The kiss deepens but doesn’t explode like a flash fire. It’s a slow burn, a steady flame flickering, growing hotter as she melts into me. I bet she’s soft between the sheets. And I desperately want to find out if I’m right, but now probably isn’t the best time.

  I still allow my hand to drift down and find the dip in her spine, pulling her in tighter against me. She sucks in a breath when she feels me, hard for her. Her tongue meets mine, stroke for bold stroke, and I ease my hand lower until my fingers press into the swell of her ass.

  That’s the moment that her hands leave my hair and come to rest on my shoulders. Before she can push me away, I release her mouth and cup her face in my palms. I can’t meet her gaze yet, afraid I’ll be met with rejection I’m not strong enough to accept.

  Instead I skim her wet bottom lip with my thumb and come back for an easy, chaste kiss.

  “Dax.” Her tongue peeks out, then her teeth press into that plush skin.

  Slowly, I lift my gaze.

  “We can’t do this,” she whispers, but her eyes say something else, and so does her body.

  “I think we are doing this.”

  “What about Emme?”

  I bite my tongue against the things I want to say, like what about me and what I need, but she has a point. “We can keep it between us for now.”

  She opens her mouth to speak but I stop her again with my lips. And she responds, like I want her to, softening against me, letting me get lost in her. When I pull away this time, I stroke her cheek. “We have something.”

  “You’re looking for comfort,” she says softly.

  I don’t deny it. “I am.” A flash of hurt crosses her beautiful face, so I continue. “But that’s not all I’m looking for, Kailyn. I like you, I always have.”

  “Emme needs stability.”

  “I know. And I won’t push you to be that for her or me, just please, think about it before you say no. We can be friends when Emme’s around, and when she’s not we can see if there’s something more.” I drag a single finger from her jaw to her collarbone and she shivers. “I think there is and I think you feel it, too.”

  She looks so uncertain as her fingers drift along the edge of my jaw. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

  “Me, either.”

  She closes her eyes on a deep inhale. “I need time.”

  My stomach sinks. “I understand.”

  When she opens them again, her internal battle is clear. I wish what I was asking of her wasn’t weighed down with so much baggage. I wish I was in a position where I could give more than I take. It’s not just herself she’s worried about, it’s Emme, and maybe even me. Which is the exact reason I want her, because she understands, maybe a little too well, the gravity of getting involved with me. And I wouldn’t blame her if she said no, but selfishly, I want her to deem me worth the risk.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Girl Time

  Kailyn

  I run a finger across the cold smooth stone and bend to place the dahlias in front of my mother’s grave and the daisies by my dad’s. It’s quiet in the cemetery at this hour, the sun dropping lower in the sky and taking some of the heat of the day with it. I sink down between the stones, crossing my legs. It’s peaceful here.

  I was close with both of my parents, but my dad and I had a special relationship. He was the one I always went to for advice, and in those years after my mother passed, that closeness deepened, and then he was gone, too.

  I run my fingers across the petals of the daisies. “I’ve been taking on pro bono custody cases. I think you’d be proud, Dad. I kept a little girl from being bounced around in the system like I was. She has two amazing parents who love her just like you loved me. And now I’m working with a little boy and his foster family hoping to do the same.”

  I swallow back the tears, aware I’m stalling and Hope isn’t the reason I’m here. If my dad were alive and not just a memory, he’d be waiting patiently for me to get to the damn point with a smile on his face.

  “I met someone, but it’s complicated. He lost his parents recently, and he has a little sister he has to take care of now. It reminds me a lot of the way we were after Mom passed. Sort of. This is different, though. I think I like him.”

  I close my eyes, picturing my dad’s face, the way his brow would quirk and that small grin he’d wear, as if he knew I was leaving something out before I admitted it.

  “No. That’s not true. I more than like him. We have something and it scares me. For the first time since I lost you I feel…grounded. I mean, you know how much I love hugs.” I laugh and roll my eyes. “But with Dax I feel safe. Protected maybe? And I’m needed.”

  I can hear my dad’s But? in my head.

  “If I bring him over to my firm, I’ll make partner before I’m thirty, just like I promised I would, but I’m not sure if I want that anymore, at least not as much as I want to keep this feeling.”

  I try to get a handle on my emotions as tears slip down my cheeks. “I don’t want to disappoint you, but I don’t want my job to be the only thing that has meaning for me, and I don’t think you’d want me to do that. I’m a little scared of the way I feel about this man. I used to have such a crush on him as a teenager, Dad, and then for the longest time I hated him, or thought I did. But now that I’ve gotten a chance to really know him, the real him, it’s different. He’s such an incredible man, although I don’t think he realizes it.

  “But I worry I’m just a comfort for him and he only wants to be with me because I understand what he’s going through. I’m in a lot deeper than I meant to be. I’ve been so reluctant to let anyone else into my heart because I’m not sure I can handle another big loss. I know how hard it was for you when we lost Mom, and your heart never really recovered from that, did it? Eventually it gave out on us.” I consider the truth in that statement. How after my mom passed my dad seemed so lost in life without her, and how awful it was to be unable to find a way to bring his light back. “I think I’m falling for him, for both of them, and the possibility of having that is frightening, but I don’t know if I can walk away. I just…I want to do the right thing, but I’m not sure what that is anymore. I wish you were still here so you could tell me what to do.”

  The breeze ruffles the leaves on a nearby tree, and the blossoms float through the air like scented snowflakes, landing in my hair and my lap. Silence and stillness follow.

  “I miss you both.” I kiss my fingers and touch each stone before I leave, feeling lighter and heavier at the same time.

  I try to ignore my phone as it buzzes on my desk. If I don’t check the messages immediately, I somehow believe I have control over what’s happening with Dax.

  Holly was right when she said I needed to be careful, that it’s not just my heart that could end up broken.

  The more I see how difficult his job is, the more convinced I am that coming to Whitman is what’s best for him and Emme, regardless of whether I make partner.

  The policy on interoffice dating is a problem, though. Even worse, I have no idea how he’d react if he found out about the deal I made with Beverly. My head’s a mess, and with everything that’s happened, I’m no longer sure what I’m doing. Other than avoiding. Even the moral gray line I’m treading isn’t enough of a deterrent, which says a lot about my feelings for him.

  The phone buzzes again and I bang on my keyboard, nonsense letters running together. “Hold your ground,” I mutter. But it’s useless. My fingers are itching to reach out and grab it. I check the clock and force myself to wait two more minutes. When I finally do, I find that the messages aren’t from Dax, as I expect, but his sister.

  Emme: What ru doin this wknd?

  Emme: I have girl prob

  I frown as I study the messages, as if looking at them will unveil the issue. My first instinct is to call, but teen girls tend to rely on texting, so I fire off a message instead.

  Kailyn: What kind of girl prob?

  It takes a few minutes before I get a response.

  Emme: I need to go shopping n Dax wont understand.

  We message back and forth until I finally get the entire story. There’s a dance in a few weeks and she wants new clothes. She’s asking me to come shopping with her. Obviously I want to say yes, but I have to talk to Dax first, which means I have to call him.

  I haven’t had a full conversation with him since we made out in his kitchen two days ago. I’ve thought about that extended kiss incessantly. I relive it in my head over and over again; the way his hands roamed over my body, the way his lips moved over my skin. I’ve tried not to think about what it would be like to have sex with him. How attentive he would be, how good it would feel. Obviously, I’m unsuccessful.

  All of these thoughts flit through my head as I pull up his contact and hit Call. He picks up halfway through the second ring.

  “Hello?”

  Everything below and above the waist either clenches or perks up. “Hi. Hey. It’s Kailyn.”

  His voice is soft like silk. “How are you?”

  “Fine. Good. How are you?”

  “I’m good. I’m glad you called.”

  I bite my lip so I don’t tell him it’s nice to hear his voice.

  “Kailyn?”

  “Still here, sorry.” I take a breath, grounding myself. “Emme messaged me.”

  “Is she okay? Is everything okay?”

  “Everything’s fine. She’s fine. There’s a school dance coming up. Did you know about it?”

  “Oh. Yeah. She mentioned it a couple of times this week. I told her she could go. I mean, it’s good that she wants to do something normal with her friends, right?”

  “Yes, definitely, that’s very good.” Everything between us is a little awkward, probably because of me.

  “So Emme texted you to talk about a school dance? Did she want advice on boys or something?” His panic is comical.

  “Yes, it was about the dance, no, it wasn’t about boy advice. She asked me to take her clothes shopping, and I thought I would run it by you before I said yes.”

  “Oh. You don’t have to do that. I can take her.”

  “Have you ever taken a thirteen-year-old girl clothes shopping before?”

  “No, but how hard can it be? I take her to the mall, she picks out a few things she likes, and we should be good, right?”

  “In theory.” He really is adorably clueless about the way girls work. I didn’t even care all that much about fashion as a teenager but when a school dance rolled around, you better believe Holly and I were at the mall, spending whatever money our parents willingly handed over.

  “You sound so ominous. It’s just shopping, Kailyn.”

  “If you say so. But if you’re okay with it, I’m more than happy to tag along.” I realize I’m twirling my hair around my finger. This is why I wear it up in a bun so often. I pick up a pen and start doodling instead.

  “I don’t want to inconvenience you. I know you have a life, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this because Emme asked.”

  “I want to come if you’d like me there.” I tack on the last part to give him an out. The way my heart flutters is worrying.

  “Yeah?” He sounds heart-wrenchingly hopeful.

  “Yeah.”

  “She’s been asking about you. She’ll be excited that you can come. I’m glad she messaged you.”

  “Me, too. I’ll let her know and we can iron out the details.” I end the call and message Emme with the good news. I get about twenty excited GIFs in response, and we make a plan for Saturday. I head down the hall to the lounge to make myself a coffee.

  “Someone’s in a good mood,” Beverly comments.

  “Hmm?” I look up from my coffee mug.

  “You’re humming, and smiling.”

  I shrug. “Oh. Just a good day, I guess. Can I make you a coffee?”

  “That would be lovely.” She smiles and props her hip against the counter. “How are things with Daxton and his sister? Have you made any headway with him yet?”

  My smile falters the tiniest bit. She’s pushing this angle hard, and I’m not so sure how I feel about any of it anymore. “He’s concerned about making another big change right now. Having to interview, switch jobs, manage something new. It’s a lot to take on for him but he sees the benefits. It’s just going to take time.”

  “I’m sure you’re keen to make partner. You’ll figure out a way to convince him. What about the aunt? Do you think she’s going to back down?”

  “It’s unlikely. She’s looking to push the stability angle. Her age and her job are in her favor.” I’ve done some research on her. There isn’t much of a work history apart from her secretarial position at the school, which she’s held for the past several years. She has been married three times, however, which leads to some questions about her ability to provide emotional stability.

  Beverly nods, her lips pursed as she contemplates this for a moment. “Then you need to stress that we’d be flexible with hours here. Do you know what kind of salary they’re paying him there?” She raps on the counter with her long, French-manicured nails. “Matching or exceeding his current salary will definitely be an enticement.”

  I regard her over the lip of my coffee cup, testing the sweetness. “That’s a pretty personal question.”

  “You’ve been spending time with him, though, and he really does seem to trust you. I bet you could find out. Will you see him again this week?”

  I’m not sure the time I’ve been spending with Dax, with my tongue in his mouth, is the kind Beverly is referring to. “I will.”

  “Great. See what you get out of him.”

  A heavy feeling settles in my stomach as I hand Beverly her coffee and she saunters out of the lounge. I’m tipping the balance out of my favor, and I’m unsure who’s going to get hurt in the fall.

  On Saturday morning I meet Dax and Emme at the mall when it opens. Emme threads her arm through mine and leads me from store to store. Dax’s job is to keep us hydrated and carry the bags. Two hours into the shopping extravaganza and he looks about done.

  Emme disappears into a changing room with an armload of clothes, and Dax drops into a chair. “How long is this going to go on?”

  “We could be at it all day.” She’s having a great time. While I’m typically dressed in suits from Monday to Friday, my weekend wardrobe consists mostly of jeans in a multitude of colors, T-shirts, and Toms.

  Dax kicks at the toe of my llama-print shoes. “Your feet are tiny.”

  I wag my brows. “I can buy kids’ shoes if I want.”

  “What about clothes?”

  “I’m too curvy.”

  His eyes move over me in a slow sweep. “I like your curves.”

  Based on what I felt pressed up against my stomach the last time he kissed me, I believe him. I’m still not sure what to do about my feelings for him, if anything, but things have shifted between us, and it doesn’t feel as if it’s something I can control.

  Emme throws open the changing room door. She’s dressed in a pair of ripped, low-rise jeans, and a top that shows a good four inches of belly.

  “What the—”

  I kick his shin to shut him up. “I like the jeans.”

  Emme does a little spin. “Me, too! I don’t know about the shirt, though.”

  “I don’t think it fits the school dress code, does it? What if you wore a tank top under it?” I look around at the display close by and find a bright green tank. “Why don’t you put this on. Layers are totally in right now.”

  “Good idea!” She nabs the tank and disappears back inside the changing room.

  Dax groans under his breath. “Freaking belly tops?”

  I pat his shoulder. “This is only the beginning.”

  “Did you wear belly tops?”

  I lift a shoulder. “I had a couple.”

  He looks me over again, this time with a hint of something like disapproval. “Yeah, well, she’s only thirteen. She needs to dress like the kid she is, not a miniature adult looking to go to the club.”

  “She’s not walking around in booty shorts and bandeau bras, Dax.”

  “And she never will.”

  I laugh at his dark expression.

  Emme comes out a minute later with the bright green tank under the shirt. “That’s perfect! Isn’t it, Dax?” I nudge him.

  “Oh yeah, looks great.” He gives Emme two thumbs-up.

  We spend another half an hour in the store, Emme modeling outfits, Dax moaning about gray hair and committing murder and then balking at the five-hundred-dollar bill.

  He trails behind us, laden down with bags, complaining about being hungry.

  “Just one more store and we can break for something to eat,” Emme calls over her shoulder.

  She elbows me in the side and nods in the direction of a store. “I wanna go in there, but I don’t really want Dax to come.”

  I follow her gaze to the teenage version of Victoria’s Secret. “I’ll take care of it. You go on ahead and I’ll meet you in there.”

  “What are you going to say?”

  “I’ll just tell him this store is girls only.”

  “Okay.” She hugs me—something I’ve come to expect these days—and then rushes on ahead, disappearing inside.

  I turn, watching Dax’s eyes go wide as he takes in the storefront. He makes flailing hand gestures. “I thought we were clothes shopping.”

  “Bras and underwear constitute as clothes.”

  “For fuck’s sake. I’m going to need therapy after this.”

  I put a hand on his chest to stop him from following Emme into the store. “You’re not invited to this part of the shopping experience.”

  He frowns and sighs. Then digs around in his pocket and pulls out his wallet. Flipping it open, he fishes out a few hundred dollars. “Will this be enough?”

  “I should hope so.”

  He slips the money into my hand and then clasps it in both of mine. “Please just no thongs. I need her to be more little girl than teenager for a while longer. Then I can fool myself into believing boys aren’t going to be a problem soon.”