“So let me get this straight,” she said. “At work you run this huge conglomerate and are a well-known venture capitalist with more responsibility than I could ever manage, but at home you’re the baby?”

  “See? Annoying, right?”

  She shook her head. “Still cute.”

  When he grimaced, she smiled. “So how did you go from barely getting by to . . . ?” She waved her free hand up and down, gesturing to—presumably—his suit.

  “I got lucky,” he said.

  She shook her head. “Going to call BS. No one’s that lucky.”

  Giving in to temptation, he brought their joined hands up to his mouth so he could brush a kiss over her knuckles. “Now who’s cute?” he murmured. “And yeah, I do pretty good for myself, but here’s the thing—I didn’t do it alone. I had help along the way. A lot of it. No one does it alone.” Again, he brushed his mouth over her fingers.

  She stared at him, squirming just a little bit. Kind of how Lollipop looked at him when she was both afraid to come out from beneath his bed and yet wanted in his arms badly.

  Caleb Parker, dog whisperer. Hopefully also woman whisperer.

  “Does your mom still work?” she asked.

  “She’s retired now. Three of my sisters work for me, though one’s on maternity leave. My fourth sister’s an intern for me and in grad school back east. My corporation’s big on decent hours and great benefits, so I get to make sure they have a good life after giving me so much of theirs.” He nodded to a table in the far corner of the pub. “My family’s actually here tonight, or some of them anyway. It’s date night.”

  She looked over and he knew what she was seeing. A striking forty-year-old brunette seated next to a handsome black man who was feeding her something off his fork and laughing—Sienne and Niles. Kayla’s baby bump was huge. The man next to her was holding her hand and had a baby strapped to his chest. Hannah was flashing her phone around the table and everyone waved to whoever was on the FaceTime call. And only Emory was missing. She was probably who they were FaceTiming. Or maybe it was his cousin Kel. His sisters loved and adored him.

  “Looks very cozy,” Sadie murmured.

  Caleb laughed. “Do not be fooled by appearances. We might love hard, but we fight just as hard and as often. Give it five minutes and someone will be up in arms about something.”

  “Why aren’t you with them?”

  He held her gaze. “I’m busy.”

  Her breath hitched and she pulled her hand free. “No, don’t let me hold you up. We’re not . . .”

  He went brows up, really wanting to hear her finish that sentence.

  She shook her head, clearly at a loss for words as she waved her hand around. “This is silly.”

  Grabbing her hand, he gave it a gentle squeeze. “What happened in the alley wasn’t silly.”

  “No kidding.” She touched her fingers to her lips as if she could still feel his kiss.

  He could certainly still feel hers. “Your turn, Tough Girl.”

  Her gaze went from his mouth to his eyes. “What?”

  “Your turn to give me something of you.”

  She blinked. “You know plenty about me.”

  “Actually, I don’t.” He leaned in a little closer. Their thighs touched and he watched her breath catch again. “Give me something,” he murmured. “You owe me now.”

  At that, her eyes went hooded. She pulled back, fished some money from her pocket, and set it on the bar before standing.

  “Running scared?” he asked.

  She stilled and stared at him. “Maybe.”

  Honesty at least, he thought. “I’m not looking for your state secrets.” Yet. “Just tell me . . . something.”

  “Like?” she asked suspiciously.

  He shrugged. “Like . . . what you sing to in the shower. Or your favorite piercing . . .” Reaching up, he ran a finger along the shell of her ear and all the tiny silver rings neatly lined up there that always made him hot. “Tell me what gets you out of bed in the morning. Or what your parents are like, and if you have nosy-ass siblings like I do. Or maybe a secret wish you have that you’ve never fulfilled.”

  She bit her lower lip and he thought oh yeah, he wanted to know her secret wish.

  “Hell, tell me what you watch on TV,” he said. “I don’t care. Just talk to me about you.”

  “Maybe I don’t share like that.”

  “Ever?” he asked.

  “Anymore.”

  He didn’t often get frustrated. It wasn’t in his nature, and plus he usually didn’t care enough to get there. But according to his current level of frustration, he cared more than he wanted to admit. “My turn to call BS,” he said on a rough laugh. “We share a dog. We shared a moment in the alley that included a kiss, a pretty great one. And I shared about my oddball family—more than I ever do with a woman, by the way—simply because you asked. You asked, Sadie,” he repeated. “And now I’m asking.”

  She paused. “I need to rephrase. I can’t do this. We’re not going down the road you seem to think we are.”

  “And which road is that?”

  She looked away, glancing over at his family. “I’m not the white picket fence, two point five kids, soccer mom kind of woman,” she said quietly. “And I think you know that.”

  “What I know,” he said, standing to meet her toe-to-toe, “is that a week ago I’d have laughed at the thought of having enough time in my life for a dog. Or a woman.” He ran his fingers along her jaw. “Now I find myself making time for both.”

  “Your point?” she asked.

  “My point is that maybe you’ll surprise yourself and find that you want to make time too.”

  She shook her head. “I won’t,” she whispered.

  It seemed like an automatic denial. It also seemed like maybe she regretted it the moment it left her mouth, but though he waited, she didn’t take it back.

  He’d struck out. He didn’t want to accept that, but he knew enough about stubborn women to know when to push and when to fold. So he handed her money back to her, dropped his own to cover their drinks and the fries, and walked away instead of pressing. He knew what he wanted, and he wanted Sadie. She was a calculated risk, and though he’d been a huge risk taker all his life, banking on Sadie being willing to face her emotions was a loser’s bet.

  Chapter 12

  #ScrewUpBigOrNotAtAll

  Sadie and Lollipop took the bus home and stayed up late cuddling for some badly needed body heat and equally badly needed affection.

  It was another chilly night, but Sadie hadn’t wanted to sleep at the Canvas Shop tonight. Tonight, she’d wanted her own space. So she’d turned on the heat, promising herself she’d cut something out of her budget to make up for it. She didn’t yet know what that would be, but she’d figure it out. She always did.

  She and Lollipop shared the couch. Sadie was pretending to be thinking about her financial situation, playing with the numbers. For instance, if she stopped eating, she could keep the heat on.

  But she was just fooling herself. She wasn’t thinking about money. She was thinking about Caleb. She’d walked away from him. No, scratch that. She’d let him walk away from her.

  A part of her had felt a surge of righteousness when he had. There, see, she’d told herself, you did it, you ruined it like you knew you would. Better now than later . . .

  But the righteousness had faded, replaced by a cold grip on her windpipe.

  She’d pushed him away.

  The panic had started right around the time their conversation had taken them to a place she hadn’t intended to go. It seemed so easy for him to just be . . . him. He had no problem sharing about himself, he had no hidden shame and little to hide.

  But she had plenty of hidden shame and lots to hide.

  She wanted to think she could keep most of that to herself and still have him, but she’d realized while listening to his story that she couldn’t. He’d never accept less than everything from her.

  So she’d had to shut this thing down.

  But now there were regrets. A lot of them. She met Lollipop’s warm gaze. “How am I supposed to make big decisions when I still have to sing the alphabet in my head to get to the right letter?”

  Lollipop panted happily, as always, willing to help.

  “Listen, don’t look, okay? I’m about to make yet another bad decision.”

  Lollipop yawned and closed her eyes while Sadie grabbed her phone.

  No messages.

  She hadn’t expected one. So she called him. She wanted to text, but that felt like the coward’s way out, and she’d already taken that route and it’d been the wrong choice.

  He didn’t answer and she listened to his voice message.

  “If you have this number, you know what to do.”

  She drew a deep breath and at the beep said, “Hey. It’s me. Sadie.” She rolled her eyes at herself. “So . . . in the shower I sing to anything One Direction.” Feeling stupid, she shook her head. “Okay, bye.” She disconnected.

  Lollipop looked at her.

  She sighed. “You’re right. I could do better.” She hit his number and again waited for the beep. “Me again,” she said. “My favorite piercing is—was—my tongue piercing, but only because of my family’s horrified reaction to it, which is why I kept it for so long before removing it last year.” She closed her eyes and Lollipop licked her face, telling her to keep being brave. “What gets me out of bed in the morning is the thought of one of Tina’s buttered chocolate banana muffins. No, make that two of them—shit. Okay, fine, three. I need three muffins, if I’m being honest.” And she was trying to be. But here came the hard part. “My parents are regular people, I guess. Suburbanites. Normal.” She covered the phone and looked at Lollipop. “That’s only a little white lie,” she whispered and put her finger to her lips. “And my sister’s on her way to being the same. Which, if you haven’t figured it out, makes me the square peg trying to fit into a round hole. My mom was a science professor before she retired a few years ago. My dad’s the dean at St. Mary’s, and he’s every bit the old-school hard-ass his title implies. Strict. Nonverbal. Hard to please. So you can imagine how well I fit in. As for a secret wish—”

  Beeeeeep.

  She stared at her phone. “The voice mail cut me off.”

  Lollipop cocked her head to the side.

  Sadie sighed. “Yeah, probably for the best, right?”

  “Arf!”

  And then her phone rang.

  Do Not Even Think About Falling For This Guy was FaceTime calling.

  “Oh shit,” she whispered and stared at it through another ring. Finally, she hit accept and Caleb’s face swam into view. He was in an office, suit jacket off, tie gone, standing in front of floor-to-ceiling windows, the city of San Francisco spread out behind him in all its glory.

  “You cut yourself off in a hell of a place,” he said with a small smile. “You were about to tell me your secret fantasy.”

  She took a deep breath of relief. “Wish,” she clarified. “I was about to tell you my secret wish. Not fantasy.”

  “Damn.” He sighed. “Okay, I’m listening.”

  “It’s not what you think.”

  “Try me.”

  She grimaced. “I’ve always kind of wanted to dance in the rain.”

  He smiled. “Nice,” he said and looked like he meant it. “One Direction, huh?”

  God. He’d been listening to her messages.

  Lollipop nudged the screen, wanting to talk to her dad.

  Caleb smiled at her but had eyes only for Sadie. “Are you in your pj’s?”

  “Yes.”

  His eyes heated, prompting her to look down at herself. She wore an oversize Giants T-shirt and had a blanket wrapped around most of her. “Are you kidding?” she asked. “This is practically rated G. Not even a little sexy.”

  “We have two very different ideas of what’s sexy,” he said.

  Her mouth went dry. Her heart was pounding. She wanted him. Now. “Caleb?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Come over.”

  He let out a breath and held her eyes with his. “You’re not ready yet.”

  “I think I know if I’m ready or not.”

  He gave a slow shake of his head. “I’m not rushing this. Not with you.”

  She had no idea what that meant, but hell if she’d beg. She lifted her chin. “And to think, I was just about ready to tell you my secret guilty TV pleasure.”

  “Tell me.”

  “No.”

  “I’ll bring you muffins in the morning if you tell me.”

  Damn. “I watch Married at First Sight,” she admitted.

  “What’s that?”

  “Just what it sounds like,” she said. “It’s a reality show. You’ve never seen it?”

  He laughed. “Hell no.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Tell anyone, and you’ll need to sleep with your eyes open.”

  “So you’re a closet romantic.”

  She sputtered and he tipped his head back and laughed some more, and the sight was so sexy, she forgot to be mad for a second. But just for a second. “Seriously, eyes open, Caleb.”

  He rubbed a hand over his scruffy jaw and grinned. “Come at me, babe. Give it your best shot. Fair warning, you might like what you find.”

  Deathly afraid that was true, she closed her eyes. “I’m sorry about tonight.”

  “For what, standing up to me and telling me you weren’t ready for me to push? Don’t be sorry, Sadie. Never be sorry for telling me the truth.”

  Something warm went through her at that and it took her a moment to realize what it was. Affection, and also a yearning. “You’re different,” she said.

  He smiled. “’Night, Sadie.”

  “’Night, Caleb.”

  When he was gone, she looked at Lollipop. “Okay, maybe I see a tiny bit of why you heart him so much. But just a little bit, mind you.”

  She tucked Lollipop into her bed and then hit her own. And apparently spilling one’s guts made one tired, because she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

  Chapter 13

  #TacosSolveEverything

  The next morning, Sadie woke in her cold apartment shocked that she’d slept all night. She hurriedly hopped into a hot shower under Lollipop’s watchful, worried eye. The dog couldn’t understand Sadie’s love of hot water. Or any water at all.

  As she dried off, she glanced at herself in the mirror. The woman staring back at her straightened and returned the careful once-over. At some point over the years, she’d grown to accept and even love her curves, and maybe actually truly liked the way she looked in her clothes.

  Quite the change from her early years.

  She hadn’t told Caleb about those years, or even hinted at them. She didn’t know if she ever could. But there’d been a time when she couldn’t have looked at herself in the mirror at all because she hated what she’d seen as so different from the rest of her family. She’d carried around a lot of hurt about that for a long time.

  Then she’d learned how to release that pain in a way that had most definitely been outside society’s idea of normal. Just the occasional small slices on her upper thigh where no one but her ever saw. Until she’d been caught of course, by her mom who’d never stopped snooping into Sadie’s life, needing to know all her secrets.

  It’d been born out of fear for her daughter’s health and safety, Sadie got that now. She did. But back when she’d been a hurting, lonely, angry teenager, she hadn’t understood why her mom had freaked out and called in the cavalry to save Sadie, who hadn’t seen herself as needing saving.

  That’s when she’d been forced into psychiatric care including the involuntary stay in a hospital, followed by counseling, a change of schools, and constant supervision. She’d tried to explain she wasn’t suicidal and never had been. She hadn’t ever felt the need to die, but no one believed her.

  Eventually, she’d come to terms with herself and had let that inner anger and pain go. The need to cut had faded away, with the exception of a relapse a few years ago when she’d let a guy inside her head and mess her up.

  Briefly.

  She ran her fingers along her right upper thigh, where she had three scars, each two inches long. Two of them were old and healed, but also invisible thanks to the fact that she’d had them covered by tattoos that read like two equations:

  Heart

  Mind

  And:

  Courage

  Fear

  The last scar wasn’t as old as the others and hadn’t been covered. With the dubious honor of maturity and hitting the ripe old age of twenty-eight last year, she’d arrived at an appreciation and understanding of who she was. And also the new and improved version of herself included not giving a rat’s ass about what anyone thought of her.

  Fact was, she just wasn’t that same person anymore. Her remaining scar was a reminder of that, like an ex-smoker who kept a pack of cigarettes somewhere as proof she was stronger than that. It was a badge of honor and a marker place for where she was in her life right now. And as it turned out, memories—the good, the bad, and the ugly—really were what made a person.

  Thirty minutes later, she and Lollipop walked into the Pacific Pier Building. Caleb had texted her that he had an unexpected early meeting and wanted to know if she could hold Lollipop until later. Because she still hadn’t convinced her boss at the day spa that Lollipop would make a great emotional support dog, she took her to Willa’s shop and got to work.

  Late afternoon, that shift ended and she picked up Lollipop and hit the Canvas Shop to find Rocco and his two other tattoo artists—Mini Moe, a Samoan guy who was possibly the biggest sweetheart Sadie had ever met, and Blue, Moe’s virtual opposite. He was as small and skinny as Moe was big and huge, and he was nowhere close to a sweetheart but perpetually scowling and ticked off at the world.

  They were both in the back, hunched over a tray of tacos from Ivy’s truck. The scent of them had Sadie’s mouth watering.

  “Saved you two,” Rocco said. “Better hurry before I change my mind and eat ’em all.”