Why...? Why had everything gone so wrong?

  My head felt as crowded as a city street—loud, overwhelming, impossible to escape. But I couldn’t leave. I’d already accepted my friends’ invitation to stay for dinner. It would be rude to leave now. Besides, where would I go? Back to my lonely hotel room just to mope all night long?

  A groan escaped me. I felt so tired and worthless. The temporary comfort I felt around my good friends slipped away like smoke from a candle, vanishing into nothing. I couldn’t be around them constantly. They had their own lives, and it was rude of me to impose for my own selfish desires.

  Hot shame washed over me. Why had I wasted so much time recounting my awful memories? All it did was bring down the vibe. I shouldn’t have mentioned it at all. I’d kept it to myself all these years. It should’ve stayed locked up, out of sight, out of mind.

  My knees buckled and I leaned my weight against the sink. I was so stupid. I’d come to the bathroom to freshen up, not to cry. If I went downstairs with red puffy eyes, everyone would know I’d been sobbing again. I rubbed my forearm against my face to stave off tears.

  It’ll pass if I sit here for a minute, I thought, hoping to manifest it. Quietly... silently...

  The door flew open.

  Someone stormed in with loud, thunking steps.

  My heart rate exploded. I let out an involuntary yelp of fear as I slipped and fell backwards hard on the tile, smacking my tailbone.

  But when I saw the intruder’s identity, my heart stopped.

  Viol stood there, still as stagnant water, staring wide-eyed as if I was the last person he expected to see. A swarm of emotions crossed his face before settling into something guarded and civil.

  “What are you doing here?” he rasped. Then, louder, “Are you okay?”

  I nodded listlessly. My bruised bottom was the least of my concerns.

  “I’m... washing up.” My anxiety flared like a beacon. “Um, I can go. If you need to use the bathroom.”

  “No,” Viol barked. “I mean... it’s fine. You don’t have to do that.” He ran a hand aggressively through his hair, then blew out a breath. “Sorry, I didn’t expect anyone to be here.”

  I noticed Viol’s face was flushed, but in a sun-kissed way. He smelled like saltwater and open air. Had he spent all day on the beach after we parted ways?

  Viol’s gaze slid over me. For a moment I thought he’d reach out a hand to pull me upright, but instead, he sat across from me on the tiled floor, mirroring my pose.

  “Long day?” he asked through a sigh.

  “Y-yeah. For you, too?”

  A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I’ll fuckin’ say. Gaius cornered me and wanted my whole life’s story.”

  I didn’t know what inspired his sudden conversational attitude, but it was better than our awkward tension from earlier. I allowed my shoulders to relax as I hugged my knees to my chest.

  “That’s funny,” I murmured. “I was talking to my friends about that, too.”

  Viol’s brows lifted halfway to his hair. “You were?”

  I nodded, but dropped my gaze to the black tiles. “I was just telling Alaric, Taylor, and Muzo about... past things.”

  Viol’s eyes flashed, but he didn’t move or otherwise react. “Past things, huh? Like how you and I met?”

  I lifted my face. “How’d you know?”

  “I was telling Gaius the same thing.”

  My emotions teetered at a crossroads, unsure whether to be anxious or calm. Was Viol serious? I never expected him to open up about that. He kept it even closer to his chest than I did, practically buried between his ribs. Gaius must’ve really pestered him about it. Either that, or something had changed in Viol.

  We sat silently on the bathroom floor together for a while. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as awkward as I thought. It felt oddly comfortable—maybe because of our shared butt-on-floor discomfort.

  “Hey, Poppy,” Viol said gruffly. “There’s no normal way to ask this, but... is your ass okay? I mean, because you fell on it. When I came in. Because I startled you,” he muttered, each word coming out increasingly quiet.

  I let out a soft laugh. It always charmed me when he stumbled over his words. I did it all the time, but it was somehow sweeter when he did it.

  “Yes, I’m fine,” I promised. “Is that why you sat down? To empathize with me?”

  He shrugged, tossing a thumb over his shoulder. “Sort of. I also got baked out there, even in the shade, so the cold floor’s nice.”

  “That does sound nice,” I agreed.

  “And Gaius kept offering me these weird drinks. I don’t even know where they came from. Kept pulling them out like a fucking clown car.”

  I laughed again at the mental image. “That sounds like him.”

  The edges of Viol’s face softened. Somewhere beneath the harsh exterior was the young man I knew from a long time ago. The one with gentle purple eyes and a bright smile.

  But that wasn’t quite the face across from me. There were layers of sediment between the two expressions, worn and weathered by time. In my deepest heart, I wondered if he was still there at all—or if his old self had been stripped away from him.

  Viol met my gaze evenly. “You seem down.”

  “Old memories. You know how it is.”

  Viol winced, bringing his hands together to fidget with his index fingers. “Listen, I’m sorry. I was being a dick this morning. I hope you’re not in a bad mood because of me.”

  His apology surprised me. I didn’t feel like I deserved one.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong,” I pointed out.

  Viol scoffed. “Come on, Poppy. Don’t be so damned nice.”

  “I’m not trying to be,” I argued. “Really, I didn’t mind.”

  He narrowed his eyes as if pained. “I know I made you feel shitty. I freaked out for no reason and ditched you.”

  As he spoke, his voice choked. He bit his lip and turned away, staring at the shower on the other end of the room. I could tell he was trying not to cry. Seeing him like that refreshed my own tears, and I wiped them away on my sleeve.

  “Fuck. Sorry,” Viol muttered. He dug the heel of his palm into his eyes; like he was trying to hurt himself to disguise his tears. “I’m sick of doing that to you.”

  My heart hurt. I wanted to reach out and comfort him, but all I could weakly reply was, “It’s okay.”

  “Stop saying that,” Viol snapped, his voice breaking fully as he swivelled to face me. “It’s not. Don’t pretend it is. I’m a piece of shit! I’m a fucking asshole, Poppy!”

  I sucked in a small breath. I didn’t want Viol to speak about himself that way. Not when he was somebody I cared so deeply about.

  Overcoming my anxiety, I reached across the space between us and grasped his wrist. He stilled beneath my touch. His eyes darted to mine, almost fearful.

  “That’s enough,” I murmured. “I don’t want to hear you say those things anymore.”

  Pain twisted on Viol’s face. He clenched his eyes shut and dropped his head. A messy curtain of deep purple hair fell forward, blocking his face.

  “You’re too much, you know that?” he mumbled, sounding both haggard and fond. “Man... can’t a guy degrade himself in peace?”

  I frowned. “No.”

  A one-note laugh escaped him. “So final. I like that you found your voice only to tell me what I can and can’t do.”

  Heat crept across my cheeks. Had I gone too far?

  “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be controlling,” I murmured.

  Viol tossed his head back and laughed again. He’d brushed away the unshed tears, but his eyes remained wet and glistening, shining like dark amethysts.

  “You’re fine, Poppy,” Viol said softly.

  His kind words floated in the air like silk threads wrapping around my heart.

  I missed this. I missed him.

  Nerves choked my chest. I wanted to tell him how I felt. How badly I yearned for his companionship. How I was only able to bear the pain of revisiting those dark memories because of his presence in them.

  But I couldn’t say any of that.

  The words felt too big and frightening to force out of my throat. Like if I spoke them aloud, it would alter the world forever—and I didn’t know if I could handle that uncertain future.

  Instead, I kept quiet. Contained the living, breathing words inside. Kept them locked away behind my door of terror.

  Because if I ever let them free only to discover Viol felt differently, I wouldn’t be able to go on.

  “It’s getting late,” Viol said as he slowly got to his feet. “We should head down for dinner before someone barges in here and drags us by force. My brothers like doing stupid shit like that.”

  Even his irritated comment had a note of fondness in it. That lightened my mood. I stood up, grunting as my body adjusted to being upright instead of curled up on the bathroom floor.

  “Are you sure you want me here? I don’t have to stay for dinner,” I said, fussing with the hem of my sleeve.

  Viol shot me a halfhearted glare. “First of all, your friends would rip my face off if they found out I sent you home. Second...” He trailed off and swallowed. “I want you here, too, all right?”

  My spirits lifted. “Really?”

  “You can’t figure that out?” Viol grumbled. Before I could answer, he marched out of the bathroom, but held the door open as he waited for me. I walked past his outstretched arm, flashing a grateful smile. He blushed and hurried ahead downstairs while never straying further than a few strides ahead.

  My chest felt warm as we descended to the main floor together. The tension in the air was mostly gone. Being by Viol was comfortable and familiar; he’d slotted back into place like he’d never left my side. Selfishly, I wanted him to remain there forever. But he was his own person with his own life. I had no right to dictate his actions.

  I was just happy to cherish the moments as they came.

  11

  Viol

  With the way my heart pounded, I felt like a fucking teenager on the first day of school.

  My reaction was so embarrassing. Poppy and I were only walking next to each other. No big deal. So, why were my palms clammy? Why was my pulse racing?

  What a pathetic alpha I am, I thought irritably. Poppy doesn’t deserve an asshole like me who quakes in his goddamn boots because he’s nervous...

  As we reached the main floor, the house came alive. The kitchen sounded busy. Normally, everyone ate dinner at their own pace on different schedules, but tonight the stars had aligned and everyone came together for a big family event. The background hum of voices and laughter was cranked so high that the castle itself felt alive.

  I glanced sideways at Poppy, wondering if the chaos would be too much for him, but to my surprise, he hurried ahead with a wondrous look on his face, like he couldn’t wait to be part of the excitement.

  A lick of doubt made me pause. I’d always thought of Poppy as fragile and meek, but he was stronger than I gave him credit for.

  Besides, it wasn’t like I was the best at protecting him anyway.

  I paused before stepping into the bustling kitchen. Was it weird for both of us to show up simultaneously? Would my brothers make annoying, obtuse comments about it?

  While I got tangled up in my doubt, Poppy forged ahead. He was greeted by an uproar of friendly voices. My family, all welcoming him with open arms.

  A tiny, hopeful voice in the back of my mind whispered: It could be like this all the time.

  Meanwhile, I hesitated behind the kitchen doorway. I felt like I couldn’t join in right away. Like if I did, I’d shatter the peace somehow. As if Poppy’s presence was a blessing and mine was a curse.

  While I battled my own moodiness, I heard Muzo ask: “Where’s Viol?”

  “Huh?” Poppy said. “He was right behind me...”

  I ground my teeth. I figured I’d better make an entrance before I caused a scene. Keeping my head down, I slunk into the doorway and made a beeline for Poppy’s side as if I wasn’t late. Maybe if I was quick and subtle, nobody would make a big deal out of it.

  “Well, look who decided to join us,” Aurum quipped loud enough for everyone to hear.

  My eye twitched. I wanted to punt that stupid golden asshole into the sea.

  Deliberately ignoring him, I faced Poppy. “D’you want a drink?”

  He blinked gratefully at me. “Sure. I could use some water.”

  I nodded, then grabbed him a glass. When I returned, his friends had already floated over to surround him in a ring of omegas. Taylor, Muzo, and Alaric were already there, but Matteo and Mylo had joined, too. The only one missing was—

  Poppy gasped. “Rorik!”

  I turned to see Saffron and Rorik walking into the kitchen with their twins Andri and Jaki in tow.

  I stilled, clutching the water glass harder.

  Out of all the omegas, Rorik was the only one I’d had a semi-difficult relationship with. We’d worked it out when he moved in, but that was without Poppy around. With him present, it threw a wrench into things... At least, I worried it would.

  When the huge polar bear shifter locked gazes with Poppy, his eyes widened. “Poppy? You’re really here?”

  He crossed the room to hug Poppy, who laughed as he disappeared beneath the other man’s bulk.

  “What are you doing here?” Rorik asked.

  “It’s a long story,” Poppy said sheepishly. “Basically, Jade called and...”

  He launched into the tale while his omega friends clung to his every word. Their tight-knit circle was like a physical barrier protecting Poppy from the world.

  Hell, they were doing a better fucking job than I had.

  I hung back, feeling awkward and out of place. Like things would be easier if I wasn’t around. But at the same time, I didn’t want to be the annoying dickhead who caused an incident by running away and drawing attention to myself. I’d already done that this morning and it was embarrassing enough. So, I gritted my teeth, swallowed my discomfort, and slowly joined back in.

  Since Poppy was busy with his friends, I slunk over to Jade instead. I would’ve sidled up to Cobalt, but he was outside on the other side of the sliding door, manning the grill. I figured I should at least stay in the room, lest Aurum loudly and annoyingly demand to know where I went.

  Jade sipped an evening tea in one hand while unfolding the full length of the dining table with the other. We didn’t often use the whole thing due to our mismatched schedules.

  I grunted. “Let me help.”

  Jade arched his brows, apparently pleasantly surprised. “Sure. If you could unlock that hinge there...”

  I worked wordlessly. In a minute, we’d unfurled the entire table, but amid the chaos, it still felt too small for everybody.

  I snorted. “There’s too many of us. We should’ve just eaten dinner in the restaurant.”

  Jade shot me a knowing glance. “We could have,” he agreed. “But this feels more... intimate, don’t you think?”

  The fuck did he mean by that? I narrowed my eyes and asked, “So, this is a setup?”

  He chuckled lightly, pushing up his glasses. “Relax, Viol. Not everything is a ploy to upset you.”

  When he put it that way, I felt like a dickhead. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment at his jab.

  “Yeah,” I muttered.

  “How is it going with Poppy?”

  The question hit me like a sledgehammer. Jade didn’t beat around the damned bush.

  “What?” I blurted. “It’s fine. Nothing’s happening.” I glared at the empty tabletop instead of meeting his expectant gaze. “We need some fucking cutlery.”

  I stormed over to the drawers, grabbing as many knives and forks as possible in my fists, then marched back to dump them on the table. Jade sighed at the nearest crooked fork, then nudged it straight.

  “He looks happier now than he did this morning,” Jade pointed out.

  I stiffened. Poppy did look happier. Probably because he was chatting with his friends instead of being abandoned to solitary babysitting duty by yours truly.

  “Good,” I mumbled.

  “Did you two talk?”

  “What’s it matter?”

  Jade’s looming aura made it obvious that dodging his questions wasn’t an option. He pinned his intense stare on me like one of those herding dogs that corralled sheep. And I was the fucking sheep.

  “Yes, we talked, okay?” I admitted. “But nothing else. We spent most of the day apart.”

  “Is that right?” Jade replied as if he already knew.

  “Look, what d’you want me to do?” I said under my breath. “To throw myself at Poppy like the rest of you dirty fuckers? Sorry, but I ain’t doing that. For one thing, he’s only been here for a damn day. And he’s...”

  I trailed off before I could say gentle. Soft. Precious. Deserving of someone better than me.

  “Not like the other omegas,” I muttered instead.

  “What do you mean?” Jade asked casually as he straightened another fork.

  An old memory rose to the surface. My cheeks grew hot. That happened a long time ago. Things were different between us now.

  “I dunno. Poppy’s not...” It was hard to get the words out. I didn’t want to have this conversation, but Jade roped me into it. “He’s not... horny... like them.”

  That earned an abrupt laugh from Jade.

  “What?” I growled.

  He was still laughing as he pushed up his glasses. “Sorry. I’m not laughing at you, Viol. I was simply asking how your day went, and you jumped to a very interesting conclusion.”

  Mortified, my cheeks burned. “Oh, fuck off. Like you didn’t imply it!”

  “I didn’t imply anything,” Jade said innocently, raising his hands. “But I’m glad to hear your chivalrous nature remains intact.”

  I wanted to toss forks at his stupid smug face until he looked like a pincushion. I shoved my hands into my pockets so I wouldn’t be tempted.

  “What the fuck ever,” I grumbled, turning to storm off. “I’m done helping you with the damn—”