She took another deep breath. “Yes, I’m okay. I’m really sorry, Mom. I know. I’ll call you soon. I love you too. ’Bye.”

  Unable to fathom having another conversation, she set her phone to “alarm only” and fell asleep wrapped in Jackson’s essence.

  ****

  Caroline, Sally, Alex, and Tommy sat in various chairs around the hospital room when Jackson’s parents walked through the door. Jackson’s mom instantly started crying at the sight of her only son and his father reached his arms around his wife to comfort her. His mother looked up in Caroline’s direction and gathered her composure. “Oh, hello there. I don’t think we’ve met?”

  Caroline stood up with a smile and reached out her hand. She noticed the same heart charm that Jackson had sent to her, fashioned on top of a ring his mother wore. “I’m Caroline. I’m a friend of Jackson’s,” Caroline said politely.

  Tommy cleared his throat and Caroline shot him a nasty glare. “Do you know Jackson from school? Or the city or something?” his mother inquired.

  Caroline felt her face flush with embarrassment. “No, ma’am. We met on a flight almost a year ago.” Caroline felt like a complete idiot at the admission.

  Mrs. Parks’ expression reflected shock and confusion. “Oh. Well, thank you for coming.”

  She walked over to Sally with a huge grin on her face. “Oh, Sally. Thank you so much for being here. I know it will mean the world to Jackson when he wakes up.” The two hugged like old friends.

  Tommy could barely contain his laughter as he attempted to hide the devilish grin on his face with his hands. And Alex’s face, in his discomfort, had turned bright red. Neither had realized that Jackson’s parents didn’t know who Caroline was.

  Caroline desperately wanted out of that room. “If you’ll excuse me, I really need to use the restroom.” She jerked open the door, practically busting it off its hinges on her way out.

  Caroline ran around the corner and threw the bathroom door open with an exasperated breath. She flung open a stall door and quickly locked it behind her. She sat on top of the seat, buried her face in her hands and gasped for air. Tears spilled over her fingers as she berated herself. What was she doing there? His parents didn’t even know who she was! She didn’t belong there. She wasn’t his best friend, or the girl he was dating, or anything to him. How could she have been so stupid?

  “Oh my God,” she said out loud as the most awful of realizations slammed down on top of her.

  What if Jackson didn’t want her there?

  Caroline realized at that moment she had to go back to San Francisco. Her ego had allowed her to simply assume that Jackson could never get over her the same way she couldn’t get over him. She had convinced herself that he still wanted her, when she didn’t know that to be the truth at all.

  She wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands and pulled herself together. She exhaled and walked out of the bathroom toward the nurse’s station. “Excuse me?” Caroline spoke to the middle-aged woman behind the counter.

  “Yes?” the nurse asked, her eyes weary. “Can I help you?”

  “Do you have a pad of paper and a pen I can borrow? I’ll give it right back as soon as I’m done.”

  The nurse smiled. “Of course. Here you go.” She handed her a legal-sized notepad and a pen with yellow smiley faces.

  Caroline walked over to the empty seats along the wall across from the nurses’ station and sat down to write Jackson a letter, just like he had once done for her all those months ago. Tears fell onto the paper, but she never stopped. Her heart spilled into her words. Everything came out on that page.

  When she was done writing, she handed the notepad back to the nurse and asked if she could trouble her for an envelope. The nurse handed her one and Caroline carefully wrote “Jackson” on it with a small heart at the end. “Thank you so much,” she said to the nurse before she returned the pen and walked toward Jackson’s room.

  Alex waited outside the door for her return. “I’m sorry about that, Caroline. You okay?”

  Caroline forced a smile. “I will be. Random question for you…”

  “Shoot,” Alex said.

  “The ring his mom is wearing—the one with the heart—where’s it from?”

  “Oh, the separated heart?”

  Caroline nodded.

  “It’s cool, right? It’s been in his family for generations. I think it was his great, great, great grandfather who made the first one. I think the story goes, if I’m remembering it right, that his grandfather kept trying to make his girlfriend a heart design, but he couldn’t get the two halves to match up perfectly. No matter what he did, the right half was always longer than the left half. And he was never happy with the top of the heart where the halves came together. He couldn’t weld the pieces just right and it always got like this big clump at the top.

  “So one day, he took the latest heart he had made, where the top didn’t quite come together and the right side hung lower than the left, and gave it to her anyway. He told her that it was better than a regular heart because it was separated and separated hearts were stronger than hearts that weren’t. Apparently she thought it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen and asked if he could make a ring with it. And the design has been in their family ever since.”

  Caroline’s face softened, picturing the scene in her mind. “That’s a great story.”

  Alex smiled. “I think so, too. Why do you ask?”

  “I was just wondering,” Caroline evaded.

  “Wait, did Jackson make one for you?” Alex asked with wide eyes. Caroline looked at him without answering. “He did, didn’t he?” Alex asked again as Caroline reached for the chain buried under her shirt.

  “He sent me the heart for my birthday. But I added the chain,” she admitted.

  “Wow,” Alex responded. “That’s a big deal.”

  “It is?” she questioned.

  “Yeah,” he told her. “It’s tradition that each one of the Parks men put the heart on something, but they don’t ever give it to just any girl. It’s usually the girl they want to marry. And it doesn’t have to be a ring, but I think that’s what they all normally do. I know that all the women in his family have similar rings.”

  Caroline caressed the charm. She basked in the warmth she felt inside with the charm’s newfound meaning.

  “Jackson had to make that for you, you know? That’s part of the tradition, too. If any Parks man wants to give the design to someone, they have to forge it themselves.”

  “That just makes it even more special,” Caroline said, glowing. Knowing that Jackson had made it with his own two hands definitely changed the way she saw it. Not to mention, the way she felt about it.

  Alex looked down and noticed the note in her hand. “You’re going to leave, aren’t you,” he asked, more a statement than a question, breaking Caroline’s train of thought.

  “Let’s just go back inside,” she suggested.

  “I’m going to grab some water. I’ll be right back. Want anything?” Alex asked before he headed down the hall.

  “No, thank you.”

  Caroline walked through the doors and only Sally remained inside. She held onto Jackson’s hand and caressed it, but stopped when she saw Caroline.

  “I think I’m going to go back home.”

  “When?” A slight smile escaped from Sally’s lips as her eyes lifted.

  “Today.”

  “So soon?”

  “I need to get back to work. And I really need to talk to my fiancé and tell him everything that’s going on. I’ve been avoiding him since I got here and that’s not fair to him.” Thinking about Clay made Caroline feel doubly worse.

  “I have no right to ask you this, but when he wakes up, can you make sure he gets this?” Caroline held out the envelope.

  Sally smiled and took it in her hand. “Of course.”

  “Thank you, Sally. I understand why he likes you, too.”

  The girls hugged briefly. Caroline walked to Jackson’s bedside and was suddenly afraid to touch him. He looked so damaged. She gently lifted one of his hands and kissed the top of it. Then she bent toward his ear and whispered, “I love you. Please get better,” softly enough that no one else could hear.

  With one last look in Sally’s direction, Caroline waved and quickly headed into the hallway. She almost ran smack into Alex, who was holding a tray filled with donuts and bagels.

  “Where are you going?” His voice dropped.

  “I’ve got to head back. I shouldn’t be here,” she confessed.

  “Don’t let his mom upset you. He doesn’t tell her everything about his life, especially when he’s brokenhearted.” Alex tried to help her understand.

  Caroline smiled, grateful for Alex and the kind of friend he was to Jackson. “I need to go home. Explain everything to Clay and stuff. If he opens his eyes, will you please let me know?”

  He hugged her awkwardly, trying not to tip over the tray. “Of course.”

  Tommy rounded the corner and let out an annoyed grunt. “Isn’t this cute?”

  “I was just leaving, so you can go back to being your usual happy self,” Caroline snapped back and walked out of the lobby.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Caroline’s rattled nerves kept her from sleeping the entire five-hour flight back to San Francisco. She tried to figure out exactly what she was going to tell Clay, but everything sounded wrong. She felt like a horrible, rotten person. Her emotions were in overdrive. Her body shook as the gravity of her guilt consumed her.

  Her legs felt like anchors as she walked up the stairs to their apartment and slowly opened the door. She had half hoped he wouldn’t be home, but Clay sat alone at their kitchen table. He looked like he’d been crying. His hair was a complete mess and she felt sick for having caused him pain.

  “Are you going to tell me what’s been going on? Is Tray okay?” His voice sounded exasperated and there was a longing she didn’t recognize.

  He still thought Caroline had been in New York to see Tracey? Caroline cursed Bailey silently for not telling him that part. “Tray’s fine. I’m so sorry for leaving our party like that.”

  “Yeah, what was that? Why did you have to leave like that? What happened?” The details didn’t add up for Clay and Caroline knew it.

  She mustered up all of her strength and courage. “We need to talk.”

  Clay’s eyes fell flat. “That’s never a good sign.”

  Caroline started with, “Clay. You know I love you, right?”

  Clay’s jaw tightened and his eyes misted. “Of course I do,” he said and reached out to stroke her arm.

  “I can’t do this.” And with those words, Caroline lost it. The tears started to fall rapidly and she could barely stand the pain she was about to cause.

  “Can’t…do what?” Clay’s voice hitched.

  “I can’t marry you,” she whispered. She couldn’t bring herself to say the dreaded words any louder.

  “What do you mean you can’t marry me?” He stood up from the chair and paced nervously back and forth.

  She watched him before she answered. “I mean, I can’t. I don’t want to.” She never intended to say it so harshly. She wanted to lessen the blow as much as possible, but telling a guy you don’t want to marry them? There’s no easy way to do that.

  “You don’t want to? Since when? You’re just getting cold feet, right?” His questions flew out in desperation.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “You don’t think so, but you aren’t sure. So maybe it is just cold feet. Why don’t you sleep on it and we’ll see how you feel in the morning?” he demanded.

  “I’ve been sleeping on it for the past three months!” she blurted out.

  The energy in the room immediately shifted. Clay stopped pacing. “Oh,” was all he could say. The devastation was written all over his face as his eyes started to glisten. He fell to his knees and Caroline could barely stand to watch.

  “I’m so sorry, Clay, I never meant to hurt you. I just…things changed, I guess. I’ve changed.”

  He looked up from the floor. “How have you changed? How did this happen? I don’t understand.” His voice trailed off as he continued. “We were fine in New York…and we were fine here. But then Johnny died and you’ve never really been the same. But it can’t be that. And then there was that guy from baggage claim.” He paused as understanding dawned.

  “Is there someone else?”

  She couldn’t bear the thought of inflicting more pain on someone as undeserving of it as Clay. Eventually she would tell him the whole truth, but it couldn’t be tonight. Not right now. “Of course not,” she lied through her teeth as bile churned in the pit of her stomach.

  “Then, what happened? How can we fix this?” His desperate pleas filled the space between them.

  Tears fell, her head shook, and she forced the words out. “We can’t. I’m so sorry.”

  “No!” Clay’s face reddened and his eyes narrowed in disgust. “You don’t just wake up one day and not want to marry me. Something happened. Something had to have happened!”

  Prickles of fear crept across her skin. She’d never heard Clay’s voice so angry before. “Nothing happened, Clay. I don’t know.”

  “This is bullshit! You’re lying. I know you’re lying!” His anger quickly grew.

  “I’m not! Getting married doesn’t feel right any more and you deserve so much better than that. Clay, you deserve someone who loves you and wants to marry you and be with you forever.”

  “That used to be you.” As quickly as it entered his body, the anger subsided. Hurt took its place as tears rolled down his cheeks, the crimson color fading with each breath.

  “I know,” she sniffed. “I’m so sorry.” She pulled the ring from her finger and placed it in the palm of his hand.

  He clenched his fingers into a fist tightly around it. “I don’t want this. I just want you.”

  Caroline fought off the sick feeling that rose in her stomach.

  “Why are you doing this?” Clay begged.

  “I’m so sorry, Clay. I’ll stay at Bailey’s tonight and then I’ll pack my things during the week while you’re at work.”

  “I can’t believe this is happening. I never imagined…” His voice turned soft and he mumbled things Caroline couldn’t quite make out.

  She couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Once in the darkened narrow hallway, her emotions took over. What had she done? For a brief moment, she actually contemplated running back into the apartment and telling Clay she didn’t mean any of it. She would beg for his forgiveness and everything would return to normal. Her mind screamed at her to remove the chaos and pain. It wanted her to go back to where things were comfortable and easy.

  She tried to steady her racing heartbeat by breathing in slow, deep breaths. With her hands on her knees, she acknowledged that amidst all of this turmoil, a small part within her dazzled with joy. Her life was no longer a road on a map she could clearly see. She was on a new path, full of endless opportunities and possibilities.

  The black iron railing offered support for her trembling hands. Everything she had once planned for and thought she wanted with Clay, disappeared in the distance. And as she watched it all fade away in her mind, she realized that fear was absent. In its place resided hints of excitement. And she knew in that moment that she had done the right thing.

  Still trembling, she walked down the three flights of marble stairs to her car. Once safely inside, she called Bailey. “That didn’t take very long,” Bailey noted.

  “I know. I thought he would fight with me a lot more, but I think maybe he’s in shock? I don’t know. It was awful. And even though I’m the one who did this, I feel sick to my stomach.”

  “Love isn’t all rainbows and unicorns all the time. And neither is life. Sometimes life is really freaking hard.”

  “I still feel like shit. Just remind me that I’m not a terrible person, okay?” Caroline trembled.

  Bailey’s voice rose in volume and strength. “You’re NOT a terrible person, Caroline Weber. Do you hear me? What would be terrible would be if you married someone you didn’t love with all your heart. That’s not fair to either of you. And it’s selfish.”

  Caroline sniffed and her eyes burned. “Thanks, Bails. Be there in five.”

  “I’ll wait outside for you.”

  Bailey hugged Caroline the moment she exited her car. “I know it’s hard. You’re doing the right thing.”

  Caroline tried to nod. “I feel so bad, though. You have no idea.”

  “That’s because you’re leaving your comfort zone. You’re leaving the predictable and heading into the unknown. That’s always scary.”

  “It’s not that though, Bails. I don’t feel bad for me. I mean, I seriously want to kick my own ass for hurting Clay like this.”

  “You could always change your mind.” Bailey let out an exasperated breath.

  Caroline winced. “I don’t want to change my mind.”

  Bailey smiled. “See. It’s the right thing then. How’s Jackson?”

  Caroline sat on Bailey’s oversized sofa chair and curled into a ball. “He’s in a medically-induced coma. His head is so swollen, it’s terrifying. The doctors have to wait for the swelling to go down before they can even try to wake him up.”

  “That sounds scary.”

  “It was. Seeing him like that—” Caroline shuddered—“was really hard.”

  “Did you meet his parents and stuff?”

  “They didn’t even know who I was,” Caroline said as her eyes dropped.

  “Shit. You’re kidding? I’m sorry, Care.”

  Caroline shrugged her shoulders and grabbed a nearby pillow before holding it against her stomach. “I just didn’t expect that, you know?”

  Bailey’s eyes lit up as she put the pieces together. “Is that why you came back so soon?”

  Caroline avoided her friend’s curious eyes. “Partly.”

  “Mostly.”

  Caroline looked up. “Mostly.”