“You think I don’t have sympathy for what you feel? You’re fucking kidding me. I’ve never said a word, but I’m fighting a damn ghost.” Liam’s words are sharp and he’s clearly upset.

  “You’re fighting something on your own. I’ve never made you feel that way.”

  His eyes meet mine before he turns away again. “Maybe not, but seeing you with that razor. Clutching it to your chest wasn’t my imagination.”

  “You have two choices,” I say determined to end this, because he’s making it something it’s not. “You can either trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about or you can leave.”

  “So easy for you?”

  “Don’t.” I say with no room for an argument. “Don’t you dare make this my fault. This is all you.”

  Liam steps toward the door and my heart sinks. His hand rests on the doorknob and he turns to me. “I just need a minute. I’ll be right back.”

  I nod, understanding. “I can handle a minute.”

  He steps toward me, and in an instant, I’m in his arms. He holds me close and breathes me in. “It’ll never be more than that,” he vows and then releases me.

  I climb into bed and wait for his minute to pass.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  “No, Mom, I hear you,” I say while trying to put the food we need for Corolla in the bag. I figure if we’re going for a week, we should pack what we can.

  “Are you going to be back in time for her party?” she asks.

  She’s flying in three days before Aarabelle’s birthday party to help. The flight from Arkansas isn’t cheap, and no matter how many times I explain I’ll be back a full week beforehand, she isn’t grasping it.

  “Mom, everything will be fine. It’s a two-hour drive and Liam has to be back to work after that anyway.”

  “I’m ecstatic you guys are going away again,” she admits. My mother has been extremely supportive of my relationship with Liam. She’s always loved him and knowing how great he is with Aarabelle is enough for her.

  “Liam pretty much demanded it. I feel like shit taking off work again, but I’m going to do some stuff from there. I think it’s important though.”

  I’m really looking forward to the trip. After about a week of arguing with him on how I didn’t think it was fair to request time off again, Liam made a valid point. I work with a team of former SEALs. All of them have had deployments and work ups, they all know what it’s like to be the one leaving and wouldn’t begrudge me a chance to spend the time with him.

  Of course Mark gave me no argument and said he didn’t even need to run it by Jackson. I still felt guilty and almost hoped they would say no.

  “Well, I can’t wait to see you and that beautiful granddaughter of mine.”

  “We can’t wait to see you either. I’ll call you when I get back from Corolla.” I grab some snacks to throw in the bag. We leave in three days and at least this time I’ve had time to pack.

  “Okay, have fun. Love you.”

  We disconnect and I hear a car pull in the drive. The purr of the loud engine lets me know it’s Robin. Great, now he even has me calling the stupid car by its name. I head out toward the deck to see why Liam’s here. He told me he was super busy with training before the leave periods start.

  “Hey,” I say, pulling the blanket I grabbed off the couch around my shoulders.

  “Hey, sorry I only had a few minutes and I figured you’d rather hear it from me.” Liam looks pissed and determined. He pulls the brim of his uniform cover lower, so I can’t see his eyes.

  “Okay? What’s wrong?”

  He kicks his foot and I can already tell I’m not going to be happy. “I’m leaving tonight.”

  “What?” I exclaim.

  “I have to head out for a few days. We have a mission and they need us to go.”

  “But your leave starts tomorrow. We were leaving for Corolla,” I say and pull the blanket tighter.

  He looks up and I see the resolution. He doesn’t have a choice. “I know. I’ll try to be back…they said it’s a day or two. If we can’t leave on Friday, we’ll go as soon as I get back.”

  “I’m not taking off more time. I was having trouble with taking the five days.”

  Liam steps forward and places his hands on my shoulders. “I know. I’m not happy either, but I have to go. It’s a small team of guys.”

  “And you can’t give it to the other chief?” I ask, knowing he couldn’t.

  Life of a military girlfriend. Job comes first and we come second.

  “Natalie,” he says my name and he grips tight. “I have to be the one to go.”

  “Okay, I mean, I don’t have a choice. I hate this. I’m pissed, but it is what it is.”

  Liam pulls me close and his lips press against mine. He holds me tight against his body and keeps his mouth fused to mine. This kiss is desperate as if he’s memorizing me. His hands hold like vises around my arms. He doesn’t let up and I can’t help but think how this feels like goodbye. It’s like that kiss where you’re not sure you’ll ever have another one. I fight the urge to cry because I feel it in the tips of my toes. It’s hurting and I try to break away, but Liam keeps me against him.

  Finally, he pulls back. My breath is coming in short bursts. “What was that?” I ask.

  “I’ll see you as soon as I can. I’ll try to make it back before we were supposed to leave.” He brushes his hand across my cheek.

  “Liam,” I try to stop him but he keeps going. “Liam! Stop!” I start to jog after him and he stops. “You can’t kiss me like it was our last and then leave like that.” I hold my arms across my chest and he turns and looks at me.

  “I’ve never had to leave someone behind. I don’t know how this works,” he explains.

  I haven’t thought about how this would be for him. He’s been single.

  I step forward and wrap my arms around his stomach. “Well,” I say sweetly, “You tell me you love me and that you’ll see me soon. You kiss me tenderly and feel free to tell me how every minute you’re away from me will suck.” I grin and Liam’s arms encase me.

  “Oh, is that all?” he relaxes a little.

  “Well, any compliments will work.”

  “How about this…every second I’m away from you I’ll feel like my heart is missing.”

  “You can do better…” I smirk.

  He looks behind me and chuckles, “I will think of you every moment of every second.”

  “Better, but I could use a little swooning.”

  “Oh, Natalie, love of my life…I will hold my breath until I can breathe the same air as you and even then it will not be good enough because my lungs will be dead.”

  I laugh and pull him close. “Now you’re just being silly.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, more,” I say and lift up on my toes and kiss him. “Hurry back.”

  He doesn’t say another word and releases me. I stand here and watch him get in his car. The sound of the engine makes me jump and I fight the tears. I won’t let him see me cry. He waves and I wave back as he drives out of sight.

  I can do this. He’ll be back. I can handle it.

  Days pass and I don’t hear from him. I should be in Corolla right now, but instead I’m working from home while Aarabelle is at the sitter. I hate not being able to hear his voice. The training missions were different because he would call.

  Instead, now I sit and wonder. I worry that I’m going to turn on the news and see something has happened.

  God, I didn’t miss this part.

  I head out to the deck to get some sun. It’s still funny to me how we take this view for granted. I stare out at the horizon and get lost in my thoughts. My life is in a wonderful place. I have a beautiful daughter who makes my life worth living, a man who loves me and who I love, and a great job.

  My family will be here soon and then they can all see just how great things are. Faith works in mysterious ways. A year ago, I was unwilling to think I could be here. I thought I was destined to live alone and sad.

  I stand here looking out at the ocean, feeling a sense of serenity until I hear the sound of a car pulling into the driveway and I turn. The smile is instantaneous. He’s home. I need to lay eyes on him. I want to kiss him and hug him.

  I rush down the driveway and see Jackson and Mark walking up first. They look at the ground and walk slowly as if they’re about to destroy my world.

  No.

  No.

  Not again.

  No.

  My heart falters as they approach without looking at me. “No!” I scream out and begin to step backwards. “I can’t.” I begin to shake, but Mark moves to the side and I see Liam.

  He’s okay. “Oh my God, you’re okay!” I scream and rush toward him with tears falling. “I was so scared!” I begin to run and then Liam puts his hand up to stop me.

  My feet don’t move as Liam approaches, but doesn’t say a word. He just looks at me with so much pain in his eyes, I’m afraid he’s going to break.

  Oh, please tell me they didn’t lose someone.

  “Liam?” I ask hesitantly and take his face in my hands. “What’s wrong?” I feel his scruff against my palm and lean in to kiss him, but he jerks back slightly. I stare at him with wide eyes trying to figure out why he’s so forlorn. “Hey,” I say again. Still, he doesn’t speak.

  He closes his eyes while pulling my hands from his face. My fingers fall as he steps to the side, and then I see him.

  “Aaron?” my voice shakes.

  My chest heaves and I stare at his dark brown eyes and long hair. My husband…Oh, God.

  Aaron steps toward me and my heart stops beating.

  “Hi, baby.”

  * * *

  TO BE CONTINUED . . .

  * * *

  Liam and Natalie’s story continues in Conviction, available everywhere.

  Acknowledgments

  You’d think by the third time I’d have this down pat, however, it still is the hardest part. If I forget you, I’m sure I’ll hear about it but know I love you.

  My betas: Mandi, Jennifer, Melissa, Holly, Roxana, Megan, & Linda—I love you all and I couldn’t do this without you. Each time I send you the mini cliffhangers you come back for more. I love torturing you and making you smile. Thank you for your friendship!

  Christy Peckham: I couldn’t do this without you. You put up with all my crazy and still stick around. I’m so blessed to have you in my life and I don’t take that for granted. You make me smile when I want to cry, laugh when I’m already crying, and if I’m really gone, you get me pissed which helps. I love you!

  Melissa & Sharon: Melissa, thank you for not wanting to kill me or at least not actually doing it. I’m blessed to have a publicist like you. Every author should be so lucky as to work with you. Sharon, oh my love! You make me laugh and keep me anchored. Love you both Maleficent & Satan.

  Claire Contreras: They say people come into your life for a reason…I think it was to teach me the kind of woman I want to be. Your strength is astounding, your friendship never wavers and each day I’m grateful to know you. Love you to the moon!

  Bloggers: Without you, our books would never get seen. Thank you for taking the time to read and review, promote tirelessly, and for all your love and support.

  Stabby Birds: You girls are my rocks. I couldn’t imagine a place without each of you.

  Corinne Michaels Book Group: You guys are so much fun. Thank you for loving me and all my crazy. You truly make me smile each day I come in to check on the group. The words of encouragement and friendship overwhelm me each day.

  My test readers: Thank you for dropping whatever you are reading to let me know how you feel. You can’t imagine how much I appreciate you.

  A huge thank you to my editor, formatter, proofreader, and cover designer for making this book all that it is.

  Thank you, The Rockstars of Romance, for hosting everything for Consolation. I love you girl so much!

  Lauren Perry: Ahhhh thank you for finding Ben and Hannah! Your photos are the reason this book isn’t a standalone. Your art inspired me to make this story so much more than I planned. Thank you!

  Rinny, Melanie, Krissy: We’ve been friends since we were babies it seems like. We’ve had bad boyfriends, weddings, love, hate, friendship, sisterhood, and babies. Through it all, we’ve kept our friendship strong and it doesn’t matter that we go months without uttering a word. If I called tomorrow, I know you’d be here. It’s a friendship many will never be fortunate to experience. I love you so much.

  Crystal: Even when we bring out the most hostile parts of each other, we are able to find our friendship. I think it’s something special and unique that, no matter how ugly it gets, we see the beauty. Thank you for loaning me your husband to kill off. It was fun and we should totalllllly do it again!

  Tammi Ahmed: You are a graphic queen! Thank you for making me such beautiful art! I love every creation you come up with.

  My children: You two have no idea the depths of my love for you. Thank you for my great big hugs, my fun snuggles, and making me remember there’s more to life than books. You are my world.

  My husband: I met you when I wasn’t sure who I was. You loved me and helped me become the woman I am today. I may want to smack you but there’s no one else I’d rather build snowmen with.

  About the Author

  Corinne Michaels is the New York Times, USA Today, and Wall Street Journal Bestselling author of The Salvation Series (Beloved, Beholden, Consolation, Conviction & Defenseless), Say You’ll Stay, and Say You Want Me. She’s an emotional, witty, sarcastic, and fun loving mom of two beautiful children. Corinne is happily married to the man of her dreams and is a former Navy wife. After spending months away from her husband while he was deployed, reading and writing was her escape from the loneliness.

  * * *

  Both her maternal and paternal grandmothers were librarians, which only intensified her love of reading. After years of writing short stories, she couldn’t ignore the call to finish her debut novel, Beloved. Her alpha heroes are broken, beautiful, and will steal your heart.

  Books by Corinne Michaels

  The Salvation Series

  Beloved

  Beholden

  Consolation

  Conviction

  Defenseless

  Indefinite (Coming 2019)

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  Return to Me Series

  Say You’ll Stay

  Say You Want Me

  Say I’m Yours

  Say You Won’t Let Go: A Return to Me/Masters and Mercenaries Novella

  Standalone Novels: We Own Tonight

  One Last Time

  Not Until You

  If I Only Knew (Coming 2019)

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  Co-Written Novel with Melanie Harlow

  Hold You Close

  Beauty and the Mustache

  Penny Reid

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, rants, facts, contrivances, and incidents are either the product of the author’s questionable imagination or are used factitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead or undead, events, locales is entirely coincidental if not somewhat disturbing/concerning.

  * * *

  Copyright © 2014, 2015, 2016 by Penny Reid; All rights reserved.

  * * *

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, photographed, instagrammed, tweeted, twittered, twatted, tumbled, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without explicit written permission from the author.

  * * *

  Caped Publishing

  * * *

  Made in the United States of America

  * * *

  Second Edition: August 2014, June 2016

  * * *

  ISBN- 978-0-9892810-8-9

  * * *

  eBook Edition

  For Carl and Winnie

  I love you in death as I loved you in life; to the stars and beyond, just like always.

  Chapter One

  “There is no comfort anywhere for anyone who dreads to go home.”

  ― Laura Ingalls Wilder, Little Town on the Prairie

  It was 6:14 a.m. and I was awake.

  The engine revved for a third time—louder, longer, angrier.

  I know an engine can’t be angry, but this engine sounded angry. Specifically, it sounded angry with me. The engine must’ve been feeling pretty pissed in my general direction, because why else would it be waking me up after less than three hours of sleep?

  But what the engine didn’t know was that I was not afraid of its anger. I took crap from no engine, not anymore and especially not when the engine was under the control of one of my six brothers. Because now, I was a badass.

  The only way one of them would be awake at 6:14 in the morning was if they’d never gone to sleep the night before.

  Likely, they were either drunk or stoned or both.

  Lovely. Just…lovely.

  Good old boys revving their loud engines early in the morning was reason number thirty-three for why I never came home. I’d started making the list two days ago, when I’d decided that I had no choice but to fly to Tennessee.

  Though I hadn’t been home in eight years, my momma had visited me at college many times. Every year since I’d graduated four years ago with my BSN—a bachelor’s degree in nursing—I’d taken her on a vacation with me, just the two of us.