There was no answer. Lifting her hand to rub at aching and tired eyes, Davina realised she still held her bag. She sighed, a long echo of sound. “I need to work.”

  So, with little enthusiasm, Davina hefted the bag and retrieved the laptop and files. Work had always fixed everything before and would again now.

  Chapter

  Eleven

  Micah scrutinised his work. “Shit,” he declared, and grappled the canvas from the stand. It was garbage, just like most of the pieces he’d started and discarded in the last few days. The urgency that drove him right now was centred around the one thing he couldn’t have. The woman who refused to answer his calls, who hadn’t turned up at meditation and hadn’t acknowledged his flowers.

  He hadn’t taken her for a quitter. And yet, she’s dodging you.

  The pull to work with the sketch he’d completed he’d but so far ignored, at the back of his pad, called. With a huff, he stalked to the table where he’d left it, tore through the pages until the back one, Davina, was before him.

  His fingers itched to trace the lines he’d engraved on the page.

  Do it, his heart urged.

  “I shouldn’t. I should close this up and ignore it.” He couldn’t, though.

  Urgency vibrated. Without thinking, he reached for a large, prepped canvas, fitted it to the painting stand. Tore the page from the book and taped it to the corner. “I’ve got to get her out of my head.”

  He wiped his fingers carefully on the old rag lying beside the chalk sticks, imagined in his mind the strokes and colours, the shading and textures.

  He reached over and began.

  Three weeks had passed since Davina had pushed Micah from her unit. Three weeks where she’d wallowed and worked herself to exhaustion until she fell into bed at night. Not that she didn’t think about him. She did. Every day, he was there in her memories. Either looking at the artwork in her lounge or lying in her bed.

  Every time her phone rang, she’d checked the number. He’d tried in the first week every day. Driving into her car spot, she spied the place where he’d parked. At the door, she remembered his indulgent smile, waiting for her to open the door.

  At work, Adele had enquired casually a time or two about ‘Mr. Flowers’, as she’d dubbed him.

  The longer she stayed away from Micah, the more she ached.

  Every night was a replay of their time together. The good, the fucking exceptional, and the horrible way she’d ended it.

  Elyse rang and asked what was happening. Davina prevaricated, unwilling to admit to her friend exactly what she’d done.

  Her mother returned from Bali, new husband in tow and gushing about the great time she’d had. Not once had she noted that Davina was low. Davina endured a quick restaurant meal with the happy couple, then decamped, unable to be around people clearly besotted with each other.

  Laura called with a baby update and news from her half-siblings. From her father, nothing. She had expected nothing else.

  Life passed by in a slow and painful blur.

  “I don’t need a man,” she whispered. True, she didn’t need any man. She needed Micah. Tears welled, and she scrubbed at her face. “I need to get out of this mood.” She clambered from the bed, well-aware that moping would only lead to worse things.

  The envelope which arrived yesterday from him waited on her dresser. Her eyes settled on it. Her fingers itched to open it.

  Instead, she whirled and headed for the bathroom. A quick shower refreshed her somewhat, and she tugged on comfortable jogging pants and a matching top. Perhaps some vigorous exercise would help take her mind off him.

  It was only a matter of minutes. Key and card shoved in the tiny zip up pocket of her pants, phone stuffed into a small waistband carrier. She hit the road, moving fast. Trying to outrun her demons, to numb her body and suppress the urge to ring Micah.

  The sultry weather closed around her like a thick, oppressive glove. Sweat poured over her skin. Muscles burned in anguish, tested to their limits in the now unfamiliar rhythm and exertion.

  Into mile three, she slowed to a jog, followed by a walk, exhausted, and every muscle trembled as she entered a local coffee shop zone. Davina hunched over as she gave into her lungs need for oxygen. Breathing deeply until the shudders and bellowing of her chest passed.

  Rehydrate, she told her body.

  Entering the first small shop, she moved to the fridge, reached for a bottle of coconut water. The cool air flowed over her sticky body, and she shivered. A hand reached past her and grabbed a cold green tea.

  “Don’t get too cold, your muscles will seize.”

  Micah.

  “I… Uh, nice to see you, Micah.” She turned, cursing her bad luck at looking sweaty when they met again. She closed the door, wishing the ground would just swallow her here and now.

  “You cancelled your classes with Karly. Why?”

  Feeling like a deer under headlights, Davina ducked her head and moved to the counter. “Umm work and stuff.”

  She paid for her drink, and aware Micah would simply follow if she left, Davina waited, her stomach a mass of knots. How can I explain without sounding foolish?

  He joined her outside, and they found a table with a pair of wrought-iron seats. She sank down gratefully, her mind whirling.

  “Davina?”

  She moistened her lips. “Because it terrified me.” Davina angled her head away, so he wouldn’t see the turmoil and regret in her eyes. “I said some pretty unconscionable things to you, Micah. I mean, you said you weren’t just in it for the sex and I pushed and prodded. I made you out to be the bad guy. You didn’t deserve that, and I need you to understand I spend so much time in my head, I just…” Davina swiped at the lock of hair that broke loose from its confinement. When she looked at him now, she had to bite her lip hard, teeth pressing down on unprotected flesh. “I was so wrong, and I let my fears cloud my judgement. You didn’t deserve any of the nastiness I heaped on you.”

  His grave look had her stomach churning. “No, I didn’t. But I also understand you’re hurting.”

  “Ha! You’re far too kind to me. I don’t deserve you cutting me a break. I was rude and awful when I had absolutely no reason to act like I did.”

  He reached out, his hand sliding over the one she held her drink in. “I knew about your family. You’d told me. It's why I gave you space, but Davina, you can’t keep running from your past. You have to face it. Talk to them and find a path forward.”

  Now Davina laughed. “You sound like Karly!”

  “I’ve been taking some private lessons and talking to her a bit. I’m really keen to learn more. But Davina? I’d love to share that with you.”

  The burn of pleasure scoured her. Washed over her. She closed her eyes as the thud of her heart increased. “I… I want that too, Micah.”

  “Then let me take you home.”

  She felt the tug of his hands, her lids raising as she noted the flare of heat in his gaze. “Yes. Yes, I will.”

  Unsure where the next encounter would lead them, Micah ushered Davina to the vehicle. She climbed in, apologising for her appearance.

  Her cheeks rosy, her hair wild, but there was a definite sparkle in her eyes. One he hadn’t seen before.

  The last three weeks had been hell. The more he tried to contact her, the harder she’d shut him out. He’d sent flowers, but she hadn’t acknowledged them.

  He noted the lines of strain around her eyes, and the unmistakable truth was she’d also lost weight. She wasn’t big by anyone’s stretch, so the lost pounds were more than noticeable.

  The silence stretched as he drove in the gate and parked beside her vehicle. Without a word, they climbed out. He locked it and watched as she pushed the button to close the gate behind them. Then they entered the residential area.

  At her door, he waited as she shoved the key in the lock.

  As Davina glanced over her shoulder, he saw concern. “Look, I don’t have to come in.”

  “Please. I’d like to talk, you know.” She half shrugged and pushed in through the opening, so he followed her through to the lounge, the door closing behind him.

  Davina hovered. “Would you like a drink?”

  He didn’t really, but clearly she needed something to occupy herself, given she didn’t settle in the chair near him.

  Micah waited for her to return, a glass in each hand. She handed one over, then moved to the far end, and settled in the seat.

  “What would you like to discuss?”

  “I’m wanting to continue learning about meditation and the kundalini bit intrigues me. So, I did some reading—” and here Davina turned crimson, and it took great pains to hold the smile at bay. “I need someone to practice with, and I don’t feel comfortable asking anyone else. I mean…” Her hands twisted in the air; agitation palpable. “Look, I started this journey with you and to be honest—”

  “Always the best policy,” he interjected.

  “Yeah… Look, I like you. I’m attracted to you and find you sexually satisfying and…” Davina shook her head. “I’m making a hash of this,” she muttered.

  “You enjoy sex with me?”

  At his blunt comment, she blinked, then nodded. “Yes. You’re sexy and strong and I feel safe when you touch me.”

  A seismic shift took place inside his chest. It wasn’t a protestation of love, but it was a gigantic step for her. He doubted she ever admitted this to anyone else.

  “And how do you see this progressing, Davina?”

  She reached out, took a deep drink of her water as quiet settled over the room. Micah waited. He could afford to be patient. Even more, he refused to lead her along, then have her cry he’d coerced her. If he wanted an all-in partnership, she’d have to come to terms with it herself.

  “I… I’m not sure I want to learn more about meditation from Karly. I’m thinking we could investigate it together. I found…” here Davina cleared her throat, the crimson of her face deepening. “On the internet there're these tutorials. And books. But I’m not sure I’m really comfortable with someone directing…”

  “Ah. Yes, Karly and I discussed that. She said some proponents of Kundalini don’t like external direction and prefer to practice away from others. That they see it as a form of private meditation and growth. She’s suggested some books we might find useful. Or me. I didn’t discuss you.” It was important that she realised he would betray nothing, she said.

  “Alright, so books?”

  “And videos.”

  Davina’s face flamed.

  “I’m not into pornography and—”

  He sputtered, aware that his face probably mirrored his surprise. “It’s not pornography. It’s actually someone discussing various aspects of the meditative side. She’s talking and offering poses and information with lifelike dolls. It involved no humans, apart from the presenter in the clips I watched.”

  “Oh…,” Davina blinked.

  He found her confusion endearing. His brain urged him to be cautious with Davina right now, while he simply wanted to reach out and …. “Davina, can I touch you?”

  Her slow nod spurred him forward. He moved, shifted to the seat next to her. Every move careful so as not to spook her.

  A heartbeat and a second passed.

  He moved one hand, bringing it to rest on her knee.

  Nerves quivered beneath his careful touch, but he stilled his fingers, waiting for the reaction to pass, all the while hoping the rapid tattoo in his chest would settle.

  “Uh, Micah? Would you come with me?”

  She slid his hand away, rose, then reached out to him. Her eyes beckoned and, unable to say no, he followed her to the meditation room.

  In the doorway, he stilled, unsure what would happen next. She slipped off her top and leggings, so only a thin layer of cotton covered her.

  His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, belly aflame with sudden hunger. His mouth dry and his lips… He licked them, hunger roaring.

  With slow graceful moves, Davina dropped to the mound of cushions. “Get comfortable.”

  Fingers fumbled with his belt as he toed out of his shoes. Socks can wait. Micah’s jeans hit the floor with a thud, and he shrugged off his shirt. Naked apart from silky boxers, he settled into the basic position while his gaze settled on her face.

  “We should breathe.” Her eyes entreated something from him. If only he knew what it was.

  With an aching chest, he closed his eyes, inwardly groping for the centre that would balance him.

  In and out. Hear, feel, taste… Every effort sank into finding the peace he’d now come to associate with his meditative practices.

  With every breath, he felt the movement of his chest, the way it welcomed the oxygen into his lungs and expelled the carbon dioxide, his mind slowing from the raging pace. Now he noted the sound of her breaths, the scent of her.

  It felt right.

  Firmly settling himself, he opened his eyes. Davina’s gaze settled on his.

  “Let me try something,” he croaked, and Davina blinked.

  “Yes.”

  Without jerking, he scootched forward, moving over the mound of pillows until he was opposite her, then extended his legs so they were bracketing her body.

  Davina frowned.

  “Open your legs and slide them over mine.”

  It took a moment as she fidgeted but complied.

  Afraid he’d scared her, he whispered, “simply breathe.”

  Once more, they concentrated until his need settled. Now, when he opened his eyes, he pressed his hand against his chest. “My heart beats.” He felt the thud and revelled in the feeling of being alive.

  Now he reached out for her. “Place your hand where mine was. Feel the way my heart beats for you.” He settled his hand over her heart. “Close your eyes and feel the connection.”

  His beat settled into a rhythm in synch with hers.

  They stayed like that for long moments, simple communion between them deepening the bond between them.

  When she pulled away, her gaze roamed his face. “That was… amazing.”

  “There’s a lot more. That one is purely to help us harmonise. Karly gave me a list of a couple of introductory things to work on until we find our way forward.”

  “And it’s not all about sex, is it? It’s about learning to be together in harmony. I guess I didn’t really think about that when I first signed up to the lessons.”

  He couldn’t help quirking an eyebrow. “Really?”

  Davina snickered. “Were you looking for anything else?”

  “Really? No. What I didn’t realise is that I’d meet you. That I’d want more and that the practice would become a new cornerstone in my life.”

  She rose. “How about I go make tea and change? I’d really like to learn more about what you were looking for and what you’ve got out of it so far.”

  “Better yet, how about I make the tea? You go change or whatever and by the time you’re done, we’ll be ready.”

  Chapter

  Twelve

  Davina didn’t exactly plan to take forever changing, she just vacillated after a quick shower. Leggings were comfortable, but jeans like him made sense. Did she wear a loose blouse or t-shirt? In the end, with a growl, she grabbed the leggings and oversize tunic and shoved them over her underwear.

  Isn’t it funny I didn’t feel the least bit embarrassed about stripping down in front of him?

  The thought flashed through her mind, and she bit her lip firmly. “Don’t go overthinking, Davina. It’s how you got yourself in trouble before.”

  Tossing her clothes into the hamper, she flung open the door and wandered to the table Micah had set with cups, teapot and some biscuits. She couldn’t control her grin, realising he’d found her secret stash of jammy shortbreads.

  With a sigh, Davina dropped into a seat. “So…”

  “How’s everything going at work? I know you were having assistant problems.”

  “Ah. A new one started, and she looks like she’ll work out for me. I um, I’m thinking of taking some time off, though. I need to do some re-evaluating of my life.”

  “When?”

  She licked her lips. “I thought maybe in two weeks. I was going to call you. Talk to you. Apologise again, because I was awful.” She picked up a teaspoon, scooped some sugar into her cup and poured the tea, then realised she’d done it the wrong way around and sighed. “I shouldn’t have accused you of lying. It was more than unfair, and I know you were honest all the way along. I guess, I got scared and was trying to get rid of you before I could get involved.”

  Davina shrugged.

  Micah remained quiet, as if aware she needed to say the words before she could dodge them again.

  “I’m not good with people getting close. I started down the meditation path because I was looking for someone who’d—I guess—scratch the itch.”

  “And now?”

  Her gaze slid away from his. “I really don’t know. That’s part of my problem, because I’m confused, Micah. I’ve got to change, but I don’t know how.”

  She picked up her tea, sipped, and tried to sort through the tangled mass of thoughts in her brain.

  “You pushed me away.” His words stung, but he soothed the comment by reaching out, rubbing his hand over hers, and Davina sighed.

  “I did. I’m not proud of it.” Shaking her head, she tried to push forward. “I want to investigate this, whatever it is, with you. I need someone who’ll make sure I’m accountable and don’t slide back into my shell.”

  “And you feel safe with me?”

  “Well, yes and no. I mean, I feel safe that we can explore the tantric practices together. That you won’t push me to do something I’m not comfortable with.” This conversation is so damned difficult. He’s prodding me, expecting me to talk about my fears!

  “And?”

  “And what?”

  “So why don’t you feel safe with me at the same time?”

  She grinned for a moment, watched as he blinked in response, then worried her lip. “You make me think of and want more. I’d decided that family and entanglements weren’t my thing. Based on my experience with my parents, as I explained. Then my work seemed to compound it. But since I met you, I don’t know. It’s like I realise there is more than just the physical side between us. My mother always used to drone on about needing a man. I always thought it was for the sexual gratification part, see? But I feel with you. That scares me the most.”