‘She does, not upset by it.’

  ‘With early onset dementia, you can slow it down by talking to her often, asking questions, showing old photos. If they’re stimulated enough the mind comes back, for a while at least.’

  After he had eaten, he thanked me for my assistance and headed off to meet his mother at the nursing home.

  Up in the suite I called Ross Daniels. ‘The UK government just kindly funded me to build two more apartment blocks in Belfast, identical to yours, same builder.’

  ‘I can send you the plans and the costings.’

  ‘Do so when I have a man sat at a desk wanting that information. But what do you reckon … to the need for more buildings there?’

  ‘Could build four more and sell the apartments, they’re popular with the high earners under forty years old. We’ve already started another one.’

  ‘Could you send one of your skilled men to work at my offices for a year?’

  ‘What the heck for?’

  ‘The new funds that I’m running, they could commission the consortium to make nursing homes.’

  ‘Really? Who would run the homes?’

  ‘Maybe a private concern, maybe us, and depending on where it is we could supply it.’

  ‘I have a man that likes London and Scotland, I’ll ask him.’

  ‘If the Swedish Government commissions us, and others, this could be a way forwards.’

  ‘It could, yes, we test it first, our people running it, shared profits.’

  ‘What about Mexico?’ I asked.

  ‘We have the land, dirt cheap – pun intended, and we’ll make a start soon, local officials paid off.’

  ‘It’s Mexico,’ I sighed out. ‘Have a think how we allow the EU to commission us to make fifty nursing homes for them.’

  ‘It could be done, I’ll chat to my team.’

  Lost and found

  In the morning my Barclays man arrived back at the new offices. I fetched him a cup of tea.

  He began, ‘We stayed in local hotel, was … quite a tearful reunion for my mother, and your staff were helpful – and amazed by the story. We allowed them to mention it to the local newspaper.’

  ‘Your grandmother is now … eighty-seven?’

  ‘Yes, and my mother is sixty-seven next birthday.’

  ‘If you pay for extra visitors, her mind can come back,’ I pointed out.

  ‘She’s not too far gone, but I will arrange someone to chat to her. My mother showed her old photos, and my grandmother recognised all the places.’

  ‘Your grandmother abandoned her daughter…’ I broached.

  ‘My mother was living mostly with my father, she favoured him.’

  ‘Did you talk to your wife … about moving here?’ I asked.

  ‘Yes, a long chat, and she said to tell you yes – we’ll take the villa in Corsica.’

  I smiled widely. ‘Is your wife a bit mercenary?’

  ‘She likes her creature comforts.’

  ‘So you want the position…’

  ‘Most likely, yes, but I still want to chat to the kids and plan things out a little. Give me a few days.’

  ‘If you don’t take it, we’ll have a girl with glasses and freckles from the local Barclays branch to do your job.’

  ‘They would send someone like that, yes. I’ll get back to you soon, but my wife is keen.’

  As I turned up at the new property building a Civil Servant turned up, bald and with thick glasses, the man in his late forties, and he worked in Government Assets, the handling of buildings and land.

  We handed him a desk on the top floor for now, chair and computer, and then detailed the first transaction. He would note the builder’s details, their prices, retention and other aspects.

  I handed him Ross Daniels number, to call after 1pm, and to get the details of the original builds in Belfast, and the spreadsheet of costs. We would save him some time.

  ‘Where are you staying?’ I finally asked.

  ‘I have a house here, I commute to London a few days a week.’

  ‘Ouch!’

  He shrugged. ‘I got used to it, I read and do some work, it passes the time quite quickly. You used to do it, selling your computer services.’

  I smiled. ‘Yes, chatting to businessmen about it, and about Watford Football Club. Anyway, you’ll be quiet here to start, then very, very busy, so enjoy the quiet. Oh, do you know anything about depreciation?’

  ‘I’m an expert in it.’

  ‘If I have a house rented out, our furniture depreciates, yes?’

  ‘Yes, and you can claim but most don’t, you just wait three years and write it all off and claim the tax against new furniture. For a fridge you might work the depreciation, a car, for a sofa it would be more likely just a 100% write off after three years of kids bouncing on it.’

  ‘And do you like teaching?’

  ‘I can teach and lecture, yes,’ he proudly stated.

  ‘Plan a few one-hour lessons and teach the junior staff, any topic relevant to what goes on in this building.’

  One of those junior staff came up and knocked. ‘This the chap for Northern Ireland?’

  ‘He is,’ I answered.

  The man showed me twenty west Belfast houses, all in need of a great deal of work, and all were cheap.

  I told our Civil Servant, ‘We’d buy and renovate and rent. What do you reckon?’

  ‘It’s what you stated as the purpose of the fund, and what they expect, some regeneration, so no issues.’

  I faced our junior. ‘Yes, go ahead, copies of summary details to this gentleman.’

  ‘What about an old barracks?’

  ‘A barracks? To do … what with it?’ I puzzled.

  ‘Knock it down and build something.’

  ‘It’s up for sale?’

  ‘The land is, they plan to tear it down.’

  ‘How much land?’

  ‘As big as Rose Fallon, it has a parade ground, some grass.’

  ‘Where is it?’

  ‘East Belfast, heart of a Loyalist area.’

  ‘Tell Bill I’m interested, for the second nursing home, a Loyalist nursing home. Get a price, and I’ll chat to Belfast Council about it.’

  The junior left us.

  Our Civil Servant noted, ‘Be a few like that, old military bases. And the Catholic area has a load of those horrid concrete tower blocks from the 1960s.’

  ‘Those I’d want to blow up, yes, so maybe the IRA can help – they probably have some leftover bombs.’

  David Hutton called so I stepped out. ‘That soft prison holiday camp is almost ready, and the Home Office want to pinch it all.’

  ‘How many men can it hold?’

  ‘Up to nine hundred, but we set a limit at seven hundred.’

  ‘Five hundred to the Home Office, rest to local magistrates down there. Be firm with them.’

  ‘Will do. And we could open a soft prison and medical bay in Derby in a few weeks, same in Nottingham.’

  ‘Good, some progress. And Derby nursing home?’

  ‘All cranes and mud and grey concrete.’

  I called Belfast Council next, but the military base was on Crown Land and not theirs to sell. I spoke to my Civil Servant, he called the right department, and I could have it for a nominal one million if a nursing home was built.

  I agreed the deal, and David Hutton would formalise it. We would now wait as the government cleared the land.

  Calling back Belfast Council, I gave them the news, and I told them that they could release the news – a boost to jobs. But it would not be built with government money, so our Civil Servant did not need to approve it.

  Sat with a cup of tea with Russel, a man was led up, invited to visit us by Bill, the man an expert on commercial loans, a former bank employee who had just quit the NHS. I made him a cup of tea, the man thirty-three and looking sharp in a sharp suit.

  Sat, I began, ‘We need a manager for our Northern Ireland fund, but you don’t need to go there. We’d show you businesses that we like, you analyse their balance sheets and debts and their marketplace, we’d decide if we want to buy some shares in their business or just offer them a loan.’

  ‘That was my job at the bank, exactly that, to judge potential and risks.’

  ‘But the NHS did not work out…’

  ‘A bunch of spineless back-stabbing children in adult bodies.’

  ‘So we hear,’ I told him.

  ‘Your joke on that TV show, that was spot on. They never have the money for more staff, but they always have millions for external consultants.’

  ‘A ruddy disgrace,’ Russel noted.

  ‘And you’re local to Leicester?’ I asked the candidate.

  ‘Went to school in Derby, away in college, moved around in the bank, was back here in commercial loans for two years then the NHS in Nottingham. I wanted a break from the bank, it was a bit of drudge some days, but the NHS made the bank job look great.’

  ‘You’d have some freedom here, to choose the businesses you like, then follow their progress, visit a few if you like.’

  ‘That would be better, yes, actually deciding to do something, not passing it up the line and forgetting about it.’

  ‘You read a balance sheet well?’

  ‘Very well, and I produce professional risk assessments.’

  ‘The salary is fifty grand plus bonuses, annual increase. When can you start?’

  ‘Anytime,’ he enthused.

  ‘You start now. Russel, show him around and brief him, please, we start looking at Belfast businesses today.’

  Back at the new offices, I called the Belfast newspaper editor. ‘Do me a favour, and try and find me a list of the top companies in the province.’

  ‘I have that, and the breakdowns.’

  ‘If it’s bulky, send it by courier to my offices, fax the list.’

  ‘Summary list is about eight pages, I’ll fax that.’

  ‘Great. Then run an advert for me, inviting any business that needs capital or partners to contact me, via the charity email you have.’

  ‘I have it, yes.’

  ‘And annual shareholder reports?’

  ‘That’s bulky, I’ll courier that, like a box full or more.’

  ‘Thanks. What’s the mood like over there?’’

  ‘Your advert showed, and most people here want the economic plan. They now say, we might be dirt poor afterwards, but we’ll have peace. I ran that as a headline.’

  I smiled widely. ‘Many a true word said in jest.’

  ‘Exactly, especially over here. They’re building at the building training centre, a new shed, and they reckon on more than two hundred apprentices taken on, more staff taken on.’

  ‘Good, some progress.’

  He told me, ‘Second flight of men went today, and the men down there report it as warm and dry, the exact opposite of this bloody place.’

  ‘Keep your ear to the ground, and send me updates, the mood and any incidents, local attitudes. But what do you think the Loyalist politicians will do?’

  ‘They were embarrassed that their boycott of you failed so badly, and embarrassed by you calling them plantation owners, and now embarrassed that Stormont won’t have the investment money.’

  ‘That money was not in the original deal…’

  ‘No, but they wanted control over it after you mentioned it.’

  ‘Then what would be different to now, the Loyalists controlling everything?’ I posed.

  ‘Exactly, nothing would change. And Blair shocked them as well, so they’re on the back foot now and not as smug as normal. They kind of figured that they would be in charge after the peace accord was signed.’

  ‘I kind of figured I would be in charge, but I don’t have the heart to tell them that.’

  He laughed. ‘I won’t print that.’

  ‘How’s Derry Waterfront?’

  ‘Looks nice now, be great in summer. But the women in Derry now complain that there are not enough men around.’

  I smiled. ‘I’ll send the men back in a few years, money in pocket.’

  ‘Money in pocket always makes a man more attractive here in the province.’

  ‘We say, wear a suit out in Leicester and get laid.’

  He laughed. ‘Did the town council coin that phrase?’

  ‘They did, and it’s true, the women here like a man with a few quid.’

  When the fax came I went and fetched it, soon back at the new building and showing it to both our new employee and the Civil Servant. They would make a start on it, balance sheets and potential to analyse.

  And I told Glen to join in, but his task was to go chat to people and to get a feel for business opportunities over there, the bar room chat.

  His mate was now sorting the new computer shop in Belfast, desks and chairs, posters, two men from Swindon dispatched, two computer men from here dispatched, to stay in a hotel for a week.

  Bill had found land near Gatwick for a refugee centre, we would negotiate a price, but I called Blair first. ‘Busy?’

  ‘Election coming apparently.’

  ‘Listen, I want to buy land near Gatwick and build a detention centre for illegal immigrants and families.’

  ‘It’s needed, some are in police cells or hotels.’

  ‘You’ll agree it?’

  ‘Hell yes, get on with it.’

  ‘Yes boss.’

  ‘Was that a facetious boss?’

  ‘Yes.’

  My next call was West Sussex County Council, and I finally got through to a senior man.’

  ‘Roksov?’

  ‘Yes. I’m buying land near Gatwick for a detention centre -’

  ‘G4S were going to do one but switched to a prison instead. They said it would be a few years.’

  ‘Mine will start as soon as I have your blessing for its planned use.’

  ‘You have it, but you don’t need it, government can insist a prison is built anywhere. So go ahead, we can’t stop you.’

  ‘When you get the details from my people, be a love and look at roads and drainage.’

  ‘How big will it be?’

  ‘To hold a thousand people, plus family areas, kids’ play area.’

  ‘That is big, but it is needed, and local people don’t want them in local police cells or hotels. Some are in a caravan park.’

  ‘Help me with a fast response on roads and drains when we ask.’

  ‘You’ll get it.’

  ‘Release this to the local media, and see if anyone objects.’

  ‘They object now, to a lack of such a facility!’

  David Hutton called next. ‘The owners of the offices that were used by Stokes Builders are threatening legal action, incitement by you to trash their property.’

  ‘Does their insurance cover it?’

  ‘They won’t say.’

  ‘Verify the insurance, then offer them some compensation, and what I say on a comedy show is not defamation or incitement, it’s a comedy show.’

  ‘I’ll pressure them, the stick and the carrot.’

  ‘It was the fault of Stokes, not my fault. I am allowed to criticise local criminals – it’s what I do!’

  ‘Quite. I’ll let you know.’

  Geyser

  In the morning I had a call again from a senior man in Barclays, and all of the investment leaflets had gone from the branches and nine thousand people had signed up. Twice as many leaflets would now be printed, but they had excess leaflets anyhow in storage.

  Sat with my Swedish team, we discussed Pilgrim Valley, and where to have a builders’ camp for the Irish, and The Lake Valley was the obvious choice.

  The French builders were moving huts and building concrete houses for workers, but those concrete houses would take months. So I sent a note to Ross Daniels, for more huts, a Protestant camp to be created in Lake Valley soon.

  We had a recent fax from Corsica, a map with the new roads in Lake Valley marked. The main road north-south was done, ten spur roads to the lake were done – waiting the water to rise, and eleven road spurs were now done heading west, most in a loop. A few went to viewpoints, some would be for estates of villas.

  I called my fat American, Harry Turnman.

  ‘Ricky, I was gunna call. We think we’ll hit water soon, the drill, but we can run it on automatic for about thirty yards, so the men will leave the tunnel for safety and let it drill.’

  ‘Will the machine be destroyed?’ I worried.

  ‘It will need some work to get the water out if we breach, but it should be salvageable. We have nets at the entrance to catch it.’

  ‘That does not sound very scientific!’

  ‘We’s short of options, buddy.’

  ‘Do this for me. Get a long drill, drill through to test for water. If no water, the machine advances, over and over, don’t wreck the damn machine!’

  ‘Ain’t no space to work when the machine fills the damn tunnel!’

  ‘Then drill from above, pinpoint the water, I don’t care if it costs more and takes a few days.’

  ‘OK, we pay one gang to save on another gang,’ he complained.

  ‘How far – to drill?’

  ‘Only about eighty yards we think.’

  ‘Test it in the middle, use the long drills, and make sure that no one is hurt. Let me know.’

  I updated the Swedish, who were horrified at what Harry was doing; men could be killed. And worst of all, the machine could be damaged.

  Glen came up to see me, and with the Swedish men present he showed me a series of black and white images. ‘It was an old hospital in the east end, but it’s ideal to convert to apartments.’

  I noted, ‘Could be hundreds of apartments, and there are grounds and gardens. Nearest tube station?’

  ‘A walk, ten minutes, bus route is there, overland train is ten minutes away.’

  ‘Where is it in regards to the new Docklands?’

  ‘A mile north, outside the docklands zone.’

  ‘Which council?’

  ‘Newham.’

  I called Newham council and asked for the council chief. I had to wait, but he eventually came on.

  ‘Mister Roskov?’

  ‘Yes. Tell me about this old hospital.’