Chapter 17

  Harper

  My whole body is tense as I wait for his answer. I feel this electric buzz coursing through the space between us. I’ve walked toward the door, and Jason has followed me.

  I feel like I’ve been doing all of the talking. Every time he starts to open up to me, something holds him back. What is it?

  I wait for him, and still, he’s silent. Finally, I can’t take it anymore. I reach for the door handle. “If you won’t tell me, I need to leave. This isn’t healthy. I shouldn’t be here.”

  “Wait,” he says. There’s a deep crease between his brows. The corners of his mouth turn down. “There are things about me, Harper, that you don’t know. Things about my past.” I’ve seen him look like this before. That night in Switzerland, when he told me that his wife died.

  Seeing his pain so exposed makes my heart go out to him. I release the door handle.

  Jason’s eyes are burning with intensity. His muscular frame is so close that I could reach out and touch it if I wanted to.

  “Tell me,” I say. I don’t know how I’ll feel about the secrets that his past holds, but I want him to keep opening up to me.

  He steps closer and shakes his head. When he speaks, his voice is quiet. “If you knew, you’d be on the first plane back to Boston.”

  “How do you know that?” I ask.

  I move closer to him. He’s like a gravitational force, pulling me in.

  “Because. I’ve thought through every possible scenario, Harper. That’s what I learned in business school—how to predict outcomes. It wouldn’t be fair to—”

  I close the gap and press my body against his. That’s how gravity works: it’s an inevitable law. Our two bodies had to collide. I reach up, stopping his flow of words with a kiss. It all happens so quickly that I can barely think.

  And maybe that’s the point.

  My emotions have completely overcome my logic, and it feels good. I’ve been needing this kiss so badly, and now that it’s happening, it feels so right that I don’t know how we’ve managed to stay apart for so long.

  Our kiss grows more and more passionate, and soon Jason has me pinned against the wall. My mind is miles away. I can barely think, but when we come up for air, I speak.

  “How about we just stop thinking…for now? Let’s not do any thinking. Not until tomorrow.”

  Jason doesn’t answer me with words, but he answers me nonetheless. He kisses me again, lifting me up off of the ground as we move through the hotel suite, into the master bedroom.

  It’s not until I wake up the next morning that my logical mind rears its ugly head.

  What have I done?

  Making love to Jason was amazing, but what will happen now? I stare over at his empty pillow, which is so perfectly puffy that I can tell he hasn’t been lying in bed for a while now.

  When did he get up? When did he leave?

  I roll over in the other direction and check the bedside clock. It’s eight in the morning—the start of the school day. Shoot.

  I bolt upright, and the sheets and covers fall from my chest, which is bare. Immediately, I snatch the covers back up and hug them to me, peering around the room.

  The door is tightly closed, thankfully. But how am I going to make it out of here without Charlie seeing me and wondering what I’ve been doing in his dad’s bedroom? I’m feeling frantic now, and with the covers still tangled around me, I swing my legs over the edge of the bed. That’s when I see the note.

  It’s on a piece of legal paper, and it’s in Jason’s handwriting.

  Harper, I’ve taken Charlie out for some father-son time, since it’s our last day in Dublin. Be back in a couple of hours. Jason.

  The message leaves me second-guessing everything. Is he avoiding me? Does this mean that he regrets that last night ever happened?

  Well, at least I can make it out of this suite without facing Charlie’s questions.

  I slip out of the covers and locate my tank top and shorts, which are all the way over by the door. Blushing as I remember details from the night before, I pull my clothes on. After poking my head out of the bedroom to make sure that the coast is really clear, I hustle to the doorway and then hastily make it into my own suite. Once inside, I make a cup of coffee, take a quick shower, and dress.

  Maybe it’s a good thing that Jason has taken Charlie off of my hands. At least now I have some time to process what’s been happening between Jason and me.

  I throw my purse over my shoulder and head out of the hotel. I’ve always done my best thinking while walking, so once I’m in the fresh air, I let my feet carry me down the sidewalk.

  How am I feeling? I like Jason—a lot. What started out as a crush and a budding friendship has now blossomed into a deep sense of caring and connection. Not only am I becoming more and more emotionally attached to the man with every passing day, I’m also experiencing physical attraction on a mind-blowing level. When we kiss, my entire body screams “yes!’”; the time we spent in bed last night was unlike any encounter I’ve ever had before.

  I’m not super experienced, but I’m experienced enough to know that the kind of chemistry we share isn’t normal. It’s exceptional.

  But he’s my boss. Am I getting in way too far over my head? What will happen to my job if things with Jason turn sour?

  If we’ve both been so impulsive so far, what will stop us from being impulsive in the future? He could fire me at the drop of a hat.

  I’m so deep in thought that the city becomes almost a blur around me. I find myself walking along a path by the river.

  What does he think about this? He clearly has issues about intimacy, and I think that it has to do with his deceased wife. How could it not? And what did he mean, about the things from his past that would make me run from him? What is he hiding?

  There are cafes built up along the river’s edge, and the smell of freshly baked bread and hearty bacon wafts toward me each time I pass one by. I haven’t yet eaten breakfast, so when I see a cute cafe with an empty table right out in the sunshine, I take a seat.

  I’m still thinking over my dilemma as the waitress brings me a water and I place my order. Though the setting is gorgeous, I’m barely able to enjoy it. When my eggs and toast comes, I eat on autopilot. I’m too caught up in memories of everything that has happened since I met Jason to pay attention to the tastes.

  I feel almost like I’m watching a movie in my mind. I see Jason, jumping up onto the couch and then leaping toward the throw pillow, on the middle of the Roussillon’s lobby. I hear him laughing as I wrap my arms around him and we zoom down the hallway in the luggage cart. I hear him saying my name: “Harper, there’s things about me that you don’t know.”

  I’m trying to pay attention for any clues that might help me understand our situation, but the more I think about the time we’ve spent together, the more confused I get.

  When the waitress brings over my check, I turn and reach into my purse, which is hanging down off of the chair back. As I straighten up, wallet in hand, I catch sight of a man, two tables over.

  He looks to be in his thirties, wearing wide, dark sunglasses. There is a baseball hat pulled low over his brow. He’s looking right at me. I recognize him. Without a doubt, this is the man that I noticed yesterday while Charlie and I walked to the castle.

  I gasp.

  The waitress is waiting for me.

  “Everything all right, love?” she asks in her lilting accent.

  “Oh—fine. Yes.” I’m looking at the man as I speak. He’s still looking at me. He knows that I’ve spotted him, and I even think that he knows that I recognize him. As I look, he gives me a grin that makes my stomach turn.

  I look away, totally flustered. With shaking hands, I reach into my wallet and yank out some euros. I thrust them at the waitress, who folds them into her apron.

  “I’ll be right back with your change,” she says.

  I’m too shaken up to respond. She walks away. I look back to the table where the man was sitting, only now it’s empty. I spot him moving around the table that lies between us. He’s heading toward me.

  I reach for my bag, and am about to stand and leave, when he slides into a seat.

  “That was a quick breakfast,” he says, still grinning.

  I’m frozen in place. “Do I…? Do I know you?” My voice is trembling.

  “I don’t believe we’ve met, no. I’m a friend of Jason’s.”

  “Oh.” I feel my heart slowing down, just a little bit. But there’s something about this guy that I really don’t like.

  “Yes… Jason and I go way back,” the man says, grinning wider now, so that his crooked teeth are showing. “I don’t want to keep you, but do me a favor and tell Jason that Thomas Greening says hello, will you?”

  His voice is as smooth as butter. He’s being nice, but just on the surface—in the way that movie villains are nice.

  “I… Yes, I can do that,” I say.

  The waitress appears and hands me my change. She looks over at the man, and then back to me. “Oh! I didn’t realize you were expecting company! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought the check so fast!”

  “It’s no problem,” the man says, standing. “She wasn’t expecting me, I just dropped in to say hello.” He wraps his knuckles on the table as if to say goodbye. “I’m really glad I ran into you, Harper. Don’t forget to give Jason my message.”

  With that, he sidles away.

  The waitress departs too, and I’m left too stunned and scared to speak or move. I watch the man disappear into the bustling streets.

  I try my hardest to justify the encounter. The guy knows Jason, and maybe he lives around here. It could have just been a coincidence that I’ve seen him twice like this.

  I’m sure I would be able to convince myself that it was nothing, if it wasn’t for one thing.

  Harper.

  He called me Harper.

  How the hell does he know my name?

  Chapter 18

  Harper

  I’m out of breath, gasping.

  Every shadow on the streets has me spooked; every time I pass by one of the city’s narrow alleyways, I feel as if someone is lurking, about to jump out and grab me. My pace becomes faster and faster as I make my way back to the hotel, until I’m practically running.

  My heart is pounding as I stride down the hotel hallway, toward Jason’s suite. I need to talk to him. I need to tell him what just happened. Every cell in my body is on high alert; there was something not right about the way that man looked at me—as if he was a predator and I the prey.

  Every time I remember that grin, with his crooked yellow teeth, I feel nauseous with fear. I keep trying to rationalize everything—it was nothing. Just some guy who knows Jason. No big deal—but my gut knows otherwise.

  I reach Jason’s door and knock. In my worked-up state, my plea for entry sounds more like pounding than a polite knock. Oh well. I wait, but no one answers.

  Are Jason and Charlie still out in the city? He said they were going to have a couple hours of father-son time, but—I check my watch—it’s already noon. Shouldn’t they be back by now?

  I lift my fist and hammer on the door again.

  “Harper?” A sound behind me makes me start. I whirl around, and place my hand on my heart as I see Jason and Charlie, walking down the hallway toward me.

  Jason eyes me. “Everything okay?” he asks.

  I must look like a mess. I certainly feel like a mess.

  “No, not really.” I look down at Charlie, and see that he’s reading my lips. He looks worried; he’s picking up on my energy. “Could we talk alone?” I ask Jason.

  He nods, and then signs to Charlie. “Why don’t you go inside and get started on that puzzle, buddy? I’ll be in soon. There are juice boxes in the fridge.”

  Charlie smiles. I see that there’s a toy-store bag in his hand, and the edge of a puzzle box is poking out of the top.

  “Okay, Dad!” Charlie signs. “Can I open the door?”

  Jason nods and hands over the key card. Charlie looks delighted as he stands on his tip toes and swipes it, making the lock flash a green light. Then he disappears into the suite.

  “What’s going on?” Jason asks. “Are you upset that I left you this morning? Harper, I’m sorry. I just thought—”

  “Does the name Thomas Greening mean anything to you?”

  Jason turns pale.

  “It does, doesn’t it?” I say. “Jason, you have to tell me what’s going on.”

  “What do you mean… Where did you see that name?”

  “I didn’t see that name… I saw that man. Thomas Greening. At least, that’s who he said he was. He followed me yesterday, when Charlie and I walked to the castle.” I’m speaking in a hushed voice, as if Greening might be lurking around the corner, trying to eavesdrop.

  I really am becoming paranoid.

  “And today, I went for a walk down by the river and sat down at a cafe. He was there, Jason. He sat down at my table with me. He told me to tell you that he says hello.”

  Jason presses both hands to his face. He rubs his hands up and down, as if he could somehow wash my statement away with the scrubbing motion. “No, no, no,” he says. “No, that can’t be right.”

  “I’m not making this up,” I hiss.

  Jason curses several times, under his breath.

  “Jason, tell me what’s going on. He said that you two go way back. Who is he?”

  Jason holds up a hand. “Just let me think for a minute, damn it!” he snaps.

  I cross my arms. I’m trying to keep this separate from my feelings about last night, but suddenly I feel the two events merging into each other. Jason shouldn’t snap at me. We made love last night, for goodness’ sake. Why is he acting like this?

  Does he care about me at all?

  “Yeah,” I mumble, totally shutting down now. “Fine. Take all the time you want.”

  I begin burrowing in my purse, searching for my key card. I feel, suddenly, like I might cry. It’s as though all of my fear is melting into sadness. I’m at such a breaking point, it takes me far too long to find the key. I feel like a crazy person as I scrabble through my purse.

  Just breathe, I remind myself, as I search the same pocket for the fourth time, and finally find the darn key. Breathe, Harper. In and out.

  I don’t know what is making me feel worse—the fact that some creepy dude is stalking me, or the fact that Jason didn’t react by sweeping me into his arms and giving me a kiss. Instead, Jason is reacting by pushing me away.

  As usual.

  It’s like our kiss outside of the Italian restaurant all over again. Only this time, his rejection feels even worse.

  “He knew my name, Jason!” My voice is loud, and shrill. I lower it, pushing my bangs away from my face. “He knew my name.” I repeat.

  “Calm down,” Jason says.

  “I can’t.” My voice is trembling. It’s the truth. I need him right now. I need him to hold me, and he’s not—even after all that happened between us last night. I don’t know what to do with myself.

  “I can figure this out,” Jason says. “Don’t worry.”

  Of course he said “I”. In Jason’s world, there is no “we”. Why did I think that he would change for me?

  “Fine. You do that.” I say. I swipe the key card into the lock, and turn away from him. I’m trembling with anger and hurt.

  I open the door, and before stepping inside, I turn back to him.

  “You don’t even care about last night, do you?” I ask, tears now prickling my eyes. “And you don’t care about me enough to tell me what’s going on. I don’t think I can do this anymore, Jason.”

  I press my lips together, trying to gather myself for what I have to say next. Then I take a jagged breath and finally summon the strength to say the words I know I need to say. “If you’re going to keep pushing me away like this, maybe it’s not a good idea for me to work for you anymore—or whatever this relationship is. I don’t even know anymore.”

  I pause. I want him to protest.

  He doesn’t.

  Our eyes meet. I’m begging him to speak.

  Now, Jason. Kiss me, now.

  He doesn’t move.

  I can’t wait any longer without seeming like a fool, so I step into my hotel suite, and close the door behind me, leaving Jason standing frozen in the hallway.

  Chapter 19

  Harper

  I do my best to keep Charlie entertained for the journey back to New York. We’ve gone through every castle activity page that I printed, and now I’m quizzing him with multiplication flash cards.

  I spent the entire night tossing and turning and my eyes are burning with fatigue because of it. I can barely keep them open.

  We’re only in hour two of our seven-hour flight. It’s going to be a long seven hours.

  Jason is barely looking at me. He’s been typing on his computer, with headphones on, since the jet left the runway.

  Charlie signs. “Is that right?”

  I have no idea what he said. I look down at the card in my hands. Three times five. Charlie is great with his fives, so I sign “yes” as a guess, and move to the next card.

  “What’s wrong, Harper?” Charlie asks, instead of answering the next math problem.

  “I’m okay,” I answer.

  He shakes his head. “You look sad. Are you in a fight with my dad?”

  Immediately, I glance up. Jason’s eyes are trained down at his screen, and I don’t think he’s paying attention to us, but I turn my body away, blocking my hands as I sign a response.

  “Your dad and me are friends,” I explain, “but sometimes friends don’t get along that well, right?”

  I have to be honest with Charlie. He’s seen the way Jason and I have been acting toward each other all morning. Instead of greeting each other with smiles, we nodded a wary hello. Instead of looping his arm around me as we walk to the jet, Jason stayed five feet away from me. We only spoke to each other to discuss the necessities: where and when to meet, who is to be with Charlie, and how to check out of the hotel.