“Glad to have been of service.” Aaron chuckled, then his voice turned somber. “I should probably get going.”

  It wasn’t clear whether Aaron had plans or if he was uncertain about staying. Just in case, Jay wanted there to be no confusion. He turned around, looking straight into a pair of adorably sleepy eyes.

  “Stay.”

  Chapter 29

  AARON

  Jay’s face took up his entire field of vision, and wasn’t that a great metaphor for his feelings and the way Jay overwhelmed his entire life?

  Aaron vaguely remembered falling asleep on Jay’s chest, yet now he was the one wrapped around Jay. Clearly, his body knew what he wanted even when he was unconscious. He loosened his hold and rolled away before the urge to lean in and kiss Jay became too intense.

  “Okay, I’ll stay. What should we do?”

  “Let’s start with breakfast.”

  “Sounds good. I just need some eyedrops first. Sleeping in contacts always makes it feel like there’s sand in my eyes.”

  Jay showed Aaron into his bathroom and presented him with a bottle of contact solution and an extra toothbrush, then paused and asked if he’d like a shower. Aaron nodded emphatically, desperate to get out of the sweaty fabric clinging to his skin, but he didn’t have anything to change into. Jay promised to take care of it and disappeared.

  Aaron stood under the hot water, staring at the blue tile. What was happening here? He’d slept next to Jay, their bodies tangled together, and woke up with a certainty that he was exactly where he belonged. Their cozy night on the couch cemented what he’d already suspected—their relationship was so much more than sex.

  When he’d showed up on Jay’s doorstep, too drained to function, he’d expected nothing more than a few slices of pizza and some company before dragging himself back to his messy apartment to spend the rest of his night alone, spiraling over his CEO canceling their check-in. David had offered no reason for the cancellation in his curt email, no offer to reschedule. It made Aaron wonder if this was the beginning of the end.

  He wasn’t worried about losing the job—he could easily find something else before his substantial savings ran out—but he was starting to like it. The mission. The people. The sense of belonging. He could see himself staying there for a long time.

  But he couldn’t let himself get used to it until he felt like he belonged. Like he was accepted. Like he had a place at the table. And so far, he hadn’t felt any of those things.

  Aaron hadn’t expected Jay to take that weight off his shoulders with his easy smiles and gentle doting, yet, within an hour of his arrival, Jay had managed to replace the growing sense of dread with something warm and steady. Something that should have scared Aaron with its intensity.

  Except he was done running from his feelings.

  Sure, falling in love with Jay hadn’t been a part of his plan. At all.

  But maybe it was time for a new plan.

  When Aaron got out of the shower, a small stack of clothing sat on the floor by the door. Jay had made it a point to respect Aaron’s privacy by setting the items down and leaving. Aaron loved that.

  The T-shirt and yoga pants fit him perfectly. Surprising, since Jay’s clothes would have been three sizes too large, but not unwelcome.

  “Do you have a separate wardrobe for twinks that you bring home or something?” Aaron asked after finding Jay in the kitchen. Despite his joking tone, part of him wondered why Jay had the outfit on hand. Jealousy gnawed at him at the thought of Jay bringing someone else to his house.

  “Are you calling yourself a twink?” Jay laughed without turning around, his attention on the stove. A delectable aroma of fried eggs filled the air, causing Aaron’s mouth to water.

  “I’m not. I just happen to be a similar size.” Aaron huffed and sat on a stool by the counter.

  “I’ll let my sister know that she’s a twink now.” Jay turned around with a plate of eggs and bacon, sliding it toward Aaron. Before Aaron could protest, he added, “Don’t worry, it’s fake bacon. I buy it for the boys. Layla doesn’t like them eating pork.”

  Aaron stared at him like a cartoon character with hearts in his eyes, his throat tight with the tide of feelings crashing over him. The beautiful, sweet, thoughtful man in front of him couldn’t be any more perfect.

  “Thank you. It looks delicious.” He accepted the plate and waited for Jay to join him before starting. The eggs were perfectly prepared—fluffy and covered in melted cheese—and the fake bacon strips were just the right amount of crispy.

  “Are you feeling better?” Jay asked after a few minutes of eating in silence.

  “Yeah…” Aaron sighed. Despite his attempts to ignore his concerns, he’d have to face them sooner or later. “I’m sorry I was in such a shitty mood last night.”

  “You were fine. And you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

  “I am, thanks to you.” He gave Jay a grateful smile. “It wasn’t anything big. I was already stressing out about the CEO canceling on me, and then I got home to this absolute fucking chaos, and it was too much.”

  “Mark and Rachel left a mess?”

  “Eh. They offered to help clean, but I wanted them to enjoy their last day of vacation. It’s not even that bad—just dishes in the sink, linens to wash, vacuuming, clearing a million take-out containers from the fridge, and dealing with piles of random stuff on every surface. If I’d had the energy, it was probably only a couple of hours of work, but I was already feeling…blah.”

  “I totally get it. Clutter makes me restless too, and that sounds pretty bad.” Jay took a bite of the eggs and held his gaze. “What’s going on with the CEO?”

  “I don’t know. He’s a bit of an enigma. We barely see him around the office, and the only time we actually get to have a conversation with him is at our monthly one-on-ones. And his emails are ridiculously short! Yesterday, ten minutes before our meeting, I got a Have to cancel. Let’s touch base soon. What does that even mean?”

  “Maybe something came up?”

  “He met with Zoe a few hours later, and according to her, everything seemed fine.”

  Jay’s eyes clouded with concern. “Are you worried about your job?”

  Aaron shook his head. “Not really. It’s hard to explain. I know I’m doing good work—there’s been a lot of progress, and the board is happy with most of what I’ve pushed through. It’s just…I can’t get a read on David, and I just want him to acknowledge how hard my team and I have been working. Silly, right?”

  Jay bumped his elbow lightly and gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s not silly. After a while, money stops being the point. You just want your boss to take an interest in what you’re doing. And he’d be stupid not to. I have no idea what you actually do, but I’m sure you’re amazing at it.”

  Aaron was about to respond when Jay took a bite of bacon and let out a quiet, satisfied sound. Aaron’s stomach fluttered.

  Mark had never done that. In all their years together, he’d stayed a firm omnivore, occasionally sampling Aaron’s meatless substitutes out of politeness. At least he’d been supportive. Everyone else, though… In a city known for its cheesesteaks, his dietary choices didn’t always get the best reaction. Too many friends and colleagues had pulled exaggerated faces at his food and loudly proclaimed they could never eat something so gross. Maybe those reactions weren't always personal, but they didn’t feel great either. Aaron learned not to volunteer that information unless necessary.

  But he didn’t have to be cautious around Jay. His quiet acceptance meant more than Aaron could say.

  “Something wrong?” Jay raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been staring at my plate for a while now.”

  “Yeah. I just…Thank you for the bacon. For eating it with me. I wouldn’t have a problem with you eating the real thing if you wanted to.” Aaron cleared his throat, feeling a little off-kilter from how emotional he was getting over breakfast.

  Jay’s features softened. He placed his hand on Aaron’s forearm and rubbed in a soothing motion. “It’s not like I’m obsessed with meat. I don’t have to have it at every meal. Or even every day. Besides, this stuff tastes pretty good.”

  Aaron nodded with gratitude. When they finished eating, he hopped up to rinse their plates before placing them in the dishwasher.

  “You don’t have to do that,” Jay said.

  “Nope. You cooked, I clean.” Aaron didn’t even hesitate—it was the rule. When he finished, he turned around, about to ask what was next, but Jay beat him to the punch.

  “How about the zoo?”

  “The zoo?”

  “You were bummed you didn’t get to go with Mark and Rachel because of work, so how about we go today? It should be a nice day.”

  Aaron didn’t have to think about it. He loved going to the zoo, and Jay’s company would only make it better. Within minutes, they were out the door and on their way.

  Jay drove with the windows open, grinning as Aaron sang along with the radio. The sun was bright, almost blinding, its warmth soaking into Aaron’s skin and filling him with effervescent energy. While they stood in the ticket line, Aaron bounced on his toes and studied the zoo map, earning an amused chuckle from Jay.

  Once they were inside, the buzz slowly settled. They wandered through the exhibits at a leisurely pace, giddy anticipation giving way to peaceful calm. Most animals were sleeping in the shade, but Aaron didn’t mind. Jay pointed out little things—the way the leopard’s whiskers twitched in his sleep, the subtle asymmetry of the antelope’s antlers—details most people would’ve missed as they passed by without a second glance.

  Jay became more animated as he talked. With his eyes crinkled behind his sunglasses and his skin glowing in the sunlight, he was exquisitely beautiful. Inside and out. Aaron’s heart skipped a beat every time their arms brushed together, and he kept inching closer, unable to resist the magnetic pull.

  It was official. He was head over heels in love with the man walking next to him. The only question left was whether Jay reciprocated his feelings. If he didn’t, Aaron would have to be content with these memories of their shared smiles and fleeting, tender touches.

  They skipped lunch in favor of ice cream. Sitting side by side on a bench with their cones, they watched a long line of people patiently waiting for their turn to feed a leaf of lettuce to a bored-looking giraffe. Aaron turned to Jay, about to ask where he wanted to go next, but the words caught in his throat.

  Jay was looking at him with such intensity glittering in his eyes that Aaron felt himself flush.

  “What?” he asked and dabbed at the corners of his mouth self-consciously.

  A shy smile crossed Jay’s face. “Nothing,” he whispered, glancing away. “You look very pretty today.”

  Yep. Aaron was in love.

  Hours later, as they were getting ready to leave, Jay suggested an early dinner. Aaron agreed, not wanting the day to be over. Soon they were sitting in a cozy booth at a tapas place in Aaron’s neighborhood.

  After ordering half of the menu, much to Jay’s amusement, Aaron leaned back in the booth and pursed his lips in thought. He wanted to broach the topic of dating, but it was a scary thought. What if Jay wasn’t interested? Things would be far too awkward to continue their arrangement, and Aaron wasn’t ready for it to be over.

  But he was ready for something else.

  Inhaling deeply, he steadied himself. “Can we talk about our next scene?”

  “Of course.” Jay’s eyes locked onto Aaron. “What do you have in mind?”

  “You don’t mind, right? Taking requests? I’m sure you had something planned for last night.” Aaron held his breath as he waited for Jay’s reaction. His inexperience made the discussion feel like a dark maze. Some Doms probably preferred complete control over the scenes, but he hoped Jay would be more accommodating.

  “I don’t mind at all. Our dynamic is a two-way street—I may be in control of what happens in the moment, but you’re ultimately in control of what happens at all. If there’s something specific you want, tell me. I’ll do my best to make it happen.”

  Jay’s sincerity shone through his voice, firm and steady, but it didn’t entirely get rid of the nervous knot in Aaron’s stomach. He braced himself, acutely aware that his next words might cross some lines. He’d never voiced this particular fantasy before—not to Mark, not even to his Kink Talk buddies.

  “It’s…a little out-there. A little violent?” Aaron swept his gaze around the room to make sure no one could overhear. He noticed his fingers nervously drumming on the table and forced himself to stop. “I’d understand if you weren’t into it.”

  “We’ve done violent before.” Jay chuckled and put his hand over Aaron’s, its warm weight calming and familiar. He had a disarmingly sweet habit of touching Aaron in moments of discomfort, always somewhere innocuous—on his shoulder, forearm, or wrist—and always soothing. Whether they were conscious gestures or part of Jay’s innate charm, Aaron couldn’t say.

  All he knew was that he never wanted Jay to stop.

  “True, but this is beyond what we’ve done.” Aaron paused, letting Jay’s touch seep under his skin. In theory, what he was asking for was relatively common and perfectly normal, but sharing his deepest desires—desires that might disgust Jay or freak him out—was still nerve-racking.

  “I can guess if it helps.” Jay’s low voice broke through his mental gymnastics. “Is it a consensual non-consent sort of thing? Forcing, restraining, struggling?”

  Aaron studied him for traces of judgment or repulsion but didn’t find anything. Jay’s dark eyes danced with hunger and desire, threatening to draw him in and never let go. Slowly, his smile turned dangerous, almost predatory. Lust coursed through Aaron as Jay licked his lower lip without breaking eye contact.

  Loud laughter from the other side of the restaurant jolted them out of their trance. A group of friends singing an off-key rendition of “Happy Birthday”. Everyone clapped as the song ended, and by the time Aaron turned back to Jay, the moment had passed.

  “Do you want to tell me more? Any specifics?” Jay prompted.

  “I feel so ridiculous right now,” Aaron admitted. “After everything we’ve done, I still can’t bring myself to say it out loud.”

  “You’re always safe with me, Aaron,” Jay said emphatically. “And if you’re uncomfortable, we can talk about it later.”

  “No, I just need to get over myself.” Aaron shook his head in frustration. There was no reason to be hesitant. He was safe with Jay. And if he couldn’t bring himself to describe what he wanted, did he even deserve to have it?

  Jay waited patiently.

  “It’s nothing intricate. No talking, no role-play. Duct tape on my mouth and around my wrists, maybe a knife, and then a hard fuck.”

  Jay tilted his head, his brow creasing. “By a hard fuck, do you mean…”

  “Yes. I told you it wasn’t a hard limit, just a temporary boundary. I trust you. And I have my latest results on my phone, since CNC and condoms don’t really mix.” Aaron winced at the words as they left his mouth, realizing how they sounded. “I didn’t mean it like that. Of course we can use condoms if you prefer. Safety is really important. I just meant…if you’re interested, I have my results.”

  Jay nudged a plate of olives out of the way and leaned forward on his elbows. “I have some concerns about safety. Not condom safety.” He grinned at Aaron. “I’m fine with that part. But duct tape isn’t great for restraints. It’s difficult to remove quickly in an emergency. I’d rather go with rope.” He hummed in thought. “I’m definitely not taping your mouth and closing off an airway. Maybe a cloth gag, like a bandana? You’d be able to breathe but not talk.”

  Aaron nodded along with Jay’s musings, waiting for the other shoe to drop. From the carefully measured tone of his voice, it was obvious that Jay was working up to an objection.

  “I need you to understand that there’s nothing wrong with what you’re asking for. It sounds really hot, and we can workshop the details to make sure you’re safe.”

  “But?”

  “But…” Jay hesitated. “A scene like that requires a lot of trust, for both of us. We’ve only played a few times. You’re still new to this dynamic, and I’ve never done anything that intense. Maybe we can build up to it. I don’t want to ruin your fantasy by rushing into it.”

  Something in Aaron softened. Jay cared about him. Cared about his safety, both physical and emotional. While a part of him wanted to convince Jay that he was ready, this wasn’t just about him. Jay seemed anxious about crossing the invisible boundary, and Aaron knew better than to push this sweet, sensitive man into something he wasn’t ready for.

  “Makes sense.” Aaron nodded and picked up a stuffed mushroom. “For the record, I do trust you. But I get it.”

  Jay seemed relieved Aaron didn’t argue with him. He quickly changed the subject, and they spent the rest of the dinner talking about other zoos they’d visited around the country, which snowballed into an in-depth discussion of all the places they hoped to visit one day.

  Aaron decided not to overthink Jay’s decision. His caution made sense. While Aaron cared deeply for Jay, ready to rush in headfirst and break down every boundary, Jay didn’t know that. Aaron would have to either open up or wait for the natural progression of their relationship to bring Jay’s walls down.

  And Aaron wasn’t ready to open up. Not yet. Prepared as he was for the potential rejection, he wanted to keep living in a world where anything was possible. As long as he kept his feelings to himself, the possibility that Jay could love him back still existed.

  They parted ways in the parking lot. He kissed Jay’s cheek as they said goodbye, and a brief flicker of emotion crossed Jay’s face, gone before Aaron could place it. As always, Jay offered him a ride, but Aaron craved the quiet solitude of the short walk home.

  Warm evening air settled around him as he strolled past colorful storefronts, glancing at the window displays with curiosity. The L train passed in the distance, its rumble a near-constant presence in the city. The scent of something rich and garlicky intensified as he approached an outdoor patio filled with conversation and laughter that spilled onto the sidewalk.