Actually, I was going to the food mart down the street until I realized he was following me, but he didn’t need to know that.

  “Doesn’t Hideo drop by whenever?” He looked back into the fridge. “How can he stand this?”

  “How do you even know that?” I asked. I had finished the cereal and was intent on scooping the rest of the milk and slurping it up in spoonfuls.

  “Whenever I cross paths with him, he always smells the same,” he said. Though I couldn’t see his face, I imagined he wrinkled his nostrils. “There’s this hint of something floral, jasmine. I thought it was because he fucked around a lot –”

  “I don’t need to know⁠—”

  “—but that didn’t make sense because it’s the same scent,” he continued, as though I hadn’t spoken. “And I knew Hideo wasn’t dating anyone consistently. At least, not the way he’s been acting at Eclipse Abyss, you know what I mean?” He heaved a sigh and shut the fridge. “I considered that maybe he was cheating, but —

  “Toru would never cheat,” I insisted. I dropped my spoon in the bowl.

  “Hideo would never cheat,” he agreed. “Which meant he had to be around a girl on a consistent basis. People spoke about the fact that he lived off-campus because of some pact he made with Captain Browne, but I didn’t put two and two together until just now. He looks after you, doesn’t he? That’s why he lives here and not in some luxury suites on-campus the way other Sentinels with Comet Missions paychecks live.”

  “More like I take care of him,” I said, hoping to hide my discomfort by crossing my arms over my chest. I didn’t like to think Toru was making sacrifices for me because of some obligation he had to my grandfather more than he already had. I didn’t want to keep him from something, especially nicer living quarters.

  “Are you who he goes to when he’s hurt?” He leaned his tall, bulky frame against my fridge. “The gods know he hates hospitals.”

  “How do you even know that?”

  “Everyone knows that,” he said as though it was obvious, spreading his arms out. “Do you think you have some kind of claim to Hideo all on your own? Do you even know who he really is? Because I guarantee you, if you knew half the things he’s done, all the blood on his hands, you’d fear him, of that darkness, just like everyone else. There’s a reason the Headmistress lets him live off-campus, and it’s not because he’s Hideo fucking Toru.”

  I ignored the way my chest squeezed. It wasn’t like I expected Toru to confess only to me about his life, but still. There had to be some things I knew that others didn’t, right?

  “Why do you keep talking about Toru instead of just telling me what happened to the Sagittarius Guardian?” I forced myself to ask instead.

  “Well, for one, people tend not to ask questions,” Orion stated, shrugging. “They’re too caught up in being in the presence of a Guardian, especially me, and they’re honored that I’ve come to collect their response perfectly. Starstruck, you know. But you don’t have that, which is odd, especially as a civ. They tend to worship us as gods practically, like we’ve been chosen by the moon and the stars themselves to protect Serendal.”

  “That’s blasphemous,” I said before I could stop myself.

  He looked at me. Really looked at me. “Are you… don’t tell me… do you have The Faith?”

  I paused. No one had Faith anymore. It wasn’t logical. In fact, I doubted Grandfather had the Faith.

  But I did.

  “Yes,” I said. Whispered.

  I hated that I whispered.

  “Oh, stars,” he said, rolling his eyes. “No wonder you’re not enamored of me.”

  I said nothing. Instead, I continued to lean back in my chair, careful not to topple over because I had no doubt I would lose my balance and fall flat on my face if I wasn’t careful.

  “You don’t care about any of that, do you?” He sighed heavily, like dealing with me was now too great an effort, even for a god-adjacent Guardian as he was. “Okay, fine. Ely was murdered.”

  “Yes, I know. By whom?”

  “No one knows,” he said.

  “How is that possible?” I asked, standing. I leaned forward, trying to understand. “She’s a Guardian. You guys are practically immortal –”

  He wagged a long finger. “No, no, princess,” he said. “That isn’t true. We are mortal, just like the civs. But as Guardian, our lives are entwined with the Stone we protect which extends it for a period of time or until we’re killed. We’re not impervious to blades or arrows or magic. We can still die.”

  “But…she was at the academy…wasn’t she?” I asked. I realized I didn’t know anything about her death except that she was murdered, and the fact that no one at my school had mentioned it at all told me that no one heard about it. Which meant they were keeping it quiet on purpose.

  “Look,” he said. “I don’t know what you want me to say, but I’m not going to speak about an ongoing investigation.”

  “Well, how am I supposed to know if she was a target because of who she was or because she was a Guardian?” I asked. “I want to know what I’m getting myself into.”

  He waved his hand, causing thin gold bracelets to clink on his wrist. “You’re in danger as a Guardian, period,” he said. “If that’s too much for you, you’d be smart to walk away and that’s all there is to it. But if something calls to you, if you want to find out all those answers you seek—Celestial magic, being more than just a scribe, and even Hideo himself, then you should take a chance. You should say yes. Because the opportunity to become a Guardian isn’t something that happens every day.” He stalked over to me and bent at the waist so he could look into my eyes. “I’ll be back tomorrow, princess. Think about it and tell me then. I need food in my stomach before I starve to death.”

  I rolled my eyes. “And you think I’m dramatic?”

  But he didn’t answer.

  Instead, he sauntered out the door and left me alone with my thoughts.

  Seven

  I couldn’t sleep that night.

  Not only did I have too much on my mind, but Toru had stopped by to tell me he had been called on a last-minute mission and would be gone for the next three days. Any decisions I intended to make, I’d have to make on my own.

  That, and the heat was unbearable. The sweat clung to my skin like a lover — at least, that was what I imagined what a lover would do. I didn’t have that much experience with the opposite sex. Not for the lack of trying, although my resting bitch face and innate awkwardness probably didn’t make me the most ideal candidate to experiment with.

  Also, I was married, but no one knew that.

  Instead, I threw myself into books and watched terrible horror movies with Toru Friday nights when he was around, which wasn’t much. He always grabbed the Chinese food, and I made popcorn, burning it usually because I always overestimated how much time the bag needed.

  I stared up at the ceiling, counting to one thousand. I was on three hundred and thirty-three, trying to turn off my brain but it just wouldn’t shut up.

  But how was a Guardian murdered, anyway?

  Will I be murdered?

  What does being a Guardian even mean?

  What does Blood Magic even mean?

  Did I cock block Toru and not even know it?

  Is that the only reason he’s hanging out with me? Because of a promise he made to my grandfather?

  Where is he right now?

  Does he want a divorce?

  Do I?

  Is he safe?

  It was four hundred and three and I gave up. I threw my legs over the side of the bed and stood up.

  I stretched and headed to my desk, pulling out the top left drawer to grab an extra set of Toru’s keys. The familiar clink of a ring of three keys—one for his door, one for his motorcycle, and one for my place—soothed me more than I expected. I padded out of my apartment, still barefoot, still in nothing more than a large t-shirt, and walked to his door after locking my own. I locked it behind me, moved to his bed, and sank down on the comfortably firm queen-sized bed. There was only a thin sheet over a fitted sheet, his pillows allowing my heavy head to sink into the soft memory foam. I took in a deep breath, closing my eyes.

  His scent still latched to the bed, heady and natural. It was a distinct earthy scent, with a hint of woods, a touch of smokiness.

  This.

  This relaxed me more than my own bed did.

  I didn’t normally go to his home when I knew he wasn’t there, but every now and then, an exception had to be made, and this felt like the perfect time to do it. When my brain was overworking and I needed a moment to quiet down, Toru’s small, sparse apartment always did the trick.

  I would leave first thing in the morning.

  He would never even know I was here.

  But this was the only way I was going to sleep. And when sleep came, and it came fast, I sank into it, a small, pleased smile on my face.

  When I snapped my eyes open, I was suddenly awake and very aware I wasn’t alone.

  “I’m sorry.” A low, gravelly sound. Familiar. The tension in my shoulders dropped. “Did I wake you, wife?”

  There. Just to my right.

  “Toru?” I murmured. Sleep still laced the words that fell from my mouth, trying to draw me back down. “I thought you were⁠—“

  “I was.”

  “I thought it was for three days?”

  Silence. Then: “I heard you had a visitor.”

  A visitor?

  I closed my eyes, trying to remember.

  Orion.

  “Yes,” he said. “Him.”

  I hadn’t realized I had spoken out loud.

  Something dipped beside me. Warmth. Toru’s presence. That scent of the forest just after a rainstorm. It took everything in me not to close my eyes and inhale.

  What is wrong with you? He’s your annoying neighbor who happens to be your husband. That’s it.

  “What did he say?”

  I opened my eyes. Why did Toru sound… so angry?

  “He came to get my answer,” I said. “To the summons.”

  “What did you tell him?”

  “Why does it feel like I did something wrong?” I asked, forcing myself to sit up. I leaned against his headboard and blinked a few times. I needed to wake up, to understand what was going on. All I wanted was to go back to sleep, but apparently, that wasn’t going to happen.

  “I’m not trying to imply—” He shifted. Something scratched the silence and then a flame cracked to life.

  He lit the candle next to his bed on his nightstand—vanilla jasmine. It smelled like my body wash.

  I wasn’t sure if this made things better, now that I could see his face.

  “Look,” he said. “I just…I can’t protect you if I don’t know what happened. I don’t think it was a coincidence that Orion came when I was on a mission.”

  “Speaking of which, why are you here?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest, ignoring the way I definitely wasn’t wearing a bra and hoping he didn’t notice.

  “I could ask you the same question,” he replied, arching that arrogant brow I hated so much.

  I sighed, looked away.

  Touché.

  “I couldn’t sleep,” I admitted.

  “You were sleeping just fine when I came here,” he said. “I stopped by your room first. When I couldn’t find you, I thought⁠—“

  “You thought what?”

  “That you made your decision,” he said. “That you left.”

  “I would never leave without saying goodbye.” I tugged at the sheet covering my lap. “It’s… you know I wouldn’t.”

  He paused. “You’re right,” he said, “but still.” He reached up and ran his fingers through his white hair. “Your place might be more messy when you go back. I wanted to make sure…” I lifted my brows, waiting for him to expand on that. “I wanted to know where you were. I had to make sure…” He cleared his throat. “Anyway. What did Orion say to you?”

  “How did you know I was here?” I asked instead.

  “What?”

  “You said you checked my room first,” I said. “How did you know I was here in…” I couldn’t bring myself to say I was in his room. It felt too intimate.

  “I checked your whole house and then I caught your scent,” he said. “You were here.”

  “I’m sorry,” I blurted out. I looked down at the sheets instead of his face. I should probably get out of the bed, but I was only in a shirt and I didn’t want…

  Not that Toru hadn’t seen me this way before. It was what I wore to sleep, and he was no stranger to crawling through my window when he returned from a mission, needing stitches or some kind of healing remedy.

  But that was my house.

  It was perfectly acceptable for me to dress this way in my house.

  It was a different story when it came to his house.

  When it came to me being in only a T-shirt and boy shorts in his house.

  “I couldn’t sleep,” I said. I pulled the covers up even further, wishing I could hide my face underneath them. Toru saw everything. I was positive it had to do with his Celestial magic, but I didn’t know for sure and since he never offered up the story, I didn’t think it was my place to ask. “I don’t think we left things on good terms and I only meant to stay for a few minutes, but your bed is way more comfortable than mine and I didn’t realize that I fell asleep until I woke up.”

  Great.

  Babbling.

  “No.” He shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. That’s why I gave you a key. You can come here whenever you want, Elara. Whenever you need to.”

  I blew out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. “Although,” I said, hands on my lap now. “That doesn’t explain why you’re back so soon. You said a few days?”

  Toru looked away. His jaw ticked.

  “I came back,” he said. “I didn’t like how things ended with us.” He rolled his eyes. “You’re not going to make me say it, are you?”

  “Say what?” The corner of my lip curved up.

  “I wanted to check on you,” he said. “I might have heard that Orion stopped by and I…”

  “You wanted to know what I said?”

  “As I said before, yes.” Toru leaned back until he was next to me against the headboard, our arms pressed into each other. “But I want to know what he told you.”

  I cocked my head to the side, resting it on Toru’s broad shoulder. “I’m not sure he likes you very much,” I said.

  Toru chuckled. “I don’t expect he does.”

  “I don’t understand why,” I said. “You’re a cinnamon roll.”

  “A cinna—what?”

  “You know those gooey breakfast treats with all the icing?” I asked. My stomach rumbled at the thought of cinnamon rolls. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I had one.

  “I know what a cinnamon roll is,” he said flatly. “I don’t understand how it pertains to me.”

  I shook my head. “Look,” I said, feeling my face flush. “It’s not my business. What you do when you’re not with—when you’re not here. I know you have to wear a mask, so to speak, as a Sentinel. You…you have to be someone else to survive. I get that. So, I don’t care, you know. You have to do…you have to survive. And if that means being… being something else while you’re away, that’s fine.” I bit my lip, trying to keep myself from babbling, but it was so hard to do. “It’s just, I guess Orion thinks you’re some soulless creature who moves from one woman to the next⁠—”

  “He told you that?” Toru asked, voice firm, pulling away so he could better angle his head down at me.

  “Not in so many words,” I said quickly. “He kept…he kept teasing me with who you were or something. I didn’t believe him, Toru. Could he know what we are? I was more concerned about the truth. You know, about the Sagittarius Guardian. He didn’t tell me much, but–”

  I cut myself off.

  I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to tell Toru I was going to see Orion again when he came back for my answer. Then again, it wasn’t as though I ever kept anything from him.

  “But what?” Toru asked, bumping his shoulder into mine.

  I cleared his throat. “He’s coming back tomorrow.”

  “When?”

  His voice was demanding, insistent. As though there was no room to opt out, no room to refuse. Something about the way he commanded me reminded me about what Orion said about the blood on Toru’s hands, on his darkness. I wanted to take one in my own, examine it myself. Because I’d known Toru my whole life, and I couldn’t imagine him being any of those things.

  “Afternoon, I think,” I said. “When I get out of the academy.”

  “I’ll be there to pick you up,” Toru said. “I’ll walk you home.”

  “Toru—”

  “There’s nothing to argue, Lar,” he said. “Do you understand?”

  I bit my bottom lip. “Toru,” I said. “You’re keeping something from me. Something about the institute. Something about the Guardians.”

  “There are many things I keep from you for your own good,” he said.

  I closed my eyes, leaning against his shoulder, letting his warmth ease the tension from my muscles.

  “Why did you come back?” I asked again.

  I was going to fall asleep. I already knew it. I didn’t try to fight it.

  “Because I heard Orion came by to see you,” he murmured, his voice sounding distorted and far away. “And I had to make sure you hadn’t left.” A beat. “And no one knows about us, what we are to each other, but if it’ll stop him…” He let his voice trail off. “I had to make sure you hadn’t followed the slick Guardian down this rabbit hole. He might represent a lion, but he’s a snake, and I don’t know what I would do if I lost you to the likes of him.”

  Eight

  When I woke up, I was still in Toru’s room, wrapped up in his blankets. I sighed, letting myself ease into the morning.

  I already knew he wasn’t here, and I found myself missing his comforting warmth.