‘What we have in Britain is now Four Phases, Zero to Three. A regular nursing home takes someone when their mind goes, what we call Phase Three. Phase Two is someone that cannot walk around but someone who still has a mind that works and can and should … have quality of life.

  ‘Phase One is someone sent by the doctor, someone that will need a Phase Two or Three within a year or so. They could stay at home, but by being in a Phase One they have friends, they have security, they have a cheap warm apartment, they have carers and doctors close by if needed.

  ‘What the taxpayers have … is a huge cut in spending, a great deal of money saved.

  ‘We also introduced a Phase Zero, a simple protected environment house where people as young as thirty can go if they have persistent medical problems.

  ‘In Leicester I have twenty dialysis users lined up for our first Phase Zero, and by having them in a building with dialysis machines we save a great deal of money - they don’t take six taxis a week to hospital.’

  I pointed at the curve. ‘The Phase Zero and Phase One houses show the greatest cost savings, not the Phase Three. We stop people using ambulances and taxis, we provide services and therapies on-site, so we save a great many hospital visits, a great saving of taxpayers’ money.

  ‘Phase Zero is a block of small warm apartments next to a Three Phase, to use the services next door. The residents come and go as they please, they are not signed into a nursing home.

  ‘In Britain, the state subsidises the old lady living in a big old house, but if she moves to a small warm apartment in a Phase Zero the state saves a great deal of money.

  ‘In Paris, when we’re finished with our huge nursing home, we’ll save the taxpayers hundreds of millions of Euro a year at least. And the residents, they get safety, they get new friends, they get entertainment and stimulation. All sides win.’

  They politely applauded me.

  ‘Now we see the EU discussing the idea of sending old people from the cold northern countries to the warm southern countries, to save money, yes, but it also benefits the warm countries, jobs created.

  ‘Here in Corsica they used to have seventy percent unemployment in the winter. This last year that dropped to almost zero, next year it will be zero!’

  They applauded again.

  ‘The downside here … is that house prices are rising fast, difficult for those born here and working in the service sector to buy a house, so we’ll build cheap houses here to assist – or we’ll have no workers to work in the nursing homes.

  ‘For those EU countries thinking of sending pensioners south, the cost will be less than half of what you spend now. Cheap concrete construction nursing homes, cheap local labour and cheap care staff.

  ‘I suggest that we look at Portugal, Spain, France, Italy and Greece as being the countries that receive our attention for such nursing homes, many jobs created for those countries.

  ‘But we don’t need grants, we need loans - money to be paid back, there will be no loss of EU taxpayers’ money. May I ask the French team, that you find suitable sites on the coast down near your border with Spain, sites where we can build ten or twenty nursing homes together - as here in Scorfo Valley.’

  They made notes.

  ‘We will locate these places,’ their President offered in English.

  ‘Does the French Government have a view … on homes for rich French guests?’

  ‘Such places do not need our support, they pay for themselves, but even rich people are allowed to use hospitals of course.’

  ‘You are happy to see many built, for rich French citizens?’

  ‘Yes, it all helps, more jobs.’

  ‘My proposal is that the nursing home we build within an EU framework be social nursing homes, for poor people, the people that cost you money…’

  The EU chief delegate cut in, ‘This is what we discuss, yes, to help those who need the help, not rich people.’

  ‘So I propose to start with those that need help, but then to come up a step … to those with not much money but who can buy an apartment, perhaps a hundred thousand Euro. The home state would pay medical care, but gain the money from the apartment.

  ‘That step would be four years away maybe, but it was my original plan that an old person in Paris who owns an apartment - but has little cash - swaps that apartment for one in a nursing home, the apartment left to their children after death, after medical expenses are paid.

  ‘In Britain, if someone has money in the bank and a house worth a lot of money, they pay for their nursing home stay. If that works the same in other countries, then a pensioner can sell their house, buy an apartment in the nursing home and leave that apartment to the state after death.

  ‘So the second level of nursing home pensioners might have a complicated payment system. Here, people in Frances House buy their own apartments, and the state adjusts the costs if these people have money in the bank – because they are not quite in a nursing home with full care yet, not in Phase One.

  ‘Each country will need to figure out how and when they subsidise people, in Phase One, before a full commitment to Phase Two or Three. At the moment, if someone here in Phase One dies, their children get the apartment.

  ‘We also decided to look at building houses and villas here … near to our nursing homes. Older private residents would buy the houses, live there, but when needed – ten years later – they sell up and move into our nursing homes.

  ‘That allows them to retire to a nice place and become familiar with it, and hopefully wish to stay when they fall sick.

  ‘Each member state must look at its own policies for state care and state elderly care, and work out what their policy is, for a person with no money, some money, or enough money to buy an apartment and to leave it to their children.

  ‘That policy will then translate directly into your citizens going into a nursing home in Spain or Portugal, just that you’ll cut your spending by half. For a country like Sweden, more than half, great cost savings seen.

  ‘As to the planned roll out, we’ll soon make a plan and present it to you, a plan based on what it costs us here in Corsica and what we learnt here.

  ‘We’ll then accept EU loans and start building nursing homes in the warm Mediterranean states, nine months to open the first nursing homes after we start.

  ‘In addition to that … we’ll build our own privately funded nursing homes in a few countries, and here in Corsica we’ll open sixty social nursing homes and maybe twenty private nursing homes.

  ‘If that goes well … no bad impact on the local people … that number could double. Although this is a beautiful island, it is a big island where ninety-nine percent of the land is unused and available, just barren rocks – so I hope that there are no cultural or environmental impacts. And we will soon start on a valley of nursing homes like this in Sardinia, much needed jobs created there.

  ‘In Spain and the south of France we can build quicker, here we have to bring in the builders. And what you will find … is that the second nursing home is built faster, the third is faster again. They can be finished in six months by an experienced crew of builders.

  ‘We plan to make each nursing home the same, exactly the same, and we save money when we buy metal and wood and glass in bulk, all the same size for each nursing home. OK, questions?’

  ‘The timescale you have here?’ someone asked, accented.

  ‘The building work, it’s getting quicker, more Irish builders arriving, and we learn how to make the nursing homes faster. Within a year we could see thirty nursing homes open and working.’

  ‘And the timescales for other places?’ the same man asked.

  ‘We hope to take between six to nine months for each nursing home, or group of homes, because experienced men from here will travel to other countries to supervise. We’ll use the same design and the same suppliers of materials.’

  ‘And to create fifty nursing homes in Europe?’

  ‘Around two years, since we have no shortage of builders on the mainland.’

  A lady asked, ‘If you do not have warehouse and import business here, what happens…’

  ‘What happens … will be that we could only open nursing homes for rich people and charge them a lot of money. If a business comes here and wants to open a nursing home like Frances House, they will pay local prices for food and drink, and then have no profit.

  ‘They would have to increase their charges, and then … it would be like any other expensive nursing home.’

  ‘Your competitors will struggle,’ she noted.

  ‘I created the warehouse first, I sought out partners in Asia, we buy in bulk and sell to the local island people here and to all of the hotels, and that way we can supply the nursing homes at a cheap price but also make some money.

  ‘Without that warehouse we would have no nursing homes here.’

  ‘And in Spain?’ she asked.

  ‘Local food and drink is cheaper than here, wages are lower than here, but we will also ship in some supplies, we will buy locally and buy in bulk, three month’s supply stored. That way I can charge you less per resident.’

  ‘Companies don’t ever want to charge us less…’

  ‘I am a politician, a socialist and a humanitarian first, company boss second. I will soon have five billion Euro under management in Britain for housing investments, and I personally make … zero.’

  Blair cut in, ‘He manages the funds but makes nothing from them, which is why we can trust him with the money.’

  ‘And if you are shot again…’ a man floated.

  ‘The businesses have been deliberately structured to run without me, they know what to do and will carry on. Don’t worry, the Kudulov Estate management team in New York are excellent at running things.’

  The Spanish delegate asked, ‘And your plan in my country?’

  ‘It’s starting to look like many investors want nursing homes for rich people there. My interest is social nursing homes, but we will also build nursing homes under contract for other investors, similar to the design you might have seen for Barclays Bank.

  ‘I think we’ll see fifty nursing homes there for the British Government, the money already placed with us, but then see fifty private nursing homes as well, south of Malaga.’

  ‘Many local jobs created,’ he noted.

  I nodded at him. ‘And local goods and services bought. And we’ll open a private nursing home in Mexico, just to upset the Americans.’

  They laughed.

  I added, ‘We’ll provide a good cheap nursing home there, cheaper drugs, no high American prices to make the drug companies there rich.’

  ‘And your relationship with the drug companies here?’ a lady asked.

  ‘Is a good one, because they know they need me. We buy drugs in bulk, a good price, and we allow their people in for drug studies, and here in Scorfo Valley we’re making offices for their staff, twenty rooms.’

  ‘If I may ask … about regeneration in Northern Ireland and Britain…’ a senior man piped up with.

  ‘Imagine a street with twenty houses. Six are empty, some used by drug addicts. No one wants to live in that street, house prices are low.

  ‘So we buy those six houses, we renovate, we rent out or sell, and the mood of the residents is better, all house prices higher, people want to live there again.

  ‘This we did in my home town, great successes seen. In Britain, my people look for the worst houses, not the best, we buy at very low prices – often from the bank who repossessed the house, and we renovate.

  ‘That renovation employs local people, a double benefit, especially in Northern Ireland. We then own the houses for many years, rent collected, then maybe to sell the house later.

  ‘We have the money, we don’t need to worry about a quick profit so much, so we hold the house for ten years.

  ‘In London, we look for an empty old building, we buy it, but we also buy other buildings near it so that we create a nice street, not just a nice building in a bad street.

  ‘People want to live in a street of nice houses, and you only need a few bad houses to affect everyone in the street. In Belfast we look for empty houses, bad houses, and we buy them, local Catholic men used to renovate, jobs created.

  ‘And if I take two thousand Catholic builders, and two thousand Protestant builders, and they make nursing homes … the effect on the economy in Northern Ireland is noticeable – it is not a big place. Just that the bars there have more women than men now.’

  They laughed.

  ‘And will you cooperate with EU directives regarding Northern Ireland?’ a man cheekily asked, getting a look from Blair.

  ‘To quote our next Prime Minister, Tony Blair, there’s no point in being in a club like Europe if we sit in the corner and sulk.’

  Smiles were adopted and heads were nodded.

  I continued, ‘The days of Thatcher are over, and we will be leading Europe, not following. I have businesses in Denmark, Sweden, France and Italy, and a good relationship with more than half the population of Europe.

  ‘I am European first, British second.’

  They applauded.

  ‘Tony Blair is British first, but he has me for talking to Europe, and I always by the drinks.’

  They laughed again.

  ‘What is needed next?’ a man asked.

  ‘You all need to consider your own internal policy on nursing home places and subsidies, and then what you can offer your citizens if they wish to go to one of my nursing homes in a hot country.

  ‘That policy needs to be law in six months to a year, no delays or arguments, a streamlined system. Britain, and other nations, need to consider what they’ll do with a citizen in Spain that has no money left, and is old and sick.

  ‘If you fly them home it is very expensive, and nursing care in northern Europe is expensive, so we need a plan for people who’re sleeping on the floor in Spain, a rescue plan, a cheap one.

  ‘In time, a Danish or Swedish pensioner, retired to Spain or even here, may run out of money and also have dementia.

  ‘If you have a nursing home in Spain you can just drive them there and treat them cheaply. Flying them home and using a local nursing home will be very expensive. So you need a plan, and within a year.

  ‘And I don’t need EU money, only a loan, the EU will get back its money. Each member state is then responsible for its own citizens in a nursing home in Portugal, Spain or Greece.

  ‘But you also need funeral plans, and local consular staff to deal with such things, a small local staff. You will all, very cruelly, need to open consulates here on this island and send some staff.’

  They laughed.

  I added, ‘What you need to do next is … not much, my people are already working quickly. But you need to look at state policy for social nursing home care … both at home and in other EU countries. I’ll now hand you over to my Prime Minister, to talk about our aims and hopes in social nursing home care in Britain.’

  He stood as I sat next to Bonza, a cold drink offered to me.

  Blair detailed our hopes for the future, and what we already knew about costs and the benefits of a Three-Phase, and he sung the praises of a policy that was best for the pensioner but also saved taxpayers’ money.

  The French President was invited up next, and he spoke of his desires to see many French citizens in a Three-Phase nursing home. But it sounded like he was preaching to his electorate.

  Food was served, small groups chatting, and after eating we headed to the buses, a trip through the city with a police escort and to Frances House, parking at the beach parking area.

  Down from the buses, delegates marvelled at the beach and the cafes and pools, residents spoken to for half an hour before I led them up under the main highway and to Frances House, where groups split up and had a look around, Henri the actor on his best behaviour in a suit but missing some teeth.

  I shook my head at him and then shook my fist at him.

  With Bonza, I led the Danish and Swedish team to an internal Phase One café, and we sat and spoke to residents in English, no complaints heard.

  I offered to a resident, ‘If I give you a million Euro … you go back to Paris?’

  ‘Pah! Never!’ was the consensus.

  A resident showed us her apartment and the view, and we sat with a cold white wine for ten minutes.

  Collecting everyone an hour later – toilets used first, we set off again in convoy, heading to Mandoch Valley, all of the delegates taking in the view as we emerged from the road tunnel, and we drove up past the recently finished yet unoccupied line of villas, to the cave hotel.

  Down from the buses, I led them to the special villa, whitewashed walls and a red tilled roof, now almost ready but today full of maids with cold drinks to offer, the pool full and inviting.

  I had not seen the villa close up before now, and now I marvelled at the terraces, large pots with shrubs in, benches to sit on and enjoy the view, the land around the villa now looking like a well-tended garden as it led down to the waterfall, pool and river.

  Stood around the villa pool with drinks in hand, the delegates also marvelled the villa and the view of the waterfall as the twins turned up in smart eveningwear, our two British cameraman filming them.

  ‘Bloody hell,’ came from Blair. ‘This villa is yours?’

  ‘Mine to sell, the proceeds to local charities. This was a barren valley when I got here, handed to me to build on.’

  He glanced over his shoulder. ‘That quote you attributed to me, I never made that quote.’

  ‘It’s the sort of thing you would say,’ I teased.

  ‘Little tinker.’

  ‘This from a man that has speech writers,’ I whispered.

  ‘Well … yes, true. And I’ll be coming to you for a few speeches, you’re always flawless.’

  ‘If you stick to the truth, and say what you want to say without thinking about what other people might want you to say, then you’ll also be flawless.’

  Emmanuelle closed in as the twins were chatting to delegates in a variety of languages. ‘This is your villa?’

  ‘The valley is mine to do with as I please. So I built the villas you can see and sold them, another twenty to be built here, and this one I built to sell at auction, it has a unique view.’