shrugged. “ H e will discover that it is inoperative

  before the contest, and cancel it.”

  “ H e could not cancel after the bet was m ade,” said Lam e H ans.

  “ P articularly if there were a proviso th at if either were unable to play,

  the bet was forfeited. Some u p rig h t citizen w ould be selected to hold

  the stakes, n a tu ra lly .”

  “ I d o n ’t suppose he could at th a t,” said H err H eitzm ann, taking a

  swallow of schnapps from the glass before him . “ However, he

  w o u ld n ’t bet m e —h e ’d think I knew some way to influence the

  m achine. Still, h e’s never seen y o u .”

  6 8

  The Marvelous Brass Chessplaying Automaton

  “Ju st w hat I’ve been th in k in g m yself,” said Lam e H ans, “on my

  h ik e.”

  “ I t’s a little out of your lin e .”

  “ If y o u ’ll put u p the cash, I ’d be w illin g to go a little ou t of my

  line for my tenth of that kind of money. But what is there to do? I

  m ake the bet, find som eone to hold the stakes, and stand ready to

  play on Saturday m orning. I could even offer to play him — for a

  sm aller bet — to give him a chance to get some of his ow n back. T h a t

  is, if he has a n y th in g left after paying off. It w ould m ake it seem

  m ore sp o rtin g .”

  “ You’re certain you could beat him ?”

  “ I can beat anybody—you know that. Besides, I beat him a score

  of times yesterday; the gam e you saw was ju st the first.”

  H err H eitzm ann ducked under the threaten in g edge of a tray carried

  by an overenthnsiastic waiter. “ All the sam e,” he said, “w hen he

  discovers i t w on ’ t w o rk . . . ”

  “ I could even spend a hit of tim e in the m achine. T h a t’s no problem .

  I t’s in a first-floor room , w ith a w indow that w o n ’t lock.”

  A nd so L am e H ans left for o u r village again, this time

  considerably better dressed an d w ith two thousand kilom arks in his

  pocket. H err H eitzm ann, w ith his appearance considerably altered by

  a plastiskin m ask, left also, an h o u r later, to keep an eye on the two

  thousand.

  “ B u t,” the professor said w hen Lam e H ans and he were

  com fortably ensconced in his sittin g room again, w ith pipes in their

  m ouths and glasses in their hands an d a plate of sausage on the table,

  “ bu t w ho is goin g to operate the m achine for us? W ouldn’t it be

  easier if you sim ply d id n ’t appear? T h e n you w ould forfeit."

  “ And H eitzm ann w ould kill m e,” said Lam e H ans.

  “ H e d id n ’t strike me as the type.”

  “ He w ould hire it don e,” H ans said positively. “ W henever he got

  the cash. T here are deserters about w ho are happy enough to do that

  kind of w ork for d rin k in g money. For th at m atter, there are soldiers

  69

  Plan[e]t Engineering

  w ho aren ’t deserters w h o ’ll do it — men on detached duty of one kind

  and another. W hen you’ve spent all w inter slau g h terin g R ussians,

  one m ore body doesn’t make m uch difference.” He blew a smoke

  ring, then ran the long stem of his clay p ip e th ro u g h it as th o u g h he

  were driving hom e a bayonet. “ But if I play the m achine and lose,

  h e’ll only th in k you figured things ou t and got som ebody to work

  it, and that I ’m not as good as he supposed. T h e n he w o n ’t w ant

  an y th in g m ore to do w ith m e.”

  “ All right, th en .”

  “A tobacconist should do well in this village, d o n ’t you think? I

  had in m ind that little shop two doors dow n from here. W hen the

  coaches stop, the passengers will see my sign; there should be m any

  w ho’ll w ant to fill their pouches.”

  “ G retchen prefers to stay here, I suppose.”

  Lam e H ans nodded. “ It doesn’t m atter to me. I ’ve been all over,

  and w hen y o u ’ve been all over, it’s all the sam e.”

  Like everyone else in the village, and for fifty kilom eters around, I

  had seen the professor’s posters, and I went to bed Friday n ig h t full of

  pleasant anticipation. Lam e H ans has told me that he retired in the

  same fram e of m ind, after a couple of glasses of good p lu m brandy in

  the in n parlo r w ith the professor. H e and the professor had to appear

  strangers and antagonists in public, as will be readily seen; but this did

  not prevent them from eating and d rin k in g together w hile they

  discussed arrangem ents for the m atch, w hich was to be held — w ith

  the perm ission of Burgerm eister L an d stein er— in the village street,

  where an area for the players had been cordoned off an d h ig h benches

  erected for the spectators.

  H ans woke (so he has told me) w hen it was still dark, th in k in g

  that he had heard thunder. T h en the noise came again, and he knew it

  m ust be the artillery, the big siege guns, firing at the R ussians

  trapped in Kostrzyn. T h e army had built wood-fired steam tractors

  to p u ll those guns — he had seen them in W riezen—and now the

  soldiers were talking about p u ttin g arm or on the tractors and

  70

  The Marvelous Brass Chessplaying Automaton

  m o u n tin g cannon, so the knights of the chessboard w ould exist in

  reality once more.

  T h e firing continued, boom ing across the dry plain, and he w ent

  to the w indow to see if he could m ake ou t the flashes, bu t could not.

  H e p u t on a th in sh irt an d a p air of cotton trousers (for th o u g h the

  sun was no t yet up, it was as hot as if the w hole of B randenburg had

  been thru st in to a furnace) and w ent in to the street to look at the

  em pty shop in w hich he p lan n ed to set u p his tobacco business. A

  squadron of R itters galloped thro u g h the village, doubtless on their

  way to the siege. L am e H ans shouted, “ W hat do you m ean to do?

  R ide your horses against the walls?” but they ignored him . Now

  that the truce was broken, Von Koblenz’s arm y w ould soon be

  advancing u p the Oder Valley, Lam e H ans thought. T h e Russians

  were said to have been p re p arin g pow ered balloons to assist in the

  defense, an d this hot sum m er weather, w hen the air seemed never to

  stir, w ould favor their use. H e decided that if he were the Com m issar,

  he w ould allow Von Koblenz to reach G logow , and th e n ...

  But he was not the C om m issar. He w ent back in to the in n and

  sm oked his p ip e u n til Frau Scheer came dow n to prepare his

  breakfast. T h en he w ent to the professor’s room where the m achine

  was kept. G retchen was already w aiting there.

  “ Now th en ," Professor Baum eister said, “ I understand that the

  two of you have it all worked ou t between y ou.” And G retchen

  nodded solem nly, so that her p lu m p chin looked like a soft little

  p illow pressed again st her throat.

  “ It is qu ite sim p le,” said Lam e H ans. “ G retchen does no t know

  how to play, but I have worked ou t the moves for her and draw n

  them on a sheet of paper, and we have practiced in my room w ith a

  board. We will ru n th ro u g h it once here w hen she is in the m achine;

  then there will be n o th in g m ore to d o .”

  “ Is it a short game? It w o n ’t do for her to become confused.”

  “ She will w in in fourteen moves,” Lam e H ans prom ised. “ But

  still it is unu su al. I d o n ’t th in k anyone has done it before. You will

  see in a m o m en t.”

  71

  Planfejt Engineering

  To G retchen, Professor Baum eister said: “ You’re sure you w o n ’t be

  m ixed up? Everything depends on y o u .”

  T h e girl shook her head, m aking her blond braids dance. “ No,

  H err Professor.” She drew a folded piece of paper from her bosom . “ I

  have it all here, and as my H ans told you, we have practiced in his

  room , where no one could see u s.”

  “ You a re n ’t afraid?”

  “ W hen I am going to m arry H ans, and be mistress of a fine shop?

  O h, no, H err Professor— for that I w ould do m uch worse things

  than to hide in this th in g that looks like a stove, and play a gam e.”

  “We are ready, th en ,” the professor said. “ H ans, you still have not

  explained how it is that a person can hide in there, when the sides can

  be removed allow ing people to look th ro u g h the m achinery. And I

  confess I still d o n ’t understand how it can be done, or how the pieces

  are m oved.”

  “ H ere,” said Lam e H ans, and he pulled out the board as H err

  H eitzm ann had done in the in n parlor. “ Now w ill you assist me in

  rem oving the left side? You should learn the way it comes loose,

  Professor—someday you may have to do it yourself.” (T he tru th

  was that he was no t strong eno u g h to handle the big brass sheet by

  him self, and did no t w ish to be h u m iliated before G retchen.)

  “ I had forgotten how m uch em pty space there is inside,” Professor

  Baum eister said w hen they had it off. “ It looks m ore im possible

  th an ever.”

  “ It is sim ple, like all good tricks,” Lam e H ans told him . “ And it

  is the sign of a good trick th at it is the th in g th at m akes it appear

  difficult that makes it easy. Here is where the chessboard is, you see,

  w hen it is folded up. But w hen it is unfolded, the panel under it

  swings ou t on a hinge to su p p o rt it, and there are sides, so that a

  trian g u lar space is form ed.”

  T h e professor nodded and said, “ I rem em ber th in k in g w hen I

  played you that it looked like a p o tato bin, w ith the chessboard laid

  over the to p .”

  “ Exactly,” Lam e H ans continued. “T h e space is no t noticeable

  72

  The Marvelous Brass Chessplaying Automaton

  w hen the m achine is open, because this circuit card is ju st in front of

  it. B ut see here.” And he released a little catch at the top of the circuit

  card, an d pivoted it u p to show the em pty space behind it. ‘‘I am in

  the m achine w hen it is carried in, but w hen H eitzm ann pulls ou t the

  board, I lift this and fit myself under it; then, w hen the m achine is

  opened for inspection, I am out of view. I can look u p thro u g h the

  dark glass of the black squares, an d because the pieces are so tall, I

  can m ake ou t their positions. But because it is brig h t outside, but

  dim where I am , I can n o t be seen.”

  ‘‘I u n d ersta n d ,” said the professor. “ But will G retchen have

  eno u g h light in there to read her piece of paper?”

  “ T h a t was why I w anted to hold the m atch in the street. W ith the

  board in sunshine, she w ill be able to see her paper clearly.”

  G retchen was on her knees, looking at the space behind the circuit

  card. “ It is very sm all in there,” she said.

  “ It is big en o u g h ,” said Lam e H ans. “ Do you have the m agnet?”

  And then to the professor: “T h e pieces are moved by m oving a

  m agnet under them . T h e w hite pieces are brass, but the black ones are

  of iron, an d the m agnet gives them a sliding m otion that is very

  im pressive.”

  “ I k n o w ,” said the professor, rem em bering that he had felt a

  tw inge of uneasiness whenever the m achine had shifted a piece.

  “ G retchen, see if you can get inside.”

  T h e po o r girl did the best she could, but encountered the greatest

  difficulty in w edging herself into the sm all space under the board.

  Work in the kitchen of the in n had provided her w ith m any

  o p p o rtu n itie s to snatch a m ou th fu l of pastry or a choice potato

  d u m p lin g or a half stein of dark beer, and she had availed herself of

  m ost of th e m —w ith the result that she possessed a lush and

  blo o m in g figure of the sort that appeals to men like Lam e H ans,

  who, having been w ithered before b irth by the isotopes of the old

  wars, are themselves thin and sm all by nature. But though full

  breasts like ripe m elons, and a rounded, com fortable stom ach and

  generous hips, m ay be pleasant things to look at w hen the

  Plan[e]t Engineering

  m o o n lig h t comes in the bedroom w indow , they are not really

  w ell-suited to folding u p in a little three-cornered space under a

  chessboard, and in the end, poor G retchen was forced to remove her

  gow n, and her shift as well, before she could cram herself, w ith