“Absolutely. They requested to walk through the venue one last time and make sure it’s going to be accessible without any issues. I want them to be reassured that everything will be taken care of.”

  “Of course, I completely understand.” And I do, but I’m also aware that they’re chatty, and that going over everything will be time-consuming because they won’t want to miss any of the finer details. Which means I’m going to lose a couple of hours to a meeting I didn’t plan for. And the Etsy projects that are waiting for me at home are going to have to wait a little longer. If things keep going the way they are, I might need to go on hiatus for a week or two so I can get caught up.

  “I know it’s not super convenient, but I figured you’d be able to manage it. I’d ask Harley, but this isn’t really her area of expertise.”

  “I’ll take care of it. Do you think you’ll be back in time to help set up the ballroom for tomorrow night?”

  “I’ll do my best. Hopefully whatever the dress issue is doesn’t end up being a big deal and doesn’t take too long.”

  “Right, okay. Well, I guess Harley and I can take care of it if it comes down to it.” I try to keep the annoyance out of my voice. I know the wedding is both stressful and exciting, but it’s eating more of her time rather than less these days. And it’s been three weeks. I shouldn’t feel like my heart is constantly in a meat grinder at this point.

  “Thanks, London. I owe you one.” She leans down and gives me a quick hug and then she’s off.

  I realize after she’s left that she didn’t, in fact, pull the file for me, so I have to go through Avery’s folders, and she doesn’t use the same labeling and filing system I do. It takes me twenty minutes before I finally manage to locate everything I need. I pull up the information for the meeting, including the list of things I need to cover when I meet with the Williamsons and the map showing the accessibility features in Spark House.

  I’ve just finished putting everything together when I catch the clip of heels coming down the hall. Avery never wears heels; they were a rarity before the accident and after it, an impossibility. Harley usually prefers flats unless we have a formal event.

  So I’m not surprised when a woman who isn’t my sister appears at the office entrance and knocks.

  I push back my chair and round the desk, calling out, “Come on in.”

  I’m shocked speechless when I realize it’s Selene.

  She gives me a small smile. “Hi, London. I know you weren’t expecting me, but I wondered if you had a moment to talk.”

  I don’t know what to do with my hands, so I clasp them behind my back. “I’m not seeing Jackson anymore. I haven’t spoken to him since the charity event.”

  She nods once, her smile turning sad. “That’s what I wanted to speak with you about.”

  I don’t want to be rude, and my knees feel suddenly weak, so I motion to my desk. “Would you like to sit?”

  “That would be great.” She follows me across the room and takes a seat in one of the chairs across from my desk.

  “Can I offer you something to drink? Sparkling water? Still? Coffee? Tea? A shot of tequila?”

  She chuckles. “The tequila sounds appealing, but water would be wonderful. Still please, if it isn’t too much trouble.”

  “Not at all.” I pour us both a glass and take the seat opposite her, rather than putting the barricade of the desk between us. As she lifts her glass to her mouth, I realize her hands are shaking.

  Selene sets the glass on the table beside her and folds her hands in her lap. “I’m not entirely sure what you overheard at the charity event, but I need to explain my side of the story.”

  “I never would have dated Jackson if I’d known that you were involved. I had no idea how extensive your history was. And I wouldn’t have attended the charity event either. I can’t imagine how you must have felt. I never wanted to be the other woman.”

  She gives me a small, apologetic smile. “You aren’t the other woman, London, you are the only woman.”

  I shake my head. “But you and Jackson. He proposed to you!”

  Selene runs her fingers along the handle of her purse, her expression reflecting a hint of embarrassment. “When he was twenty-two years old.”

  “You were still romantically involved,” I say softly.

  “But only because I pushed us to be.” Selene clears her throat and glances out the window. “I’ve never seen Jackson as broken up as he is right now, and that’s my fault. I didn’t realize how invested he was in his relationship with you. I never told him how I felt about him. I knew he only saw me as a friend, but I continued to pursue something more. It wasn’t fair to him.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Jackson asked me to marry him at a time in his life when things were very unstable. I knew he wasn’t asking for the right reasons, and I didn’t want to start a life with him that was tainted by loss and desperation on his part. I was never his girlfriend, so to get married? It seemed crazy. And as much as it hurt to say no, it was the right decision. We stayed friends, and eventually well … our relationship shifted. Jackson was very clear about it being casual, and I agreed, but I’d always assumed eventually, we would be more, and he would ask me to marry him. But for the right reasons.”

  “I overheard that part. I knew that he had proposed to someone, but I didn’t realize it was you. Or that you’d been involved for all those years.”

  “That’s what I’m trying to explain. We weren’t involved. Not in the way that you’re thinking. Yes, we slept together occasionally, but I was always the person initiating. Jackson didn’t come to me. I went to him. I kept trying to make us something we could never be. Yes, it was only when neither of us were with anyone, but I made it easy for him. I never asked for more and never told him I wanted more. There were years when we truly were just friends, so when he said we should stop sleeping with each other I thought it was just temporary. He’d said it once before, very early on, but I assured him back then that I wasn’t looking for commitment.” She pauses and looks up at the ceiling. “I should have realized this time was different, especially when he started spending more time with you.”

  “It doesn’t make the emotional connection you two have any less real,” I say.

  “You’re right. Which is why sleeping together was easy. We’re comfortable together. We know each other well. But we don’t have that spark. If we did, we would have been more a long time ago. I was holding onto an idea, not a reality. And I finally see it now. I want someone to love me the way Jackson loves you, London. And he does. Very much. He’s so broken up over this. I don’t want to be someone’s second choice, and that’s what I would always be for Jackson. I love him, and he will always be part of my life, but only as a friend. So please, London, talk to him. I don’t think I could live with myself if my misplaced expectations and feelings are the reason you never talk to Jackson again.”

  26

  HOLD ON TIGHT

  JACKSON

  I’m only half paying attention to what Mitchell is saying. I’ve been in Colorado for four days, and my focus has degraded exponentially since I’ve been here. Not that it was much better back in New York, but knowing that I’m this close to London and she’s still out of reach brings with it a level of pain I’ve only ever experienced once before.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket with a call. This isn’t unusual. I field phone calls all day long. Normally when I’m in a meeting, I’ll just ignore it. But for whatever reason, this time I don’t. I pull out my phone and glance at the screen, assuming I’ll send it to voicemail. Until I see London’s name and her gorgeous face—the photo I’ve assigned to her contact—flash across the screen.

  I hit the answer button and bring the phone to my ear. “Hello? London?”

  Mitchell stops speaking. I cover the receiver and hold up a finger, signaling I need to pause. “I’m sorry, I need to take this.”

  Mitchell looks like his head is going to explode. It’s a reasonable reaction considering we’re in the middle of a meeting with half a dozen people.

  “Hi, do you have a minute to talk?”

  “Yes. I absolutely have a minute. Is everything okay? Are you okay? How are you? I miss you.”

  So much for keeping my cool.

  I push my chair back from the table and stand, excusing myself from the room and Mitchell’s slightly horrified expression.

  “You weren’t on the Google Doc this morning.”

  That was not what I expected her to say.

  “I had an early morning conference call with someone in Europe, so I haven’t had a chance to log on.”

  “Oh.”

  “Is that why you called?” I hope she doesn’t hang up, not after waiting weeks for the chance to talk to her again.

  “I’m … I won’t lie, the last few weeks have been pretty awful. Selene came to see me today.”

  I feel like I need to sit down again. “What? Why? Are you okay?” Since the event, Selene and I have sat down and talked things out. For once she was completely honest with me and I think we’re in a better place now. As friends.

  “It wasn’t bad. Her visit, I mean. She explained where she was coming from and where she was at emotionally and how she’d perceived your relationship with her. I don’t know if you’re in New York, or if you’ll be in Colorado anytime soon, but—”

  “I’m here. Right now. I’m in Colorado. At my office.”

  “Oh. I had no idea. Can I meet you there?”

  “We could meet at my house if that would work for you.”

  “Yes. Okay. I think I can be there in an hour?”

  “Perfect. Drive safely, please.”

  “I will.”

  I end the call feeling slightly more hopeful than I have in the past several weeks. Which I realize might be stupid since I have no idea why London was calling me in the first place—whether she wants to try to work things out, or if whatever Selene said to her only solidifies her reason for walking away from me in the first place.

  I remember that I’ve walked out on a meeting, so I pop my head back into the conference room. I’ve known Harmon for a lot of years, both professionally and personally, so I’m hopeful that my walking out right now isn’t going to damage either relationship. I apologize, tell him I have a personal emergency that needs my attention and that I’ll call him tomorrow. I also make a mental note to send him and his wife a gift to make up for this.

  Then I’m heading to the parking garage so I can get to my place before London does.

  Less than an hour later, London arrives. I open the front door and there she is, wearing a pale dress, looking beautiful, nervous and tired. I want to pull her into my arms and just hold her. But I’m still uncertain of the direction this conversation is going to take, so I stay where I am.

  “Hi.” I don’t even know if the word comes out with sound, or if I just thought it.

  She gives me a small smile. “Hi.”

  “Come in. Would you like to sit? Can I offer you something to drink?”

  “I would like to sit. And water would be wonderful.”

  “I’ll be right back.” I berate myself for not having water already available. I’m so eager to get back to her that I nearly spill it all over the counter.

  I take a seat across from her, at the other end of the couch, not wanting to crowd her.

  “Thank you for agreeing to talk.” London takes a sip of her water and sets it on the coffee table.

  “Before you say anything, I want to apologize for not being entirely forthcoming about my relationship with Selene. I should have told you about our complicated past.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  “At the time, because it was in the past. At least it felt that way for me. Selene and I never dated. I never looked at what we had as more than friendship, which I see now was a mistake.”

  “Did you think I would be upset if I knew that you were still friends with her?”

  “Honestly? I don’t know if I even took that into consideration. Mostly I just don’t like talking about it because it was a dark time in my life.”

  “She told me she was always the one who pushed your physical relationship.”

  I rub my jaw. “That’s not fair to her. We’d had chemistry, and this might sound callous, but it was convenient and easier to appease those needs with someone who didn’t expect more from me than it was to try to put myself out there and meet someone new, especially considering my experiences with some of the previous women I’d been involved with. It doesn’t matter if she sought me out, I was a willing participant and she shouldn’t shoulder the blame. My romantic relationships have never been easy, maybe in part because I didn’t want to experience that kind of rejection again, and it was so closely tied to the loss of my parents, that those two things almost felt synonymous with each other,” I tell her, coming to realize that it’s exactly why I couldn’t and wouldn’t entertain getting serious. And why talking about it with anyone hasn’t been something I’ve ever been open to. The painfulness of it has been too deeply intertwined. “I was too afraid to really put myself out there. At least until you came along.”

  “I think I understand what you mean. You were already comfortable with each other. It was easier not to put your heart on the line with someone new, and since you’d already put your heart on the line with Selene and survived it, sleeping with her allowed you to take care of your personal needs, without the fear of getting attached again,” London says.

  “It sounds really awful when you put it that way.”

  “It doesn’t sound awful. It sounds like survival,” London says with a small smile, giving my words back to me. “And somewhat familiar. Although I never had an ex I could go to when I wanted my needs to be met, I do have these.” She raises both of her hands and wiggles her fingers, then maybe realizes what she’s insinuating and clasps her hands in her lap.

  “I consistently chose men I would never fall in love with. I don’t even think I realized that was what I was doing until I met you. And then I had all these feelings I’d never really experienced before. Not with this kind of intensity, anyway. I mean, I’d never even been jealous until Selene. I had no idea what to do with that feeling. When I went to the bathroom at the event, there was a group of women talking about Selene, and being … catty bitches.”

  I sit up straighter. “What women? What were they saying?”

  “I don’t know who they were, but they were gossiping, just being generally nasty. But they mentioned your relationship with Selene. And then when I overheard the two of you talking on the terrace, I just couldn’t handle any of it. I thought you didn’t trust me enough to be completely honest. And then I didn’t know what to believe. And I realize I should have given you a real chance to explain, but I felt like I’d been strung along.”

  “If I’d realized what Selene was holding onto, I wouldn’t have crossed that line with her, and that’s on me. I feel bad that I put you in that position. Omissions are the same as lies, and as embarrassing as it might be, I should have told you the truth. Selene and I talked last week. We both realize we made mistakes, but we also agree that we’re better off as friends.”

  “And is she okay with that? Just being friends?”

  “She seemed almost relieved. She told me that seeing how I was with you, and how broken up I was over you not speaking to me showed her what she wanted and deserved. If that makes sense?”

  “I think it does. You have a lot of years of being tied to each other one way or another. And it’s not as though you can just disappear from each other’s lives. You run in the same circles and know all the same people. And you work together on projects.”

  “All of that is true. Although depending on where you’re at and whether you’d be willing to give us another try, if you need me to avoid Selene, I can and will do that.”

  London gives me a small smile. “You don’t need to avoid her. And I don’t think that’s fair or reasonable. I believe you when you say you’re not interested in her romantically anymore, and I believe Selene when she told me she needed to let you go.”

  “Does that mean you’re willing to give me another chance?”

  “If you can be honest with me, even when it’s hard, then yes, we can try again.”

  “I promise that I’ll be open with you. I don’t ever want to put you through something like this again. I hated that I hurt you and I couldn’t fix it.”

  “This isn’t going to be easy.” She motions between us. “Especially with you being in New York more than you’re here.”

  “Well, I’m hoping that’s going to change a little, and that I’ll be able to work remotely. And I’m hopeful that with Spark House doing as well as it is, you’ll be able to hire on some additional help so you can work less and play a little more.”

  “That’s a conversation I’ll be having with Avery sooner rather than later.”

  I shift closer on the couch and extend my hand, palm up.

  London mirrors the shift and places her hand in mine. She exhales on a sigh. “The last few weeks were awful. It felt like my heart was constantly in a meat grinder.”

  “I’m so sorry. I wish I’d handled things differently.”

  “Honestly? Me too. I felt so blindsided. I was terrified to talk to you, the hurt was already so hard to handle and I didn’t feel like I could manage with more of it. And not just for me, but for my sisters, who had to deal with my moping around.”

  “I’m so sorry I put you through this. I’m sorry I put us both through this.” I squeeze her hand. “Trent will be very glad I’m no longer too morose to do anything but stare at walls. And I’m sure Mitchell will be happy that I can focus on something other than what an idiot I’ve been.”

  London laughs and I smile, thankful for her compassion and forgiveness. “We were quite the pair. I guess we better make sure the other one knows exactly where they stand, so we don’t end up in another morose situation again.”

  “In case you were unaware, I’m painfully in love with you, London, and I don’t plan to ever mess things up like this again, because I don’t want to have to go weeks without seeing your beautiful face.”